The Photograph
Title: The Photograph
Author: variousflumps
Pairing: Alicia/Kalinda
Rating: PG
Summary: A very public outing.
Author's Note: This is the first of two new standalone fics. It's set about a year in the future, mainly so I can pretend that the Florrick kids have matured a bit and I don't have to wrangle them into shape.
It was the look on her face.
She’d been staring at the photo for 20 minutes. It was a beautiful photo, of a beautiful woman. She couldn’t stop staring at a woman.
Which was very unusual. Unheard of, really, for her.
But then the woman in the photo was Kalinda. And it was the look on her face.
And, of course, it was the article under the photo. The article on the front page of the Chicago Sun Times; the one that outed her and her lover. The one that pretended to be serious public interest journalism about lying politicians and their lying wives, and served this noble cause by printing a large color photo of two women kissing in an alleyway.
Well. Of one woman kissing, and one woman...reacting.
Alicia gazed at the photo for the thirtieth time in two hours. Her own face wasn’t visible, although it was shown in the two smaller photos below the article. The editor in his wisdom had chosen the most salacious, explicit photo for his lead, and Alicia, despite her shock, could see why.
The photo showed the back of Alicia’s head as she kissed Kalinda’s neck...and the look on Kalinda’s face.
She was stunning. And the expression on her face - closed eyes, open mouth, and her head thrown back in pleasure - suggested pure, pure bliss. Kalinda Sharma, the most inexpressive human being that Alicia had ever met, looked like she was in the throes of a powerful orgasm on the front page of the Sun Times.
(She wasn’t, Alicia knew...she hadn’t been touching her in public, of course she hadn’t; they’d just been needy after a two-hour meeting, sat next to each other in the boardroom, and they’d managed to limit themselves to a passionate kissing session in the nearest secluded alleyway. Which apparently had not been so secluded after all.)
The first thing she’d done, of course, was talk to the kids. Who were, she was beginning to realize, much more observant than she gave them credit for. They both said that they’d known already (“How did you know?!” she’d asked, and all they would say was, “It was so obvious, Mom”, despite the fact that she’d never so much as touched Kalinda’s arm in their presence), and Zach had just said, “We want you to be happy, Mom”.
Grace wanted to talk about gay people and straight people and they went through all of that, and then they talked about how Grace would cope with the upcoming divorce, and then they talked about what her friends at school were going to say, and then they talked about Kalinda. “She seems cool,” said Grace. “She lets me try on her boots. And she was nice that time I got baptised. She didn’t yell at me or anything.” Alicia, of course, had yelled.
Peter was next. They’d had a short, tense conversation, and Alicia had found herself getting angrier and angrier at the sheer disbelief in Peter’s voice, as if his sweet little wife had surprised the hell out of him. Good, she thought. Serves you right, she thought. Saint Alicia my ass, she thought.
Owen had called her. He had sounded pretty damn surprised too, but in a different way - a kind of proud, appreciative, you-go-girl kind of way, which she had liked a lot more.
She had thought about calling Will. But they’d been broken up for over a year now, and what was she going to say? The photo wasn’t exactly ambiguous. The only thing she could tell him was whether she was serious about Kalinda, and she hadn’t even had that little talk with Kalinda herself.
She’d even thought about calling her Mom. For about 10 seconds. And then she figured that the Chicago Sun Times might never reach her, and even if it did, she didn’t want to hear what her Mom had to say about it anyway.
So that left Kalinda. Who’d been the one to alert her to the story in the first place - a text at 7.14am on a Saturday morning that just said, “Read the Sun Times. Urgent.” That had been two hours ago now, and she hadn’t heard anything from her since. God knows what she was thinking. The most private woman in the world, with her face all over the newspapers.
Alicia wanted to go to her, to ask her not to call it off. She wanted to hold her, to tell her that it didn’t matter what anyone thought. To remind her of all their nights together; how right it had felt, how close they had been; the yielding melt of Kalinda’s body, how she had shivered under Alicia’s touch. How they had smiled at each other, afterwards; wide, honest smiles in the twilight, unadulterated happiness and release.
She had to talk to her. She hit speed dial three on her phone and tried to convince herself that this was going to be an easy conversation. Kalinda would be thrilled by their new-found fame and delighted to hear that her kids were so cool with her lesbianism. Yep, that’s what would happen.
