Marcoh x Ed x Al OFF CAMERA
Dedicated to tir_synni with love.
TITLE: OFF CAMERA
PAIRING: Ed x Al x Marcoh
RATING: NC-17
WARNING: CRACK. META. Reluctant!Seme!Marcoh, Bossy!Armor!Al. Rapist!Ed.
AUTHORS NOTE: I fucking HAD to make this NC-17 didn't I. Effing Ed x Marcoh. Gah, I have no one but myself to blame. What CRACK was I on when I decided that? Marcoh and Ed see each other ONCE in the entire series, for the space of a few hours, during which all kinds of plot heavy crap is happening. Then Marcoh gets hauled off and killed and Ed goes home. This doesn't leave a lot of space to fill in the blanks.
Sigh. I made this bed, it's time to sleep in it.
So this is my meta-CRACKTASTIC solution. Though the challenge was Marcoh x Ed, this is actually Ed x Al x Marcoh, because, as long as I was going that direction, I might as well make it Armor!porn too.
Ed sensed it first.
He suddenly slouched and looked around at the walls. "They are gone, whew! The tension there was getting waaaay to much for me."
Marcoh just looked bewilderedly back and forth between the petite blond teenager and his massive armor clad brother. "Who are gone?" There was no one else in his office, nor had their been all morning.
Al spoke up: "Ed calls them the camera people, even though I never see a camera. Apparently people are watching us… at least some of the time. See we screwed up a long time ago, and well, let's just say that we had to offer up something in exchange for me getting this body and my brother getting off with only losing the arm and leg."
Marcoh blinked. "What did you offer up?"
"Our privacy," Ed said. "We get to search for a way to get our bodies back to normal, and in exchange, THEY get to watch us do it. Pretty voyeuristic if you ask me, but you know, a deal's a deal." Ed stretched. "Thank goodness it's not a 24 hour a day thing."
Al giggled. "Yeah that would really suck. Hey brother, how about him?"
Ed raised an eyebrow and looked over at Marcoh. Then shrugged. "Sure, why not. We've worked our way through most of the cast, why not him."
"Why not me what?"
"Well," said Ed, "The show they are making of us is rated, you see. We are allowed to get as violent as we want, but we aren't allowed to say dirty words, or do anything even remotely sexual. Personally, I don't get it, cuz you know I'm pretty hot and I think there would be a big audience for that."
Al giggled again.
"So anyway, just for kicks, when they aren't looking, Al and I have been sleeping with pretty much every one we come across."
Marcoh's jaw dropped. "Wha?"
Ed's eyes grew darker and a flash of anger crossed his face. "What? I'm a teenager. I got NO supervision and my balls are the size of cantaloupes. Just cuz I have to put on the virgin act for the camera people doesn't mean I have to actually be a virgin." He breathed on the back of automail hand. "So whaddya say, shall we get it on?"
Marcoh took a step back against the wall of his office. "Er… wait a second. First of all, I don't know you two people. You just walked in here, blew a hole in my wall, stole that incomplete philosopher's stone from me, and now you want me to SLEEP with you?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Why would I want to sleep with you?"
Al was suddenly standing over him like a very large, spiky, grey cloud. "Pretty please?"
Marcoh trembled. "Not you too… I mean… how?"
Al pointed to his shoulder. For the first time Marcoh noticed the array like glyph painted on there. "Yeah, it's true I don't have a body, but Brother and I do EVERYTHING together and we are alchemists, so we came up with a solution. The camera people seem to think this is just like a tribute to our former teacher or something, but it actually works to connect my brother and I together. Everything he feels, I can feel. It's awesome."
"It's the least I can do to make up for the whole armor thing," said Ed.
Marcoh put a hand on his face. He glanced speculatively at the door and wondered if there were any chance he could get anywhere if he ran for it. A look at the two in front of him dashed that hope. "Gods, what did I do to be stuck in here with a couple of horny gay teenage alchemists," he muttered. "Is this punishment for making the stone?"
Ed suddenly steamed. "Who you calling punishment? I'll have you know, I'm an excellent lay. And we aren't gay. We're bi."
"Yeah, we do EVERYONE!" said Al almost gleefully.
"Well, not me." Marcoh said. "I've got some self-respect."
He then felt an automail fist in his shirt. "I wouldn't make any hasty decisions."
Al loomed over on the other side. "Yeah, brother gets really mad when he's rejected."
"Mercy," said Marcoh. He looked over Ed. Well, at least the kid kind of looked like a girl, if you squinted. And apparently Al wouldn't actually be touching him. Compared to some of the things he'd done for the military, this wasn't too bad. "Oh, all right."
