Such a fortunate fool...
I find it difficult to write in a space that has so much history, personality - alien to me now. It's interesting to chart my growth through written word. Annoying too. I used to think I was so well versed... now I just know - I'm much too cocky.
These past several months - oh, where to begin...
I'll be catching up in sections.
The summer ended on a somewhat ridiculous note. I went back to the Opera House, my tail tucked between my legs. I worked full time for a period of about three weeks, which robbed me of all of my Livejournal/Myspace time. Isn't it funny to live outside of the realm of this world? It's so easy to forget that there are things that can't be written or read efficiently. I worked and hated it. Nothing new.
In the wave of my social dependency this past June [the 28th to be exact], I met someone. It was Ashley's last night at Ambush before she left for Mexico and we were celebrating her departure. I was sipping on the Horsemen [my favorite drink: Jim, Jack, Jose and 151] and making an ass of myself, as per usual. My sister and her friends were there as well so I bounced myself between the two sections of the bar: the area where Ashley, Sean, Trint and Ryan all were and the area where my sister and all of her friends were. I took a seat next to my sister and then she caught my eye. The beautiful girl with bright blue eyes. She was in a corner, against the wall... sitting near these people that my sister knew. All of my attention was fixed on her and I lingered there, staring. She couldn't even notice me. She was probably straight anyway.
Most of my memory of the rest of the night is jumbled. I eye stalked her from the distance of a table, paying close attention to how uncomfortable she was in the bar. Her friend, Thomas knew my sister's friends, and he came over. I told him that she was the cutest girl in the bar, motioning with my hands, "On a scale of this cute to this cute... she is this cute." And he insisted on introducing us. I told him no. That I was still dealing with heartbreak, and I wasn't ready for anyone, and that I was too shy anyway. Making excuses as per usual. I insisted that he not introduce us and later on in the night, when I was nice and caught off guard... he brought her to the table. We had an awkward conversation, and I decided that she was a) not interested in me b) either sarcastic or arrogant and c) not compatible with me. So I left our conversation after about 15 minutes of talking to her. Made up some excuse of how I had to get back to Ashley. And that was that.
When she gave me her number scrawled on a napkin at the end of the night I was more than astonished. Emily. But I didn't call her. I was still convinced that she had no real interest in me. And I wasn't ready for anything.
Through July I mingled with several people, several social groups... finding that all people are weird and self concerned. I was still attatched to old hopes, still pining for love and affection - but too selfish to want anything serious. I went out a lot... bouncing from bar to bar. It was the most fun I'd had in a long time. It was the most alone I'd felt, too.
Emily found me on Myspace. Her roommate was one of my friends, and her friend Mary was one of my friends. I never made the connection that they all knew eachother... so I kind of just blew off the emails Emily would send me. I mentioned that I might be at a bar here and there, but my plans always fall through and I never showed up. She did, as I would come to found out later.
Mary, who is lovingly called "Sad Mary" to distinguish the difference between the two of us [my name was "Pierced Mary" but evolved - more on that later], and I began to talk online regularlly. I was still enthralled in succulence of my single life, and paying little or no attention to Emily. At the tail end of July, I was at the ever-popular Hershee Bar with some friends... giving out shotguns and whatnot. Real impressive. Sad Mary had mentioned that she might be up there with some friends for a birthday or something. I was at the bar getting a drink when I saw Emily rushing out of the place. She was with someone. A girl. I hadn't seen her in over a month, and had forgotten exactly how beautiful she was. She was leaving and didn't really notice me... at least, I don't think she did. So I called out to her, "HEY!" We had an awkward minute long conversation. I could tell that I was keeping her. So I told her that I would email her or something and said my goodbyes. I went in for a hug even though I certainly didn't know her like that. But I'm a hugger. I hug my friends when we say goodbye. It was awkward... but I couldn't get her out of my mind for the rest of the night.
The next time I saw her online, I jumped at the chance to talk to her. I told her that I really enjoyed seeing her and that I was going to be at the Wave on Thursday [as is my routine] and that she should come. She joked around with me, and asked me if I was really going to be there. I'm a flakey person, and some of the times I had mentioned that I might be some place and she should come - she went. I didn't show. What an ass. I promised that I would be there.