“Alicia.”
“Hi. Hi.”
“Hi. You saw it?”
“I did.”
“Are the kids OK?”
Alicia’s heart melted a little at Kalinda’s first concern. “The kids are fine. Peter’s pissed, but the kids are fine. How are you?”
“Fine. You?”
“I’m...can I come over?”
“Here?” The surprise in Kalinda’s voice belied the fact that Alicia had been to Kalinda’s apartment numerous times now, although it had to be said that she’d rarely seen more than the bedroom.
“Yes. Owen’s coming over in an hour, and Zach’s in charge until then. And we need to talk.”
Silence.
“Kalinda?”
“Yep. Fine.”
“OK. See you in 15 minutes.”
“See you then.”
Alicia hung up the phone and tried to force down the heavy feeling that had appeared in the pit of her stomach. This didn’t look good.
Thirty minutes later, having battled her way through the traffic, she was standing outside Kalinda’s door with anxiety pervading her body. In the short time that she’d been seeing Kalinda she hadn’t had time to think. Their relationship had been a heady mix of dinner dates, tequila, and passionate sex, and for once in her life she’d just gone with the flow without over-thinking because it had all felt so damn good. Now, suddenly faced with its loss, she felt almost sick with fear.
Kalinda answered the door with a neutral expression and waved her into the apartment. Alicia took her coat off, dropped her bag on the floor, and followed Kalinda into the lounge. A copy of the Sun Times sat on the coffee table, and Alicia’s eyes were once again drawn to the sheer beauty of her lover’s face.
“I’m sorry,” said Alicia.
“Don’t be.”
“I had no idea there was a photographer. I mean, we shouldn’t have been kissing in public but the chances of this happening...maybe someone just recognized me, saw a way of getting some quick cash...I really didn’t see this coming.”
“Of course not.”
“Are you OK about it?”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine, and I don’t blame you if you’re not. I know how private you are, and I am too, and I don’t expect you to be thrilled about this.”
“I’m fine.”
“This isn’t what I would have wanted, Kalinda, for you, or for me, or for us.”
“I know.”
“Are you sure you’re OK?”
“Yep.”
Alicia took a long look at her lover, one of her very favorite people in the world, and wondered whether she was entitled to strangle her slightly with a belt.
“Peter was pissed?”
“Yes. He still gets jealous. He was more shocked than pissed though. I think he was finding it very hard to believe.”
Kalinda winced slightly.
“Oh, I didn’t mean...I meant, with a woman. He couldn’t believe I was with a woman.”
“Right.”
Silence. Kalinda took a seat in a chair; Alicia sat down on the couch.
More silence.
Finally, Alicia gave in to the persistent voice in her head. “Don’t end it over this.”
Kalinda studied her, inscrutable as always, still.
“I know you’re private, I get that. I am too. This is not what I would have chosen. But Kalinda...you can’t end things just from this. You can’t. Look at the photo. We’re beautiful, you and I.”
Kalinda looked down at the carpet, sighed, and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. For the first time it registered in Alicia’s brain that she’d never seen Kalinda wearing pants before, and she thought about all the other things that she might never get to see if Kalinda couldn’t find the right kind of courage.
Finally, Kalinda responded. “It’s all right for you. You’re not the one who’s having an orgasm on every news stand.”
Alicia’s eyes widened for a second, and then she laughed and the tension broke. Kalinda smiled at her.
“It does look kinda like that.”
“Yep, it does.” She even looked a little embarrassed, which made Alicia strangely proud.
“What can I say, I just have that effect on women.”
“Women?”
“Woman. Just one. Just you. It was your fault really, you know how I feel about that jacket. It makes me want to...unzip you.”
Kalinda smirked at her, and Alicia gave a tentative smile in return. Their smiles slowly faded, and Alicia was wondering what on earth to say next when Kalinda suddenly spoke up.
“I don’t want to end it.”
The words were said so quickly that they almost slurred together, and it took Alicia a few seconds to translate them in her head.
“No?”
“No.”
Alicia breathed a sigh of relief. “But you’re worried about things?”
“I’m-”
“Private, I know.”
“That’s not- “
“It’ll be OK, I promise, you just- “
“Will you shut up for two seconds and let me talk?”
