Fic: If It Fails (admit it frankly and try another)
If It Fails (Admit It Frankly and Try Another)
Serena/Georgina, implied Serena/Blair - AU Gossip Girl
R | 2,192 words
Serena settles.
When Serena runs into Georgina on the corner of 63rd and Queens, Georgina all but pounces because, “It's been ages,” Georgie says. Georgina pulls her into an awkward hug and Serena's arms just sort of dangle at her sides. She feels the icy fingers of dread creeping up her spine, alarms sound in her head: Danger, Will Robinson.
Georgina pulls back and loops her arm through Serena's and just like that, Serena is walking again. She is following Georgina, but she knows Georgina cannot lead her any place good. Serena also knows that refusing Georgina can be just as dangerous.
Across the street, Rego Park comes into view. Georgina's voice is low and intimate as it fills Serena's ears. She talks about maybe checking out Bed, Bath and Beyond. Serena just nods along, thinks about how long she has to remain in Georgina's company before she can safely make an excuse. Surely, Georgina knows that once her back is turned, Serena will take off running. Oh, she knows. Serena suspects that is why Georgie's hand is like a vice around her elbow. Serena can practically feel Georgie's long, painted nails scratching through the sleeve of her jacket. She almost expects the impressions to spell out a final, ominous message: no escape.
--
Serena remembers the first time she met Georgina the same way she remembers her first broken bone, or the dissolution of her parents' marriage. She remembers the pain of them and how each have left scars beneath her skin, deep below the blood and muscle.
Georgina was all id; everything she did was a means to satisfy her own ends. She had a singularity that was as enthralling as it was perilous. Being around Georgina could be the best kind of fun or the worst kind of torture because she had no boundaries. She had no respect for anyone else's. Georgina took what she wanted and she made no apologies, gave no explanations. It was a trait Serena had once admired, even envied, in the beginning. Then Serena had realized the Georgina's singular mind was one-track and any deviation would cause detrimental derailing and collateral damage.
Serena would never admit it out loud, but Georgina was fucking scary.
--
Walking now, the girls pass Home Depot, and Serena entertains the quick and absurd fantasy of clubbing Georgie with a 2x4. It quickly shifts into reverse, however, and becomes a hallucination about Georgie clubbing her and dragging Serena off like some sort of cavewoman. No, the last thing Georgina needs from Serena is a weapon or an opportunity.
They make it to Old Navy without incident and Serena tries as hard as she can not to look down at her watch. She thinks this may be a legitimate chance to break away from Georgina and make a break for it, but Georgie must know this too, because she trails behind Serena as she thumbs through racks and picks up sweaters. Serena forces smiles and eyes the door.
In the Intimates section, Georgina picks up a bra-and-panty set and holds them up for Serena's approval. Georgina presses the lace over her breasts and the apex of her thighs, looks over at Serena, and asks huskily through hooded eyes “What do you think?”
Serena glances down for the briefest of seconds and some lines in her brain cross. The set Georgina is holding is red.
--
Two Sundays back, Serena was dispatched to retrieve her drunken stepbrother from a sordid little strip club he liked to frequent. Inside, Serena had found something she had not been looking for. She avoids strip clubs, as a rule, because of the men and the objectification and all that, but she's been to Victrola three times now. She always sits in the back, in a darkened booth. She turns away drinks and men because she cannot afford to be distracted. But she keeps blushing whenever someone looks at her; embarrassed for reasons she doesn't understand.
Serena keeps going back to see about a girl. The girl dances under cascading lights, in a string of pearls and goes by the name of Ruby Red. From what Serena gathers, she has a tendency towards silky costumes that look like slips and blood-red lipstick. She moves in ways that are shy and reserved but deliberate and controlled. She moves like she knows exactly what she is doing.
When her gaze comes anywhere near Serena's little corner, the blood rushes to her face (and places due south) and Serena's whole body burns. Serena often has to remind herself that she is invisible in her personal darkness because she can't help but feeling like the saddest voyeur when those big brown eyes turn her way.
Serena looses all her senses when that girl is on stage, she is nothing but a heated mess, pooling in her own desire. She has an inexplicable need that she cannot articulate. She has an intense and inexorable longing for a girl doesn't know. She can think of no other way to satisfy it, no other way to slake that want, than to stake out her booth and pine from a distance.