They practically dragged him through the door to the examination room. Ah, gods, he would have to have an actual bed as a part of his normal practice.
His assumption that Al wouldn't be physically involved turned out to be somewhat premature as the hulking armor made short work of removing his clothes. "Don't worry, we'll patch them up again later, " Al said while pressing him into the mattress.
When Marcoh looked sideways Ed had already removed his clothes. Marcoh's eyes widened when he saw the rather large cock, and felt a stirring of something, horror maybe, when he noticed the same glyph his brother had neatly tattooed on the shaft.
"Top or bottom," asked Ed.
"Huh?"
"I'm feeling generous - I'll let you make the call. I like it either way, so it's no big deal for me."
In all of Marcoh's 40 odd years he'd never had reason to put anything into his rectum. He had no desire to change that now. "Uh…top."
Ed chuckled. "Thought you'd say that. Well, your loss." Ed climbed up and straddled him and went to work. Marcoh felt Ed's mouth everywhere. Lord help him, it had been a long time since he'd been in bed with anyone, and as bizarre as the situation was, he couldn't help but feel somewhat turned on by it.
"Don't just lie there," said Al. "Kiss him back. Use your hands. What kind of lover are you?"
"Pretty lousy so far," admitted Ed. "Almost get the idea he's not really into this. And after I offered to let him top. I feel insulted. "
"Don't get angry, Brother," Al said. "He's just warming up I'm sure."
Marcoh caught the implied threat and began responding as best he could. Ed seemed happy. Ed's hands were actually pretty good. His mouth too. If he just pretended that he had some say in this, he could actually enjoy the situation. Marcoh found himself rising to the challenge.
"Bout time," grumbled Ed.
"Now now, " breathed Al. "I like foreplay. Don't be so impatient."
Al passed Ed a somewhat suspicious tube. Ed grabbed Marcoh's fingers and lubed them up. "Prepare me," he said. Between the abruptness of the demands and criticism, Marcoh found himself losing what interest he had. Still there was something almost fitting about paying for his past sins by committing a present one.
Just think of it as an exam of some sort. A prostate exam. Yeah, a very strange protracted prostate exam. No one he'd ever given a prostate exam to looked quite so happy about getting it though.
Marcoh found himself catching the other's enthusiasm again. Which was just as well, since a moment later Ed pulled Marcoh's fingers out and then impaled himself on Marcoh's shaft. Marcoh's eyes grew large as saucers.
Ooooooooooh sweet mother of …. Fuck… Ah….. shit…. Mmmmmmmmm….
Ed did most of the work, riding his cock hard and quick. His expression was either wracking pain or pure bliss, it was hard to guess which. Other than gasps he made no noise, but to make up for it Al was plenty vocal.
"Oh, that's so good, more Brother, harder. Dr. Marcoh, rub his cock now." Marcoh felt a gloved gauntlet grab his arm and pull it toward the blond's hard-on. Marcoh complied.
Al continued to give a running commentary, ordering first his brother then Marcoh to do this and that. "Ed slow down, we are getting too close. Suck his nipples. Dr. Marcoh stop and squeeze the shaft. That's good. Ok, now start stroking again. Better."
And so on. Inevitably, the sheer dirtiness of the situation overcame whatever qualms were holding him back. His orgasm followed quickly after that.
Both brothers seemed irritated when Marcoh gasped, grunted and tightened up and finally relaxed. "What?" he said finally, looking up at the blond's annoyed face.
"It's traditional to let the bottom go first."
"Really, how selfish," agreed Al.
"Hmmm," sighed Ed, pulling himself off Marcoh's rapidly detumescing cock. "I guess it's just as well," he said.
"Yep. On the bright side we don't usually get to have it both ways." Al's hands were hard on Marcoh's shoulders, lifting them.
"Roll him over, Al" said Ed climbing off.
"I put the lube on the table." Al flipped Marcoh over and pinned him firmly down.
"Wait!" said Marcoh, "What are you doing?"
"We should hurry up," said Ed. "I think the cameras are going to be back on soon. Marcoh, remember when that happens to act like this never happened."
"H… how do I do that?"
"I don't know. It's your problem," said Ed. "But I do know that people who act too unnatural tend to… er…disappear from the plot pretty quickly afterwards. So, you know, just act normal. Ah. Here we go."
Marcoh felt the first slippery but firm intrusion. "Ack!"
"Just relax," said Ed. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
Losing his virginity turned out not to be as bad as Marcoh feared.
