WTF kind of Military is FMA running????
WTF is up with the Amestrias Miliatry? I mean, honestly do they WANT to lose a war? Some of the things they do are so completely brain-numbingly WAAAAA????
For example: Let's take young Edward Elric and how the Amestrias Military deals with him as opposed to, say ANY ARMY IN OUR WORLD, but mostly the US army.
RECRUITING:
Amestrias recruiter (a Lt. Colonel because human resources are not in any way valued here): Here's an irreplaceable prodigy, with incredible alchemical skills. I will look lovingly over his unconscious form and vaguely mention something about looking up the army later. Then I will leave him alone and act like the Army really doesn't give a fuck whether or not he joins up.
REAL recruiter (someone of rather lower ranks, probably a private but maybe a Sgt.): Hot damn, a prodigy - maybe the next Oppenheimer. I will hound you every two weeks until you are old enough to sign the papers son. Get used to my face.
More under the cut…
ALCHEMY:
Amestrias Military: Alchemy is KICK ASS! So of course, we will only accept the crème' de la crème. All others have no value to us. Oh, and find your own training.
REAL Military: If you do not already know alchemy, we will teach you. If you already know Alchemy, here's some candy and the promise of a scholarship, join us!
MAINTAINING THE RANKS:
Amestrias Military: Despite the fact that we've had a recent bloody war and the military is despised both inside our borders and out, we really don't care much about recruiting or keeping track of our people. Edward Elrics disappearance without leaving a note as to where he is going is no cause for alarm or even interest. Because we don't give a flip about our human resources.
REAL(first world) military: Here have some candy and the promise of a scholarship and sign these recruiting forms. Good we got you. By the way if you go AWOL you will be ruthlessly hunted down and thrown in jail. Very publicly. So all the other recruits can know that this is a bad idea.
REAL (third world) military: You, you look healthy, you are in the military now. Here's a gun. Take it or we'll shoot you. And if you run away we will shoot you. Get too ornery and we'll shoot you, too.
CONTRACTS:
Amestrias Military: Eh, we don't value human resources, but pocket watches are irreplaceable. Leave yours on the front desk and you can go anytime, no questions asked. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
REAL Military: This contract looks like you signed up for 4 years, but if you read the small print, you can be forced to stay on another 2 years. But if you read THIS area of fine print, you will find that we can RECALL your ass any time we fucking like for the rest of your life. Yep, if we want you, even when you are sixty, we can call your ass back up to serve us again. Hee hee.
RESOURCES:
Amestrias Military: Wow, real, living, functioning, USEFUL, human chimeras! To make them requires doing utterly despicable acts of depravity, and is neigh impossible to get right. Oh no, they are putting up some minor resistance - oh well, shoot them all down, we can just whip up another batch - er, right?
REAL Military: Every last drop of chimera blood needs to be accounted for on form 28-Z.
DISCIPLINE:
Amestrias Military: The more dangerous and poorly disciplined you are, the more the military wants you. Kimberly, welcome back.
REAL Military: If our basic training brainwashing techniques can't mold a predictable soldier out of you watch us dishonorably discharge your ass. And maybe throw you in jail too.
DRESS CODE:
Amestrias Military: Uniforms are just suggestions.
REAL Military: Your shoes aren't shiny enough. Drop and do 50.
CHILDREN:
Amestrias Military: We probably shouldn't, but heck we'll take on a 12 year old. And then send him by himself on dangerous missions. We will make sure EVERYONE knows you are 12, too, because no one here cares about our image, or the fact that we shamelessly use vulnerable children.
REAL (first world)Military: Er, lets just cross off that 12 and make it a 16. Too bad you aren't tall for your age. Let's just keep you in a backroom where no one will look too closely at you and you can do your kick ass research.
REAL (third world) Military: We couldn't give a fuck about image either. You look strong. Have a gun. Oh, you are cute too. You may find yourself doing other things to keep your fellow soldiers happy as well. Get used to it.
ARMS DEVELOPMENT:
Amestrias Military: You can look for the philosophers stone on your time off, so long as you share everything you find out with us.
REAL military: You want to make a philosophers stone? Great! Here is a staff, here are researchers, here is a lab. Any uncorrupted member of the military can hunt down rogue theif alchemists and route out petty corrupt officials. You are an irreplaceable prodigy, don't get killed on us.
