[OOC] Short Essay
orz part two of Link's Thoughts On Ticky (the first is here), because this is progressing rather quickly due to environmental influences. The logic of all this is kind of hilarious and circular so I'm just going to ramble and hope it makes some kind of sense to people.
Okay. Link is confused. His behavior is kind of all over the place because he's having a hard time figuring out why he is doing things.
Once upon a thread, about a month ago, Link said that he wouldn't hesitate to kill Ticky. THIS IS A LIE. He didn't really notice it at the time, and probably it wasn't that much of a lie then, but Link has a major reluctance about Ticky being dead. Why? Well first you have to know that Link lives to carry out the missions given to him. It's entirely possible that he was told that this is what he was born to do. He exists to be of use to the Vatican, his purpose is to do the kind of work only members of Crow can. Normally this is not a problem. Occasionally he follows the impulse to step out of line and help where he wasn't told to, but ultimately he makes sure that he is still fulfilling his purpose. The problem here is that, in SPACE and possibly in a different UNIVERSE from home, Ticky is the only thing that represents Link's reason for doing things. There are other members of the Black Order around, but they aren't the same as the ones he knows, and while he will go out of his way to help or take care of them, it isn't part of the mission he was given. Finding a way home is also a great motivation of course, Link is trying his hardest there, but regardless of that his actual given mission is still Ticky.
That was how things stood about two weeks ago. UNFORTUNATELY Link's instructions for how to deal with Ticky goes as follows: he is to guard Ticky, keep an eye on his activities, keep him in line, and finally kill Ticky if he turns or escapes. That last bit is the problem... Link is feeling two very opposite things about how to deal with this. He wants Ticky alive! Ticky is the only thing connecting him to his greater purpose (THIS IS REALLY NOT OKAY)! But his mission includes the instructions to kill Ticky if he tries to run. At this point he has FAILED THIS MISSION MULTIPLE TIMES. Because Ticky should be dead by now. But if Ticky were dead, obviously he would be lost about what to do with himself. Except he's lost about what to do with himself anyway BECAUSE TICKY IS STILL ALIVE. \o/ ARE YOU CONFUSED YET?
Due to the paranoia thing bringing out all kinds of FEELINGS, Ticky has plainly stated he refuses to side with the Exorcists. Link should have tried to kill him, but he didn't. Link is even aware that his objectivity is compromised when it comes to Ticky. Probably if he were at home, they would have had someone else take over his job. HE HAS FAILED... which basically means there's no reason for him to keep on with the mission. orz WHICH MEANS HE HAS NO PURPOSE. Ticky dead = no purpose. Ticky alive but on the run = STILL NO PURPOSE. Ticky alive and back with the Order = maybe that'd be okay but wouldn't change that this happened. LINK'S REASONING, IT GOES IN CIRCLES.
So yeah, he is confused about what to do now. And even more confused about why he still wants Ticky to stay alive when at this point it should make no difference because whether Ticky lives or dies has nothing to do with him because Ticky's not part of the Order anymore.
I mean, logically you'd go, "It's cuz you like him, moron!" but this... orz this doesn't make sense to Link. He doesn't like Ticky, he just feels like Ticky is his reason for going on and all that other stuff and lol BUT their relationship was already circumscribed! Prisoner and guard dog! Except, y'know, this is Ticky and Ticky likes to break boundaries all over the place just by existing. So I guess we're in the personal feelings territory and Link has NO IDEA WHAT HE'S DOING because having any personal feelings towards Ticky is OBVIOUSLY UNSAFE AND NOT OKAY (the Vatican and common sense tells him so). Except they are there already because he let Ticky liiiive.... Let him live so... he can fulfill his mission... Except he doesn't want to fulfill his mission... SO WHAT DO THESE THINGS MEAN.
o link u so funneh
Basically he's taken a turn for the emotionally retarded and maybe a little obsessed. S-surprise? orz
Okay. Link is confused. His behavior is kind of all over the place because he's having a hard time figuring out why he is doing things.
Once upon a thread, about a month ago, Link said that he wouldn't hesitate to kill Ticky. THIS IS A LIE. He didn't really notice it at the time, and probably it wasn't that much of a lie then, but Link has a major reluctance about Ticky being dead. Why? Well first you have to know that Link lives to carry out the missions given to him. It's entirely possible that he was told that this is what he was born to do. He exists to be of use to the Vatican, his purpose is to do the kind of work only members of Crow can. Normally this is not a problem. Occasionally he follows the impulse to step out of line and help where he wasn't told to, but ultimately he makes sure that he is still fulfilling his purpose. The problem here is that, in SPACE and possibly in a different UNIVERSE from home, Ticky is the only thing that represents Link's reason for doing things. There are other members of the Black Order around, but they aren't the same as the ones he knows, and while he will go out of his way to help or take care of them, it isn't part of the mission he was given. Finding a way home is also a great motivation of course, Link is trying his hardest there, but regardless of that his actual given mission is still Ticky.
That was how things stood about two weeks ago. UNFORTUNATELY Link's instructions for how to deal with Ticky goes as follows: he is to guard Ticky, keep an eye on his activities, keep him in line, and finally kill Ticky if he turns or escapes. That last bit is the problem... Link is feeling two very opposite things about how to deal with this. He wants Ticky alive! Ticky is the only thing connecting him to his greater purpose (THIS IS REALLY NOT OKAY)! But his mission includes the instructions to kill Ticky if he tries to run. At this point he has FAILED THIS MISSION MULTIPLE TIMES. Because Ticky should be dead by now. But if Ticky were dead, obviously he would be lost about what to do with himself. Except he's lost about what to do with himself anyway BECAUSE TICKY IS STILL ALIVE. \o/ ARE YOU CONFUSED YET?
Due to the paranoia thing bringing out all kinds of FEELINGS, Ticky has plainly stated he refuses to side with the Exorcists. Link should have tried to kill him, but he didn't. Link is even aware that his objectivity is compromised when it comes to Ticky. Probably if he were at home, they would have had someone else take over his job. HE HAS FAILED... which basically means there's no reason for him to keep on with the mission. orz WHICH MEANS HE HAS NO PURPOSE. Ticky dead = no purpose. Ticky alive but on the run = STILL NO PURPOSE. Ticky alive and back with the Order = maybe that'd be okay but wouldn't change that this happened. LINK'S REASONING, IT GOES IN CIRCLES.
So yeah, he is confused about what to do now. And even more confused about why he still wants Ticky to stay alive when at this point it should make no difference because whether Ticky lives or dies has nothing to do with him because Ticky's not part of the Order anymore.
I mean, logically you'd go, "It's cuz you like him, moron!" but this... orz this doesn't make sense to Link. He doesn't like Ticky, he just feels like Ticky is his reason for going on and all that other stuff and lol BUT their relationship was already circumscribed! Prisoner and guard dog! Except, y'know, this is Ticky and Ticky likes to break boundaries all over the place just by existing. So I guess we're in the personal feelings territory and Link has NO IDEA WHAT HE'S DOING because having any personal feelings towards Ticky is OBVIOUSLY UNSAFE AND NOT OKAY (the Vatican and common sense tells him so). Except they are there already because he let Ticky liiiive.... Let him live so... he can fulfill his mission... Except he doesn't want to fulfill his mission... SO WHAT DO THESE THINGS MEAN.
o link u so funneh
Basically he's taken a turn for the emotionally retarded and maybe a little obsessed. S-surprise? orz