“Sorry.”
Kalinda half-smiled at Alicia’s sheepish look. “Look...I thought...with the kids, and your husband, and everything that happened...I thought this was just a brief...thing for you.”
“It isn’t.”
“And I thought...I mean, when the kids found out, or it started affecting work, I thought you would-”
“You thought I came here to break up with you?”
“Yeah.”
“Well I didn’t.”
“I see that now.”
They sat gazing at each other, the meaning behind Kalinda’s words pervading the room. Alicia felt some of her tension begin to flow out of her body, to be replaced by a fast-growing hope. My girlfriend, she thought. Who doesn’t want this to end, even if the whole world knows we’re lovers.
“So what are we fighting about?”
“We’re not fighting. I’m just...adjusting. Figuring out the baseline.”
“That sounds romantic.”
“If you wanted romance you made a very strange choice.”
“You’re romantic. You just do things rather than say them. That’s very romantic.”
Kalinda looked away. “Do you want a coffee or something?”
Alicia stifled her grin. “I’m good. Thanks.”
“I’m going to get one. Be right back.”
Alicia leaned back on the black leather couch and thought about the past six weeks. Their first morning after, when Kalinda had scared the hell out of her by being gone when she woke up, coming home 10 minutes later with bagels and cream cheese and an air of carefully suppressed excitement that she couldn’t quite hide.
The night that Alicia was so exhausted after a horrible week at work that she fell asleep in Kalinda’s arms at 8.30pm, waking up two hours later to find that her lover hadn’t moved a muscle. The time that Julius had been scathing about Alicia’s trial strategy in front of half the staff and Kalinda had coolly ripped his argument to shreds while wearing an expression that suggested she was planning to decapitate him later.
The return of her lover interrupted her thoughts, and as Kalinda resumed her seat Alicia promised herself that she’d find out what was troubling her - and fix it.
“So. Talk to me. Tell me what you’re worried about.”
Kalinda looked into her coffee. She looked tired, Alicia realized. She hadn’t seen her last night because of the kids. She wondered where she had been, who she had been with. So much of her life was still a mystery.
“I know that this isn’t ideal. Are you worried about work? People will gossip for a while, but they’ll soon move on to something else.”
“I know.”
“They would have found out eventually, they always do.”
“I know.”
She wasn’t getting very far. She looked at the photo again. “I know that you’re private about your sexuality. I do understand that.”
“It’s not that.”
Alicia fought against her frustration. Conversations like this made her want to scream. Eventually, Kalinda spoke.
“It’s not about people knowing...that we’re dating. Or knowing you’re a woman. I mean, I’m not crazy about that part, but I’ll live. It’s more...the photo.”
“The orgasm on every news stand?”
“Yeah. But not...”
“Not what?”
Another silence. Alicia stared at the photo on the coffee table, wishing Kalinda would just tell her what was wrong so they could deal with it. The picture was very sexual, there was no doubt about it, but surely Kalinda couldn’t be shy about sex? Alicia had been far more worried about their relationship being revealed, but she had said that that wasn’t the issue - so what on earth was going on?
And then she saw it. On Kalinda’s face in the photograph, and on Kalinda’s face in the living room. Suddenly, she saw it. That beautiful face, her head thrown back in pleasure; the expression of absolute bliss. From a kiss.
Trying to keep her voice from shaking, Alicia said, “You look like you’re in love.”
Through the tiniest nod of her head, Kalinda agreed. Alicia sat motionless, nervous and thrilled. She felt a little out of breath.
“Are you?”
“That’s not a question you ask someone after six weeks of dating.”
Isn’t it? Alicia thought. I fell in love that first night. I think maybe you did, too.
“Does it matter what other people think?”
Kalinda shifted uncomfortably. “It’s not what they think, it’s what they do with the information.”
“Like what?”
“It’s a weakness. Cary already...”
“What?”
“He uses it, sometimes. Against me.”
“Uses what?”
“Uses our friendship. He knows that I’m on your side, so if it’s one of your cases, he plays games.”
“What kind of games?”
“Just stupid stuff. But once he sees this, he’s not gonna let it go.”
Alicia studied her. She looked very uncomfortable, and Alicia felt sure that she wasn’t being told the whole truth here. What she didn’t know was whether she actually wanted the whole truth.