For example: Let's take young Edward Elric and how the Amestrias Military deals with him as opposed to, say ANY ARMY IN OUR WORLD, but mostly the US army.
RECRUITING:
Amestrias recruiter (a Lt. Colonel because human resources are not in any way valued here): Here's an irreplaceable prodigy, with incredible alchemical skills. I will look lovingly over his unconscious form and vaguely mention something about looking up the army later. Then I will leave him alone and act like the Army really doesn't give a fuck whether or not he joins up.
REAL recruiter (someone of rather lower ranks, probably a private but maybe a Sgt.): Hot damn, a prodigy - maybe the next Oppenheimer. I will hound you every two weeks until you are old enough to sign the papers son. Get used to my face.
More under the cut…
ALCHEMY:
Amestrias Military: Alchemy is KICK ASS! So of course, we will only accept the crème' de la crème. All others have no value to us. Oh, and find your own training.
REAL Military: If you do not already know alchemy, we will teach you. If you already know Alchemy, here's some candy and the promise of a scholarship, join us!
MAINTAINING THE RANKS:
Amestrias Military: Despite the fact that we've had a recent bloody war and the military is despised both inside our borders and out, we really don't care much about recruiting or keeping track of our people. Edward Elrics disappearance without leaving a note as to where he is going is no cause for alarm or even interest. Because we don't give a flip about our human resources.
REAL(first world) military: Here have some candy and the promise of a scholarship and sign these recruiting forms. Good we got you. By the way if you go AWOL you will be ruthlessly hunted down and thrown in jail. Very publicly. So all the other recruits can know that this is a bad idea.
REAL (third world) military: You, you look healthy, you are in the military now. Here's a gun. Take it or we'll shoot you. And if you run away we will shoot you. Get too ornery and we'll shoot you, too.
CONTRACTS:
Amestrias Military: Eh, we don't value human resources, but pocket watches are irreplaceable. Leave yours on the front desk and you can go anytime, no questions asked. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
REAL Military: This contract looks like you signed up for 4 years, but if you read the small print, you can be forced to stay on another 2 years. But if you read THIS area of fine print, you will find that we can RECALL your ass any time we fucking like for the rest of your life. Yep, if we want you, even when you are sixty, we can call your ass back up to serve us again. Hee hee.
RESOURCES:
Amestrias Military: Wow, real, living, functioning, USEFUL, human chimeras! To make them requires doing utterly despicable acts of depravity, and is neigh impossible to get right. Oh no, they are putting up some minor resistance - oh well, shoot them all down, we can just whip up another batch - er, right?
REAL Military: Every last drop of chimera blood needs to be accounted for on form 28-Z.
DISCIPLINE:
Amestrias Military: The more dangerous and poorly disciplined you are, the more the military wants you. Kimberly, welcome back.
REAL Military: If our basic training brainwashing techniques can't mold a predictable soldier out of you watch us dishonorably discharge your ass. And maybe throw you in jail too.
DRESS CODE:
Amestrias Military: Uniforms are just suggestions.
REAL Military: Your shoes aren't shiny enough. Drop and do 50.
CHILDREN:
Amestrias Military: We probably shouldn't, but heck we'll take on a 12 year old. And then send him by himself on dangerous missions. We will make sure EVERYONE knows you are 12, too, because no one here cares about our image, or the fact that we shamelessly use vulnerable children.
REAL (first world)Military: Er, lets just cross off that 12 and make it a 16. Too bad you aren't tall for your age. Let's just keep you in a backroom where no one will look too closely at you and you can do your kick ass research.
REAL (third world) Military: We couldn't give a fuck about image either. You look strong. Have a gun. Oh, you are cute too. You may find yourself doing other things to keep your fellow soldiers happy as well. Get used to it.
ARMS DEVELOPMENT:
Amestrias Military: You can look for the philosophers stone on your time off, so long as you share everything you find out with us.
REAL military: You want to make a philosophers stone? Great! Here is a staff, here are researchers, here is a lab. Any uncorrupted member of the military can hunt down rogue theif alchemists and route out petty corrupt officials. You are an irreplaceable prodigy, don't get killed on us.