TITLE: OFF CAMERA
PAIRING: Ed x Al x Marcoh
RATING: NC-17
WARNING: CRACK. META. Reluctant!Seme!Marcoh, Bossy!Armor!Al. Rapist!Ed.
AUTHORS NOTE: I fucking HAD to make this NC-17 didn't I. Effing Ed x Marcoh. Gah, I have no one but myself to blame. What CRACK was I on when I decided that? Marcoh and Ed see each other ONCE in the entire series, for the space of a few hours, during which all kinds of plot heavy crap is happening. Then Marcoh gets hauled off and killed and Ed goes home. This doesn't leave a lot of space to fill in the blanks.
Sigh. I made this bed, it's time to sleep in it.
So this is my meta-CRACKTASTIC solution. Though the challenge was Marcoh x Ed, this is actually Ed x Al x Marcoh, because, as long as I was going that direction, I might as well make it Armor!porn too.
Ed sensed it first.
He suddenly slouched and looked around at the walls. "They are gone, whew! The tension there was getting waaaay to much for me."
Marcoh just looked bewilderedly back and forth between the petite blond teenager and his massive armor clad brother. "Who are gone?" There was no one else in his office, nor had their been all morning.
Al spoke up: "Ed calls them the camera people, even though I never see a camera. Apparently people are watching us… at least some of the time. See we screwed up a long time ago, and well, let's just say that we had to offer up something in exchange for me getting this body and my brother getting off with only losing the arm and leg."
Marcoh blinked. "What did you offer up?"
"Our privacy," Ed said. "We get to search for a way to get our bodies back to normal, and in exchange, THEY get to watch us do it. Pretty voyeuristic if you ask me, but you know, a deal's a deal." Ed stretched. "Thank goodness it's not a 24 hour a day thing."
Al giggled. "Yeah that would really suck. Hey brother, how about him?"
Ed raised an eyebrow and looked over at Marcoh. Then shrugged. "Sure, why not. We've worked our way through most of the cast, why not him."
"Why not me what?"
"Well," said Ed, "The show they are making of us is rated, you see. We are allowed to get as violent as we want, but we aren't allowed to say dirty words, or do anything even remotely sexual. Personally, I don't get it, cuz you know I'm pretty hot and I think there would be a big audience for that."
Al giggled again.
"So anyway, just for kicks, when they aren't looking, Al and I have been sleeping with pretty much every one we come across."
Marcoh's jaw dropped. "Wha?"
Ed's eyes grew darker and a flash of anger crossed his face. "What? I'm a teenager. I got NO supervision and my balls are the size of cantaloupes. Just cuz I have to put on the virgin act for the camera people doesn't mean I have to actually be a virgin." He breathed on the back of automail hand. "So whaddya say, shall we get it on?"
Marcoh took a step back against the wall of his office. "Er… wait a second. First of all, I don't know you two people. You just walked in here, blew a hole in my wall, stole that incomplete philosopher's stone from me, and now you want me to SLEEP with you?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Why would I want to sleep with you?"
Al was suddenly standing over him like a very large, spiky, grey cloud. "Pretty please?"
Marcoh trembled. "Not you too… I mean… how?"
Al pointed to his shoulder. For the first time Marcoh noticed the array like glyph painted on there. "Yeah, it's true I don't have a body, but Brother and I do EVERYTHING together and we are alchemists, so we came up with a solution. The camera people seem to think this is just like a tribute to our former teacher or something, but it actually works to connect my brother and I together. Everything he feels, I can feel. It's awesome."
"It's the least I can do to make up for the whole armor thing," said Ed.
Marcoh put a hand on his face. He glanced speculatively at the door and wondered if there were any chance he could get anywhere if he ran for it. A look at the two in front of him dashed that hope. "Gods, what did I do to be stuck in here with a couple of horny gay teenage alchemists," he muttered. "Is this punishment for making the stone?"
Ed suddenly steamed. "Who you calling punishment? I'll have you know, I'm an excellent lay. And we aren't gay. We're bi."
"Yeah, we do EVERYONE!" said Al almost gleefully.
"Well, not me." Marcoh said. "I've got some self-respect."
He then felt an automail fist in his shirt. "I wouldn't make any hasty decisions."
Al loomed over on the other side. "Yeah, brother gets really mad when he's rejected."
"Mercy," said Marcoh. He looked over Ed. Well, at least the kid kind of looked like a girl, if you squinted. And apparently Al wouldn't actually be touching him. Compared to some of the things he'd done for the military, this wasn't too bad. "Oh, all right."
