Fic: Sunlight and Song (9/11)
Title: Sunlight and Song
Author: Venefican
Pairing: Nanao/Shunsui
Rating: PG
Summary: On patrol in the real world, Nanao and Shunsui have their first honest conversation in far too long. Unfortunately some things are set on disturbing it.
9
The Eighth Division commanders leave the office in silence, which is nice. They arrive at the Senkaimon in silence, which is worrying. They pass through the gate in silence and Nanao is five seconds away from returning to Seireitei and reporting that someone has replaced her Captain with a clone when he finally speaks.
‘Tense, Nanao-chan?’
‘You haven’t told me the location of the patrol. And you’re being alarmingly silent, sir. Neither bodes well.’ She considers just how far to nudge him, and decides normal behaviour would be better until she has worked out exactly what is wrong. ‘Sir.’
‘I always thought you preferred silence.’ The closing gate behind them throws odd shadows on his face and she can’t pin his expression down. He smiles benignly at her, but it has the same effect on her as if Zaraki had smiled benignly. She shivers, and looks instead at their surroundings.
A well-swept courtyard, surrounded by ancient cypress trees. There’s a river somewhere nearby, and the whole place has an atmosphere of an old-growth forest. Quiet and old and other, even with the afternoon light streaming green through the trees. It’s a place for contemplation and calm, a place to settle down and read a good book under a tree.
How very Shunsui of her.
‘Well, where are we?’
‘The Living World.’ She rolls her head back to glare at him, and he chuckles. ‘Such impatience. Japan. See?’ He nods down the road, and when she turns she can see the tall wooden torii surrounded by trees, a bridge stretching beyond and a small sign declaring the name of the site. It’s hardly needed, she’s well-read and those pillars are unique.
Surprise colours her voice. ‘We’re outside the Ise Grand Shrine?’
‘Why so surprised?’
‘I was expecting Karakura, to be honest.’
‘Hollows are everywhere, Nanao-chan.’
‘I know, but it’s been almost sixty years since I went on patrol anywhere further than twenty miles from Karakura. And even then that wasn’t even outside Japan. Okinawa.’
‘Warm weather and awamori. I imagine my Nanao-chan remained her prim and proper self for the entire visit. How dull.’
There’s something of a smile in his voice all the same, and by mutual agreement they walk together towards the bridge and the front gate leading towards the Inner Shrine. She’s fond of shrines, always has been, enjoying the order and the quiet and the sense of history.
‘I wonder if the legend is true, that the Sacred Mirror is inside the Inner Shrine.’
‘It’s possible. It would be nice not to be the oldest thing in the area.’
‘Narcissist.’
‘Who needs narcissism when I’m next to my lovely Nanao-chan?’ He coos, and for a moment it is as if nothing has changed between them. A solitary bird, disturbed from its nest, breaks the moment as it flaps through the trees. It’s then that the Nanao notices just how odd the atmosphere is.
‘It’s too quiet. The shrine wouldn’t have shut yet, would it?’
‘The hollows have been attacking humans. They’ve probably closed early, claimed that there’s a bear on the loose and to stay away.’
‘A bear? In mainland Japan?’
‘An evil spirit, then.’
‘Even more accurate than they realise.’ The bridge creaks comfortably underfoot, the river running quietly past. There’s no sign of hollows at all, the woods around them are thick and silent and in the setting sun Nanao is ready to appreciate the beauty of it rather than talk to Shunsui.
Unfortunately he doesn’t feel the same way.
‘How much do you hate me?’
Her eyes close for a moment. ‘If you’re thinking of terms of hate, sir, I’d advise you to end that line of thought right now. It was never that.’ She darts a narrow look at him. ‘And you know that very well. You’re trying to make it easier on yourself by making the matter more simplistic than it is.’
‘My cruel and perceptive Nanao-chan, always cutting to the heart of matters. I can’t apologise to you, you know. Not in a way that you would accept.’ He says it mildly enough, amiably, as if he were just remarking on the weather or the colour of a new dress. The forced lightness makes her clench her jaw hard enough for it to become painful.
