The One That Got Away?
The One That Got Away?
Author: vanrigsby
Artist: miss_peg
Link to art: Coming soon!
Word Count: 6,236
Rating: PG / K+
Summary: Grace let him go, Sarah picked him up. Who would have him in the end?
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, all rights belong to the incredible Bruno Heller and CBS. The art belongs to the wonderful miss_peg
Notes: Written for The Mentalist Reverse Big Bang 2012. Big thanks go to miss_peg for designing the art that inspired this fic. Thank you!!! This is set sometime between 4x20 and 4x24. Spoilers would be for 4x12, 4x15 and 4x20 I guess...
Extra notes: This is my very first big bang of any description, reverse or otherwise, so I hope I did an alright job. I managed to double the word count that I thought was unimaginable, so I'm happy. I think I did a pretty good job of this, but I'd love to hear your thoughts :) Un-beta'd, so all mistakes are mine :)
The One That Got Away?
Grace sat at her desk, staring blankly at her computer screen, as Rigsby told yet another one of his tales about his son. He always had some sort of story up his sleeve, Benjamin did this; Benjamin did that. He was a cute boy, Grace would admit, but it hurt her when she thought about how much Rigsby’s eyes shone when he spoke about his son, the ‘best thing to ever happen to him’, his ‘whole world’, the reason why he knew he had to keep living now. Her hands gripped the desk subconsciously as she recalled the night Rigsby had told her that she was the best thing to ever happen to him.
xxx
She was curled up in bed, Wayne’s large frame surrounding hers, his warmth enveloping her. His arms were wound tightly around her waist; even in his sleep he was protecting her. His head was nuzzled at the nape of her neck, her long red hair sprawled out behind her. She sighed and leant back against her lover. A slight pressure on the top of her head made her turn around and look up at him. Wayne was smiling down at her, his lips still lingering in her hair, love shining from his eyes. She met his lips in a kiss and turned her body around so she was facing him.
“Grace,” his voice was soft in the blackened room, “I love you.”
“I love you too Wayne,” she replied, smiling, even if she knew he couldn’t see it.
He pulled her close and held her tight against his big, strong chest. She instinctively snuggled closer, her arms snaking around his waist.
“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“Really?” she looked up at him. He didn’t need to answer, she could tell from the look on his face, the way his big blue eyes were looking deep into hers.
“Yes really,” he whispered as he leant down to kiss her.
She knew then that she had never had a moment more perfect than this in her whole life.
xxx
She’d always wanted to be the one to give Rigsby his first child, a son no less. Many a time she’d envisioned little Rigsby’s running around, with his hair and his eyes, little boys and little girls looking just like their father. But, alas, that was no longer a possibility for her. Sarah had already started a family with Rigsby; there was really no way she could get in there now. She’d had her chance, and she’d blown it. He was willing to choose her over the job, but she’d chosen the job over him. She realized now what a stupid mistake that was.
She didn’t even know whether she could have kids ever again now. Not that it was physically impossible, but that she didn’t really want men any more. She’d had to let go of her true love, and broken both of their hearts in the process, and her second best had turned out to be a mole for a serial killer who had never really loved her, and had also pulled a gun on her and shot her best friend. So, yeah, she was a little wary. Plus, her heart didn’t think it could ever love again. Not after Rigsby. She would have to admit, she hadn’t fallen in love with him at first, but once she had fallen, it had been hard and fast.
Her reverie was shattered when someone walked into the bullpen. The little group that had gathered around Rigsby looked towards the doorway. Once Rigsby saw who it was, his face lit up like a Christmas tree and he stood up quickly.
“Sarah! Ben!” he called, and made his way towards them. Grace watched as he took little Benjamin from Sarah’s arms, and held him close to his chest. He made his way back to the group around his desk, and showed Benjamin to all of them. It was the first time they had seen Benjamin aside from photos, and a chorus of ‘ooh’s and ‘aw’s floated through the air to Grace’s ears. She couldn’t see him very well, so went back to working on her report for a while.
She looked up when she saw something large moving towards her out of the corner of her eye. Rigsby stopped when he reached the edge of her desk, little Benjamin in his arms. He looked so tiny next to his father, and Rigsby was holding him so gently, like he was made of glass and the slightest movement could shatter him into a million pieces.
“Do you want to hold him?” Rigsby’s blue eyes met her brown ones, and she nodded.
Rigsby’s long, strong arms reached the child through the air to Grace, and she took him carefully, aware that she was now holding Rigsby’s whole world in her arms. She looked down at Benjamin. His big blue eyes, so much like his father’s, drank her in, looked up at her with wonder and awe. Benjamin was so different from what he looked like in the photos Grace had seen. His eyes were bluer, his face chubbier, his smile more mesmerizing. She beamed down at the little bundle that had begun to giggle in her arms, and reached her hand to touch the side of his face. His tiny hand wrapped around her finger, and her smile widened. She took in all of Benjamin as he observed her. She started to notice not only the things that made him like his father, but his mother as well. His eyes were blue, and he had Rigsby’s smile, but his hair definitely came from Sarah, and his facial features were more akin to hers than his. Grace had a fleeting thought as to what their child would look like. Maybe red hair, like her, but Rigsby’s piercing blue eyes and trademark smile. The clearing of a throat somewhere in the bullpen brought her back to reality, and she grudgingly returned the child in her arms to his father.
xxx
Grace scribbled frantically with the now useless pen. She just had to sign this one thing, then she could be done for the day. Rigsby and Cho had already left, she was itching to get out the door as well. She was starving, and every so often her stomach would let out a rumble, letting her know it was about time for dinner.
"Grace, watch out, you'll rip a hole in the paper," Jane's voice was filled with laughter.
She ignored the annoying consultant on the couch beside her and shoved open her desk drawer. Rifling roughly through, she couldn't seem to find even one pen. The one in her hand was obviously her last one. She made a mental note to stop by the shops on the way home to buy a couple more pens. Sighing in frustration, she spun her chair around.
"Jane, could I borrow a pen?"
The blonde in question sat up and looked at her.
"I don't think I have one, Grace. Hey, you have to go on a treasure hunt! I could help if you wanted! We could be like pirates! Arrr!"
Grace shook her head at his childishness and stood up. She tossed the pen in the bin on her way to Rigsby's desk, the one place she knew spare pens always were kept.
She tugged open the top drawer, which stuck a little bit, and peered inside. There didn't seem to be anything in this one. A spare gun and handcuffs, a notebook, a packet of chips, a doughnut and a little bag of carrot sticks. Grace smiled slightly. At least she rubbed off on him enough to keep him eating healthy.
She closed the drawer and opened the one underneath, which slid out towards her at a horrific speed. She was surprised it didn’t fall out onto the floor. Typical, the first drawer sticks, the next one has no grip whatsoever. The first thing that caught her eye was a small velvet box tucked into the back corner of the drawer. Her heart began to beat faster. She knew she shouldn't be there in the first place, and she obviously wasn't meant to find the box. By the size and shape, she could already guess what was inside.
