[Fic] Kris/Katy Allen -- Wipe it Away 2/2, PG-13
Title: Wipe it Away, Part 2
Author: vanya_elda
Fandom: American Idol
Pairing: Kris Allen/Katy O'Connell (Allen)
Summary: Follow-up to Part 1. A hug leads to a kiss which leads to old wounds and angst.
Rating: PG-13
Beta(s): yuppielawyer and joannacullen
Notes: "Wipe it Away" is a track off of Kris's self-released album Brand New Shoes. It's an emotional song and Kris has said it's a song about Katy. This song is the inspiration for my two-part fic. Also, I'll be writing a two-part fic for "Be My Lady" next so watch for that!
Wipe it Away: Part 2
"And then do you remember what you said when he caught us?," Katy asks. She clasps her hands and leans forward in her chair with an excited smile on her face.
Kris smirks and itches the back of his knee. He remembers, but she tells it better than he ever could. "Nah. I've slept since then."
Katy rolls her eyes in disbelief and sits back. Her expression tenses as she mocks Kris's tic of scratching his hair. "'Sorry, Mr. O'Connell. I know it's late, but we really needed to study for the music test tomorrow.'" She starts to giggle. "It was nearly midnight!" Katy tosses her head back and laughs as she swivels in her chair.
Kris winces and claps as he tips to one side; his shoulder skids on the wall behind her bed. The laughter comes out of him in rolls until he's out of breath. He sits back up, wiping tears from his eyes as he mutters, "Well, we did have a test the next day..."
"Aha!," she crows and jabs a finger in his direction. "I knew you remembered. You're such a bad liar, Kristopher." Katy grins and flicks her hair over her shoulder in triumph.
Kris throws up his hands in defeat. "I like it when you make fun of me."
"I know. It's so much fun! And easy."
He braces a hand to his chest. "Ouch. Harsh," Kris huffs.
Katy laughs again; it's infectious and they're soon both in hysterics. He misses times like this. Kris notices the time on her roommate's clock -- if only the moment didn't have to end.
"Don't you have an actual study group to go to?," Kris asks.
Katy reluctantly glances over to the clock and sighs. "Yeah. I do."
"Okay, then I'm going before you talk yourself out of it."
"Who said I'm going to talk myself out of it?," she spouts back as Kris stands.
Kris eyes boggle and he giggles. "You are so mean today."
"It's those sorority girls I hang around," Katy says with a sigh. "They can be such a terrible influence."
Katy hops up out of her seat and slips her bare feet into a pair of pink flip-flops. "Hug!," she demands and throws open her arms. "This might be the last time I see you until after summer, right?"
Kris shrugs. He internally repeats to himself that this is just a hug between friends -- no matter how badly he wants it to be something more.
"That's a possibility," he says as he steps into her embrace. He wraps his arms around her and sighs. Kris bites down on his lower lip when Katy buries the side of her face into his chest.
Just friends, just friends, just friends.
"Don't die," Katy says in a tiny voice. "You're not allowed to die. I'd cry."
Kris chuckles. "And you're not allowed to cry."
"I can cry if I want to, Kristopher, but my order still stands."
It's difficult for him to keep himself from burying a kiss into her hair. "All right, I guess I won't die, then."
"Wimp," she huffs.
Katy shifts to hug him tighter. Kris forgets the retort on his lips when her silky soft blond locks tickle his neck; his eyes slide close as he savors the embrace. He wants to pull her into a bear-hug, but Kris doesn't move. This is another moment he doesn't want to end.
Seconds slip by as they continue to hold each other. Kris's throat parches as Katy's weight rises and falls with his chest. He breathes in the sweet smell of her hair. The nostalgia is unbearable; the overwhelming feeling of want swells within him once more.
Kris swallows and gives in to temptation, he rests his cheek to her hair. A pained exhale escapes him when Katy stirs, but Kris doesn't regret the action. She draws back slowly, pausing when her temple grazes his jaw. Kris's pulse races as she drags her forehead around to bump against his chin and digs her nails into the backs of his arms.