‘You cannot apologise, I cannot repent. We may as well kill this conversation now, mightn’t we?’ She speeds up, the boards of the bridge thumping solidly in time to each step. At least they won’t judge her. ‘Anyway, is this really the time for this discussion?’
‘When else?’ Of course, he matches her pace easily enough, his longer legs taking one step for every two of hers.
‘Never?’
‘Nanao-chan, do you really want to end up having it where everyone can hear?’
‘Who says we have to have it in the first place. You were the one who brought this up, and keeps bringing it up.’ In the office, in the hallway, here, what did he want from her?
‘Tell me what you want.’
‘I want-’ I want you to leave me alone. I want you to never leave me alone. I want to scream. I want to cry. ‘I want you to stop attempting to protect me.’
‘Nanao-chan. You never seemed to mind before.’
She shrugs. She won’t shout at him - she never said anything, so whose fault is it that he thought that? ‘I always did, a little. But I think it’s only recently that I began to feel - bitter, I suppose, about the whole matter. Protecting a child, yes, that I can understand. But forever setting me out of the way...’ She stops, looks up at him when he comes up beside her and looks down. ‘I am either a child or your vice-captain, sir. I advise you decide what I am to you.’
‘And what are you to yourself?’
‘I have long since accepted who and what I am. Apparently I should have sent a memo.’ Her sarcasm rolls over him, and she frowns internally at how bitter she sounds.
‘This has nothing to do with competence, or strength, or my faith in you, Nanao-chan.’
‘Well then? Explain.’
His eyes flicker, just a little, like moth wings beating hard against a lit lamp, and want pools in her belly, sitting on the anger. Oil and water.
‘You remember Sōkyoku.’
There’s no question in it, nor does he add what comes after. The fight - if you could call it that - with Yamamoto.
I don't have the patience to teach you how to breathe.
The memory of the voice rumbles through them both and disturbs the earth around them. He’d been walking around with this since then? She flinches away from her own memory of it - gasping, heaving, struggling for air that just doesn’t come - and the revelation hits her full square in the face. She didn’t like to ponder it, for the pain, the humiliation of the whole thing. How much worse must it have looked, to him?
At least she had known she wasn’t dead.
‘S-’ She stops. Wait, ‘disturbs the earth’?
She senses them long before anything can be seen.
There’s something pouring into the open courtyard, pooling around them. Around and over and on, and there’s a burning sensation in her lungs that takes her a few seconds to identify as her holding her breath. She inhales as deeply as she can manage, shifting the sudden weight in her bones.
‘Sir?’
‘I know.’
He stands easily, but one hand rests on the scabbard of one of his swords, thumb pressed lightly against the guard. Ready to draw. It takes special talent to look intimidating in a pink haori and a straw hat. She flexes her fingers, feels the first beginnings of kidō gathering at her fingertips.
By the pricking of my thumbs, she thinks to herself wryly. As one they turn to face the approaching horde.
Onwards to Chapter 10
Author: Venefican
Pairing: Nanao/Shunsui
Rating: PG
Summary: On patrol in the real world, Nanao and Shunsui have their first honest conversation in far too long. Unfortunately some things are set on disturbing it.
9
The Eighth Division commanders leave the office in silence, which is nice. They arrive at the Senkaimon in silence, which is worrying. They pass through the gate in silence and Nanao is five seconds away from returning to Seireitei and reporting that someone has replaced her Captain with a clone when he finally speaks.
‘Tense, Nanao-chan?’
‘You haven’t told me the location of the patrol. And you’re being alarmingly silent, sir. Neither bodes well.’ She considers just how far to nudge him, and decides normal behaviour would be better until she has worked out exactly what is wrong. ‘Sir.’
‘I always thought you preferred silence.’ The closing gate behind them throws odd shadows on his face and she can’t pin his expression down. He smiles benignly at her, but it has the same effect on her as if Zaraki had smiled benignly. She shivers, and looks instead at their surroundings.
A well-swept courtyard, surrounded by ancient cypress trees. There’s a river somewhere nearby, and the whole place has an atmosphere of an old-growth forest. Quiet and old and other, even with the afternoon light streaming green through the trees. It’s a place for contemplation and calm, a place to settle down and read a good book under a tree.