Maybe, if she were braver, Serena would sit closer. She would pull a chair right up to the stage and command this girl's attention. Serena would summon the world's best words and say anything, anything, to bring this girl nearer. She might even buy a dance, just an excuse to have this girl within arm's reach. The notion that Serena might be able to touch her is enough to send her mind reeling. She doesn't think, if she were ever brave enough to get that close, that should could trust her hands. Serena is certain that if she touched this girl even once, she would never stop.
But Serena has never been that sort of brave when she was sober.
--
Serena can't quite understand how she got here. Here, in a fitting room of Old Navy, behind only polyester curtain, with Georgina's hand between her legs.
Georgina's hands make quick work of Serena's shirt; popping buttons open with one will the other moves steadily down to Serena's skirt. Georgina's hand is cold as it palms Serena's breast and Serena feels a treacherous moan rising at the back of her throat. But Georgina's mouth closes quickly on hers, warm and insistent, and swallows that moan before it begins.
Serena vows now that she will not make a sound, and that this will never happen again.
She is so ashamed of herself that she can barely keep her eyes open. By a stroke of fate (or more likely, a semblance of punishment), the girls are directly opposite a mirror and Serena can see everything that Georgie is doing to her. Disgust mingles with arousal and bubbles in her stomach and Serena opens her legs just a little bit wider.
This, she thinks, this is why she was avoiding Georgina. Inside her head, Serena is equivocating. She is counting off the reasons why this is absolutely not her fault. First, and most important, Georgie is very, very good at what she does. That alone is almost reason enough to put up with her. The sex is nothing short of fantastic. Second, there was no denying Georgina. If Serena had rejected her advances, Georgina would find a far less amicable way to take what she wanted. She always did. Lastly, it was Monday. It had been less than eight hours since Serena had been at Victrola.
Her head had been swimming with red lights and visions of a small girl dancing slowly. Serena had been wallowing in her desire all night. She needed release.
Georgina drops to her knees and hikes Serena's skirt up on her hips, Serena takes hold wordlessly, grateful for something to hold on to. Serena's eyes wander back to the the mirror and she watches Georgie move deftly between her legs. Her hair is darker since the last time Serena saw her. With that and Georgie's smooth, ivory skin, Serena can almost pretend that Georgina is someone else.
That thought, coupled with the new pressure of Georgie's tongue on her clit, is enough to send Serena's head snapping back so hard that it meets the side of the stall with a sharp crack. Serena has to bite her lip to keep from crying out. Serena swears she can feel Georgina smirking where her mouth is pressed against her. Serena reaches down and grabs a fistful of hair as hard as she can. She pushes Georgina closer still.
Serena wants this over.
It's all the encouragement Georgie needs to slip one, then two fingers inside Serena. She strokes quickly and Serena rolls her hips to end this faster. Somewhere, Serena is worried that they will be caught. She thinks vaguely that they are not alone in the fitting room and that someone can hear them. That curtain might be pulled open and she might be exposed; panties around her ankles and Georgina's head under her skirt. But possibly being banned for life from Old Navy or even arrested just pales in comparison to how badly Serena needs to come.
It's dirty and shameful and possibly illegal, but Georgie flicks her wrist, swipes her tongue, and Serena is picturing someone else. Then she is coming hard, biting down on her fist to stifle a scream.
When it's done, Georgina rises to her feet as Serena pulls her clothes back into place. Georgina is looking at Serena with something like impatience as she delicately sucks her fingers clean. “That was fast,” Georgina says. “I know I'm good, but still.”
Serena feels a flush bloom across her still-bare chest and drops her head as it creeps up to her cheeks. She thinks a lie would be safer than her truth. She let's Georgie think it is about her, “It's been a while, is all.”
“That it has.”
Georgina's hand is almost gentle when it comes to rest on Serena's shoulder, but her voice is think with arousal, like she wants another go, as she asks what Serena was thinking about.
“No one―nothing,” Serena amends quickly. She is not fast enough. Georgina is like a dog who can smell fear. She senses Serena's deception and strikes, hands shooting out to either side of Serena's head; barring her in place. Serena's heart starts beating double-time.
