Folie à Deux [2/2]
“Baekhyun and I have reached the unanimous agreement that, in the past few days, our bond of love and friendship has been sorely tested to its limits and we can now agree that we can stay together in sickness and in health, in life-threatening situations etc etc. So, my friends - I am overjoyed to finally be able to say ‘plateau, what plateau’, and that I solemnly swear before all you witnesses that I will love him until my dying breath.
“I will come to the conclusion of this speech with the parting words that, although we are very grateful, we wish to cease these public acts of gross humiliation-”
“Sorry to cut the beautiful, heart-rending speech short, Mr. Park, but the answer is no.”
Chanyeol’s jaw dropped. “No? I spent all night making that speech!”
“That’s not the point,” Baekhyun butted in exasperatedly. “Listen, guys, we can’t do this anymore-”
“Nonsense! Are you two backing out, Park Chanyeol, Byun Baekhyun? And you call yourselves men, proud members of EXO?” Yifan challenged aggressively.
“I don’t see what our sex life has anything to do with our profession,” Baekhyun countered rebelliously, but the stony faces before them remained firm and unyielding.
“This can make or break your relationship,” Lu Han stressed, giving their shoulders a firm squeeze. “Just imagine the disastrous results if the fans find out that ‘Baekyeol’ is no more.”
“One does not simply sink a ship,” Jongdae inputted gravely. The rest nodded solemnly.
The unfortunate couple exchanged looks of resignation, both knowing that ‘no’ was just not an answer.
“I mean at this point, nothing could be worse than getting caught by a PD and Lee Soo Man, right?” Jongin said cheerfully.
Wrong.
**
“So, why are we doing this again?” Baekhyun stopped for a red light, tapping a finger on the steering wheel. “And are you sure Hyunkyun-hyung is alright with us borrowing his car? You know how much he values this thing.”
“‘It’s not a thing, it’s my baby!’” Chanyeol mimicked automatically, suppressing the urge to hang on for dear life as the light changed to green and the car lurched forward unsteadily, Baekhyun’s hands gripping the steering wheel like a lifeline.
“Are you guys shitting me? Hyunkyun-hyung would kill us!”
“Well, if we get a move on, he won’t need to find out, and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, would it?” Lu Han twirled the car keys in the air. “Besides, better Hyunkyun-hyung than Seunghwan-hyung; he looks like he’d have a mean right hook.”
“Well, if you’d stolen Seunghwan-hyung’s car keys he would hang, draw and quarter us alive first and made sure we die a painful and horrible death-but that’s not the point! What if we crash the car, though? Why are you guys so desperate to kill us?”
“Oh, stop being so melodramatic…what was that, Zitao? Ah; he’s saying that Baekhyun got his license a few months ago already, didn’t he?”
“Literally two points away from failing, and that was his third time to take the test! And have you even been in a car when he’s driving? It’s like being in a vehicle version of the Titanic!”
“…We’re better off not translating that to Zitao. Well, then it’s your job to loosen him up, you know what I mean? Relax, ask him to pull over, do the thing. Easy as pie.”
“Oh it’ll be easy, alright, so easy you’d catch us in the six-o’clock headlines-” Chanyeol abruptly clammed up as all 183cm of irate Chinese male advanced like a hungry predator in for the kill, hands reaching out to fist themselves on Chanyeol’s collar and tugging him close so their foreheads nearly touched.
“Do it or I kill you myself.”
“He said ‘do it or he’ll-‘”
“Thank you, Captain Obvious!”
Easy as pie, huh? If Chanyeol learned anything about the past few days, nothing was ever as easy as it seemed, and with their impeccable luck, something was bound to go wrong. But what he was also sure about was that he was not about to back out and face Huang Zitao’s wrath.
“So what’s up?” Baekhyun’s curious query interrupted his inner musings. “You’re all quiet and weird. Are you high? Did they drug you again?”
Bad joke when you’re driving this death trap like it’s about to eat you alive at any minute and we need at least one person who still has their wits here. “Just thinking, I suppose.”
Baekhyun threw him a quick concerned glance before swivelling his head rapidly back to the road. “Everything alright? Your shoulder still hurting?”
“No, not at all. Turn right here?” Baekhyun executed the turn with excruciating meticulousness before continuing.