She silently reached into the drawer, and with gentle hands, lifted the box out. Her slender fingers opened the lid slowly, and she gasped at what was inside. A beautiful silver ring, settled on a bed of black velvet. It had a single square diamond set at the center of the ring, simple yet elegant. Her heart stopped as the cogs began to turn in her mind.
He was going to propose to Sarah. He was going to ask Sarah to be his wife, the only one he wanted to wake up with every day for the rest of his life, the one he wanted to have a family with. Her heart seemed to fall to the ground and shatter to a million pieces at her feet. With tears in her eyes, she placed the box where it came from and, as gently as possibly, shut the drawer. Realising that she had forgotten a pen, she quickly opened the drawer again, careful not to look at the dreaded box, and she snatched the first pen she saw. Making her way over to her desk, she couldn't help but notice Jane was watching her. And, to make matters worse, he was watching her with his 'analyzing' face on.
"What do you want Jane?" she asked, with probably a lot more force than was needed.
"You found the ring," it was more a statement of a fact than a question.
"What ring?" she lied smoothly. Well, at least smoothly for her. Not smooth enough for Jane though.
"You know the ring. Rigsby's ring for Sarah."
Something on her face must have given her away, but she still tried to cover it with a: "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh Grace," Jane said, in a tone that sounded slightly patronising, "you really are a horrible liar. But don't worry, good, honest people are always bad liars."
Grace rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. "Whatever you say Jane."
She scrawled her signature on the little line where it was required, then folded the paper up. She shuffled some papers into something resembling a pile on her desk, making sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. Standing up, she scooped up her handbag and plucked her caramel coloured jacket from the back of her chair.
"Night Jane," Grace tossed over her shoulder as she began to walk away.
"Wait, Grace."
She turned around, and found Jane looking at her with a strange expression on his face. It was almost like... like he cared. "Yes?"
"You should talk to him. About the ring."
Grace lowered her head, staring at the floor.
Wordlessly admitting defeat, she answered, "I could never."
"You have to," was all Jane said before lying back down on his worn old couch and closing his eyes, effectively ending the conversation.
She dropped the pen onto Rigsby's desk as she walked past, not game enough to open the drawer again. She made her way out of the bullpen and toward Lisbon's office. After giving her boss the piece of paper and saying goodnight, she could finally leave.
She made her way out to her Jeep, the cool night air making her skin break out in goose bumps. She pulled her jacket on, reveling in the sudden warmth. She walked with her head down, and the light pricks of water on the back of her neck let her know it was going to be a rainy night. As she reached her destination, she unlocked the car and slipped inside.
xxx
The next morning, when Rigsby came into work, Grace was already there. She glanced up at his arrival, but kept working doggedly on finding information for the case. She discovered it was a lot harder to not talk about the issue that was pressing its way towards the very forefront of her mind than she though it would be. She knew that she had to talk to him, or she would literally explode. After wrestling with the thought of talking to him for what felt like forever, she made up her mind.
xxx
"Wayne? Can I talk to you a minute?" Grace's melodic voice floated across the bullpen to his ears. He looked up from his computer, she was already making her way towards him.
"Sure," he replied and stood up.
Rigsby followed Grace as they headed towards Interview Room 2. She opened the door, then held it for him as he walked through.
He stood, unsure of what to do. "Have a seat," Grace told him, then dragged the chair on the opposite side of the table nearer to him. She sat, facing him, and took a deep breath. What on earth could she want to talk to him about?
xxx
She was struggling to find the words. How could she talk to him about this? How would she start? She decided she'd just begin with what started all of this, the troublesome pen. Then she'd figure out where to go from there.
"Well, I was signing that form yesterday, you know, for the Josephson case, when my pen ran out of ink. You and Cho had already gone home. I went to get a pen from your desk, I hope you don't mind, when the drawer kind of slid out all the way, not just a little bit like I wanted it to," she paused, unsure whether to continue or whether to let Rigsby figure it out himself.
She didn't have to decide, however, as the penny finally dropped.
"You saw the ring,” he said so softly it could have been a whisper. Grace would have missed it, had she not been waiting with bated breath to hear if he would respond.
"I'm sorry Wayne, I didn't mean to, honest. I saw it by accident, then I wondered what was in the box. I'm sorry."
"No," he replied, "it wasn't your fault. I should have taken it home."
After a little while of silence, Grace finally plucked up the courage to say what was on her mind. Taking a deep breath, she quickly managed to get out, "you told me you weren't gonna marry her."
She knew her voice told of how hurt she was, but she really couldn't be bothered to hide it at the moment. She had finally said what had been on her mind for days now. He'd told her he wasn't going to marry Sarah. He'd said so himself. She had been, and she was sad to admit, relieved he wasn't going to propose. She'd been, to be quite honest, crushed when she'd found out Sarah was pregnant. And he’d looked upset as well when he was telling her. Like he wished it wasn't so. She'd felt a strange kind of happiness at the look in his eyes. The look that said he wished Grace was the one carrying his child.
"I'm sorry Grace," the use of her first name made her heart swell a little, "I just felt like it wasn't right that we were going to have a child together and we weren't married. Gosh, we hadn't even talked about it. But my momma brought me up better than to not ask. So I had to. And I did. I'm sorry. I know I told you I wouldn't."
Grace couldn't say anything, she simply swallowed hard and looked down at her hands fidgeting in her lap.
"You shouldn't be sorry for proposing to someone, Wayne."
This time, it was he who didn't respond. And for quite some time, too.
"She said no," Rigsby's statement was like a bucket of cold water over her. Her head snapped up from her lap, and she was sure her jaw hit the floor.
"She what?" was all she could manage to get out.
"I asked her to marry me, she said no."
"Oh, Wayne, I'm sorry," her brain managed to put at least one coherent thought into words. She was feeling so many things at the moment, she was sure Rigsby could hear the thoughts whirring around in her brain.
She was happy at the fact Sarah had said no, but sad for Rigsby as yet another girlfriend had rejected him. The look in his eyes made her want to jump up and hug him tighter than she ever had before. She was furious at Sarah, she was the one who had caused so much hurt to flow into the beautiful blue eyes of the tall man opposite her.
After about a minute or so stewing in her feelings and attempting to make sense of her muddled thoughts, she noticed Rigsby made a move to stand up. Grace, naturally, mirrored his movements. They stood fully, and she looked up at him. She had always loved the fact he was so much bigger than her. His size made her feel safe, as not very many men could. She was tall, for a woman, so she struggled to find someone who she could rest against comfortably. But she had always done that with Rigsby. She’d cuddle against him; he’d rest his chin on the top of her head. She'd loved being just the right height for him, and him for her. If she was being honest with herself, she missed it.
