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After I got my two shots at the doctors today I started sobbing. I couldn't help it. First I thought I was having a reaction to the tb test...All of a sudden I felt very alone and very not okay with it. And that FEELING came back...that thing I have been trying to figure out. What the hell is wrong with me? What is it? Are they sezures? Anxiety
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we started dealing with issues at a very young age, like miniature middle aged women.
in my experience, i started having little episodes like what you just described after you moved away, the key component is change: when something changes i freak out, i cry, because i develope dependance on my surroundings, be it people or places.
i'm actually surprised i haven't panicked about college yet, then again i have a little over a month before i leave.
just know that the people who matter always stick around to support you (this would include me), you have too much chutzpah to let this get you down. chin up my little soldier!
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usually i'm open to change- but i'm not up for it. i don't want you to leave, or emily, or antigoni. a lot of times i kind of wish to myself that i could turn back the clock a little bit and re-live certain things again. like our late night trips to cosi, and winter night drives, and me you and tig sleeping over at emily's on her couch...i'm going to miss you more than you know. you have helped me get through my lowest points...and as i look back on it now, it doesn't seem as catastrophic as it did at the time- but YOU were there for me, no matter what. and i have lived through 18 years, but I feel like the past 4 have been the most memorable and meaningful. crazy, huh?
throughout the whole school year i was all about wanting to leave and start over and get out of here, but i slowly realized that i'm not ready for it. we spend so much time looking forward and then time moves way to fast.
i love you.
i'm going to see you tomorrow, right???
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