“Can’t you just punch him in the face?”
Kalinda looked up and let out a surprised laugh. “Yeah, I could do that.”
“Look, Kalinda, I’m not entirely sure I know what you’re saying here. But you’re not afraid of Cary, I know that much.”
“I don’t like people having power over me.”
“Do you mean people...or do you mean me?”
“You?”
“Me.” Alicia took a deep breath and steeled herself for Kalinda’s reaction. “Maybe I’ve got this wrong, but I think maybe your new baseline is accepting that you’re vulnerable to me. You even expected me to hurt you today - you thought I was going to end things. And the fact that I didn’t, even though my kids know, and my husband, and everyone at work, makes you afraid, because that means I love you too, and this is serious, this is love. Maybe you’re scared of me.”
They sat there, in tense, aching silence, for what felt like an hour. Alicia longed to touch her, but knew that she had to hold back.
“I’m not scared.”
Alicia managed a small smile. “OK. A little apprehensive, then. And I am too, by the way.”
“At least you’ve done this before.”
“Um...what bit of this do you think I’ve done before?” she said with a laugh.
“The love bit.”
Alicia’s eyebrows raised. “You haven’t...um...”
“Nope.”
Alicia felt the last little part of her heart that hadn’t already surrendered to Kalinda melt quietly and peacefully away.
“Then I’m honored,” said Alicia quietly. “And very flattered. And very happy. And I love you too.”
Kalinda inhaled deeply and blew out the breath in a rush. Then she stood up, walked over to Alicia, and held out her hand. Alicia took it, questioning her with her eyes.
“Bed.”
Alicia smiled broadly. “You see? You do things rather than say them. Very romantic.”
Kalinda gave her a look that clearly said, Don’t push it, sunshine, so she mouthed the word Sorry, although she couldn’t quite wipe the smile off her face.
She let Kalinda pull her gently towards the bedroom, and then push her, rather less gently, back against the bedroom door. As Kalinda’s hands slipped inside her clothes Alicia managed 15 seconds of lucidity before her mind became clouded with lust.
Her last coherent thought was of a photograph; a head thrown back in pleasure, and a face lit up with love.
Author: variousflumps
Pairing: Alicia/Kalinda
Rating: PG
Summary: A very public outing.
Author's Note: This is the first of two new standalone fics. It's set about a year in the future, mainly so I can pretend that the Florrick kids have matured a bit and I don't have to wrangle them into shape.
It was the look on her face.
She’d been staring at the photo for 20 minutes. It was a beautiful photo, of a beautiful woman. She couldn’t stop staring at a woman.
Which was very unusual. Unheard of, really, for her.
But then the woman in the photo was Kalinda. And it was the look on her face.
And, of course, it was the article under the photo. The article on the front page of the Chicago Sun Times; the one that outed her and her lover. The one that pretended to be serious public interest journalism about lying politicians and their lying wives, and served this noble cause by printing a large color photo of two women kissing in an alleyway.
Well. Of one woman kissing, and one woman...reacting.
Alicia gazed at the photo for the thirtieth time in two hours. Her own face wasn’t visible, although it was shown in the two smaller photos below the article. The editor in his wisdom had chosen the most salacious, explicit photo for his lead, and Alicia, despite her shock, could see why.
The photo showed the back of Alicia’s head as she kissed Kalinda’s neck...and the look on Kalinda’s face.
She was stunning. And the expression on her face - closed eyes, open mouth, and her head thrown back in pleasure - suggested pure, pure bliss. Kalinda Sharma, the most inexpressive human being that Alicia had ever met, looked like she was in the throes of a powerful orgasm on the front page of the Sun Times.
(She wasn’t, Alicia knew...she hadn’t been touching her in public, of course she hadn’t; they’d just been needy after a two-hour meeting, sat next to each other in the boardroom, and they’d managed to limit themselves to a passionate kissing session in the nearest secluded alleyway. Which apparently had not been so secluded after all.)
The first thing she’d done, of course, was talk to the kids. Who were, she was beginning to realize, much more observant than she gave them credit for. They both said that they’d known already (“How did you know?!” she’d asked, and all they would say was, “It was so obvious, Mom”, despite the fact that she’d never so much as touched Kalinda’s arm in their presence), and Zach had just said, “We want you to be happy, Mom”.