“Admit it, did Zitao give you a hard time? He’s a really great kid, but sometimes he can be a bit…emotional, I suppose-”
“Nah, if you must know, I just wanted to get away from everyone.” The lie slipped out easily, but as soon as he said it, he realised it was true. “I know we’ve pretty much been forced to spend time together these past few days, but it’s nice to be just the two of us, you know? Without the other guys pressing their ears to the door.” Not that this wasn’t another one of their carefully orchestrated moves, but the privacy had to count for something.
“You’re right, but we could’ve taken the public transport, you know?”
Not really, because that would get us arrested. “Oh c’mon, you’re not such a bad driver! And it’s good practice!” Well, he managed to get that lie out with a remarkably straight face, not that Baekhyun could tear his eyes off the road long enough to look. He scanned the surrounding buildings, and chose the relatively deserted one. “Ah, we’re here! Pull over.”
“…Home Plus? Is this about the broken toilet seat in our bathroom because we so could’ve taken the bus for this-”
Chanyeol didn’t waste any time; he unclipped his seatbelt and reached over to cup the back of Baekhyun’s head, capturing the still-babbling lips into a kiss. Baekhyun’s hands came up to swat at his chest, probably annoyed at being interrupted, but a few practiced strokes at the back of Baekhyun’s very sensitive neck and deepening the kiss had Baekhyun melting like butter in no time. The swatting hands clung instead, fisting themselves on Chanyeol’s jacket as Chanyeol pressed Baekhyun back against the seat, nibbling and sucking on his tongue.
If Chanyeol thought the idea of having sex in a vehicle was stupid, what was more stupid was refusing to watch a porn video of it ‘to give him an idea of how it was supposed to go’. The handbrake was digging uncomfortably into his thigh and he was already getting pins and needles in one leg.
It didn’t help that the car was a Mini Cooper - not much leg room to begin with.
“Damn it, I knew we should’ve taken Seunghwan-hyung’s BMW instead,” he muttered in annoyance; Baekhyun didn’t seem to have heard him, already reduced to putty after all his ministrations and was now lying back with a dazed look in his eyes. Chanyeol wished he could be so lucky, but he certainly wasn’t when his leg was already developing a cramp.
He eyed the back seat; still a tight squeeze, but not as impossible.
He got a leg cramp anyway, but all was forgiven when he finally had Baekhyun whimpering and moaning in his arms, grinding enthusiastically on Chanyeol’s cock as he rode him. The windows steamed up in no time, and Chanyeol would’ve laughed himself to delirium at the irony of his previous Titanic reference had he not had his hands full of sweaty, delectable lover desperately seeking for release. The car rocked in time with their thrusts, fingers tangling into each other’s damp tendrils, trying desperately to muffle their moans as unsuspecting customers parked beside their car, none the wiser.
At some point Chanyeol flipped their positions, fucking Baekhyun hard against the leather seats as Baekhyun’s sweaty palms slid all over the seats seeking purchase and finding none, before finally arching his back and letting out a loud scream as he finally released. Chanyeol followed soon after, letting out a deep groan, quivering as his fingers dug into the soft skin of Baekhyun’s thighs.
“I got my come on the ceiling,” Baekhyun giggled drunkenly. The pair was still curled up in the backseat, the windows cracked open an inch as they let the cold morning breeze cool their heated skin, clothes haphazardly strewn over their naked bodies for some modicum of modesty.
“Damn it, we can’t get that out with wet wipes,” Chanyeol grumbled. They stared at the unsuspecting protein stain, before collapsing into fits of laughter.
“Well what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right? As long as we don’t-”
“Are you sure it was this car?” The two abruptly clammed up at the sudden whispered voice streaming in from outside the tinted window, where two shadows suddenly crept up, carrying what looked suspiciously like those mammoth bazookas that followed them around 24/7.
“Well, I’m positive this is Im Hyunkyun’s car!”
“That doesn’t mean anything! And why would they be in Home Plus of all places? Besides, we’ve looked everywhere inside.”
“I don’t know, I just got the message that Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol were seen driving this car and they were last seen parking in Home Plus. And here it is. I don’t know where they are though.”
“…Maybe they went somewhere else. Should we wait for them?”
“Yeah, no choice I suppose. Good thing I brought sandwiches…”
“40°C! You guys have to go to a concert tomorrow! How the hell did this happen?”
“Well, it is winter. And, um, cold. -5°C today, in fact. Um.” Joonmyun trailed off weakly; Chanyeol and Baekhyun groaned in unison, huddling deeper under their blankets and shivering pitifully.
