Adoption and parenthood

[venaja]

While reading news from home, I stumbled across this article: A Child From China. It was the story of an Oklahoman couple who went to China and adopted a baby girl. They mentioned that nearly half of the Chinese orphans up for international adoption are adopted by American couples. They were one of them

Comments

[rcm9554]

I'd never have any problem adopting a child. Love it.

[venaja]

Personally, I don't understand people who say, "I'd never love it as much if it weren't my own". Biological parenthood is far too common and easy a thing to have so much value placed on it. Emotional parenthood is what's truly significant.

[rcm9554]

Although I can't truly understand the notion of "I'd never love it as much if it weren't my own," I can see where 'they' are coming from.

But, love is as love does, and I'd love the baby the same amount regardless.

[mettchen]

Hear hear! But I think we've talked about this before...

Right now my "priority" list (in lack of thinking of a better word) is:

1. childfree
2. adoption
3. give birth (eek)

Number 3 really scares me, since I really have no desire to ever BE pregnant, GIVE birth and/or HAVE babies...
Number 2 is already A LOT better. I don't get to be pregnant, give birth - and I don't have to have babies. I like kids SOOOO much better when they get over the age of 3-4 [though I'm still not sure I like them enough to have them around 24/7 for x-amount of years].
Number 1 suits me - at least for now... But I could change my mind if/when I end up in a loving, stable, healthy relationship. We'll see. But for now I like the idea of no kids of my own to interfer with my freedom :-)

[rcm9554]

I know what you mean...

I really have no desire to be pregnant or give birth.

If I did, I'm sure my girlfriend would be sort of upset by my newfound desires.

Eeek indeed.

[mettchen]

Well if it's you in the picture or if you are at least of the same gender, I would completely understand why your gf would be upset...

:D

hehe

[venaja]

Spot on, sister!

[goulo]

"No, if you want to get rid of male favoritism, you will have to get rid of the incentives for favoring males. As long as China's countryside remains dependent on agriculture, the peasants will favor boys."

As long as we're dreaming (eliminating the importance of agriculture), we could also dream of other solutions, e.g. getting rid of the sexism that says women can't do manual labor (since of course plenty of women do farm work successfully in many cultures) or the marital tradition that say a wife must leave her own family and move in with the husband's family...

I totally agree about adoption - there are so many unwanted children, and it boggles my mind how obsessed so many people are about propagating their own genes instead of simply raising and loving a child. I too am childfree but have always figured if I ever found myself wanting a child, I would prefer adoption.

[venaja]

It's amazing how those traditions have been eliminated in Chinese cities, where agriculture isn't important. Women do do manual labor; they're just perceived to be less good at it than men. Also, it's hard to get rid of these rigid structures when the peasantry survive on the skin of their teeth.

Adopting

[ex_jdub]

Well I think adopting kids and giving them a great home is terrific, but I do believe that you have to be a special type of person to do that. There are always going to be different issues you have to deal with if your kids are adopted at a young age. It can be harder on the kids or harder for the parents, especially if the kids don't look like the parents

[aritei]

I'm big on adoption, but not necessarily from China - just any kids who need families. I recently read an article about this 70-year old who has adopted 8 HIV-positive children (a couple seroconverted later on). A black classmate and I were discussing how it would be great to see black families adopt Asian kids and vice versa. She's got this idea for a "rainbow tribe" once she's a successful doctor.

Many of my friends are adopted, but are closer to their new parents than I am to mine. As for not loving an adopted child as much - I see biological kids being abused all the time.

Also, a friend of mine was killed in a car accident a couple years ago. His family adopted a little girl from China, so the money they saved for his college tuition would be put to use. For a split second, I guess I imagined the article would be about them. His mom is a school teacher, and her students' parents often say things like, "You know, I could never love a child unrelated to me." To that, she says, "You love your spouse, though you are

[venaja]

If I were to adopt, it wouldn't have to be a kid from China. The article just gave me the possibility.

Though the idea of a "rainbow tribe" is nice, it does present challenges of its own. Not any better or worse, just different.