Grace wanted to talk about gay people and straight people and they went through all of that, and then they talked about how Grace would cope with the upcoming divorce, and then they talked about what her friends at school were going to say, and then they talked about Kalinda. “She seems cool,” said Grace. “She lets me try on her boots. And she was nice that time I got baptised. She didn’t yell at me or anything.” Alicia, of course, had yelled.
Peter was next. They’d had a short, tense conversation, and Alicia had found herself getting angrier and angrier at the sheer disbelief in Peter’s voice, as if his sweet little wife had surprised the hell out of him. Good, she thought. Serves you right, she thought. Saint Alicia my ass, she thought.
Owen had called her. He had sounded pretty damn surprised too, but in a different way - a kind of proud, appreciative, you-go-girl kind of way, which she had liked a lot more.
She had thought about calling Will. But they’d been broken up for over a year now, and what was she going to say? The photo wasn’t exactly ambiguous. The only thing she could tell him was whether she was serious about Kalinda, and she hadn’t even had that little talk with Kalinda herself.
She’d even thought about calling her Mom. For about 10 seconds. And then she figured that the Chicago Sun Times might never reach her, and even if it did, she didn’t want to hear what her Mom had to say about it anyway.
So that left Kalinda. Who’d been the one to alert her to the story in the first place - a text at 7.14am on a Saturday morning that just said, “Read the Sun Times. Urgent.” That had been two hours ago now, and she hadn’t heard anything from her since. God knows what she was thinking. The most private woman in the world, with her face all over the newspapers.
Alicia wanted to go to her, to ask her not to call it off. She wanted to hold her, to tell her that it didn’t matter what anyone thought. To remind her of all their nights together; how right it had felt, how close they had been; the yielding melt of Kalinda’s body, how she had shivered under Alicia’s touch. How they had smiled at each other, afterwards; wide, honest smiles in the twilight, unadulterated happiness and release.
She had to talk to her. She hit speed dial three on her phone and tried to convince herself that this was going to be an easy conversation. Kalinda would be thrilled by their new-found fame and delighted to hear that her kids were so cool with her lesbianism. Yep, that’s what would happen.
“Alicia.”
“Hi. Hi.”
“Hi. You saw it?”
“I did.”
“Are the kids OK?”
Alicia’s heart melted a little at Kalinda’s first concern. “The kids are fine. Peter’s pissed, but the kids are fine. How are you?”
“Fine. You?”
“I’m...can I come over?”
“Here?” The surprise in Kalinda’s voice belied the fact that Alicia had been to Kalinda’s apartment numerous times now, although it had to be said that she’d rarely seen more than the bedroom.
“Yes. Owen’s coming over in an hour, and Zach’s in charge until then. And we need to talk.”
Silence.
“Kalinda?”
“Yep. Fine.”
“OK. See you in 15 minutes.”
“See you then.”
Alicia hung up the phone and tried to force down the heavy feeling that had appeared in the pit of her stomach. This didn’t look good.
Thirty minutes later, having battled her way through the traffic, she was standing outside Kalinda’s door with anxiety pervading her body. In the short time that she’d been seeing Kalinda she hadn’t had time to think. Their relationship had been a heady mix of dinner dates, tequila, and passionate sex, and for once in her life she’d just gone with the flow without over-thinking because it had all felt so damn good. Now, suddenly faced with its loss, she felt almost sick with fear.
Kalinda answered the door with a neutral expression and waved her into the apartment. Alicia took her coat off, dropped her bag on the floor, and followed Kalinda into the lounge. A copy of the Sun Times sat on the coffee table, and Alicia’s eyes were once again drawn to the sheer beauty of her lover’s face.
“I’m sorry,” said Alicia.
“Don’t be.”
“I had no idea there was a photographer. I mean, we shouldn’t have been kissing in public but the chances of this happening...maybe someone just recognized me, saw a way of getting some quick cash...I really didn’t see this coming.”
“Of course not.”
“Are you OK about it?”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine, and I don’t blame you if you’re not. I know how private you are, and I am too, and I don’t expect you to be thrilled about this.”
“I’m fine.”
“This isn’t what I would have wanted, Kalinda, for you, or for me, or for us.”
“I know.”
“Are you sure you’re OK?”
