At least you know you were taken by a pro...
I just got back from an amazing day at Busch Gardens with Amanda, Maya, and Beavers. A lot of my fondest memories are of that place. It's incredibly over-priced and a prime example of disgusting American capitalism and social gluttony... but damnit, it's fun. We rode all of the roller coasters, including the new one: Curse of Dark Castle. The lines were ridiculous, but we kept ourselves entertained. Maya is leaving for Florida on Monday for good. Moving away from this area. Getting out. I'm sad that she's going because she is one of my favorite Sigmas, but I'm happy for her as well. This place feels like a dead end.
I'm really kind of annoyed right now. It doesn't feel like anyone cares. I mean, I have my sorority... but what do I have outside of that? Practically nothing. I call friends trying to make plans, inviting them out - but it's always bad timing or something. And people I love are moving away and finding themselves better places in the world. I doubt I'll even get to see them all before they leave. I don't have anyone to share that best friends bond with... no one to be attatched to the hip with... no one that I can depend on to be there when I need a good cry or a good laugh. I'm single and so apathetic towards love that it's... well... pathetic. How can a hopeless romantic lose her faith in love? Love is what is missing from my life. And not just the romantic sort. There were times, in my ignorance and youth, that I would swear that love was all that you needed. It's not always everything, but it's a whole lot of something. And no matter what I do to try and escape that, it is fact. I guess I'm kind of down because I don't feel love right now. My heart is just so exhausted that I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like every time I try to give myself, people just want to give it back. My family is screwed up in ways you could never imagine. I have no friends in Hampton. Just a few people I see every now and then. And it's not JUST Hampton anymore - all of my friendships are becoming loose ended matters of acquaintance. The remainants of our movies together. Stop. Rewind. Replay. Gee, those were fun times we had together. Too bad we don't have anything anymore and all we can do is reflect on the past. Gosh, I am so high maintinence.
I need someone that I can make new memories with. And I need something to live for. Because I'm really running out of ink here.
Being at Busch Gardens reminded me of Nick, and of how much fun we used to have there together. I was house-sitting in Yorktown and invited him to live with me for the duration. I had a Season's Pass, no job, and lots of spending money. Nick "worked" [he never actually went to work] at Water Country so he got in free. We'd spend our entire day there... stealing wet naps, hopping around ride to ride and just hanging out. I remember one time we went there with Grace, and it started to rain. Not just regular rain, but torrential downpours. We got soaked. Stood underneath a small awning in France. Everyone left and the rain cleared up. Everything was accesible and the park was ours. There were just so many images of us flashing in my mind all day at Busch Gardens. If he were still alive, he would be there for me. I know it. And I am missing out.
I have court on Monday for a wreckless driving ticket I got in March. I'm kind of scared. I don't know if they're going to take away my license or charge me some ridiculous fee. I am just so sick of everything going wrong for me.
My mother suggested spending a week with my grandmother in Maryland sometime soon. And I think I will. As much as I love my coworkers at the Opera house, I find the job to be tedious and mundane. I feel like I am selling my time, and myself. I have a few things that I want to accomplish this summer...
* spend a week in MD with mom mom
* spend a day walking without a destination
* metro hopping hide and go seek
* write a script
* find a group of people to hang out with
* go to tennessee
* read walden again
* go somewhere I have never been
* lose weight
* paint