Falling in love, Part I
It's hard to start, hard to type this, because typing means I am going to share it, share something that has been strange and wonderful for over ten months. Sharing such an amazing yet rather personal journey is frightening to me, but everything that comes next is frightening. So surely I can face you, live journal friends. However, I do hope that you all respect this friends locked AND filtered post and do not speak about this to others you are not certain are included in this.
It all started a couple few weeks after this last FC, so in February. I was working on commissions, and I was thinking about folks, just a random stream of thoughts, when I remembered someone wanting a collaboration commission from Thornwolf and I on the final day of the con, but all of us were too tired to think of what to do.
That is all it took. From out of NOWHERE, from the ether, and for no reason at all, I was slammed with an intense feeling of infatuation. Uh, not for Thorn, alas, she is taken. *grins* For this fellow, who I have only known through brief interactions from behind my table at cons since oh, 2008. Did one commission for him. Barely knew anything about him. Just where he lived throughout the years and a vague notion of what he does for a living.
So, this feeling of infatuation was the most bizarre thing. I remember sitting bolt upright and saying No no no nononononono!!! I didn't want it at all. It made me furious. I was tired of relationships, weary of trying to make things work and failing over and over. I was happy being single. So what did I do but ignore the feeling, try to wait it out. I waited a month, and it didn't go away.
Fine.
March 21st, I sent him an email. "Where you asking Thorn and I for a collaborative commission? Also, HELLO hope you are well."
That began a once a month correspondence between the two of us. A reply in March, another at the end of April, beginning of June, mid July. Each email got a bit longer, me asking him all kinds of questions, and the more I learned, the more I came to adore this man. How often does one find someone who shares the same favorite breed of chicken? HOW do we both love the same kind of chicken?!?! Plus the more common things I love in a guy: lover of food, camping and hiking, humor.
However, the emails were too spread out for me. The flame would almost die out, then be rekindled. It was sweet, but painful. So I finally managed to get his IM name. How else could we coordinate a collaboration commission? A one month lag was too much! real time sped things along nicely, and not just with the commission.
I started to chat with him at the end of July. At first, a hesitant ping once or twice a week. From the get go he had me laughing and eager to banter.
Me: Testing this! This is Vantid.
Him: Hey Vantid! How's it going?
MeL Great! Just painting. Has a chicken on my head a little bit ago.
Him: Woah, really? That's considered a divine blessing in at least 8 countries, you know.
Me: And a demonic curse in 12 others but eh
That was our first chat. So silly. So perfect. I started pinging him every other day, everyday. Backing off, hoping against hope he would ping me. At some point it was a bit unhealthy of me, waiting and hoping for some friggin CLUELESS guy to IM me, How could he know? So I decided to treat him as I would treat any other friend, and RP'd stupid shit at him while he was away from his desk. I didn't care, I had to be myself. And that is when we really started to have fun chatting.
And of course we got to know one another even more. I wasn't sure if he liked me, wasn't sure if he was single, or even interested in women! What if he wanted kids? I had to carefully, so carefully find all these things out. I just couldn't stop adoring him, tried to back away, see things objectively. Couldn't. Caught in a maelstrom of affection that was getting worse and worse. Even though our friendship was very healthy and happy, I began to eat less, lost some weight (actually yay) and began to lose more and more sleep.
I was every stereotype of twitter pated possible. Bless by dear friends for putting up with my obsessive madness.
Finally, during a night of no sleep and him on my mind, I had a fit and told myself that if tickets to Denver were cheap, I was going to go and tell him. I had originally planned to tell him at FC, but i couldn't wait. I was going crazy. Tickets were dirt cheap. So in mid October, I booked a flight to Denver to arrive Nov. 2nd. I arranged a place to stay, thank you so much Crimson Fox, Noma, Wolf Nymph, and Preston for all helping my secret mission.
This guy had been saying I should come to Colorado several times, usually after telling me some fantastic adventure he'd had. He said it off hand and was able to hesitantly type, Ok see you in a couple weeks.
