Fic: All This Time (Alicia/Kalinda), PG
Title: All This Time
Author: variousflumps
Pairing: Alicia/Kalinda
Rating: PG
Summary: What if Alicia gradually discovered the full extent of the Epic Love...
Inspired by a list of all the chivalrous Epic Love-related stuff that Kalinda has done that teamsharma wrote on a sweetjamielee blog entry.
It starts with Eli. He corners her one day and insists that she needs to persuade Kalinda to work for him again. She asks him what on earth he’s talking about, and they spar back and forth for a while, not really getting anywhere, until he blurts out that Kalinda always refuses to work for Peter.
“If she refuses to work for Peter then why was she working for you in the first place?”
“Not for me, for you. She used to do anything for you.”
It’s such a strange choice of words that it brings her up short.
“Then why has she stopped?”
“She hasn’t stopped completely, she’s just...well.” He looks sheepish. “She knows when it’s actually for you, stupid rumors that might affect you, and when it’s just for the campaign, when I’m bluffing. So I need you to tell her that this is for you too.”
“No. See you later.”
She doesn’t think much about it at the time, but the phrase sticks in her head. Anything for you. He hadn’t meant ‘anything’, of course. Just a turn of phrase. And obviously she wouldn’t work for Peter. Obviously she would work for a friend.
A few weeks pass. Diane commissions Sophia Russo to do some DNA testing and Alicia calls to get the results. They’re finishing up when Sophia says, “Tell Kalinda I said 'hi'.” She immediately knows that she won’t and then wonders why the hell not.
“She’s still got a job with me if she changes her mind.”
“She...I don’t understand. She has a job.”
“Yeah, but she was thinking of moving on.”
I’ve found another job. I’ll be leaving next week.
“Why didn’t she?”
“I...OK, I shouldn’t have told you this, I’ve just realised-“
“Tell me. Sophia? Seriously, tell me.”
“She found out that it would involve working at the States Attorney’s office. I’ve got no clue why that would have been a problem, I guess she didn’t like the atmosphere or something when she worked there before.”
She can hardly have preferred the atmosphere here.
Cary’s next. Drunk and a late night at the bar, beaming at her, saying it’s great that she’s doing so well, that it’s great that she’s friends with Kalinda again.
“You knew we weren’t friends?”
He blushes slightly, fumbles for words. He obviously knows everything, and it’s depressing to discover that one more person knows all of her betrayals. And then...
“She was so miserable back then, Alicia. I thought she was gonna cry on my shoulder, real tears, she was that unhappy. And then she hardly spoke to me for months. She only let me back in when you two were good again.”
She starts to really think about it then, all of these people and their stories about Kalinda. She starts to think about the secrets that Kalinda keeps.
She seeks Will out after an office party. More drinks, more loosened lips. They talk about their lives. Their colleagues. Alicia casually (not so casually) mentions Kalinda, says that she’s been a good friend.
“Yeah”, he says. “Kalinda’s great. She always wanted us to get together.”
“Did she?”
“Mm-hmm. She was the one who told me that you were separated. Seemed pretty keen for me to talk to you.”
Kalinda doesn’t gossip. Never, ever has she heard her gossip.
“You know she was going to leave Chicago?”
Her blood runs cold. “Why? When?”
“A while back. A few months. Asked me for her wages. She seemed pretty unhappy about something but wouldn’t tell me what. Then she stayed, so I figured it was sorted.”
She asks him for the date, the exact date. He thinks a while and then gives it to her. She goes straight home and checks her diary and her case files. The day you called her husband. The husband who then called you at home, the husband who found out your name.
Is he dangerous, Kalinda, is he dangerous? She had always meant Will he hurt you? What she had never asked: What is it that you’re afraid of? What it is that scares you the most?
Finally, with everything swirling around in her mind, she goes to Peter. Says that this is the very last time they will talk about this, but tell me what you meant by she’s blameless in all of this. And he does. And maybe he’s not quite right, considering all the facts, but he’s certainly close, in his assessment. Certainly close.
And you have been so very far away.