I dragged Maggie Hosmer to the Wave with me the night I went to go meet Emily. I was dreadfully, unexpectedly nervous on the way to the club. I didn't want anything serious, so I didn't know why I was being so ridiculous about the whole thing [ever hear the song "Portions for Foxes"? That was pretty much my theme song for the summer]. We paid our cover, and then I spotted her. She was hanging out with some friends near the bar overlooking the dancefloor. She couldn't be more perfect. She was wearing a grey Rolling Stones shirt over a white, polka dotted dress shirt and these burgundy Dickie's-like pants. Quirky cute. We had a brief, awkward conversation. We're really good at being awkward around eachother. And then she retreated to her friends, and I to my Maggie Hosmer. I went to get a drink and she returned with a napkin. It read, "Do you like me? Check one: []yes []no []maybe." I was shocked by it, and found it deathly cute. Apparently, her friends put her up to it. How could such a cute girl have a crush on me? I'm still confused by it. I checked yes repeatedly. And she smiled at me and I smiled at her and we leaned over the bar overlooking the dancefloor. Eyes averted, heart pounding - she was so close. I tried to spark conversation, but the overwhelming thump of 80's music drowned it all out. It was August 4th. I can never forget it. Her arm was touching mine, and I could hardly stand it. So I moved quickly and kissed her, uncharacteristic for me. I'm the chased [chaste], not the chaser. She should have slapped me, but didn't. She kissed me back. We spent the rest of the night in the back room of the bar, making out - strangers fed by an attraction. It was the most passion I have ever felt.
I asked her to be mine two weeks later. August 18th. I took my piercings out [the anti-eyebrow was rejecting] and she called me "My Mary" - I like that.
In about an hour, I will have been with Emily for four months. It's hard to believe that I've been with someone for so long, practically uninterrupted. We had a weird couple of weeks in September - both adjusting to being back at school, and the confusion of it all. She is an economics major at ODU, 23, and just plain beautiful [she looks like she could have stepped out of the 1940's - a classic beauty, reminiscent of Jennifer Connely]. We're alike in some ways, but very different in others [she likes Cat Stevens]. I'm still getting used to the idea of having someone. It's odd. The other night, we were sitting in her car, and she explained to me about how being in a relationship is like being a part of a team. I never really thought of it that way. She leaves on Tuesday for Pennsylvania. Her parents live there. I don't know what I'll do without her. Most of my free time this past semester has been spent with her. She lives in the apartments by Wesleyan - - - on Wesleyan Drive. So it was pretty convenient. I find myself becoming more and more dependent upon her... trusting her. And it's scary.
These past several months - oh, where to begin...
I'll be catching up in sections.
The summer ended on a somewhat ridiculous note. I went back to the Opera House, my tail tucked between my legs. I worked full time for a period of about three weeks, which robbed me of all of my Livejournal/Myspace time. Isn't it funny to live outside of the realm of this world? It's so easy to forget that there are things that can't be written or read efficiently. I worked and hated it. Nothing new.
In the wave of my social dependency this past June [the 28th to be exact], I met someone. It was Ashley's last night at Ambush before she left for Mexico and we were celebrating her departure. I was sipping on the Horsemen [my favorite drink: Jim, Jack, Jose and 151] and making an ass of myself, as per usual. My sister and her friends were there as well so I bounced myself between the two sections of the bar: the area where Ashley, Sean, Trint and Ryan all were and the area where my sister and all of her friends were. I took a seat next to my sister and then she caught my eye. The beautiful girl with bright blue eyes. She was in a corner, against the wall... sitting near these people that my sister knew. All of my attention was fixed on her and I lingered there, staring. She couldn't even notice me. She was probably straight anyway.
Most of my memory of the rest of the night is jumbled. I eye stalked her from the distance of a table, paying close attention to how uncomfortable she was in the bar. Her friend, Thomas knew my sister's friends, and he came over. I told him that she was the cutest girl in the bar, motioning with my hands, "On a scale of this cute to this cute... she is this cute." And he insisted on introducing us. I told him no. That I was still dealing with heartbreak, and I wasn't ready for anyone, and that I was too shy anyway. Making excuses as per usual. I insisted that he not introduce us and later on in the night, when I was nice and caught off guard... he brought her to the table. We had an awkward conversation, and I decided that she was a) not interested in me b) either sarcastic or arrogant and c) not compatible with me. So I left our conversation after about 15 minutes of talking to her. Made up some excuse of how I had to get back to Ashley. And that was that.
When she gave me her number scrawled on a napkin at the end of the night I was more than astonished. Emily. But I didn't call her. I was still convinced that she had no real interest in me. And I wasn't ready for anything.