It was done. I was going to fly across the country to tell someone I was falling for them. Oh man, what was I doing???
End Part I
It all started a couple few weeks after this last FC, so in February. I was working on commissions, and I was thinking about folks, just a random stream of thoughts, when I remembered someone wanting a collaboration commission from Thornwolf and I on the final day of the con, but all of us were too tired to think of what to do.
That is all it took. From out of NOWHERE, from the ether, and for no reason at all, I was slammed with an intense feeling of infatuation. Uh, not for Thorn, alas, she is taken. *grins* For this fellow, who I have only known through brief interactions from behind my table at cons since oh, 2008. Did one commission for him. Barely knew anything about him. Just where he lived throughout the years and a vague notion of what he does for a living.
So, this feeling of infatuation was the most bizarre thing. I remember sitting bolt upright and saying No no no nononononono!!! I didn't want it at all. It made me furious. I was tired of relationships, weary of trying to make things work and failing over and over. I was happy being single. So what did I do but ignore the feeling, try to wait it out. I waited a month, and it didn't go away.
Fine.
March 21st, I sent him an email. "Where you asking Thorn and I for a collaborative commission? Also, HELLO hope you are well."
That began a once a month correspondence between the two of us. A reply in March, another at the end of April, beginning of June, mid July. Each email got a bit longer, me asking him all kinds of questions, and the more I learned, the more I came to adore this man. How often does one find someone who shares the same favorite breed of chicken? HOW do we both love the same kind of chicken?!?! Plus the more common things I love in a guy: lover of food, camping and hiking, humor.
However, the emails were too spread out for me. The flame would almost die out, then be rekindled. It was sweet, but painful. So I finally managed to get his IM name. How else could we coordinate a collaboration commission? A one month lag was too much! real time sped things along nicely, and not just with the commission.
I started to chat with him at the end of July. At first, a hesitant ping once or twice a week. From the get go he had me laughing and eager to banter.
Me: Testing this! This is Vantid.
Him: Hey Vantid! How's it going?
MeL Great! Just painting. Has a chicken on my head a little bit ago.
Him: Woah, really? That's considered a divine blessing in at least 8 countries, you know.
Me: And a demonic curse in 12 others but eh
That was our first chat. So silly. So perfect. I started pinging him every other day, everyday. Backing off, hoping against hope he would ping me. At some point it was a bit unhealthy of me, waiting and hoping for some friggin CLUELESS guy to IM me, How could he know? So I decided to treat him as I would treat any other friend, and RP'd stupid shit at him while he was away from his desk. I didn't care, I had to be myself. And that is when we really started to have fun chatting.
And of course we got to know one another even more. I wasn't sure if he liked me, wasn't sure if he was single, or even interested in women! What if he wanted kids? I had to carefully, so carefully find all these things out. I just couldn't stop adoring him, tried to back away, see things objectively. Couldn't. Caught in a maelstrom of affection that was getting worse and worse. Even though our friendship was very healthy and happy, I began to eat less, lost some weight (actually yay) and began to lose more and more sleep.
I was every stereotype of twitter pated possible. Bless by dear friends for putting up with my obsessive madness.
Finally, during a night of no sleep and him on my mind, I had a fit and told myself that if tickets to Denver were cheap, I was going to go and tell him. I had originally planned to tell him at FC, but i couldn't wait. I was going crazy. Tickets were dirt cheap. So in mid October, I booked a flight to Denver to arrive Nov. 2nd. I arranged a place to stay, thank you so much Crimson Fox, Noma, Wolf Nymph, and Preston for all helping my secret mission.
This guy had been saying I should come to Colorado several times, usually after telling me some fantastic adventure he'd had. He said it off hand and was able to hesitantly type, Ok see you in a couple weeks.
It was done. I was going to fly across the country to tell someone I was falling for them. Oh man, what was I doing???
End Part I