Fic: Hope, Abandon Hope (Alicia/Kalinda)
Title: Hope, Abandon Hope
Author: variousflumps
Pairing: Alicia/Kalinda
Rating: PG
Summary: This is a short fic in two versions. Both versions depict a scene that could have occurred in the finale of season four; both versions start the same way and then diverge.
Version One: Hope
“This is all of it.”
“Thanks.” Alicia takes the folder and places it next to her laptop. “Think we have a case?”
“Should have. He’s no angel.”
“Yeah, I gathered that much.”
There’s a pause. Alicia waits somewhat impatiently for the next case update; she’s due in court in an hour and can’t afford to be doing nothing.
“What’s next?”
“What?”
Kalinda looks uncharacteristically confused. Not for the first time Alicia wonders if her husband has truly left town, if that’s all over with. Not for the first time Alicia wonders if she knows this woman at all.
“Next case? What is it?”
“Oh, no, I...I’m done.”
“OK. Thanks.”
She goes back to her overflowing email inbox, determined to at least make a dent in it before she has to leave. She gets halfway through a reply to Colin Sweeney when she realizes that Kalinda hasn’t left the room.
“Kalinda?”
She’s standing motionless, one hand on the door handle, the other by her side. She can’t see her face.
“Was there something else?”
She remains motionless, frozen in time. A quick burst of frustration runs through her that her time is being wasted, but then a sudden flash of intuition tells her exactly what’s coming next.
“You’re going with Cary?”
“Maybe,” says Alicia. “And you?”
“I’m still thinking about it.”
She’s very pointedly not looking at her. Alicia starts to smile. She’d been waiting for this. She wonders how Kalinda will play it.
“When does he need your decision?”
Alicia’s smile widens a little. “Oh, he’s not really given a deadline. I might take a week or so, mull things over, talk to the kids, you know. No rush really.”
Kalinda’s hand tightens a little more around the door handle.
“Cary wants my answer by the end of the week.”
“Right. Well, you’d better do some quick thinking.”
“Yeah.”
She really shouldn’t play with her, it’s just that...well. She hardly ever gets the upper hand. And it’s more than that. If she’s right - and she’s almost sure she is - it’s starting to feel wonderful. It’s starting to feel like they might be all right after all.
“If you’re...when I talk to him...”
She almost breaks and takes pity on her. She’s really not doing very well here, considering this is the woman who can usually extract the most personal pieces of information in ten seconds flat. But then, she doesn’t usually have to give anything of herself to get it. She’s exposed. So she’s floundering.
“It would be useful if...” She tails off again, and Alicia gives in.
“I’m pretty certain I’m going with Cary.”
Kalinda turns to look at her. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Almost a sure thing.”
She can practically see her body relax. “Right. Well. See you later.”
Oh no, she’s not letting her get away quite that easy.
“Were you waiting?” she says.
“Waiting?”
“For me. Waiting to see where I would go before you made a choice.”
Kalinda has put her very best poker face on.
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“OK. Say that were true though, if you were waiting...if you wanted to work wherever I worked...” Now that she’s actually saying it out loud, this suspicion that’s been building for weeks, it’s making her eyes prickle with unexpected tears. She swallows.
“If you’d been waiting for that, then in that situation I’d want you to know that I’d be touched. If that were true. I’d be very pleased.”
She watches as Kalinda swallows too. Her poker face remains in place. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You do that.”
There’s the smallest hint of emotion on her face, just the suggestion of a smile, before she pivots on the spot and walks away. Alicia watches her go, still smiling.
She thinks that they might be all right, now.
Version Two: Abandon Hope
“This is all of it.”
“Thanks.” Alicia takes the folder and places it next to her laptop. “Think we have a case?”
“Should have. He’s no angel.”
“Yeah, I gathered that much.”
There’s a pause. Alicia waits somewhat impatiently for the next case update; she’s due in court in an hour and can’t afford to be doing nothing.
“What’s next?”
“What?”
Kalinda looks uncharacteristically confused. Not for the first time Alicia wonders if her husband has truly left town, if that’s all over with. Not for the first time Alicia wonders if she knows this woman at all.