Through July I mingled with several people, several social groups... finding that all people are weird and self concerned. I was still attatched to old hopes, still pining for love and affection - but too selfish to want anything serious. I went out a lot... bouncing from bar to bar. It was the most fun I'd had in a long time. It was the most alone I'd felt, too.
Emily found me on Myspace. Her roommate was one of my friends, and her friend Mary was one of my friends. I never made the connection that they all knew eachother... so I kind of just blew off the emails Emily would send me. I mentioned that I might be at a bar here and there, but my plans always fall through and I never showed up. She did, as I would come to found out later.
Mary, who is lovingly called "Sad Mary" to distinguish the difference between the two of us [my name was "Pierced Mary" but evolved - more on that later], and I began to talk online regularlly. I was still enthralled in succulence of my single life, and paying little or no attention to Emily. At the tail end of July, I was at the ever-popular Hershee Bar with some friends... giving out shotguns and whatnot. Real impressive. Sad Mary had mentioned that she might be up there with some friends for a birthday or something. I was at the bar getting a drink when I saw Emily rushing out of the place. She was with someone. A girl. I hadn't seen her in over a month, and had forgotten exactly how beautiful she was. She was leaving and didn't really notice me... at least, I don't think she did. So I called out to her, "HEY!" We had an awkward minute long conversation. I could tell that I was keeping her. So I told her that I would email her or something and said my goodbyes. I went in for a hug even though I certainly didn't know her like that. But I'm a hugger. I hug my friends when we say goodbye. It was awkward... but I couldn't get her out of my mind for the rest of the night.
The next time I saw her online, I jumped at the chance to talk to her. I told her that I really enjoyed seeing her and that I was going to be at the Wave on Thursday [as is my routine] and that she should come. She joked around with me, and asked me if I was really going to be there. I'm a flakey person, and some of the times I had mentioned that I might be some place and she should come - she went. I didn't show. What an ass. I promised that I would be there.
I dragged Maggie Hosmer to the Wave with me the night I went to go meet Emily. I was dreadfully, unexpectedly nervous on the way to the club. I didn't want anything serious, so I didn't know why I was being so ridiculous about the whole thing [ever hear the song "Portions for Foxes"? That was pretty much my theme song for the summer]. We paid our cover, and then I spotted her. She was hanging out with some friends near the bar overlooking the dancefloor. She couldn't be more perfect. She was wearing a grey Rolling Stones shirt over a white, polka dotted dress shirt and these burgundy Dickie's-like pants. Quirky cute. We had a brief, awkward conversation. We're really good at being awkward around eachother. And then she retreated to her friends, and I to my Maggie Hosmer. I went to get a drink and she returned with a napkin. It read, "Do you like me? Check one: []yes []no []maybe." I was shocked by it, and found it deathly cute. Apparently, her friends put her up to it. How could such a cute girl have a crush on me? I'm still confused by it. I checked yes repeatedly. And she smiled at me and I smiled at her and we leaned over the bar overlooking the dancefloor. Eyes averted, heart pounding - she was so close. I tried to spark conversation, but the overwhelming thump of 80's music drowned it all out. It was August 4th. I can never forget it. Her arm was touching mine, and I could hardly stand it. So I moved quickly and kissed her, uncharacteristic for me. I'm the chased [chaste], not the chaser. She should have slapped me, but didn't. She kissed me back. We spent the rest of the night in the back room of the bar, making out - strangers fed by an attraction. It was the most passion I have ever felt.
I asked her to be mine two weeks later. August 18th. I took my piercings out [the anti-eyebrow was rejecting] and she called me "My Mary" - I like that.
In about an hour, I will have been with Emily for four months. It's hard to believe that I've been with someone for so long, practically uninterrupted. We had a weird couple of weeks in September - both adjusting to being back at school, and the confusion of it all. She is an economics major at ODU, 23, and just plain beautiful [she looks like she could have stepped out of the 1940's - a classic beauty, reminiscent of Jennifer Connely]. We're alike in some ways, but very different in others [she likes Cat Stevens]. I'm still getting used to the idea of having someone. It's odd. The other night, we were sitting in her car, and she explained to me about how being in a relationship is like being a part of a team. I never really thought of it that way. She leaves on Tuesday for Pennsylvania. Her parents live there. I don't know what I'll do without her. Most of my free time this past semester has been spent with her. She lives in the apartments by Wesleyan - - - on Wesleyan Drive. So it was pretty convenient. I find myself becoming more and more dependent upon her... trusting her. And it's scary.