(no subject)
More and more of late I find myself questioning once firm beliefs and not because of misunderstandings better rationalized with a clear head before words are spoken, but because the evidence stacking up on the scale effectively outweighs the thoughts that once guided me to live my life as I was.
I can rationalize the majority of it by placing myself in Saeki’s shoes and admitting his anger and upset is justified from his point of view and acknowledge that my own actions instigated the new distance he places between us by limiting what used to be our casual time together. As a punishment he could not have chosen one better, especially coming on the heels of Kuranosuke distancing himself to a point that I question whether or not our friendship was ever more than just….
Aah, Syuusuke, you mustn’t think like this. Surely, it wasn’t all just about the sex and now that it is gone he no longer finds you worthy of his association. Whatever it is that prompts his shortness and distance when you speak to him, it is not caused simply because he finds no use for you now that you aren’t sleeping with him, no matter how it seems from the outside looking in. Kuranosuke has never been that callous, even if our relationship was just our version of friends with benefits.
Regardless of how I feel given the new developments in my various friendships that are slowly dwindling bit-by-bit there really is nothing to do but fortify the weaknesses left behind by their loss and keep meeting the day with a smile. Doing so is the only way I can respect their wishes and give them the space they indicate they want whether through word or actions. It is something I feel they all deserve given what once was.
Did my previous request for your company while I train with the weight machines cause any undue stress and add to the weight you already bear with your very busy schedule, Kuranosuke? If not, would you like to join me again throughout the week?
Do not worry, if it is, I understand. As always, ours masters must come first as should their care.