“Next case? What is it?”
“Oh, no, I...I’m done.”
“OK. Thanks.”
She goes back to her overflowing email inbox, determined to at least make a dent in it before she has to leave. She gets halfway through a reply to Colin Sweeney when she realizes that Kalinda hasn’t left the room.
“Kalinda?”
She’s standing motionless, one hand on the door handle, the other by her side. She can’t see her face.
“Was there something else?”
She remains motionless, frozen in time. A quick burst of frustration runs through her that her time is being wasted, but then a sudden flash of intuition tells her exactly what’s coming next.
“You’re going with Cary?”
“Yes,” says Alicia. “And you?”
She knows the answer. Kalinda’s telling her now, standing there. In the tension of her shoulders. In her stillness.
“No.”
A thousand reasons why. Not enough money, not enough respect. Too complicated with Cary, who surely loves her; who she surely doesn’t love back. Too complicated with the woman whose husband you once fucked.
“Well. I’m sure Will and Diane will be pleased you’re staying.”
There’s no reply. The air is filled with the uneasy tension that’s haunted them for months now. Not quite enemies, never quite friends.
“Will I see you?”
The prickle of tears takes her completely by surprise. It’s the quiet defeat in Kalinda’s voice; the hidden pain. But she can’t bring herself to do it...she can’t save her, now. Save them. There’s too much between them. It was all too much.
“I’m sure we’ll see each other around.” She tries to make her voice sound as gentle as she can. Kalinda doesn’t move. Ten seconds go by; twenty. She feels the tears start to come again.
“I have tried, Kalinda. I have tried.” She can hear the tears in her voice now. She hopes, despite herself, that Kalinda can too.
“I know. Thank you.”
A few more seconds pass, a few more hours. This is what they’ve become. She finds that she can’t even look at her anymore; a woman as strong as Kalinda, who can’t bear to leave her.
Finally, after an eternity, she hears the door open, and when she raises her eyes again Kalinda has gone.
She knows it’s the end, now. They both do. She lets herself cry.
Author: variousflumps
Pairing: Alicia/Kalinda
Rating: PG
Summary: This is a short fic in two versions. Both versions depict a scene that could have occurred in the finale of season four; both versions start the same way and then diverge.
Version One: Hope
“This is all of it.”
“Thanks.” Alicia takes the folder and places it next to her laptop. “Think we have a case?”
“Should have. He’s no angel.”
“Yeah, I gathered that much.”
There’s a pause. Alicia waits somewhat impatiently for the next case update; she’s due in court in an hour and can’t afford to be doing nothing.
“What’s next?”
“What?”
Kalinda looks uncharacteristically confused. Not for the first time Alicia wonders if her husband has truly left town, if that’s all over with. Not for the first time Alicia wonders if she knows this woman at all.
“Next case? What is it?”
“Oh, no, I...I’m done.”
“OK. Thanks.”
She goes back to her overflowing email inbox, determined to at least make a dent in it before she has to leave. She gets halfway through a reply to Colin Sweeney when she realizes that Kalinda hasn’t left the room.
“Kalinda?”
She’s standing motionless, one hand on the door handle, the other by her side. She can’t see her face.
“Was there something else?”
She remains motionless, frozen in time. A quick burst of frustration runs through her that her time is being wasted, but then a sudden flash of intuition tells her exactly what’s coming next.
“You’re going with Cary?”
“Maybe,” says Alicia. “And you?”
“I’m still thinking about it.”
She’s very pointedly not looking at her. Alicia starts to smile. She’d been waiting for this. She wonders how Kalinda will play it.
“When does he need your decision?”
Alicia’s smile widens a little. “Oh, he’s not really given a deadline. I might take a week or so, mull things over, talk to the kids, you know. No rush really.”
Kalinda’s hand tightens a little more around the door handle.
“Cary wants my answer by the end of the week.”
“Right. Well, you’d better do some quick thinking.”
“Yeah.”