Coming back to the present, she noticed there were tears in the corner of Rigsby's eyes, just barely spilling over. With the next blink, she was sure they'd be rolling down his cheeks. She boldly reached up and brushed them away, then wrapped her arms around him in a huge hug. His arms automatically went around her, and she was reminded of the time he'd hugged her after she'd gotten back from being lost in the wilderness.
xxx
The look on his face screamed 'I'm so glad you're alive'. But first, he'd graciously asked how she was. Then, when he looked like he was going to burst out into tears, he'd muttered a 'come here' and pulled her in for a hug. He'd clung to her like she was the last life ring on the Titanic. She'd held him the same way. She felt his body tense with unreleased sobs, one arms around her neck, one around her waist. He’d held her so gently, yet so firmly. He'd missed her, he'd been scared for her. She reveled in this fact as she stayed wrapped in his arms. Then Sarah had come in. Being all civil and 'I heard you got back okay'. Well, no, I died out there, she wanted to say. But she didn't. Because she knew what the tiny brunette meant to the man beside her. So she'd kept her mouth shut. And wished she was Sarah.
xxx
She couldn't say how long they stayed like that, a minute, maybe more, before she decided it would be best to get out of there, the others might be starting to wonder where they'd gone. She slowly released her hold on Rigsby, and he held onto her for a fraction more before letting go.
"I'm sorry," she said one last time, with an apologetic smile, then made her way out the door.
xxx
After making herself a nice hot cup of coffee, she decided it was probably time to get back to the investigating she was doing on one of the cold cases Lisbon had set for her. The SCU hadn't acquired a new case in weeks, so the boss had given them all a cold case to look over. She slowly wandered back to her desk, figuring there was no immediate rush. This particular case was already eighteen months old, she thought it could wait a couple more minutes. She stopped when she heard raised voices from the bullpen, just out of her line of sight. Jane, however, was directly in her line of sight, and he looked absolutely fascinated by the scene that was unfolding in front of him.
His head turned towards her as she made a slow and silent journey from the doorway of the kitchenette towards her desk, or at least a place where she could see who was fighting and what it was about. Jane raised finger to his lips in the universal 'be quiet' gesture, then motioned with his finger for her to come closer. She kept going, attempting to be as quiet as possible.
What she saw first shocked her. The first thing her eyes picked up would be the most obvious, the large, black haired, blue eyed man standing in the middle of the bullpen. Despite his size, he was looking thoroughly chastised, as if the person yelling at him were two feet taller. When, in an actual fact, the person yelling at him was at least a foot shorter. Her brown hair flew everywhere as she shook her head in anger, the small child that was, Grace assumed, once in her arms, passed off to the nearest human being, which just so happened to be an extremely deadpan Asian agent.
Grace took a millisecond to savour the image of Cho holding a baby, before turning her attention back to the clear chaos in front of her.
xxx
“You still love her!” Sarah shouted, tears slowly making their way down her face.
“I don-”
“Don’t deny it again! I hate hearing words I know you don’t mean!”
Rigsby noticed Jane watching the exchange from the corner of his eye. He was clearly enjoying this. He hadn’t meant to have his girlfriend start screaming at him in the middle of his workplace, as hard to believe as that was.
xxx
He'd waited a moment after Grace had left the interview room, just processing. Then he'd made one foot hit the floor in front of the other, on his way out of the room. He'd opened the door, and, to his absolute shock, he'd found Sarah standing in front of him. She'd had fire practically blazing from her eyes. Ben, in her arms, was quiet, probably sensing the force of the argument about to come.
"Every other time I've overlooked this, but I can't deny it any more. You still love her, don't you?"
Rigsby blinked once, twice, and wasn't sure whether or not to answer her semi-rhetorical question.
"You do!"
"No, Sarah, I love you," Rigsby tried to deny, not sure whether he believed what he was actually saying. He stepped out into the hallway, and began to make his way down towards his desk. Maybe if he was around other people there wouldn't be such a scene caused.
"You don't really, do you? You only proposed to me because I was pregnant. I don't even know now if you love me or not, I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering the same thing."
"I proposed to you because I love you Sarah," Rigsby said, turning around in the middle of the bullpen. "I don't love Grace, how could I when I have you?"
xxx
And now he couldn’t even move; the stare from the small brunette pinning him to the floor where he stood.
“I see the way you look at her, the way your practically melt when you talk about her. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is,” she screamed, her arms flailing wildly.
A cool, calm voice from the doorway of the bullpen made both of their heads snap around.
“Then you obviously don’t know what love is.”
Rigsby could only stare in shock as Grace stood, feet planted, eyes cold and hard, glaring at Sarah.
“He doesn’t love me.”
“Really? And how would you know?”
Sarah’s body stiffened as she spat back at Grace. Rigsby looked at Grace. Did he love her? Sure, he still cared about her, he got jealous and he wished he could go back in time and shoot O’Laughlin before she had to, but that didn’t mean he loved her, did it? But, now that he was thinking about it, did he even love Sarah? Sure, he had proposed to her and all, but he felt a sense of responsibility. Sure, he loved Benjamin with his whole heart, but did he love Sarah the same?
xxx
Grace’s heart was beating a million miles per hour as Sarah’s eyes bore deep into hers.
“Because he loves you. And he loves Ben. You don’t see the way he goes on about you two. You are his life, his reason for living.”
“And yet, he still chooses you. And you choose him.”
“But he hasn’t chosen me! I’m the one without a boyfriend, without a baby. We can’t still love each other, or else we wouldn’t be in this position right now. You’re everything he wants, how could he not love you?”
“I don’t know,” Sarah’s voice dropped to a whisper as she started to walk slowly towards the redhead in the doorway. Grace took an involuntary step back. “But he doesn’t. He loves YOU!” She shouted this last word, and, with tears in her eyes and her face in an angry frown, she pushed Grace roughly against the door of the bullpen and hurried past. She didn’t even take Ben from the ever stoic Cho.
xxx
Grace shook herself awake as a knocking sound came from her front door. Maybe a quick nap hadn’t been a great idea. Her brain was reeling as she tried to even process what day it was. Her dog, Emmy, barked once and pawed at the door. There was only one person that bark was reserved for. Normally Emmy would go crazy at the sound of knocking, absolutely beside herself at the fact someone was on the other side of the door. Grace got up, straightened her pajama shirt and started towards the door. Emmy stood in front of the door and looked up at her. Grace looked into her big brown eyes, and said, “yeah, I know it’s him.”
She opened the dark wooden door, and faced Rigsby. His blue shirt matched his eyes that glittered in the semi-darkness, his hair practically blended in with the nighttime. She didn’t notice the young child in his arms until he let out a strangled cry.
“Um, Grace, could I come in?” Rigsby stammered, looking at the ground.
“Yeah, sure,” Grace stepped aside to let him in.
“I’m sorry to bother you,” he began, laying a bag that she assumed had Ben’s stuff in it on the couch, “but I haven’t even seen Sarah since she left the CBI, and I can’t reach her, and Ben won’t stop crying and I just…” His voice trailed off, defeated.
“It’s okay,” Grace said with a smile, reaching her arms out for the almost wailing bundle in his arms. He seemed grateful to release his hold on Ben, and she pulled the little guy close to her chest, rocking him slowly back and forth.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” she asked. Rigsby looked at her, confusion and a little bit of hurt in his eyes.
"No, not really, but thank you anyways."
A beat of silence passed between them before Grace spoke, Ben quieting down in her arms.
"Do you want something? A coffee, water, something to eat?" she asked.
"Um, coffee would be great, thanks," Rigsby answered her, knowing better than to specify what kind. She would have remembered from their time together exactly how he liked it.
