[FIC] The Soldier and the Gentleman

[vassalady]

Fandom: Captain America (2011), Thor (2011)
Rating: M or NC-17
Pairing: Loki/Steve Rogers; Characters: Steve Rogers, Loki
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, I'm just having fun in my free time.
Summary: Steve Rogers is attempting to drown himself in drink, grieving Bucky's death, when he meets Loki who offers conversation and distraction.
Warnings: Nothing, unless you don't like reading stuff with sex.
Word Count: 3047
Notes: Sentimentality with a dash of soft core porn. Experimenting in writing sex. Constructive criticism always welcome.
Also available on AO3.


Steve was on bottle number he didn't give a damn when a man joined him in the bombed out bar. He was wearing a good suit, and he stepped carefully around the debris in what Steve assumed were very pricey shoes.

"Sir, you really shouldn't be in here," Steve told him. "Civilians should be headed to safety." He was embarrassed at how rough his voice sounded. How long had he been sitting here? He coughed once to try to clear his throat.

The man looked up and smiled lightly at him. He held his hands behind his back. "Well, if it isn't safe for me, I can't imagine it would be safe for you." He continued towards Steve. "After all, we're all just... men, aren't we? Military training or no."

Steve shrugged. "I guess you have a point." He poured himself another drink.

The man stood there for a moment, beside the table. Then he gestured to the second chair and said, "Do you mind if I join you?"

Yes, Steve did mind. He'd already made Peggy return to the base. But it was true he was squatting and drinking alcohol that wasn't his, so he said, "Make yourself comfortable."

The man brushed off the chair and sat neatly down. He radiated a feeling of wealth and power Steve could never even imagine having as a poor Brooklyn kid. His slicked back  hair, the way he held himself as he sat, the manicured nails of his clasped hands, all of it was so neat. There was also something very familiar about him.

With a politeness ingrained in him from his mother, he offered the bottle of wine. He had already polished off the vodka and rum. "There may be another glass behind the counter, if you want," he said. "Careful, though, it's a bit of a mess back there."

"This is fine, thank you," the man said. To Steve's surprise, he drank straight from the bottle. The man considered it for a moment. "I've had better, even during times of war."

That was what was familiar. "Are you a military man?" Steve asked.

The man said, "You could say that. My family is very keen on fighting and honor."

Steve frowned. "I wouldn't call this war - or any - honorable."

That made the man laugh. "And here I thought you were career military." He leaned forward, and his smile widened. "Or maybe it's because you are."

"I'm just doing my part." Steve looked down into his glass. It was empty. Damn. "Wars get people killed. Good people killed."

"As my father would say, that's the way of a warrior. If he dies with honor, then we shall sing his praises." The man offered the bottle back.

Steve forced a chuckle. "Your father sounds like an interesting guy. When did he grow up, the middle ages?" Steve took a swig straight from the bottle.

The man smiled, too. "One might think." He looked away, and Steve thought he looked wistful. "My brother idolizes him, and all our friends him. I'll admit I preferred... Well, I wasn't the first one picked when we played at war."

Again, the bottle passed between them. "I know what that's like."

"What's like? A man such as yourself, I can certainly see you in the place of my brother."

Steve shook his head. He accepted the bottle once more and emptied it in two short swallows.. "Sorry, did you...?" But the other man held up his hand, indicating it was fine.

Steve turned the empty bottle in his hands before he spoke again. "Nah, I... It was actually my best friend - like a brother to me - who was popular." His voice cracked. Damn. He closed his eyes, breathing slowly. "He'd always get the girls, get picked for teams, he played a mean game of baseball..." There it was again, the sting behind his eyes and the prickle in his nose. "A very mean game, when we were just kids in the street, but... me? No one wanted little skinny me. He... I looked up to him." With his eyes closed, he could see Bucky giving him a rakish grin. God, why-

"I wouldn't call you skinny or little."

Steve laughed deprecatingly. The image of Bucky was gone. "Yeah, sure." He ran a hand though his hair, searching for what to say. "I had to go through a lot to get where I am today."

"And are you happy now?"

Steve looked at the man, into his green eyes, and he said, "No." The man held his gaze. Steve broke away. "I lost my best friend today, I brushed off this woman I think I... and I'm here, in this crumbling building, talking to you, whose name I don't even know. I don't think that's the life of a happy man."

The man held out his hand. Steve looked at it for a moment, and the man chuckled. "It's a handshake," he said. "You can call me Loki. Loki Odinson."

Steve, embarrassed, offered his own hand, while he used the other to rub quickly at his eyes. "Captain Steve Rogers." They shook. "Loki Odinson... What is that, Dutch?"

"A little bit farther than that," Loki replied.

"So... Loki, uh, what brings you here, anyway?" Steve gestured to their ruined surroundings. "There are better joints than this, and trust me, service here is lacking."

Loki considered him a moment, and Steve grew uncomfortable under his sharp gaze. Maybe he was starting to feel drunk? No, just wishful thinking.

"When I first saw you, I almost thought my brother was here. But instead, I found myself. Very interesting." He fiddled with the knot of his tie as he spoke, a gesture that didn't fit the rest of his demeanor. "Why did you turn away that woman, Captain?"