They practically dragged him through the door to the examination room. Ah, gods, he would have to have an actual bed as a part of his normal practice.
His assumption that Al wouldn't be physically involved turned out to be somewhat premature as the hulking armor made short work of removing his clothes. "Don't worry, we'll patch them up again later, " Al said while pressing him into the mattress.
When Marcoh looked sideways Ed had already removed his clothes. Marcoh's eyes widened when he saw the rather large cock, and felt a stirring of something, horror maybe, when he noticed the same glyph his brother had neatly tattooed on the shaft.
"Top or bottom," asked Ed.
"Huh?"
"I'm feeling generous - I'll let you make the call. I like it either way, so it's no big deal for me."
In all of Marcoh's 40 odd years he'd never had reason to put anything into his rectum. He had no desire to change that now. "Uh…top."
Ed chuckled. "Thought you'd say that. Well, your loss." Ed climbed up and straddled him and went to work. Marcoh felt Ed's mouth everywhere. Lord help him, it had been a long time since he'd been in bed with anyone, and as bizarre as the situation was, he couldn't help but feel somewhat turned on by it.
"Don't just lie there," said Al. "Kiss him back. Use your hands. What kind of lover are you?"
"Pretty lousy so far," admitted Ed. "Almost get the idea he's not really into this. And after I offered to let him top. I feel insulted. "
"Don't get angry, Brother," Al said. "He's just warming up I'm sure."
Marcoh caught the implied threat and began responding as best he could. Ed seemed happy. Ed's hands were actually pretty good. His mouth too. If he just pretended that he had some say in this, he could actually enjoy the situation. Marcoh found himself rising to the challenge.
"Bout time," grumbled Ed.
"Now now, " breathed Al. "I like foreplay. Don't be so impatient."
Al passed Ed a somewhat suspicious tube. Ed grabbed Marcoh's fingers and lubed them up. "Prepare me," he said. Between the abruptness of the demands and criticism, Marcoh found himself losing what interest he had. Still there was something almost fitting about paying for his past sins by committing a present one.
Just think of it as an exam of some sort. A prostate exam. Yeah, a very strange protracted prostate exam. No one he'd ever given a prostate exam to looked quite so happy about getting it though.
Marcoh found himself catching the other's enthusiasm again. Which was just as well, since a moment later Ed pulled Marcoh's fingers out and then impaled himself on Marcoh's shaft. Marcoh's eyes grew large as saucers.
Ooooooooooh sweet mother of …. Fuck… Ah….. shit…. Mmmmmmmmm….
Ed did most of the work, riding his cock hard and quick. His expression was either wracking pain or pure bliss, it was hard to guess which. Other than gasps he made no noise, but to make up for it Al was plenty vocal.
"Oh, that's so good, more Brother, harder. Dr. Marcoh, rub his cock now." Marcoh felt a gloved gauntlet grab his arm and pull it toward the blond's hard-on. Marcoh complied.
Al continued to give a running commentary, ordering first his brother then Marcoh to do this and that. "Ed slow down, we are getting too close. Suck his nipples. Dr. Marcoh stop and squeeze the shaft. That's good. Ok, now start stroking again. Better."
And so on. Inevitably, the sheer dirtiness of the situation overcame whatever qualms were holding him back. His orgasm followed quickly after that.
Both brothers seemed irritated when Marcoh gasped, grunted and tightened up and finally relaxed. "What?" he said finally, looking up at the blond's annoyed face.
"It's traditional to let the bottom go first."
"Really, how selfish," agreed Al.
"Hmmm," sighed Ed, pulling himself off Marcoh's rapidly detumescing cock. "I guess it's just as well," he said.
"Yep. On the bright side we don't usually get to have it both ways." Al's hands were hard on Marcoh's shoulders, lifting them.
"Roll him over, Al" said Ed climbing off.
"I put the lube on the table." Al flipped Marcoh over and pinned him firmly down.
"Wait!" said Marcoh, "What are you doing?"
"We should hurry up," said Ed. "I think the cameras are going to be back on soon. Marcoh, remember when that happens to act like this never happened."
"H… how do I do that?"
"I don't know. It's your problem," said Ed. "But I do know that people who act too unnatural tend to… er…disappear from the plot pretty quickly afterwards. So, you know, just act normal. Ah. Here we go."
Marcoh felt the first slippery but firm intrusion. "Ack!"
"Just relax," said Ed. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
Losing his virginity turned out not to be as bad as Marcoh feared.