He watched as she pottered around her small kitchen, organising the makings of a cup of coffee, Ben cradled in one arm, like it was the most natural thing in the world. When the kettle boiled, she reached over and picked the kettle up in one hand, then poured water into the two mugs sitting on the counter. Ben started to cry again from his position in her left arm, and Rigsby couldn't suppress a smile when she leant down and kissed the top of his head, muttering things Rigsby could not hear. She looked so heartbreakingly natural with his son, he even kind of wished Ben were hers.
She made her way over to the couch with one cup of coffee, then placed it on the coffee table in front of Rigsby, going back to the kitchen for her cup. When she came back, she sat down, not quite beside Rigsby but not too far away, Ben still cuddled in her arms, his eyes slowly closing.
“You’re not gonna like this, but can we talk?” he said softly, moving slightly to face her on her navy couch, the large divot in the fabric that his weight made shifting slightly.
“Um, of course Wayne,” she replied.
“We need to talk about us.”
Grace sighed softly, knowing he was right.
“Were you telling the truth when you told Sarah you were sure we didn’t love each other any more?”
“I don’t know Wayne. Was I?” Her head was tilted down, one of her hands absently stroking the small child in her lap. A beat of silence fell before Rigsby spoke.
“Well, I need you to know that I still love you.”
Grace’s heart stopped. Was he being serious? She lifted her head and looked at him. Yes, he was.
“B-b-but you have Sarah. And Ben!”
“Yes, I love Ben, he is one of the best things to ever happen to me. You are the other.”
“But Sarah, she gave you Ben,” she was grasping at straws now, scared to even admit to herself her lingering feelings for the man sitting beside her.
“You know, I still loved you, even when I was with her. It’s wrong, I know, but I did and I do. You will always be first in my heart Grace. You hold my heart.”
The passion and emotion behind his words almost brought her to tears. But she stayed silent. They were both frozen, each wrapped up in the tangled web that was their own thoughts.
The silence fell over them both like a heavy blanket. What was between them now was so fragile, neither of them really wanted to shatter it by saying the wrong thing. Grace had kind of always known Rigsby had always loved her, but she didn't know he had ever stopped. Which, of course, he hadn't. He still loved her, even with a son to another woman. But the question she had to ask herself was if she still loved him. She'd fallen for him in the beginning, his chivalry, his charm, his mesmerizing blue eyes and dazzling white smile. His ability to be even cuter when he was putting his foot in it.
But she'd known that she couldn't let him leave his job. He couldn't ruin his career for her. And if they broke up down the line, he'd surely be mad at her for making him leave the CBI. So she'd done what she thought needed to be done. She'd broken it off. She knew she'd broken his heart that night. She knew she was his everything, she was the reason behind that god-forsaken smile of his. But what he didn't know was that she'd broken her own heart as well.
Many a time she'd daydreamed about a life with Rigsby. Waking up with him, having dinner with him every night. She'd dreamed about the short term and the long term situations. Marriage, kids, a house. A life with the man she knew she'd loved with her whole heart from the moment he'd kissed her in the middle of the bullpen. But someone had gotten to him first. She'd left him, Sarah had taken him. And now Sarah had Rigsby and his son. Rigsby had even proposed to her for Pete’s sake.
The shrill ring of a mobile phone interrupted her thoughts, and the vibration of her pocket automatically brought her hand to her hip. She shifted Ben to one arm as his tiny eyes started to open and he started to whimper. Rigsby reached out for his son, and she passed him over whilst she brought the phone to her ear.
“Grace Van Pelt,” she said, in the most officious tone she could manage.
Lisbon’s voice in her ear told her that the team had a new case, a murder just outside of town.
She thanked her boss, hung up, and turned to Rigsby.
“New case,” she stated simply, and he nodded, knowing his phone too would ring within a matter of minutes.
xxx
Three months later
Grace walked through the door, and a grin bloomed across her face at the sight she found there. Her boyfriend had fallen asleep in his favourite lounge chair, the old grey one with the worn out armrests, with his son on his lap. The baby was asleep as well, his tiny, soft snores mirroring his father's. She made her way over to the seat and gave Rigsby a kiss on the forehead. His eyes fluttered open, and he smiled at her.
"Hey love. How was your day?"
"Okay," she replied, as she made her way towards the kitchen to start preparing dinner. "How about you?"
"Alright. I'm feeling better."
"That's good to hear," Grace stuck her head out into the lounge room to shoot him a smile.
xxx
Rigsby returned his girlfriend's smile with one of his own. He listened carefully as she ambled around the kitchen, gathering various food items. He couldn't help but think how different his life had been a year ago today. His girlfriend at the time had announced she was pregnant, the two simple words changing his life forever. He opened the drawer of the side table next to him, in search of Ben's dummy for when he woke up. His eyes caught on a slim piece of paper at the back of the drawer. Another thing in the past year that changed his life.
xxx
About a week after Sarah had stormed out of the bullpen, Rigsby had gone out to check his mail to find a small envelope sitting on his doorstep. He known who it was from as soon as he saw the writing on the front saying, simply: Wayne.
He'd continued his journey to the mailbox, but once he'd gotten back inside, the small letter had been the first thing he'd opened.
Wayne,
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and I hope you’ll understand.
I'll always be grateful to you for giving me Ben, but this is not the sort of relationship I want. This is the sort of relationship I was scared we would fall into. When I refused your proposal, it really was because I didn't want to wake up every morning, wondering if the man beside me really loved me. Which, really, you don't. You still love Grace. I can see it in your eyes, the way you act, everything about you.
I need to have some time to work out where I go from here. I am not saying I'm leaving forever, just until I find myself.
Please look after Ben. Keep him safe, raise him right. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I know he's in safe hands with you. You are his father, after all. Thank you for him.
I love you,
Sarah.
He’d dropped the letter, shocked. This couldn’t be happening. He wasn’t ready to become a single father. So, he picked up the phone and called the first person he knew would help.
xxx
And now he had an amazing girlfriend who was helping him raise a baby that wasn’t even hers. She’d come when he needed her, and she’d stayed to help. Their relationship had been made easier with the promotion of Wainwright, which took him out of the Special Agent In Charge position. Lisbon had eagerly filled the void left by the young agent, and Cho had stepped up to take her place heading the SCU. Rigsby’s best friend conveniently turned a blind eye to the infraction of the CBI rules (or, as Jane had previously described it: the ‘illicit affair’), so long as it didn’t affect their work or anything to do with it. Lisbon had done the same thing, but both Rigsby and Grace understood that the slightest slip-up would send one of them out of the unit, or break both of their hearts by separating them again.
xxx
A further three months later
Grace smiled as Ben made cute cooing sounds while he played with his toys on the floor in front of her. Emmy, who was curled up at the bottom of her chair, made a snuffling noise as Grace returned to reading her book. Rigsby had offered to do the laundry for her today, so she was allowed to put her feet up, minding she kept an eye on Ben of course. She was about to get up and make herself a cup of coffee when there was a knock at the door. Grace got up, placed the book on the side table and made her way towards the door. Swinging it open, she found herself only able to gasp at the sight of what was on the other side of the door.