“Well it’s not as if they went out naked and spent hours outside in the freezing cold!”
Seunghwan’s incredulous remark was met with awkward silence.
“I want to die,” Baekhyun whimpered.
“Me too,” Seunghwan whispered in despair.
“Hello, yes, car cleaners? Can I schedule my car for a deep clean? I have this really weird white stain that I really want to get rid of. Also, it has a weird funky smell. Yes. Yes. Im Hyunkyun, Mini Cooper.”
**
“Gentlemen, I present,” Lu Han held up a black holdall, “the holy grail. Everything your heart will ever desire and your ass will ever need is in here.” His eyes were eerily creepy as he curled Chanyeol’s fingers around the strap. “Take it and know that hyung knows what’s best for both of you.” And with that cryptic message, he wordlessly left the room.
The two watched him leave before exchanging uneasy looks. “So…should we open it?”
Baekhyun eyed the black holdall nervously. “You do it.”
“Coward,” Chanyeol grumbled, but was hesitant as he slowly unzipped the bag, upturning it and letting its contents tumble out.
He picked up what looked like a string of balls with varying sizes, while Baekhyun gingerly held up what was pretty much a dick, flesh-coloured, veins and all, except it was about ten inches long and was made of silicone.
“…Is this supposed to go in my ass?” Baekhyun whispered. Chanyeol shrugged uncertainly, reaching for the small note among the variety of items.
Hello vanilla dongsaengs, in case you missionary kids don’t know what these are, they’re sex toys. Butt plugs, anal beads, dildos (yes, that monster cock is supposed to go in your ass, Baekhyun; you’ll thank me for it later), vibrators, and of course, lube in a variety of flavours, of which there are five including chocolate, strawberry, raspberry, banana and tropical fruits because pineapple-flavoured ass is always yummy, am I right? Of course I am.
Play safe, etc etc.
P.S. Please try not to break anything or you’ll answer to me. And trust me, you don’t want to have to answer have to me.
Enjoy :D
Love, Lu Han-hyung xoxo
“OW! Ow, ow, it’s going to rip me in half!”
“Stop exaggerating, my dick is more or less the same size!”
“…”
“I’m going to ignore that little pause. Just a little bit more; that’s it.” The flesh-coloured dildo slid fully home, its full length embedded deeply in Baekhyun’s ass; he shifted uncomfortably, unsure how to react to the foreign object.
“It feels weird,” he mumbled, not that it was entirely unpleasant; he shifted again, and the tip hit his prostate so dead on he gave a surprised moan. “Oh, wow. That was. Um.”
Chanyeol was fiddling with protruding bottom curiously. “There seems to be a switch of some sort here-”
Baekhyun nearly flew out of the bed as the dildo’s vibrator powered up, the tremors wreaking unimaginable havoc that had his eyes rolling to the back of his head. “Oh God t-turn if off-turn it off-”
Chanyeol flapped his hands uselessly. “S-Sorry, wait, stop moving for a sec-” He reached the switch but turned it the wrong direction, and Baekhyun choked out a helpless moan as the tremors got worse.
“Y-You made it even worse-oh God-” He tried to reach for the switch himself, but his hands were slippery with lube and his vision was beginning to blur as his whole body was was wracked with intense ecstasy. “Chanyeol! Do something!”
But Chanyeol was silently observing his lover’s quivering form, trailing his gaze at the pale skin lightly coated with a thin sheen of sweat, at the slender fingers grasping desperately at the sheets and at the hazy eyes droopy with delirium.
Chanyeol ghosted his fingers over the protruding tip of the toy. “What do you want me to do?”
Baekhyun clung to him helplessly, panting wantonly. “T-Take it out-I can’t-”
Baekhyun’s fingers clawed at his back, choking out a surprised whimper as he pushed the toy even deeper inside, pressing the tip just enough at that sweet spot that had Baekhyun bucking and panting desperately in his ear. He kept up the slow, torturous motion, rocking the dildo back and forth as he trailed a path of kisses down to the sensitive skin of Baekhyun’s neck, leaving little love bites to bloom on the pale skin before moving further south to tease the nipples with his mouth.
Baekhyun’s eyes were half-lidded with pleasure, too caught up in the ecstasy to even protest; Chanyeol pushed two digits into the panting mouth, matching the rhythm with the toy until Baekhyun closed his mouth around his fingers, sucking and coating them with his saliva.