“Who?” Georgina has no cause to be jealous, of course. She and Serena were never more than almost-friends with very specific and satisfying benefits. But Georgie was inappropriately possessive and she did not share her toys. She asks again, “Who?”
“No one,” Serena insisted. Georgina's eyes were cold and calculating in their assessment. Serena feared that she was as transparent as she felt, that Georgie could see into the deepest part of her. She would see the place inside Serena where her heart had been; to the place where a small girl who danced now lived.
Georgina sees enough. “Is she pretty?”
Serena watches the shift in Georgie's eyes; she sees evaluation there as Georgie appraises this unexpected threat. Serena's silence is answer enough.
“Is she prettier than me?”
A wave of panic crashes through Serena and she is suddenly very claustrophobic in the tiny space, between Georgina's arms, beneath her gaze. She feels like she can't breathe. She opens her mouth to mount her defense, but before she can choke out a single word, the curtain is ripped open.
A forty-something with unnaturally black hair and a name tag that reads “Veronica” tells them that she's sorry, but she is going to have to ask them to leave. Her tone suggests that she isn't sorry at all, but she has locked a saccharine smile on her aged face.
Serena doesn't have to be told twice. She gathers her purse and what little dignity she has left and is gone as fast as her legs will carry her. As she goes, she feels Georgina's eyes burning holes into her back.
Serena takes whatever train is leaving Rego Park, hops into the nearest open car and finds a empty seat. With her face pressed against the cool glass, Serena has never felt worse. She is battling this unfounded sense of guilt, like she has somehow been unfaithful to a person she has never met. Disgust returns to the pit of her stomach, angry and vengeful.
Serena swears now, the city rolling by stands witness, that she is through being a coward. Today was for mistakes, and Serena is mature enough to realize and admit this. Next Sunday, she will muster up all her courage and get close to the girl in red. If she had to buy her way in, she would. She would not leave again with nothing. She would get at least a name; she wouldn't settle for less.
This, Serena vows. She would take a cue from Georgie and go after what she wanted. But even as she thought this, even as Serena was happy and satisfied with her choice, she had the certain and disturbing feeling that she had not seen the last of Georgina Sparks.
Serena/Georgina, implied Serena/Blair - AU Gossip Girl
R | 2,192 words
Serena settles.
When Serena runs into Georgina on the corner of 63rd and Queens, Georgina all but pounces because, “It's been ages,” Georgie says. Georgina pulls her into an awkward hug and Serena's arms just sort of dangle at her sides. She feels the icy fingers of dread creeping up her spine, alarms sound in her head: Danger, Will Robinson.
Georgina pulls back and loops her arm through Serena's and just like that, Serena is walking again. She is following Georgina, but she knows Georgina cannot lead her any place good. Serena also knows that refusing Georgina can be just as dangerous.
Across the street, Rego Park comes into view. Georgina's voice is low and intimate as it fills Serena's ears. She talks about maybe checking out Bed, Bath and Beyond. Serena just nods along, thinks about how long she has to remain in Georgina's company before she can safely make an excuse. Surely, Georgina knows that once her back is turned, Serena will take off running. Oh, she knows. Serena suspects that is why Georgie's hand is like a vice around her elbow. Serena can practically feel Georgie's long, painted nails scratching through the sleeve of her jacket. She almost expects the impressions to spell out a final, ominous message: no escape.
--
Serena remembers the first time she met Georgina the same way she remembers her first broken bone, or the dissolution of her parents' marriage. She remembers the pain of them and how each have left scars beneath her skin, deep below the blood and muscle.
Georgina was all id; everything she did was a means to satisfy her own ends. She had a singularity that was as enthralling as it was perilous. Being around Georgina could be the best kind of fun or the worst kind of torture because she had no boundaries. She had no respect for anyone else's. Georgina took what she wanted and she made no apologies, gave no explanations. It was a trait Serena had once admired, even envied, in the beginning. Then Serena had realized the Georgina's singular mind was one-track and any deviation would cause detrimental derailing and collateral damage.
Serena would never admit it out loud, but Georgina was fucking scary.