Sarah.
Author: vanrigsby
Artist: miss_peg
Link to art: Coming soon!
Word Count: 6,236
Rating: PG / K+
Summary: Grace let him go, Sarah picked him up. Who would have him in the end?
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, all rights belong to the incredible Bruno Heller and CBS. The art belongs to the wonderful miss_peg
Notes: Written for The Mentalist Reverse Big Bang 2012. Big thanks go to miss_peg for designing the art that inspired this fic. Thank you!!! This is set sometime between 4x20 and 4x24. Spoilers would be for 4x12, 4x15 and 4x20 I guess...
Extra notes: This is my very first big bang of any description, reverse or otherwise, so I hope I did an alright job. I managed to double the word count that I thought was unimaginable, so I'm happy. I think I did a pretty good job of this, but I'd love to hear your thoughts :) Un-beta'd, so all mistakes are mine :)
The One That Got Away?
Grace sat at her desk, staring blankly at her computer screen, as Rigsby told yet another one of his tales about his son. He always had some sort of story up his sleeve, Benjamin did this; Benjamin did that. He was a cute boy, Grace would admit, but it hurt her when she thought about how much Rigsby’s eyes shone when he spoke about his son, the ‘best thing to ever happen to him’, his ‘whole world’, the reason why he knew he had to keep living now. Her hands gripped the desk subconsciously as she recalled the night Rigsby had told her that she was the best thing to ever happen to him.
xxx
She was curled up in bed, Wayne’s large frame surrounding hers, his warmth enveloping her. His arms were wound tightly around her waist; even in his sleep he was protecting her. His head was nuzzled at the nape of her neck, her long red hair sprawled out behind her. She sighed and leant back against her lover. A slight pressure on the top of her head made her turn around and look up at him. Wayne was smiling down at her, his lips still lingering in her hair, love shining from his eyes. She met his lips in a kiss and turned her body around so she was facing him.
“Grace,” his voice was soft in the blackened room, “I love you.”
“I love you too Wayne,” she replied, smiling, even if she knew he couldn’t see it.
He pulled her close and held her tight against his big, strong chest. She instinctively snuggled closer, her arms snaking around his waist.
“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“Really?” she looked up at him. He didn’t need to answer, she could tell from the look on his face, the way his big blue eyes were looking deep into hers.
“Yes really,” he whispered as he leant down to kiss her.
She knew then that she had never had a moment more perfect than this in her whole life.
xxx
She’d always wanted to be the one to give Rigsby his first child, a son no less. Many a time she’d envisioned little Rigsby’s running around, with his hair and his eyes, little boys and little girls looking just like their father. But, alas, that was no longer a possibility for her. Sarah had already started a family with Rigsby; there was really no way she could get in there now. She’d had her chance, and she’d blown it. He was willing to choose her over the job, but she’d chosen the job over him. She realized now what a stupid mistake that was.
She didn’t even know whether she could have kids ever again now. Not that it was physically impossible, but that she didn’t really want men any more. She’d had to let go of her true love, and broken both of their hearts in the process, and her second best had turned out to be a mole for a serial killer who had never really loved her, and had also pulled a gun on her and shot her best friend. So, yeah, she was a little wary. Plus, her heart didn’t think it could ever love again. Not after Rigsby. She would have to admit, she hadn’t fallen in love with him at first, but once she had fallen, it had been hard and fast.
Her reverie was shattered when someone walked into the bullpen. The little group that had gathered around Rigsby looked towards the doorway. Once Rigsby saw who it was, his face lit up like a Christmas tree and he stood up quickly.
“Sarah! Ben!” he called, and made his way towards them. Grace watched as he took little Benjamin from Sarah’s arms, and held him close to his chest. He made his way back to the group around his desk, and showed Benjamin to all of them. It was the first time they had seen Benjamin aside from photos, and a chorus of ‘ooh’s and ‘aw’s floated through the air to Grace’s ears. She couldn’t see him very well, so went back to working on her report for a while.
She looked up when she saw something large moving towards her out of the corner of her eye. Rigsby stopped when he reached the edge of her desk, little Benjamin in his arms. He looked so tiny next to his father, and Rigsby was holding him so gently, like he was made of glass and the slightest movement could shatter him into a million pieces.
“Do you want to hold him?” Rigsby’s blue eyes met her brown ones, and she nodded.
Rigsby’s long, strong arms reached the child through the air to Grace, and she took him carefully, aware that she was now holding Rigsby’s whole world in her arms. She looked down at Benjamin. His big blue eyes, so much like his father’s, drank her in, looked up at her with wonder and awe. Benjamin was so different from what he looked like in the photos Grace had seen. His eyes were bluer, his face chubbier, his smile more mesmerizing. She beamed down at the little bundle that had begun to giggle in her arms, and reached her hand to touch the side of his face. His tiny hand wrapped around her finger, and her smile widened. She took in all of Benjamin as he observed her. She started to notice not only the things that made him like his father, but his mother as well. His eyes were blue, and he had Rigsby’s smile, but his hair definitely came from Sarah, and his facial features were more akin to hers than his. Grace had a fleeting thought as to what their child would look like. Maybe red hair, like her, but Rigsby’s piercing blue eyes and trademark smile. The clearing of a throat somewhere in the bullpen brought her back to reality, and she grudgingly returned the child in her arms to his father.
xxx
Grace scribbled frantically with the now useless pen. She just had to sign this one thing, then she could be done for the day. Rigsby and Cho had already left, she was itching to get out the door as well. She was starving, and every so often her stomach would let out a rumble, letting her know it was about time for dinner.
"Grace, watch out, you'll rip a hole in the paper," Jane's voice was filled with laughter.
She ignored the annoying consultant on the couch beside her and shoved open her desk drawer. Rifling roughly through, she couldn't seem to find even one pen. The one in her hand was obviously her last one. She made a mental note to stop by the shops on the way home to buy a couple more pens. Sighing in frustration, she spun her chair around.
"Jane, could I borrow a pen?"
The blonde in question sat up and looked at her.
"I don't think I have one, Grace. Hey, you have to go on a treasure hunt! I could help if you wanted! We could be like pirates! Arrr!"
Grace shook her head at his childishness and stood up. She tossed the pen in the bin on her way to Rigsby's desk, the one place she knew spare pens always were kept.
She tugged open the top drawer, which stuck a little bit, and peered inside. There didn't seem to be anything in this one. A spare gun and handcuffs, a notebook, a packet of chips, a doughnut and a little bag of carrot sticks. Grace smiled slightly. At least she rubbed off on him enough to keep him eating healthy.
She closed the drawer and opened the one underneath, which slid out towards her at a horrific speed. She was surprised it didn’t fall out onto the floor. Typical, the first drawer sticks, the next one has no grip whatsoever. The first thing that caught her eye was a small velvet box tucked into the back corner of the drawer. Her heart began to beat faster. She knew she shouldn't be there in the first place, and she obviously wasn't meant to find the box. By the size and shape, she could already guess what was inside.
