BtVS Drabble. I know, can you imagine?
theantijoss inspires me. This is a companion Drabble (yes, I am that devoid of original ideas) to her In Rage I Leave You. It is 209 words because that's how many I wrote before I stopped. :D
Title: Fault
Author: Vatrixsta Cruden
Rating: PG
Character: Buffy
Timeline: Before the Big Battle in Chosen.
I sent him away.
I told Giles once that it almost killed me when I had to kill him. That I'd loved him so much, and leaving everything that reminded me of him didn't help, because he was a part of me, so I reminded me of him. It made the kind of sense that didn't and I just never want to feel that confused, that lost, ever, ever again. The only thing I could bear less than his death would be Dawn's.
And I hate myself, because I sent him away, but I didn't send Spike away. I'm still selfish enough to need him, to need the way he needs me so much I almost feel human again. I still need to be able to feel whatever he inspires in me to feel, because I'm allowed to love Spike, aren't I? Nothing bad happens if I do, and if it does, it's because I did it, because I wanted it, because it was in my control.
I sent him away and I hate myself because I didn't send Spike away and I have the worst feeling that even though Spike wouldn't have gone if I'd tried, whatever happens to him is still going to be all my fault.
Title: Fault
Author: Vatrixsta Cruden
Rating: PG
Character: Buffy
Timeline: Before the Big Battle in Chosen.
I sent him away.
I told Giles once that it almost killed me when I had to kill him. That I'd loved him so much, and leaving everything that reminded me of him didn't help, because he was a part of me, so I reminded me of him. It made the kind of sense that didn't and I just never want to feel that confused, that lost, ever, ever again. The only thing I could bear less than his death would be Dawn's.
And I hate myself, because I sent him away, but I didn't send Spike away. I'm still selfish enough to need him, to need the way he needs me so much I almost feel human again. I still need to be able to feel whatever he inspires in me to feel, because I'm allowed to love Spike, aren't I? Nothing bad happens if I do, and if it does, it's because I did it, because I wanted it, because it was in my control.
I sent him away and I hate myself because I didn't send Spike away and I have the worst feeling that even though Spike wouldn't have gone if I'd tried, whatever happens to him is still going to be all my fault.