--
Walking now, the girls pass Home Depot, and Serena entertains the quick and absurd fantasy of clubbing Georgie with a 2x4. It quickly shifts into reverse, however, and becomes a hallucination about Georgie clubbing her and dragging Serena off like some sort of cavewoman. No, the last thing Georgina needs from Serena is a weapon or an opportunity.
They make it to Old Navy without incident and Serena tries as hard as she can not to look down at her watch. She thinks this may be a legitimate chance to break away from Georgina and make a break for it, but Georgie must know this too, because she trails behind Serena as she thumbs through racks and picks up sweaters. Serena forces smiles and eyes the door.
In the Intimates section, Georgina picks up a bra-and-panty set and holds them up for Serena's approval. Georgina presses the lace over her breasts and the apex of her thighs, looks over at Serena, and asks huskily through hooded eyes “What do you think?”
Serena glances down for the briefest of seconds and some lines in her brain cross. The set Georgina is holding is red.
--
Two Sundays back, Serena was dispatched to retrieve her drunken stepbrother from a sordid little strip club he liked to frequent. Inside, Serena had found something she had not been looking for. She avoids strip clubs, as a rule, because of the men and the objectification and all that, but she's been to Victrola three times now. She always sits in the back, in a darkened booth. She turns away drinks and men because she cannot afford to be distracted. But she keeps blushing whenever someone looks at her; embarrassed for reasons she doesn't understand.
Serena keeps going back to see about a girl. The girl dances under cascading lights, in a string of pearls and goes by the name of Ruby Red. From what Serena gathers, she has a tendency towards silky costumes that look like slips and blood-red lipstick. She moves in ways that are shy and reserved but deliberate and controlled. She moves like she knows exactly what she is doing.
When her gaze comes anywhere near Serena's little corner, the blood rushes to her face (and places due south) and Serena's whole body burns. Serena often has to remind herself that she is invisible in her personal darkness because she can't help but feeling like the saddest voyeur when those big brown eyes turn her way.
Serena looses all her senses when that girl is on stage, she is nothing but a heated mess, pooling in her own desire. She has an inexplicable need that she cannot articulate. She has an intense and inexorable longing for a girl doesn't know. She can think of no other way to satisfy it, no other way to slake that want, than to stake out her booth and pine from a distance.
Maybe, if she were braver, Serena would sit closer. She would pull a chair right up to the stage and command this girl's attention. Serena would summon the world's best words and say anything, anything, to bring this girl nearer. She might even buy a dance, just an excuse to have this girl within arm's reach. The notion that Serena might be able to touch her is enough to send her mind reeling. She doesn't think, if she were ever brave enough to get that close, that should could trust her hands. Serena is certain that if she touched this girl even once, she would never stop.
But Serena has never been that sort of brave when she was sober.
--
Serena can't quite understand how she got here. Here, in a fitting room of Old Navy, behind only polyester curtain, with Georgina's hand between her legs.
Georgina's hands make quick work of Serena's shirt; popping buttons open with one will the other moves steadily down to Serena's skirt. Georgina's hand is cold as it palms Serena's breast and Serena feels a treacherous moan rising at the back of her throat. But Georgina's mouth closes quickly on hers, warm and insistent, and swallows that moan before it begins.
Serena vows now that she will not make a sound, and that this will never happen again.
She is so ashamed of herself that she can barely keep her eyes open. By a stroke of fate (or more likely, a semblance of punishment), the girls are directly opposite a mirror and Serena can see everything that Georgie is doing to her. Disgust mingles with arousal and bubbles in her stomach and Serena opens her legs just a little bit wider.
This, she thinks, this is why she was avoiding Georgina. Inside her head, Serena is equivocating. She is counting off the reasons why this is absolutely not her fault. First, and most important, Georgie is very, very good at what she does. That alone is almost reason enough to put up with her. The sex is nothing short of fantastic. Second, there was no denying Georgina. If Serena had rejected her advances, Georgina would find a far less amicable way to take what she wanted. She always did. Lastly, it was Monday. It had been less than eight hours since Serena had been at Victrola.
Her head had been swimming with red lights and visions of a small girl dancing slowly. Serena had been wallowing in her desire all night. She needed release.