She silently reached into the drawer, and with gentle hands, lifted the box out. Her slender fingers opened the lid slowly, and she gasped at what was inside. A beautiful silver ring, settled on a bed of black velvet. It had a single square diamond set at the center of the ring, simple yet elegant. Her heart stopped as the cogs began to turn in her mind.
He was going to propose to Sarah. He was going to ask Sarah to be his wife, the only one he wanted to wake up with every day for the rest of his life, the one he wanted to have a family with. Her heart seemed to fall to the ground and shatter to a million pieces at her feet. With tears in her eyes, she placed the box where it came from and, as gently as possibly, shut the drawer. Realising that she had forgotten a pen, she quickly opened the drawer again, careful not to look at the dreaded box, and she snatched the first pen she saw. Making her way over to her desk, she couldn't help but notice Jane was watching her. And, to make matters worse, he was watching her with his 'analyzing' face on.
"What do you want Jane?" she asked, with probably a lot more force than was needed.
"You found the ring," it was more a statement of a fact than a question.
"What ring?" she lied smoothly. Well, at least smoothly for her. Not smooth enough for Jane though.
"You know the ring. Rigsby's ring for Sarah."
Something on her face must have given her away, but she still tried to cover it with a: "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh Grace," Jane said, in a tone that sounded slightly patronising, "you really are a horrible liar. But don't worry, good, honest people are always bad liars."
Grace rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. "Whatever you say Jane."
She scrawled her signature on the little line where it was required, then folded the paper up. She shuffled some papers into something resembling a pile on her desk, making sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. Standing up, she scooped up her handbag and plucked her caramel coloured jacket from the back of her chair.
"Night Jane," Grace tossed over her shoulder as she began to walk away.
"Wait, Grace."
She turned around, and found Jane looking at her with a strange expression on his face. It was almost like... like he cared. "Yes?"
"You should talk to him. About the ring."
Grace lowered her head, staring at the floor.
Wordlessly admitting defeat, she answered, "I could never."
"You have to," was all Jane said before lying back down on his worn old couch and closing his eyes, effectively ending the conversation.
She dropped the pen onto Rigsby's desk as she walked past, not game enough to open the drawer again. She made her way out of the bullpen and toward Lisbon's office. After giving her boss the piece of paper and saying goodnight, she could finally leave.
She made her way out to her Jeep, the cool night air making her skin break out in goose bumps. She pulled her jacket on, reveling in the sudden warmth. She walked with her head down, and the light pricks of water on the back of her neck let her know it was going to be a rainy night. As she reached her destination, she unlocked the car and slipped inside.
xxx
The next morning, when Rigsby came into work, Grace was already there. She glanced up at his arrival, but kept working doggedly on finding information for the case. She discovered it was a lot harder to not talk about the issue that was pressing its way towards the very forefront of her mind than she though it would be. She knew that she had to talk to him, or she would literally explode. After wrestling with the thought of talking to him for what felt like forever, she made up her mind.
xxx
"Wayne? Can I talk to you a minute?" Grace's melodic voice floated across the bullpen to his ears. He looked up from his computer, she was already making her way towards him.
"Sure," he replied and stood up.
Rigsby followed Grace as they headed towards Interview Room 2. She opened the door, then held it for him as he walked through.
He stood, unsure of what to do. "Have a seat," Grace told him, then dragged the chair on the opposite side of the table nearer to him. She sat, facing him, and took a deep breath. What on earth could she want to talk to him about?
xxx
She was struggling to find the words. How could she talk to him about this? How would she start? She decided she'd just begin with what started all of this, the troublesome pen. Then she'd figure out where to go from there.
"Well, I was signing that form yesterday, you know, for the Josephson case, when my pen ran out of ink. You and Cho had already gone home. I went to get a pen from your desk, I hope you don't mind, when the drawer kind of slid out all the way, not just a little bit like I wanted it to," she paused, unsure whether to continue or whether to let Rigsby figure it out himself.
She didn't have to decide, however, as the penny finally dropped.
"You saw the ring,” he said so softly it could have been a whisper. Grace would have missed it, had she not been waiting with bated breath to hear if he would respond.
"I'm sorry Wayne, I didn't mean to, honest. I saw it by accident, then I wondered what was in the box. I'm sorry."
"No," he replied, "it wasn't your fault. I should have taken it home."
After a little while of silence, Grace finally plucked up the courage to say what was on her mind. Taking a deep breath, she quickly managed to get out, "you told me you weren't gonna marry her."
She knew her voice told of how hurt she was, but she really couldn't be bothered to hide it at the moment. She had finally said what had been on her mind for days now. He'd told her he wasn't going to marry Sarah. He'd said so himself. She had been, and she was sad to admit, relieved he wasn't going to propose. She'd been, to be quite honest, crushed when she'd found out Sarah was pregnant. And he’d looked upset as well when he was telling her. Like he wished it wasn't so. She'd felt a strange kind of happiness at the look in his eyes. The look that said he wished Grace was the one carrying his child.
"I'm sorry Grace," the use of her first name made her heart swell a little, "I just felt like it wasn't right that we were going to have a child together and we weren't married. Gosh, we hadn't even talked about it. But my momma brought me up better than to not ask. So I had to. And I did. I'm sorry. I know I told you I wouldn't."
Grace couldn't say anything, she simply swallowed hard and looked down at her hands fidgeting in her lap.
"You shouldn't be sorry for proposing to someone, Wayne."
This time, it was he who didn't respond. And for quite some time, too.
"She said no," Rigsby's statement was like a bucket of cold water over her. Her head snapped up from her lap, and she was sure her jaw hit the floor.
"She what?" was all she could manage to get out.
"I asked her to marry me, she said no."
"Oh, Wayne, I'm sorry," her brain managed to put at least one coherent thought into words. She was feeling so many things at the moment, she was sure Rigsby could hear the thoughts whirring around in her brain.
She was happy at the fact Sarah had said no, but sad for Rigsby as yet another girlfriend had rejected him. The look in his eyes made her want to jump up and hug him tighter than she ever had before. She was furious at Sarah, she was the one who had caused so much hurt to flow into the beautiful blue eyes of the tall man opposite her.
After about a minute or so stewing in her feelings and attempting to make sense of her muddled thoughts, she noticed Rigsby made a move to stand up. Grace, naturally, mirrored his movements. They stood fully, and she looked up at him. She had always loved the fact he was so much bigger than her. His size made her feel safe, as not very many men could. She was tall, for a woman, so she struggled to find someone who she could rest against comfortably. But she had always done that with Rigsby. She’d cuddle against him; he’d rest his chin on the top of her head. She'd loved being just the right height for him, and him for her. If she was being honest with herself, she missed it.