“Yep.”
Alicia took a long look at her lover, one of her very favorite people in the world, and wondered whether she was entitled to strangle her slightly with a belt.
“Peter was pissed?”
“Yes. He still gets jealous. He was more shocked than pissed though. I think he was finding it very hard to believe.”
Kalinda winced slightly.
“Oh, I didn’t mean...I meant, with a woman. He couldn’t believe I was with a woman.”
“Right.”
Silence. Kalinda took a seat in a chair; Alicia sat down on the couch.
More silence.
Finally, Alicia gave in to the persistent voice in her head. “Don’t end it over this.”
Kalinda studied her, inscrutable as always, still.
“I know you’re private, I get that. I am too. This is not what I would have chosen. But Kalinda...you can’t end things just from this. You can’t. Look at the photo. We’re beautiful, you and I.”
Kalinda looked down at the carpet, sighed, and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. For the first time it registered in Alicia’s brain that she’d never seen Kalinda wearing pants before, and she thought about all the other things that she might never get to see if Kalinda couldn’t find the right kind of courage.
Finally, Kalinda responded. “It’s all right for you. You’re not the one who’s having an orgasm on every news stand.”
Alicia’s eyes widened for a second, and then she laughed and the tension broke. Kalinda smiled at her.
“It does look kinda like that.”
“Yep, it does.” She even looked a little embarrassed, which made Alicia strangely proud.
“What can I say, I just have that effect on women.”
“Women?”
“Woman. Just one. Just you. It was your fault really, you know how I feel about that jacket. It makes me want to...unzip you.”
Kalinda smirked at her, and Alicia gave a tentative smile in return. Their smiles slowly faded, and Alicia was wondering what on earth to say next when Kalinda suddenly spoke up.
“I don’t want to end it.”
The words were said so quickly that they almost slurred together, and it took Alicia a few seconds to translate them in her head.
“No?”
“No.”
Alicia breathed a sigh of relief. “But you’re worried about things?”
“I’m-”
“Private, I know.”
“That’s not- “
“It’ll be OK, I promise, you just- “
“Will you shut up for two seconds and let me talk?”
“Sorry.”
Kalinda half-smiled at Alicia’s sheepish look. “Look...I thought...with the kids, and your husband, and everything that happened...I thought this was just a brief...thing for you.”
“It isn’t.”
“And I thought...I mean, when the kids found out, or it started affecting work, I thought you would-”
“You thought I came here to break up with you?”
“Yeah.”
“Well I didn’t.”
“I see that now.”
They sat gazing at each other, the meaning behind Kalinda’s words pervading the room. Alicia felt some of her tension begin to flow out of her body, to be replaced by a fast-growing hope. My girlfriend, she thought. Who doesn’t want this to end, even if the whole world knows we’re lovers.
“So what are we fighting about?”
“We’re not fighting. I’m just...adjusting. Figuring out the baseline.”
“That sounds romantic.”
“If you wanted romance you made a very strange choice.”
“You’re romantic. You just do things rather than say them. That’s very romantic.”
Kalinda looked away. “Do you want a coffee or something?”
Alicia stifled her grin. “I’m good. Thanks.”
“I’m going to get one. Be right back.”
Alicia leaned back on the black leather couch and thought about the past six weeks. Their first morning after, when Kalinda had scared the hell out of her by being gone when she woke up, coming home 10 minutes later with bagels and cream cheese and an air of carefully suppressed excitement that she couldn’t quite hide.
The night that Alicia was so exhausted after a horrible week at work that she fell asleep in Kalinda’s arms at 8.30pm, waking up two hours later to find that her lover hadn’t moved a muscle. The time that Julius had been scathing about Alicia’s trial strategy in front of half the staff and Kalinda had coolly ripped his argument to shreds while wearing an expression that suggested she was planning to decapitate him later.
The return of her lover interrupted her thoughts, and as Kalinda resumed her seat Alicia promised herself that she’d find out what was troubling her - and fix it.
“So. Talk to me. Tell me what you’re worried about.”
Kalinda looked into her coffee. She looked tired, Alicia realized. She hadn’t seen her last night because of the kids. She wondered where she had been, who she had been with. So much of her life was still a mystery.
“I know that this isn’t ideal. Are you worried about work? People will gossip for a while, but they’ll soon move on to something else.”