Georgina drops to her knees and hikes Serena's skirt up on her hips, Serena takes hold wordlessly, grateful for something to hold on to. Serena's eyes wander back to the the mirror and she watches Georgie move deftly between her legs. Her hair is darker since the last time Serena saw her. With that and Georgie's smooth, ivory skin, Serena can almost pretend that Georgina is someone else.
That thought, coupled with the new pressure of Georgie's tongue on her clit, is enough to send Serena's head snapping back so hard that it meets the side of the stall with a sharp crack. Serena has to bite her lip to keep from crying out. Serena swears she can feel Georgina smirking where her mouth is pressed against her. Serena reaches down and grabs a fistful of hair as hard as she can. She pushes Georgina closer still.
Serena wants this over.
It's all the encouragement Georgie needs to slip one, then two fingers inside Serena. She strokes quickly and Serena rolls her hips to end this faster. Somewhere, Serena is worried that they will be caught. She thinks vaguely that they are not alone in the fitting room and that someone can hear them. That curtain might be pulled open and she might be exposed; panties around her ankles and Georgina's head under her skirt. But possibly being banned for life from Old Navy or even arrested just pales in comparison to how badly Serena needs to come.
It's dirty and shameful and possibly illegal, but Georgie flicks her wrist, swipes her tongue, and Serena is picturing someone else. Then she is coming hard, biting down on her fist to stifle a scream.
When it's done, Georgina rises to her feet as Serena pulls her clothes back into place. Georgina is looking at Serena with something like impatience as she delicately sucks her fingers clean. “That was fast,” Georgina says. “I know I'm good, but still.”
Serena feels a flush bloom across her still-bare chest and drops her head as it creeps up to her cheeks. She thinks a lie would be safer than her truth. She let's Georgie think it is about her, “It's been a while, is all.”
“That it has.”
Georgina's hand is almost gentle when it comes to rest on Serena's shoulder, but her voice is think with arousal, like she wants another go, as she asks what Serena was thinking about.
“No one―nothing,” Serena amends quickly. She is not fast enough. Georgina is like a dog who can smell fear. She senses Serena's deception and strikes, hands shooting out to either side of Serena's head; barring her in place. Serena's heart starts beating double-time.
“Who?” Georgina has no cause to be jealous, of course. She and Serena were never more than almost-friends with very specific and satisfying benefits. But Georgie was inappropriately possessive and she did not share her toys. She asks again, “Who?”
“No one,” Serena insisted. Georgina's eyes were cold and calculating in their assessment. Serena feared that she was as transparent as she felt, that Georgie could see into the deepest part of her. She would see the place inside Serena where her heart had been; to the place where a small girl who danced now lived.
Georgina sees enough. “Is she pretty?”
Serena watches the shift in Georgie's eyes; she sees evaluation there as Georgie appraises this unexpected threat. Serena's silence is answer enough.
“Is she prettier than me?”
A wave of panic crashes through Serena and she is suddenly very claustrophobic in the tiny space, between Georgina's arms, beneath her gaze. She feels like she can't breathe. She opens her mouth to mount her defense, but before she can choke out a single word, the curtain is ripped open.
A forty-something with unnaturally black hair and a name tag that reads “Veronica” tells them that she's sorry, but she is going to have to ask them to leave. Her tone suggests that she isn't sorry at all, but she has locked a saccharine smile on her aged face.
Serena doesn't have to be told twice. She gathers her purse and what little dignity she has left and is gone as fast as her legs will carry her. As she goes, she feels Georgina's eyes burning holes into her back.
Serena takes whatever train is leaving Rego Park, hops into the nearest open car and finds a empty seat. With her face pressed against the cool glass, Serena has never felt worse. She is battling this unfounded sense of guilt, like she has somehow been unfaithful to a person she has never met. Disgust returns to the pit of her stomach, angry and vengeful.
Serena swears now, the city rolling by stands witness, that she is through being a coward. Today was for mistakes, and Serena is mature enough to realize and admit this. Next Sunday, she will muster up all her courage and get close to the girl in red. If she had to buy her way in, she would. She would not leave again with nothing. She would get at least a name; she wouldn't settle for less.
This, Serena vows. She would take a cue from Georgie and go after what she wanted. But even as she thought this, even as Serena was happy and satisfied with her choice, she had the certain and disturbing feeling that she had not seen the last of Georgina Sparks.