She goes to Kalinda. The usual drinks in their usual bar. Kalinda’s so...careful with her these days, as if she’s worried that she’ll break her. She misses her old Kalinda. She wants her back.
In the middle of a meaningless, awkward conversation about fruit, she blurts: “It wasn’t guilt, was it?”
Kalinda blinks at her.
“What wasn’t?”
“You. The way you behaved towards me. Before I found out, and then after. None of it was guilt.”
Kalinda’s silent.
“I don’t need a long explanation, Kalinda. But I’ve been talking to people. Eli and Will and Cary and Sophia-“
“Sophia?” she says. (Definitely not telling her she said ‘hi.’)
“Yes. And it wasn’t guilt, was it?”
Kalinda sits still. She looks down at her drink, and then up again. Alicia holds her gaze.
“No,” she says, shifting slightly in her chair. “It wasn’t guilt. I told you that before.”
“I didn’t have all the information, before. I’m not sure I have it all now. In fact, I have a very strong suspicion that I don’t, because every new person I talk to tells me something about you that I wish I’d known long before today.”
Kalinda stands up abruptly, saying “I really have to-“ but Alicia reaches out and takes her hand.
“Sit down. Please. Sit down.”
A few moments of internal struggle later and she sits. Alicia doesn’t release her hand.
“Is there more?” she asks softly. “If I talked to more people, would there be more?”
Kalinda looks as if she’d rather be anywhere else in the world.
“It’s OK, Kalinda. We’re OK, I promise. Just this one last question, and then I’ll leave it, I promise. Is there more?”
In a voice so quiet she can barely hear her, Kalinda says “Yes.”
A heavy burden lifts from her heart. You’ve been loving me all this time.
“Thank you for telling me.” She strokes her thumb over Kalinda’s palm, taking a long moment to catch her breath and calm her heart. “Now. On to other important matters. Kiwi fruit and how to eat them. Boiled egg style or slices. Your thoughts?”
A look of pure relief crosses her friend’s face and she feels a deep warm wave of affection. I’ve been loving you all this time.
Kalinda leaves her hand in Alicia’s for the rest of the night.
Author: variousflumps
Pairing: Alicia/Kalinda
Rating: PG
Summary: What if Alicia gradually discovered the full extent of the Epic Love...
Inspired by a list of all the chivalrous Epic Love-related stuff that Kalinda has done that teamsharma wrote on a sweetjamielee blog entry.
It starts with Eli. He corners her one day and insists that she needs to persuade Kalinda to work for him again. She asks him what on earth he’s talking about, and they spar back and forth for a while, not really getting anywhere, until he blurts out that Kalinda always refuses to work for Peter.
“If she refuses to work for Peter then why was she working for you in the first place?”
“Not for me, for you. She used to do anything for you.”
It’s such a strange choice of words that it brings her up short.
“Then why has she stopped?”
“She hasn’t stopped completely, she’s just...well.” He looks sheepish. “She knows when it’s actually for you, stupid rumors that might affect you, and when it’s just for the campaign, when I’m bluffing. So I need you to tell her that this is for you too.”
“No. See you later.”
She doesn’t think much about it at the time, but the phrase sticks in her head. Anything for you. He hadn’t meant ‘anything’, of course. Just a turn of phrase. And obviously she wouldn’t work for Peter. Obviously she would work for a friend.
A few weeks pass. Diane commissions Sophia Russo to do some DNA testing and Alicia calls to get the results. They’re finishing up when Sophia says, “Tell Kalinda I said 'hi'.” She immediately knows that she won’t and then wonders why the hell not.
“She’s still got a job with me if she changes her mind.”
“She...I don’t understand. She has a job.”
“Yeah, but she was thinking of moving on.”
I’ve found another job. I’ll be leaving next week.
“Why didn’t she?”
“I...OK, I shouldn’t have told you this, I’ve just realised-“
“Tell me. Sophia? Seriously, tell me.”
“She found out that it would involve working at the States Attorney’s office. I’ve got no clue why that would have been a problem, I guess she didn’t like the atmosphere or something when she worked there before.”
She can hardly have preferred the atmosphere here.