Slowly, he withdrew his fingers and turned the switch up, standing on the mattress and cupping Baekhyun’s chin. By now, Baekhyun could barely hold himself upright, clinging to Chanyeol’s thighs as he trembled on the brink of release.
Chanyeol pressed his erect cock on the soft skin of Baekhyun’s cheek, before gently parting the soft lips and slipping inside the hot, wet mouth. He dug his fingers into the soft tendrils, caressing the sensitive skin of Baekhyun’s nape and feeling the tremors reverberating as he gently thrust in and out. The slow and steady rhythm gradually picked up its pace as Baekhyun neared his own release, raking his fingers on Chanyeol’s backside as he finally exploded, and Chanyeol pulled out to release white hot spurts on Baekhyun’s cheeks.
“Ooh, should we try these anal beads next? And which lube would you prefer, chocolate or strawberry?”
“Um, Chanyeol?”
“Mm?”
Baekhyun was shifting uncomfortably on the mattress. “Can you help me pull this thing out? My hands are kind of slippery.”
“Yeah, turn over.” Chanyeol frowned. “But didn’t you already take it out?”
“What do you mean? It’s like completely up my ass and it’s getting kind of uncomfortable.”
“But it’s not…” Chanyeol’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “Um. Baek.”
“What? Just pull it out!”
“It’s um. Kind of. Stuck.”
“What? But we used plenty of lube, didn’t we?”
“I mean. Um. Stuck. Inside.”
“…”
“…”
“Shit.”
“Shit it out!”
“What do you mean shit it out? Wait-don’t-ow! OW!”
Eyebrows flew up several foreheads.
“Some kinky shit going on in there,” Jongin commented proudly. “Hyungs learn fast.”
“Told you we didn’t have to drug them,” Lu Han said smugly, holding out an expectant hand at Yixing, who promptly rolled his eyes. “Pay up, sucker.”
**
“For my turn, I thought we’d do a little ‘team-building’ exercise.” Kyungsoo rubbed his hands together enthusiastically. “‘We are One’, and all that, after all.”
Chanyeol and Baekhyun exchanged looks. “Okay…?”
“You guys have been trying all sorts of crazy and exciting and fun things, but it’s missing that little oomph, you know?”
“I think we’re getting enough oomph, literally, to last us a lifetime, if you ask me,” Chanyeol muttered.
“Hyung, why don’t you just admit that you want to bang Chanyeol-hyung instead of beating around the bush with this bullshit? I mean-” Kyungsoo’s hand shot out, quick as lightning, and slapped itself over Jongin’s mouth.
“I think someone wants to die early! And you two, uh, didn’t hear a thing!”
“I think we heard just fine, what the hell is this about?” Baekhyun demanded.
“I mean, not that I blame him because who wouldn’t want to tap that?” Chanyeol gaped at Jongin, who shrugged.
“And Jongin totally didn’t masturbate to a Youtube video of Baekhyun’s fingers,” Kyungsoo added innocently, before beaming brightly. “So? Team-building exercise?”
“This is weird,” Baekhyun mumbled as he settled next to Chanyeol on the bed, Jongin on top of him and Kyungsoo on top of Chanyeol.
“Shh, relax, we’ll take good care of you,” Jongin murmured, before bending to press a gentle kiss on his lips, Kyungsoo mirroring his actions with Chanyeol. Jongin was a surprisingly gentle lover, hands graceful and delicate as they roamed on the planes of his stiff, uneasy body, slowly easing the tense muscles into relaxing into his embrace.
At some point there was a switch, almost imperceptible beyond the haze of gentle lust that bloomed between the four, but Baekhyun felt the pressure on top of him change and the taste on his tongue differ, and he opened his eyes to find Kyungsoo smiling at him, before his lips were claimed again and his eyes fell shut once more.
Then the lips drifted off, trailing a path of hot kisses down to his chest, his stomach, before finally wrapping themselves around his already eager cock; but his lips weren’t left lonely for long, and soon the taste of Chanyeol was on his tongue, the familiar hands caressing his sensitive skin even as Kyungsoo’s mouth worshipped his cock. Chanyeol shuddered against him as Jongin mirrored Kyungsoo’s actions on him, his tongue desperately mating with Baekhyun’s as the two of them neared their release, clutching each other as they finally reached their climax.
“Aww, look, aren’t they cute?”
“Yummy, too. Mmmm.”
“Curiosity satisfied?”