She really shouldn’t play with her, it’s just that...well. She hardly ever gets the upper hand. And it’s more than that. If she’s right - and she’s almost sure she is - it’s starting to feel wonderful. It’s starting to feel like they might be all right after all.
“If you’re...when I talk to him...”
She almost breaks and takes pity on her. She’s really not doing very well here, considering this is the woman who can usually extract the most personal pieces of information in ten seconds flat. But then, she doesn’t usually have to give anything of herself to get it. She’s exposed. So she’s floundering.
“It would be useful if...” She tails off again, and Alicia gives in.
“I’m pretty certain I’m going with Cary.”
Kalinda turns to look at her. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Almost a sure thing.”
She can practically see her body relax. “Right. Well. See you later.”
Oh no, she’s not letting her get away quite that easy.
“Were you waiting?” she says.
“Waiting?”
“For me. Waiting to see where I would go before you made a choice.”
Kalinda has put her very best poker face on.
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“OK. Say that were true though, if you were waiting...if you wanted to work wherever I worked...” Now that she’s actually saying it out loud, this suspicion that’s been building for weeks, it’s making her eyes prickle with unexpected tears. She swallows.
“If you’d been waiting for that, then in that situation I’d want you to know that I’d be touched. If that were true. I’d be very pleased.”
She watches as Kalinda swallows too. Her poker face remains in place. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You do that.”
There’s the smallest hint of emotion on her face, just the suggestion of a smile, before she pivots on the spot and walks away. Alicia watches her go, still smiling.
She thinks that they might be all right, now.
Version Two: Abandon Hope
“This is all of it.”
“Thanks.” Alicia takes the folder and places it next to her laptop. “Think we have a case?”
“Should have. He’s no angel.”
“Yeah, I gathered that much.”
There’s a pause. Alicia waits somewhat impatiently for the next case update; she’s due in court in an hour and can’t afford to be doing nothing.
“What’s next?”
“What?”
Kalinda looks uncharacteristically confused. Not for the first time Alicia wonders if her husband has truly left town, if that’s all over with. Not for the first time Alicia wonders if she knows this woman at all.
“Next case? What is it?”
“Oh, no, I...I’m done.”
“OK. Thanks.”
She goes back to her overflowing email inbox, determined to at least make a dent in it before she has to leave. She gets halfway through a reply to Colin Sweeney when she realizes that Kalinda hasn’t left the room.
“Kalinda?”
She’s standing motionless, one hand on the door handle, the other by her side. She can’t see her face.
“Was there something else?”
She remains motionless, frozen in time. A quick burst of frustration runs through her that her time is being wasted, but then a sudden flash of intuition tells her exactly what’s coming next.
“You’re going with Cary?”
“Yes,” says Alicia. “And you?”
She knows the answer. Kalinda’s telling her now, standing there. In the tension of her shoulders. In her stillness.
“No.”
A thousand reasons why. Not enough money, not enough respect. Too complicated with Cary, who surely loves her; who she surely doesn’t love back. Too complicated with the woman whose husband you once fucked.
“Well. I’m sure Will and Diane will be pleased you’re staying.”
There’s no reply. The air is filled with the uneasy tension that’s haunted them for months now. Not quite enemies, never quite friends.
“Will I see you?”
The prickle of tears takes her completely by surprise. It’s the quiet defeat in Kalinda’s voice; the hidden pain. But she can’t bring herself to do it...she can’t save her, now. Save them. There’s too much between them. It was all too much.
“I’m sure we’ll see each other around.” She tries to make her voice sound as gentle as she can. Kalinda doesn’t move. Ten seconds go by; twenty. She feels the tears start to come again.
“I have tried, Kalinda. I have tried.” She can hear the tears in her voice now. She hopes, despite herself, that Kalinda can too.
“I know. Thank you.”
A few more seconds pass, a few more hours. This is what they’ve become. She finds that she can’t even look at her anymore; a woman as strong as Kalinda, who can’t bear to leave her.
Finally, after an eternity, she hears the door open, and when she raises her eyes again Kalinda has gone.
She knows it’s the end, now. They both do. She lets herself cry.