"Because..." Why? Steve didn't have a simple answer. "Because I have to pretend in front her that everything's alright, when it isn't, and she knows it isn't. I have to be strong." Frustrated, Steve let his head fall into his hands. "I always have to be so goddamn strong, and when I fail..."

“People get hurt?"

"Sorry, this isn't..." Steve concentrated on breathing in and out, in and out.

"So you can't be honest with her, but you can be honest with me? Because I won't matter tomorrow?"

Steve looked briefly at Loki before turning away again. "I'm not saying that-"

"Have you been intimate with her?"

Steve felt his face flush. "I think that's an inappropriate question."

Loki leaned forward with his elbows on the table, his hands laced underneath his chin. "I know what soldiers talk about in their free time. Don't tell me you have virgin ears."

Steve was reeling from the turn of conversation. "People don't really talk about... that kind of stuff with me. Around me."

"I think you need to learn to take what you want, Captain."

There was something about Loki's gaze that unsettled Steve. He didn't feel comfortable returning the look, but he felt like it would burn through him if he didn't meet it. "And how do you suggest I do that?"

"You just do."

"You think so? That works?"

Loki smiled slowly. Steve felt his stomach flutter a little, unsure of exactly what they were talking about now.

Loki said, "You should try it."

Steve abruptly stood. "Maybe there's another bottle hidden somewhere," he said.

"Captain," and Steve paused at the word, "remember, I don't matter in the morning." He stared until Steve sank back down into the chair.

"I'm not looking for state secrets, Captain. I'm just here for a drink and a chat. It can do you good to forget sometimes."

That was what Steve had come here to do. To drown himself in pity and drink, but his new body kept him half afloat. "And how can I forget?"

"There are many ways."

It was a tiny room: a bed, a sink, a desk, not a home, but a rented space.

"So you do travel a lot, huh?" he said.

"You didn't believe me?" Loki said as he hung up his coat.

Steve shrugged. He fiddled with a deck of cards that was on the desk. "Well, you know, war times. Who can travel safely these days?"

Loki came up beside him. He took the cards from Steve and put them down. "People go on living, Captain. Even in time of turmoil. You'd do well to remember that."

Then he reached up and brushed Steve's hair out of his face. Steve closed his eyes, and Loki's fingers ghosted over his face. The sensation tickled, and he wasn't sure if he liked it. But when he felt Loki's lips cover his own, he raised his hands to Loki's face.

Steve wasn't sure what he was doing. He'd never done this kind of thing with anyone. He'd had dreams. Of course he'd had dreams. And at night sometimes.... He got restless, but after touching himself, he always panted too hard, sometimes having coughing fits, and his heart at times didn't slow down for what seemed like hours.

But he had been curious. Bucky was always with girls. He boasted about it. What little Steve knew about... about sex came from Bucky, but that had been more lewd gestures and innuendo than practical knowledge. Steve had dreamed about those girls. And he'd dreamed about Bucky with those girls, to his shame.

Now, his heart sped up, but it didn't hurt. He attributed it to his new body - yet another thing the serum had cured. He followed Loki's lead as he was led towards the small bed. Loki undid his jacket, and Steve shrugged out of it. Then he pulled off his shirt with his tie, and for the first time, he felt surprisingly naked. Not even when he'd been in front of all those politicians during the procedure, and in front of Peggy, did he feel so naked. That had been clinical, but this was far too intimate.

Loki's hands moved to Steve's pants, but Steve caught them before Loki could undo a button. "This seems a little unfair," he said against Loki's cheek.

Loki turned his head slightly to nip his ear. "Alright then." And then he stepped back and took off his own suit jacket, followed by his vest, a button down shirt, and then an undershirt after that. "Better?"

Steve nodded. He reached out and ran his hand down Loki's torso. His body wasn't scar proof. There was a faint line, one that curled around in on itself, a pattern that was strange to Steve. "How did you get this?" he asked, tracing it with a finger.

Loki smiled, an enigmatic one Steve could not read, and said, "A birth mark, my mother tells me. When I was little, she said it gave me character."

"Sounds like something a mom would say.."

They kissed again, and this time, Steve let Loki undo his pants. He kissed down Steve's chest, toying with his nipples with his hands and mouth. The ministrations made Steve shiver. He felt embarrassed and awkward, but he felt himself harden. When Loki pushed his leg between Steve's own, Steve shuddered and pulled the man closer.

"I don't know what to do," he admitted into Loki‘s neck. He felt his face heat.

Loki rubbed his back soothingly and murmured, "Let me teach you. I'm good at that."

Steve looked into Loki's eyes and then nodded. Loki's hand traced his mouth, and at his silent urging, Steve allowed them in. He sucked on them as Loki kissed and massaged him.

He let himself be pushed down to the bed. Loki remained standing, and he removed his own pants, folding the fine material carefully, and slipped off his underwear, freeing his own erection. Steve dared to rub himself as Loki kneeled on the bed above him. They kissed again, Loki running a hand through Steve's hair, and then once again toying with his nipples.