“Well, I wouldn’t mind having another go…”
Baekhyun awoke to Jongin and Kyungsoo’s chatter, blinking owlishly. Chanyeol also stirred, and they blinked at each other in confusion.
“Oh, good morning sleepyheads!” Kyungsoo greeted. “Finally awake. You two passed out, were we that good?”
Jongin smirked. “Of course we were. Well, just as well you two got some rest; the party’s just about to start.”
Chanyeol blinked. “Party?”
Kyungsoo clapped his hands excitedly. “Well, of course! ‘We are One’ and all that, after all!”
On cue, the door slammed open. “Ready or not, here I come!” Jongdae yelled, shortly followed by seven other boys, all in various states of dress and undress - and was that Yifan in a military uniform? - Lu Han lugging in the infamous black holdall, and Yixing wearing what could only be described as a few straps of leather.
He was also brandishing a whip.
“Party time, slaves!” Crack.
“Mommy,” Baekhyun and Chanyeol squeaked.
“Ah, that was so much fun! I feel so refreshed right now! Anyone up for some bubble tea later?” Lu Han chirped.
Sehun quickly jumped up. “Count me in!”
“Me too!” the others echoed.
Kyungsoo peered down at the unmoving figures on the bed. “Um, guys, Chanyeol’s not moving and Baekhyun looks kind of dead.”
Lu Han waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, don’t worry, when I first used those jumbo vibrating anal beads I passed out too! Also, I couldn’t walk for about three days, which I might have forgotten to mention to Baekhyun…”
“Chanyeol, are you okay…?” Yifan mumbled, gingerly prodding the motionless figure.
Yixing snorted. “Jeez, I didn’t even whip him that hard.”
“Leave me alone to die,” Chanyeol groaned out.
“We should do this more often,” Joonmyun said cheerfully.
**
“Okay, man. You two have been through a lot these past few weeks, and I’m proud of you guys, but this might be the most challenging one yet.”
“Yifan-hyung, no offense, but at this point I think nothing, short of bestiality, would faze me.”
“Well let’s not go there, but there’s a brave lad!” Yifan whacked Chanyeol’s arm enthusiastically. “First thing’s first - do you trust Baekhyun?”
Chanyeol frowned. “Well, of course.”
“Are you sure? A hundred percent, if it was a choice between saving you or, say me, from a burning building, he’d choose you?”
“He’d probably leave both of us behind, that bastard.”
“…Okay, never mind then. But I need to make sure you really trust him.”
“Well, yeah, I suppose I do.”
“It has to be yes or no.”
“Alright, yes!”
“I changed my mind, I don’t trust you enough for this.”
“Where’s your confidence from two seconds ago? And just because you think I won’t save you from a burning building - and I won’t, because like hell I’m even going to try to lug either of your heavy asses anywhere - doesn’t mean you can’t trust me with this.”
“That was before I found out what I was letting myself into!”
“Aww, poor baby. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you. Just like you’ve been taking such good care of me.”
Chanyeol flapped his mouth uselessly. “You can’t seriously be blaming me for everything, I’ve been suffering too, you know-” Baekhyun pressed a finger to Chanyeol’s lips, a smug smile flirting on his own.
“Shush, baby, it’s my turn now, it’s Baekhyun time.” He reached for the bottle of lube in the bedside table, as well as a few condoms, before gripping a handful of his auburn hair and roughly claiming his lips.
Baekhyun had always been aggressive in bed, and normally Chanyeol appreciated his enthusiasm, but…
Not when his ass was literally on the line.
“Is it going to hurt,” he squeaked instead.
“Hmm, let me think, do you remember what I said when we first had sex?”
Pause. “Um. You said ‘ow’. Quite a few times. Also, ‘this hurts like hell’.”
Baekhyun’s smile was eerily gleeful. “Ding ding!”
“Noooooooooooo-”
“Chanyeol, I know I’ve mentioned many times that you’re a hopeless dancer, but this is just taking the piss! And you’ve improved so much these past few months! What the hell is going on with you?”
Chanyeol ignored the choreographer, curling up on the cold training room floor and just barely managing to stop himself from clutching his still-throbbing ass.
“I want to die,” he whimpered.
“Rough night last night, huh,” Baekhyun sighed out with not an ounce of sympathy, giving Chanyeol’s butt a pat.
**
Baekhyun gaped. “Are you insane? We can’t do that in public! Wait, who am I kidding.”