Coming back to the present, she noticed there were tears in the corner of Rigsby's eyes, just barely spilling over. With the next blink, she was sure they'd be rolling down his cheeks. She boldly reached up and brushed them away, then wrapped her arms around him in a huge hug. His arms automatically went around her, and she was reminded of the time he'd hugged her after she'd gotten back from being lost in the wilderness.
xxx
The look on his face screamed 'I'm so glad you're alive'. But first, he'd graciously asked how she was. Then, when he looked like he was going to burst out into tears, he'd muttered a 'come here' and pulled her in for a hug. He'd clung to her like she was the last life ring on the Titanic. She'd held him the same way. She felt his body tense with unreleased sobs, one arms around her neck, one around her waist. He’d held her so gently, yet so firmly. He'd missed her, he'd been scared for her. She reveled in this fact as she stayed wrapped in his arms. Then Sarah had come in. Being all civil and 'I heard you got back okay'. Well, no, I died out there, she wanted to say. But she didn't. Because she knew what the tiny brunette meant to the man beside her. So she'd kept her mouth shut. And wished she was Sarah.
xxx
She couldn't say how long they stayed like that, a minute, maybe more, before she decided it would be best to get out of there, the others might be starting to wonder where they'd gone. She slowly released her hold on Rigsby, and he held onto her for a fraction more before letting go.
"I'm sorry," she said one last time, with an apologetic smile, then made her way out the door.
xxx
After making herself a nice hot cup of coffee, she decided it was probably time to get back to the investigating she was doing on one of the cold cases Lisbon had set for her. The SCU hadn't acquired a new case in weeks, so the boss had given them all a cold case to look over. She slowly wandered back to her desk, figuring there was no immediate rush. This particular case was already eighteen months old, she thought it could wait a couple more minutes. She stopped when she heard raised voices from the bullpen, just out of her line of sight. Jane, however, was directly in her line of sight, and he looked absolutely fascinated by the scene that was unfolding in front of him.
His head turned towards her as she made a slow and silent journey from the doorway of the kitchenette towards her desk, or at least a place where she could see who was fighting and what it was about. Jane raised finger to his lips in the universal 'be quiet' gesture, then motioned with his finger for her to come closer. She kept going, attempting to be as quiet as possible.
What she saw first shocked her. The first thing her eyes picked up would be the most obvious, the large, black haired, blue eyed man standing in the middle of the bullpen. Despite his size, he was looking thoroughly chastised, as if the person yelling at him were two feet taller. When, in an actual fact, the person yelling at him was at least a foot shorter. Her brown hair flew everywhere as she shook her head in anger, the small child that was, Grace assumed, once in her arms, passed off to the nearest human being, which just so happened to be an extremely deadpan Asian agent.
Grace took a millisecond to savour the image of Cho holding a baby, before turning her attention back to the clear chaos in front of her.
xxx
“You still love her!” Sarah shouted, tears slowly making their way down her face.
“I don-”
“Don’t deny it again! I hate hearing words I know you don’t mean!”
Rigsby noticed Jane watching the exchange from the corner of his eye. He was clearly enjoying this. He hadn’t meant to have his girlfriend start screaming at him in the middle of his workplace, as hard to believe as that was.
xxx
He'd waited a moment after Grace had left the interview room, just processing. Then he'd made one foot hit the floor in front of the other, on his way out of the room. He'd opened the door, and, to his absolute shock, he'd found Sarah standing in front of him. She'd had fire practically blazing from her eyes. Ben, in her arms, was quiet, probably sensing the force of the argument about to come.
"Every other time I've overlooked this, but I can't deny it any more. You still love her, don't you?"
Rigsby blinked once, twice, and wasn't sure whether or not to answer her semi-rhetorical question.
"You do!"
"No, Sarah, I love you," Rigsby tried to deny, not sure whether he believed what he was actually saying. He stepped out into the hallway, and began to make his way down towards his desk. Maybe if he was around other people there wouldn't be such a scene caused.
"You don't really, do you? You only proposed to me because I was pregnant. I don't even know now if you love me or not, I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering the same thing."
"I proposed to you because I love you Sarah," Rigsby said, turning around in the middle of the bullpen. "I don't love Grace, how could I when I have you?"
xxx
And now he couldn’t even move; the stare from the small brunette pinning him to the floor where he stood.
“I see the way you look at her, the way your practically melt when you talk about her. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is,” she screamed, her arms flailing wildly.
A cool, calm voice from the doorway of the bullpen made both of their heads snap around.
“Then you obviously don’t know what love is.”
Rigsby could only stare in shock as Grace stood, feet planted, eyes cold and hard, glaring at Sarah.
“He doesn’t love me.”
“Really? And how would you know?”
Sarah’s body stiffened as she spat back at Grace. Rigsby looked at Grace. Did he love her? Sure, he still cared about her, he got jealous and he wished he could go back in time and shoot O’Laughlin before she had to, but that didn’t mean he loved her, did it? But, now that he was thinking about it, did he even love Sarah? Sure, he had proposed to her and all, but he felt a sense of responsibility. Sure, he loved Benjamin with his whole heart, but did he love Sarah the same?
xxx
Grace’s heart was beating a million miles per hour as Sarah’s eyes bore deep into hers.
“Because he loves you. And he loves Ben. You don’t see the way he goes on about you two. You are his life, his reason for living.”
“And yet, he still chooses you. And you choose him.”
“But he hasn’t chosen me! I’m the one without a boyfriend, without a baby. We can’t still love each other, or else we wouldn’t be in this position right now. You’re everything he wants, how could he not love you?”
“I don’t know,” Sarah’s voice dropped to a whisper as she started to walk slowly towards the redhead in the doorway. Grace took an involuntary step back. “But he doesn’t. He loves YOU!” She shouted this last word, and, with tears in her eyes and her face in an angry frown, she pushed Grace roughly against the door of the bullpen and hurried past. She didn’t even take Ben from the ever stoic Cho.
xxx
Grace shook herself awake as a knocking sound came from her front door. Maybe a quick nap hadn’t been a great idea. Her brain was reeling as she tried to even process what day it was. Her dog, Emmy, barked once and pawed at the door. There was only one person that bark was reserved for. Normally Emmy would go crazy at the sound of knocking, absolutely beside herself at the fact someone was on the other side of the door. Grace got up, straightened her pajama shirt and started towards the door. Emmy stood in front of the door and looked up at her. Grace looked into her big brown eyes, and said, “yeah, I know it’s him.”
She opened the dark wooden door, and faced Rigsby. His blue shirt matched his eyes that glittered in the semi-darkness, his hair practically blended in with the nighttime. She didn’t notice the young child in his arms until he let out a strangled cry.
“Um, Grace, could I come in?” Rigsby stammered, looking at the ground.
“Yeah, sure,” Grace stepped aside to let him in.
“I’m sorry to bother you,” he began, laying a bag that she assumed had Ben’s stuff in it on the couch, “but I haven’t even seen Sarah since she left the CBI, and I can’t reach her, and Ben won’t stop crying and I just…” His voice trailed off, defeated.
“It’s okay,” Grace said with a smile, reaching her arms out for the almost wailing bundle in his arms. He seemed grateful to release his hold on Ben, and she pulled the little guy close to her chest, rocking him slowly back and forth.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” she asked. Rigsby looked at her, confusion and a little bit of hurt in his eyes.
"No, not really, but thank you anyways."
A beat of silence passed between them before Grace spoke, Ben quieting down in her arms.
"Do you want something? A coffee, water, something to eat?" she asked.
"Um, coffee would be great, thanks," Rigsby answered her, knowing better than to specify what kind. She would have remembered from their time together exactly how he liked it.