“I know.”
“They would have found out eventually, they always do.”
“I know.”
She wasn’t getting very far. She looked at the photo again. “I know that you’re private about your sexuality. I do understand that.”
“It’s not that.”
Alicia fought against her frustration. Conversations like this made her want to scream. Eventually, Kalinda spoke.
“It’s not about people knowing...that we’re dating. Or knowing you’re a woman. I mean, I’m not crazy about that part, but I’ll live. It’s more...the photo.”
“The orgasm on every news stand?”
“Yeah. But not...”
“Not what?”
Another silence. Alicia stared at the photo on the coffee table, wishing Kalinda would just tell her what was wrong so they could deal with it. The picture was very sexual, there was no doubt about it, but surely Kalinda couldn’t be shy about sex? Alicia had been far more worried about their relationship being revealed, but she had said that that wasn’t the issue - so what on earth was going on?
And then she saw it. On Kalinda’s face in the photograph, and on Kalinda’s face in the living room. Suddenly, she saw it. That beautiful face, her head thrown back in pleasure; the expression of absolute bliss. From a kiss.
Trying to keep her voice from shaking, Alicia said, “You look like you’re in love.”
Through the tiniest nod of her head, Kalinda agreed. Alicia sat motionless, nervous and thrilled. She felt a little out of breath.
“Are you?”
“That’s not a question you ask someone after six weeks of dating.”
Isn’t it? Alicia thought. I fell in love that first night. I think maybe you did, too.
“Does it matter what other people think?”
Kalinda shifted uncomfortably. “It’s not what they think, it’s what they do with the information.”
“Like what?”
“It’s a weakness. Cary already...”
“What?”
“He uses it, sometimes. Against me.”
“Uses what?”
“Uses our friendship. He knows that I’m on your side, so if it’s one of your cases, he plays games.”
“What kind of games?”
“Just stupid stuff. But once he sees this, he’s not gonna let it go.”
Alicia studied her. She looked very uncomfortable, and Alicia felt sure that she wasn’t being told the whole truth here. What she didn’t know was whether she actually wanted the whole truth.
“Can’t you just punch him in the face?”
Kalinda looked up and let out a surprised laugh. “Yeah, I could do that.”
“Look, Kalinda, I’m not entirely sure I know what you’re saying here. But you’re not afraid of Cary, I know that much.”
“I don’t like people having power over me.”
“Do you mean people...or do you mean me?”
“You?”
“Me.” Alicia took a deep breath and steeled herself for Kalinda’s reaction. “Maybe I’ve got this wrong, but I think maybe your new baseline is accepting that you’re vulnerable to me. You even expected me to hurt you today - you thought I was going to end things. And the fact that I didn’t, even though my kids know, and my husband, and everyone at work, makes you afraid, because that means I love you too, and this is serious, this is love. Maybe you’re scared of me.”
They sat there, in tense, aching silence, for what felt like an hour. Alicia longed to touch her, but knew that she had to hold back.
“I’m not scared.”
Alicia managed a small smile. “OK. A little apprehensive, then. And I am too, by the way.”
“At least you’ve done this before.”
“Um...what bit of this do you think I’ve done before?” she said with a laugh.
“The love bit.”
Alicia’s eyebrows raised. “You haven’t...um...”
“Nope.”
Alicia felt the last little part of her heart that hadn’t already surrendered to Kalinda melt quietly and peacefully away.
“Then I’m honored,” said Alicia quietly. “And very flattered. And very happy. And I love you too.”
Kalinda inhaled deeply and blew out the breath in a rush. Then she stood up, walked over to Alicia, and held out her hand. Alicia took it, questioning her with her eyes.
“Bed.”
Alicia smiled broadly. “You see? You do things rather than say them. Very romantic.”
Kalinda gave her a look that clearly said, Don’t push it, sunshine, so she mouthed the word Sorry, although she couldn’t quite wipe the smile off her face.
She let Kalinda pull her gently towards the bedroom, and then push her, rather less gently, back against the bedroom door. As Kalinda’s hands slipped inside her clothes Alicia managed 15 seconds of lucidity before her mind became clouded with lust.
Her last coherent thought was of a photograph; a head thrown back in pleasure, and a face lit up with love.