“That’s the spirit!” Jongin’s eyes were uncharacteristically bright with enthusiasm. “Kyungsoo-hyung and I have done it loads, and if you need some suggestions, like there was that time in a shop’s changing room, or in a restaurant’s toilet, or our favourite, SM’s training room! Them clouds make it seem like we’re doing it in the great outdoors, haha!”
“…”
“I really don’t think this is a good idea.”
“If I had a won for each time we said that out loud or even thought it, I’d be a fucking millionaire by now.”
“To be fair, better than the training room.”
Chanyeol gagged. “Ugh, can we not? I can’t even look at that room the same anymore, much less use it ever again. I’ve lain on that floor! Pressed my face on it and everything!”
“And all this time, Jongin and Kyungsoo have been doing the nasty on it…” They shuddered in unison.
The sudden burst of children’s laughter nearly made them jump out of their skin. “You could’ve picked a better spot, there are children around, for God’s sake!” Baekhyun hissed, peeking furtively from behind the tree they were currently camped beside and at the children’s playground a few feet away, bustling with activity.
“This was the only place we managed to lose the fans, though! And like hell I’m going to wait five hours for them to leave again!” The park’s extensive expanse of foliage and greenery had been the perfect hideout from the ever-watchful eye of snooping fangirls, which was also perfect for their less than legal activity in mind.
Chanyeol secretly had to admit that he could understand why Jongin found this so exciting - there was that great thrill of possibly getting caught at any time, which gave it that sense of urgency and made it a hundred times hotter. Damn, just the thought was getting him hard; perhaps this experiment was turning him into a pervert. Or a lunatic like the rest of the group. Or both.
“Oh God, what if they think we’re those creepy, ugly old men who like to masturbate in bushes while staring at children,” Baekhyun wailed, distracting him from his thoughts. “I don’t want to go to prison and be somebody’s bitch, Chanyeol, even I am used to anal.”
“Baek. Relax, stop worrying and shut up.” To reiterate the statement, Chanyeol captured the babbling lips himself, ceasing any other protests. It was easy enough to get his lover into the mood; a few expert nibbles and sucks, and Baekhyun accommodatingly melted like butter in his hands.
He pressed the smaller male against the tree trunk, sliding his hands down to cup the round bottom and gently grinding their hips together as he trailed his lips down to the smooth neck. Baekhyun let out a moan before muffling it hurriedly, shivering and whimpering at Chanyeol’s expert ministrations.
Clothes were hurriedly unbuttoned in their urgency; he trailed a hot path of kisses to the pink nipples, nipping and suckling them while his hand teased and prepared the tight entrance; Baekhyun was too preoccupied muffling his moans, the desperate, stifled cries fuelling Chanyeol’s lust.
With shaky hands, he slipped on the condom and poured the lube, before turning his lover to face the trunk; cupping the soft hips, he slowly eased himself in.
Baekhyun cried out; he reached out and clamped a hand over the mouth, smothering the cries, as he gradually increased his pace. Baekhyun clung to the tree like a lifeline, knees wobbling as each thrust sent electric shocks coursing through his spine; he bit down hard on the hand on his mouth as Chanyeol’s strokes roughened, reaching that magic spot so dead on that he saw sparks explode in front of his eyes.
Neither noticed a ball suddenly rolling just a few metres away.
“F-Fuck, I’m going to come,” Baekhyun panted, just as he finally exploded, spurting his white essence onto the grass. His lover wasn’t far off, hands digging almost painfully into his hips as he gave a few deep thrusts before exploding, burying his face on the crook of his neck as he groaned softly.
“My back hurts, I scratched my beautiful hands on this stupid tree bark and I think a bug bit my ass.”
“Please, Baekhyun, I know you’re dying to have another round but we’re going to have to continue at home.”
“Shut up! Asshole,” Baekhyun grumbled, but both exchanged grins as they began cleaning themselves up with the packet of wet wipes Kyungsoo had wordlessly slipped inside their pockets on their way out. “This wasn’t so bad, actually, but maybe next time we can do it in a less nature-y place-”
“What are you two doing?”
Both froze at the cheerful inquiry, exchanged wide-eyed looks, and stiffly turned.
A little girl stood just a few spaces away, football in hand and eyeing them curiously.
And within seconds, a lady joined her. “Sweetie, did you find the ball? Who are you speaking to-”
Two boys. Trousers unzipped, junk out, little girl.
Because this isn’t what it looks like just wasn’t going to cut it.
“Oh my God! Police! Pedophiles!”