He watched as she pottered around her small kitchen, organising the makings of a cup of coffee, Ben cradled in one arm, like it was the most natural thing in the world. When the kettle boiled, she reached over and picked the kettle up in one hand, then poured water into the two mugs sitting on the counter. Ben started to cry again from his position in her left arm, and Rigsby couldn't suppress a smile when she leant down and kissed the top of his head, muttering things Rigsby could not hear. She looked so heartbreakingly natural with his son, he even kind of wished Ben were hers.
She made her way over to the couch with one cup of coffee, then placed it on the coffee table in front of Rigsby, going back to the kitchen for her cup. When she came back, she sat down, not quite beside Rigsby but not too far away, Ben still cuddled in her arms, his eyes slowly closing.
“You’re not gonna like this, but can we talk?” he said softly, moving slightly to face her on her navy couch, the large divot in the fabric that his weight made shifting slightly.
“Um, of course Wayne,” she replied.
“We need to talk about us.”
Grace sighed softly, knowing he was right.
“Were you telling the truth when you told Sarah you were sure we didn’t love each other any more?”
“I don’t know Wayne. Was I?” Her head was tilted down, one of her hands absently stroking the small child in her lap. A beat of silence fell before Rigsby spoke.
“Well, I need you to know that I still love you.”
Grace’s heart stopped. Was he being serious? She lifted her head and looked at him. Yes, he was.
“B-b-but you have Sarah. And Ben!”
“Yes, I love Ben, he is one of the best things to ever happen to me. You are the other.”
“But Sarah, she gave you Ben,” she was grasping at straws now, scared to even admit to herself her lingering feelings for the man sitting beside her.
“You know, I still loved you, even when I was with her. It’s wrong, I know, but I did and I do. You will always be first in my heart Grace. You hold my heart.”
The passion and emotion behind his words almost brought her to tears. But she stayed silent. They were both frozen, each wrapped up in the tangled web that was their own thoughts.
The silence fell over them both like a heavy blanket. What was between them now was so fragile, neither of them really wanted to shatter it by saying the wrong thing. Grace had kind of always known Rigsby had always loved her, but she didn't know he had ever stopped. Which, of course, he hadn't. He still loved her, even with a son to another woman. But the question she had to ask herself was if she still loved him. She'd fallen for him in the beginning, his chivalry, his charm, his mesmerizing blue eyes and dazzling white smile. His ability to be even cuter when he was putting his foot in it.
But she'd known that she couldn't let him leave his job. He couldn't ruin his career for her. And if they broke up down the line, he'd surely be mad at her for making him leave the CBI. So she'd done what she thought needed to be done. She'd broken it off. She knew she'd broken his heart that night. She knew she was his everything, she was the reason behind that god-forsaken smile of his. But what he didn't know was that she'd broken her own heart as well.
Many a time she'd daydreamed about a life with Rigsby. Waking up with him, having dinner with him every night. She'd dreamed about the short term and the long term situations. Marriage, kids, a house. A life with the man she knew she'd loved with her whole heart from the moment he'd kissed her in the middle of the bullpen. But someone had gotten to him first. She'd left him, Sarah had taken him. And now Sarah had Rigsby and his son. Rigsby had even proposed to her for Pete’s sake.
The shrill ring of a mobile phone interrupted her thoughts, and the vibration of her pocket automatically brought her hand to her hip. She shifted Ben to one arm as his tiny eyes started to open and he started to whimper. Rigsby reached out for his son, and she passed him over whilst she brought the phone to her ear.
“Grace Van Pelt,” she said, in the most officious tone she could manage.
Lisbon’s voice in her ear told her that the team had a new case, a murder just outside of town.
She thanked her boss, hung up, and turned to Rigsby.
“New case,” she stated simply, and he nodded, knowing his phone too would ring within a matter of minutes.
xxx
Three months later
Grace walked through the door, and a grin bloomed across her face at the sight she found there. Her boyfriend had fallen asleep in his favourite lounge chair, the old grey one with the worn out armrests, with his son on his lap. The baby was asleep as well, his tiny, soft snores mirroring his father's. She made her way over to the seat and gave Rigsby a kiss on the forehead. His eyes fluttered open, and he smiled at her.
"Hey love. How was your day?"
"Okay," she replied, as she made her way towards the kitchen to start preparing dinner. "How about you?"
"Alright. I'm feeling better."
"That's good to hear," Grace stuck her head out into the lounge room to shoot him a smile.
xxx
Rigsby returned his girlfriend's smile with one of his own. He listened carefully as she ambled around the kitchen, gathering various food items. He couldn't help but think how different his life had been a year ago today. His girlfriend at the time had announced she was pregnant, the two simple words changing his life forever. He opened the drawer of the side table next to him, in search of Ben's dummy for when he woke up. His eyes caught on a slim piece of paper at the back of the drawer. Another thing in the past year that changed his life.
xxx
About a week after Sarah had stormed out of the bullpen, Rigsby had gone out to check his mail to find a small envelope sitting on his doorstep. He known who it was from as soon as he saw the writing on the front saying, simply: Wayne.
He'd continued his journey to the mailbox, but once he'd gotten back inside, the small letter had been the first thing he'd opened.
Wayne,
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and I hope you’ll understand.
I'll always be grateful to you for giving me Ben, but this is not the sort of relationship I want. This is the sort of relationship I was scared we would fall into. When I refused your proposal, it really was because I didn't want to wake up every morning, wondering if the man beside me really loved me. Which, really, you don't. You still love Grace. I can see it in your eyes, the way you act, everything about you.
I need to have some time to work out where I go from here. I am not saying I'm leaving forever, just until I find myself.
Please look after Ben. Keep him safe, raise him right. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I know he's in safe hands with you. You are his father, after all. Thank you for him.
I love you,
Sarah.
He’d dropped the letter, shocked. This couldn’t be happening. He wasn’t ready to become a single father. So, he picked up the phone and called the first person he knew would help.
xxx
And now he had an amazing girlfriend who was helping him raise a baby that wasn’t even hers. She’d come when he needed her, and she’d stayed to help. Their relationship had been made easier with the promotion of Wainwright, which took him out of the Special Agent In Charge position. Lisbon had eagerly filled the void left by the young agent, and Cho had stepped up to take her place heading the SCU. Rigsby’s best friend conveniently turned a blind eye to the infraction of the CBI rules (or, as Jane had previously described it: the ‘illicit affair’), so long as it didn’t affect their work or anything to do with it. Lisbon had done the same thing, but both Rigsby and Grace understood that the slightest slip-up would send one of them out of the unit, or break both of their hearts by separating them again.
xxx
A further three months later
Grace smiled as Ben made cute cooing sounds while he played with his toys on the floor in front of her. Emmy, who was curled up at the bottom of her chair, made a snuffling noise as Grace returned to reading her book. Rigsby had offered to do the laundry for her today, so she was allowed to put her feet up, minding she kept an eye on Ben of course. She was about to get up and make herself a cup of coffee when there was a knock at the door. Grace got up, placed the book on the side table and made her way towards the door. Swinging it open, she found herself only able to gasp at the sight of what was on the other side of the door.
Sarah.