Cary’s next. Drunk and a late night at the bar, beaming at her, saying it’s great that she’s doing so well, that it’s great that she’s friends with Kalinda again.
“You knew we weren’t friends?”
He blushes slightly, fumbles for words. He obviously knows everything, and it’s depressing to discover that one more person knows all of her betrayals. And then...
“She was so miserable back then, Alicia. I thought she was gonna cry on my shoulder, real tears, she was that unhappy. And then she hardly spoke to me for months. She only let me back in when you two were good again.”
She starts to really think about it then, all of these people and their stories about Kalinda. She starts to think about the secrets that Kalinda keeps.
She seeks Will out after an office party. More drinks, more loosened lips. They talk about their lives. Their colleagues. Alicia casually (not so casually) mentions Kalinda, says that she’s been a good friend.
“Yeah”, he says. “Kalinda’s great. She always wanted us to get together.”
“Did she?”
“Mm-hmm. She was the one who told me that you were separated. Seemed pretty keen for me to talk to you.”
Kalinda doesn’t gossip. Never, ever has she heard her gossip.
“You know she was going to leave Chicago?”
Her blood runs cold. “Why? When?”
“A while back. A few months. Asked me for her wages. She seemed pretty unhappy about something but wouldn’t tell me what. Then she stayed, so I figured it was sorted.”
She asks him for the date, the exact date. He thinks a while and then gives it to her. She goes straight home and checks her diary and her case files. The day you called her husband. The husband who then called you at home, the husband who found out your name.
Is he dangerous, Kalinda, is he dangerous? She had always meant Will he hurt you? What she had never asked: What is it that you’re afraid of? What it is that scares you the most?
Finally, with everything swirling around in her mind, she goes to Peter. Says that this is the very last time they will talk about this, but tell me what you meant by she’s blameless in all of this. And he does. And maybe he’s not quite right, considering all the facts, but he’s certainly close, in his assessment. Certainly close.
And you have been so very far away.
She goes to Kalinda. The usual drinks in their usual bar. Kalinda’s so...careful with her these days, as if she’s worried that she’ll break her. She misses her old Kalinda. She wants her back.
In the middle of a meaningless, awkward conversation about fruit, she blurts: “It wasn’t guilt, was it?”
Kalinda blinks at her.
“What wasn’t?”
“You. The way you behaved towards me. Before I found out, and then after. None of it was guilt.”
Kalinda’s silent.
“I don’t need a long explanation, Kalinda. But I’ve been talking to people. Eli and Will and Cary and Sophia-“
“Sophia?” she says. (Definitely not telling her she said ‘hi.’)
“Yes. And it wasn’t guilt, was it?”
Kalinda sits still. She looks down at her drink, and then up again. Alicia holds her gaze.
“No,” she says, shifting slightly in her chair. “It wasn’t guilt. I told you that before.”
“I didn’t have all the information, before. I’m not sure I have it all now. In fact, I have a very strong suspicion that I don’t, because every new person I talk to tells me something about you that I wish I’d known long before today.”
Kalinda stands up abruptly, saying “I really have to-“ but Alicia reaches out and takes her hand.
“Sit down. Please. Sit down.”
A few moments of internal struggle later and she sits. Alicia doesn’t release her hand.
“Is there more?” she asks softly. “If I talked to more people, would there be more?”
Kalinda looks as if she’d rather be anywhere else in the world.
“It’s OK, Kalinda. We’re OK, I promise. Just this one last question, and then I’ll leave it, I promise. Is there more?”
In a voice so quiet she can barely hear her, Kalinda says “Yes.”
A heavy burden lifts from her heart. You’ve been loving me all this time.
“Thank you for telling me.” She strokes her thumb over Kalinda’s palm, taking a long moment to catch her breath and calm her heart. “Now. On to other important matters. Kiwi fruit and how to eat them. Boiled egg style or slices. Your thoughts?”
A look of pure relief crosses her friend’s face and she feels a deep warm wave of affection. I’ve been loving you all this time.
Kalinda leaves her hand in Alicia’s for the rest of the night.