Taking in a shaky breath, Kris gives in to another temptation and dips slightly to drop his forehead to hers. Katy either starts to pull away or is just shifting when Kris cups a hand to her jaw and draws her into a kiss. She doesn't respond immediately, but soon reciprocates; it makes his breath hitch.
Kris only dreamed of this moment before now, and seizes Katy up into the kiss, deepening it, as he strains to breathe nasally. The feel and slightly minty taste of her -- she insists on brushing her teeth as soon as humanly possible after every meal -- is intoxicating to him. Katy's nails slide up to bite into his shoulders. Kris earnestly chases her mouth when she breaks the lip-bruising kiss. Her brow finds his cheek as they both heave for air. Kris tilts his chin to brush another kiss into her hair.
The dream shatters when Katy gives his chest an insistent shove. Kris reluctantly releases her. Katy ducks her eyes and puts a hand to her face as she turns away. The pangs in Kris's chest worsen with every breath as he waits for her to turn around.
"Why did you do that?," Katy quietly asks.
Kris grimaces. Why is he so stupid? "I don't know," he feebly replies. "I missed you."
"You missed me," she hollowly echoes.
"Yeah," Kris says and nervously runs a hand over the back of his neck. "A lot."
Katy pivots and there's glint in her eyes. "You broke up with me."
Oh, gosh. Is this really happening? Is this seriously happening, right now?
"I know," Kris quietly replies.
Her frown tightens. "You said you didn't love me."
The wind is knocked from Kris's lungs as he recalls the stupid moment when he thought he was doing the right thing by breaking off their relationship after a semester apart. The bewildered and wounded expressions, the endless tears, the slamming of fists against his chest when he tried to hug her -- it's all still painfully vivid in his mind. He thought she'd be better off without knowing how badly he'd missed her.
He can't bring himself to look in her eyes when he whispers, "I know."
"We haven't even talked in, what, at least four months?"
"I know. I'm sorry," Kris desperately replies as angst knots in his gut.
Kris notices Katy angrily clenching a fist at her side. "You can't just kiss me and then run off, halfway around the world!," she spits out, making him flinch like he's been slapped.
"I'm not running away from anything," Kris says quietly with a slow shake of his head, "and especially not from you."
His response doesn't go over well. She's furiously blinking; it's killing him to think it's to hold back tears.
"You ran away from me before and now you're about to do it, again!" Her outrage breaks as she draws a shaky breath.
Wounded, Kris takes an earnest half-step forward. "It's not like that."
"Oh?" There's an edge to her tone when she sardonically snips, "Let's go back to the part where you break up with me."
"I--" Kris begins, but pauses to lick his lips to hide his crack of his voice. "I thought giving you space was for the best. I didn't and I don't want to be dead weight."
Katy's brow frets. "Who said you were dead weight?"
"I--" He fumbles for a response. "Well -- nobody, but--"
"I don't need you to protect me," Katy interrupts.
"I know," Kris says in exasperation.
"I don't think you do."
Kris gestures wildly with his hands. "I can't stop myself from caring!," he hoarsely shouts as his own emotions threaten to strangle him. His arms fall. "I don't want to hurt you."
Katy's jaw clenches. "Then why did you kiss me?"
"It's -- It's not like I had an ulterior motive," Kris says quietly. He shakes his head in shame and gives her a shrug. "It just happened."
Her eyes narrow. "It just happened."
Kris sighs. "Yeah," he weakly replies and scratches at his hair.
Katy glances away and crosses her arms over her chest. Kris just wants this fight, argument, or whatever the heck it is to end -- but he know he deserves to be put through the ringer for all of the hurt he's brought her.
Kris chews on his bottom lip as he waits for her to say something. After a minute or two, Katy mutters something unintelligible and shakes her head. She fixes him with a "no bullcrap" stare.
"Do you love me?," she asks. "Don't lie to me this time."
Kris's eyes go wide as he struggles to respond. "I -- Yes, but--"
"Do you want to get back together?," she cuts in.
Kris meets her gaze. "No," he calmly says, though it makes him want to puke.
Katy blinks and continues. "What about when you get back from Lord knows where?"