“Shit.”
**
“Baekhyun?”
“Hmm?”
“I...I don’t say it that much because it’s embarrassing, I’m awkward, our relationship isn’t really like that - I mean we aren’t really like that-”
“We aren’t.”
“-and sometimes I say and do a lot of stupid things, sometimes you say and do a lot of stupid things-”
“The idiot couple.”
“And maybe we aren’t really going to be together forever, I mean I could go for a walk one day and get really well-acquainted with a bus, or maybe that’ll happen to you-”
“And mess up this pretty face? Hardly.”
“Or maybe we just get sick of each other. Because sometimes that happens, and it’s sad, well I mean it’s not just sad, it’s really sad-”
“Depressing.”
“Exactly. But,” A warm hand slipped into Baekhyun’s, and he turned his head, looking straight into Chanyeol’s sincere gaze paired with a sheepish smile.
The last time they’d had this type of conversation, it had led to him kicking Chanyeol in a fit of righteous rage, which led to the (albeit partly accidental) involvement of the rest of their friends, and consequently led to them going through what can only be described as a series of unfortunate events.
Except now, there were smiles instead of tears, laughter instead of shouting.
Or maybe they finally lost their minds.
But, if nothing else, at least they lost it together.
“But I want you to know that I love you, okay? I mean not just now, even when we’re not, like, screwing each other anymore and we’re old and we look back and think wow what the hell did I see in him, I’ll-” Chanyeol choked out an embarrassed laugh. “Even then, I’ll never regret loving you, Byun Baekhyun.”
“Well.” Baekhyun leaned close, pressing their foreheads together. “We aren’t old yet and let’s both watch out for buses, shall we?” They shared a wide smile. “And by the way, I love you too, Park Chanyeol. Stupidity and all.”
They both looked up as the cell door swung open. “Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun? Bail’s been posted, you guys are free to go.”
Ten guilty faces with identical sheepish smiles stood on the other side, led by a manager clearly struggling to keep his calm.
“Ready to face the wolves together?” Chanyeol murmured, slowly standing and lightly squeezing their still-intertwined fingers. Baekhyun snorted out a laugh.
“After all this? Always.”
**
“Kim Jongin!”
Heads turned curiously at the sudden entrance of a very annoyed-looking Lu Han, practically vibrating with barely-suppressed irritation.
“Do we want to know what’s up?” Joonmyun asked idly.
“The little shit stole my goodie bag!”
“How do you know it was him?” Jongdae asked curiously.
Lu Han rolled his eyes. “Because Yifan is busy playing naughty doctor with Nurse Yixing and Nurse Zitao, I have Sehun and Minseok tied up in my bed, and you two are here so who else could it be.”
On cue, Jongin strolled into the living room, hair still damp from the shower with Kyungsoo in a similar state on tow; Lu Han advanced like a predator in for the kill, pouncing on the unsuspecting male while Kyungsoo neatly evaded the impending scene by making a detour to the kitchen.
“Whoa, what-”
“Give it back, fucker!”
“Well, I was certainly that a few minutes ago but give what back?” Jongin eyed the fists gripping his t-shirt with a quirked brow. “If it’s your bondage gear I gave that back last week-”
“Yeah we know, Sehun and Minseok-hyung are using it right now, after all,” Jongdae remarked absently.
“You know what I’m talking about, don’t try to play coy,” Lu Han snarled. “I told you not to take my goodie bag without permission! Especially not when I need it!”
Jongin blinked. “But I didn’t! At least, not recently.”
“We didn’t,” Kyungsoo confirmed from the kitchen.
Lu Han released Jongin confusedly. “Then who…?”
“Oh God, harder! Harder!”
“Yeah, you like that, you little bitch? I think you’re enjoying this, you naughty little boy-”
“Give it to me, baby, oh God-”
“Not God. Baekhyun, bitch.”
“…Told you it wasn’t me,” Jongin mumbled, while Lu Han continued to gape.
**
On the forgotten corner of the kitchen, Seunghwan wept into Hyunkyun’s shoulder. “I should never have left Super Junior!”
Hyunkyun shrugged. “Now you know what I have to live with.”
…Why am I like this to my OTP OTL
This may or may not have been partly conjured up in an inebriated state so I apologise for its ridiculousness lmaooo ;____;
Seunghwan: K’s manager (previously an SJ manager)
Hyunkyun: M’s manager
Feedback is always most appreciated! Thank you for reading ♥