"I've... never, with anyone," Steve said. He didn’t know what else to do but proclaim his lack of experience like a shield against oncoming forces.

The other man nuzzled him. "Trust me, you'll like this."

Steve scooted back while Loki moved down his body, kissing and nibbling. He reached Steve's underwear, and Steve gasped as Loki mouthed him through the material. He reached out blindly, finding hair, and he clutched it.

Steve lifted his hips as Loki slipped off the underwear. Loki winked up at him before taking his cock in his mouth. Steve shivered. He had never imagined this. He didn't even know this was something that people did.

Loki’s tongue, Loki’s mouth, it was... Steve didn’t know how to describe it. He felt himself getting closer, too fast, and he moaned as his release came.

His breath steadying, it was only then he noticed how cold the room was, the chill seeping into his fingers and toes, his thighs, his cheeks.

He watched as Loki wiped his mouth and smiled up at him. “Well, Captain?”

“I... I...” But he had nothing to say.

Loki moved back and kissed Steve. There was a different taste now, and Steve flushed. Loki leaned in and whispered, “If you would.”

Loki guided Steve’s hand to his own cock, and together, they began moving. Steve was fascinated by Loki’s expressions and his noises as their hands worked awkwardly together to bring him to release.

Loki’s eyes caught Steve’s, and he leaned in, foreheads together, as their hands moved.

“Just like that, Captain,” Loki said. He shivered, and then he came, his face moving too close, so Steve couldn’t see. Loki’s seed was on their hands and on their bellies, and Loki picked up Steve’s hand and licked it clean. “Thank you, Captain.”

Steve drew Loki’s hand up to his own mouth and sucked in one finger. It was... It was different.

Loki chuckled. “I’ll get us a towel.” He started to move, but Steve closed his eyes, embarrassed to see Loki notice that he already felt stirrings again.

He heard Loki lean back down toward him. “We can do more, if you want.”

Steve did not trust himself to speak, so he merely nodded.

"Feeling better?"

Steve considered the question before responding. Did he still miss Bucky? Was he still going to absolutely destroy Schmidt? Was the ache gone and would it ever be? "Not really," Steve said at last. "But... I think I'm more resolved."

"Distraction can be a very good thing, Captain." Loki unwound himself from the sheets on the bed and stood.

Steve pretended not to watch as Loki dressed. He had said that men could... Steve felt his face heat as he thought about the things Loki said two men could do. What they could do the next time they met...

"It helps give you focus on what you need to accomplish," Loki said. He pulled on his shirt.

Steve thought he should be getting dressed, too, but he felt, for the first time in a long time, exhausted. "I'm not like you. I can't just take something."

"You took this opportunity, didn't you?" Loki turned around, and Steve glanced away, down to the sheets.

"This was... different. I was following you." He looked at Loki again who was finishing buttoning up his vest. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to apologize for, Captain."

Loki's transformation in those few minutes was amazing. Before, when he had lain with Steve, he had seemed so relaxed, so languid. Freer. Now, he once again seemed the very definition of reserve and self control, the man who had walked into Steve's bar.

"Loki, I don't think there's anything wrong with proving yourself. My friend, he... I do have to prove myself. Because all my life, people have said I can't do anything. But I can."

Loki's eyes met Steve's. "I'm sure you can."

"If you need to prove yourself, then do it."

Loki settled his jacket over his shoulders, and Steve wasn't sure if he was just going to leave him there. With a small smile on his face, Loki said, "I'll think about that, Captain." He moved to the door. Before stepping out, he added, "I'll wait for you to walk you out."

Steve breathed out as the door closed. He would let the man walk him to the street, but after that, they would part ways.

Steve felt like there was more in his head than ever before, and he didn't know what he was feeling right now. Grief, loss, passion, vengeance...

He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry, Bucky. I couldn't save you. I'm so sorry."

He let himself cry with his hands pressed tightly to his eyes, and he stayed there until he couldn't cry anymore.

When he opened the door, he found Loki there, leaning against the wall and eyes closed. "Sorry, took a little while to find my things," Steve said. He sounded raw, and he was sure his eyes were red. His skin felt rough and scratchy. It pulled slightly when he moved the muscles in his face.

Loki did not comment on his appearance or the time. He just smiled and said, "Distraction can be a very good thing."

Steve smiled back. "Yes, it can."

If Loki had once again asked him if he felt better, Steve would have replied that he would get there one day.

At the street, Steve held out his hand. "Thanks for tonight. Take care of yourself," he said.

Loki returned the shake with a firm grip. "And you, Captain."

"If we ever meet again... I think I'd like that."

Loki nodded once. "Best of luck, Captain Rogers."

"You, too."

Steve paused at the end of the street to look back. Loki was no longer standing at the door of the apartment building. He wondered what else he could have said to the other man. Their whole encounter was like a dream, even now, fading rapidly. This would likely be the only time they met.

Steve turned the corner and filed away yet another emotion, one he couldn't yet name.

He closed his eyes for a moment, took a breath, and reconsidered what he needed to do now.

Now...

Now was the time to avenge Bucky, and he wouldn't stop until he had.