Kris's thumbs catch on his belt loops when he shoves his hands into the pockets of his khaki cargo shorts. "I don't even know how long I'll be gone," he genuinely replies with a shrug.
"Do you want me to wait for you?"
"I -- Huh?," he says with a bewildered look. What does that even mean?
Katy takes a pained breath. "Do you want me to wait for you and keep up with you until you get back, no matter how long you're gone?," she asks, batting wet eyelashes.
"No," Kris says immediately in a an even, finalizing tone.
Oh gosh, she's crying.
Katy's eyes squeeze shut and she puts a hand to her mouth as she turns her back to him. Her sobs are muffled, but her gasping noises make Kris want himself to be smote on the spot to spare them both from the misery he's causing.
Coming to Fayetteville was such a terrible idea.
"I'm sorry," he apologizes for what feels like the hundredth time. "I'm really sorry."
Katy swings around. "Stop saying that!," she shrilly snaps.
Kris is at a loss for what to say now. "I should go."
Katy scoffs. "And what, walk the two miles to your car? I don't think so," she says and wipes at her eyes.
"You don't have to--" he begins, but she's already brushing past him.
"Shut up, Kristopher. Let's go."
Katy grabs her purse and keys before he can protest. Kris mops a palm over his face and bites back his own tears as he obediently follows her out into the hallway and down to the dorm parking lot. He gets a few double-takes from the people that they pass, but Katy never stops to chat or explain her tear-stained face.
The drive to the visitor's lot is painfully silent. Kris squirms in the passenger seat and surreptitiously pushes the ring on his right forefinger back-and-forth over his knuckle. He sneaks glances at Katy, but never catches her looking in his direction. Her eyes are hardened and her tensed fingers are white on the steering wheel. Kris struggles to drum up words of comfort, but nothing comes to him.
The ten minute ride feels like an hour. When the lot looms into view, Kris finally finds his voice and clears his throat.
"Katy," he begins quietly and looks to her. She keeps her eyes on the road. "I don't think we should talk--" ever because I am an idiot, "--for a while."
She doesn't respond until they're turning into the visitor's lot. "Oh?"
Kris puffs out a sigh. "I'll just screw it up again, and you don't need that."
"I see," her tone is hollow.
"I want you to move on, Katy," he says as she pulls her sedan alongside his beater. "I know it's up to you, but please, just move on. Just forget I was even here. I shouldn't be here."
"Kris--" she begins with an agonized breath, but he cuts her off.
"Thank you for the ride."
"Sure."
Kris is already out of his seat belt; he pushes open the car door. "Bye," he simply says with an apologetic glance.
Katy presses her lips together and nods as new tears brim in her eyes. Kris shuts the door and turns his back to her car so she can't see the woeful grimace on his face. He quietly mouths a prayer for her to drive away, but his chest explodes with ache when she does.
The hinge on his car's door gives a nasty creak when he opens it and plunks down in the driver's seat. He sits there for several minutes with his sneakers on the pavement and his face in his hands. Kris wonders where it all went wrong. He decides it started with his stupid plan to seek Katy's advice face-to-face.
Inevitably, Kris pulls himself together enough to drive and starts the engine. He heaves a sigh at the steering wheel and yanks on the door handle. The world snaps shut. The rumbling of the car momentarily transfixes him before he's dragging on his seat belt, rolling down the driver-side window, and slowly pulling out of the lot.
If he actually had enough money for the gas and it wasn't physically impossible, he'd drive away from Fayetteville and keep going until he was in Capetown, South Africa or Mae Sot, Thailand. For now, he just needs to get himself back to Conway without the car or himself breaking down, drop his classes for the rest of this semester, and get the hell out of Dodge. He doesn't care if his family won't understand. He knows it's what he needs to do.
Kris prays for God to help him find his path. He tried to navigate on his own over the past year. It always ended in heartbreak and once again, it isn't just his heart he's breaking. Katy deserves better. Eventually, hopefully, if he prays hard enough -- Katy will move on; it's Kris's only solace as the tears roll down his cheeks and the sun sets outside his passenger window.