How very Shunsui of her.
‘Well, where are we?’
‘The Living World.’ She rolls her head back to glare at him, and he chuckles. ‘Such impatience. Japan. See?’ He nods down the road, and when she turns she can see the tall wooden torii surrounded by trees, a bridge stretching beyond and a small sign declaring the name of the site. It’s hardly needed, she’s well-read and those pillars are unique.
Surprise colours her voice. ‘We’re outside the Ise Grand Shrine?’
‘Why so surprised?’
‘I was expecting Karakura, to be honest.’
‘Hollows are everywhere, Nanao-chan.’
‘I know, but it’s been almost sixty years since I went on patrol anywhere further than twenty miles from Karakura. And even then that wasn’t even outside Japan. Okinawa.’
‘Warm weather and awamori. I imagine my Nanao-chan remained her prim and proper self for the entire visit. How dull.’
There’s something of a smile in his voice all the same, and by mutual agreement they walk together towards the bridge and the front gate leading towards the Inner Shrine. She’s fond of shrines, always has been, enjoying the order and the quiet and the sense of history.
‘I wonder if the legend is true, that the Sacred Mirror is inside the Inner Shrine.’
‘It’s possible. It would be nice not to be the oldest thing in the area.’
‘Narcissist.’
‘Who needs narcissism when I’m next to my lovely Nanao-chan?’ He coos, and for a moment it is as if nothing has changed between them. A solitary bird, disturbed from its nest, breaks the moment as it flaps through the trees. It’s then that the Nanao notices just how odd the atmosphere is.
‘It’s too quiet. The shrine wouldn’t have shut yet, would it?’
‘The hollows have been attacking humans. They’ve probably closed early, claimed that there’s a bear on the loose and to stay away.’
‘A bear? In mainland Japan?’
‘An evil spirit, then.’
‘Even more accurate than they realise.’ The bridge creaks comfortably underfoot, the river running quietly past. There’s no sign of hollows at all, the woods around them are thick and silent and in the setting sun Nanao is ready to appreciate the beauty of it rather than talk to Shunsui.
Unfortunately he doesn’t feel the same way.
‘How much do you hate me?’
Her eyes close for a moment. ‘If you’re thinking of terms of hate, sir, I’d advise you to end that line of thought right now. It was never that.’ She darts a narrow look at him. ‘And you know that very well. You’re trying to make it easier on yourself by making the matter more simplistic than it is.’
‘My cruel and perceptive Nanao-chan, always cutting to the heart of matters. I can’t apologise to you, you know. Not in a way that you would accept.’ He says it mildly enough, amiably, as if he were just remarking on the weather or the colour of a new dress. The forced lightness makes her clench her jaw hard enough for it to become painful.
‘You cannot apologise, I cannot repent. We may as well kill this conversation now, mightn’t we?’ She speeds up, the boards of the bridge thumping solidly in time to each step. At least they won’t judge her. ‘Anyway, is this really the time for this discussion?’
‘When else?’ Of course, he matches her pace easily enough, his longer legs taking one step for every two of hers.
‘Never?’
‘Nanao-chan, do you really want to end up having it where everyone can hear?’
‘Who says we have to have it in the first place. You were the one who brought this up, and keeps bringing it up.’ In the office, in the hallway, here, what did he want from her?
‘Tell me what you want.’
‘I want-’ I want you to leave me alone. I want you to never leave me alone. I want to scream. I want to cry. ‘I want you to stop attempting to protect me.’
‘Nanao-chan. You never seemed to mind before.’
She shrugs. She won’t shout at him - she never said anything, so whose fault is it that he thought that? ‘I always did, a little. But I think it’s only recently that I began to feel - bitter, I suppose, about the whole matter. Protecting a child, yes, that I can understand. But forever setting me out of the way...’ She stops, looks up at him when he comes up beside her and looks down. ‘I am either a child or your vice-captain, sir. I advise you decide what I am to you.’
‘And what are you to yourself?’
‘I have long since accepted who and what I am. Apparently I should have sent a memo.’ Her sarcasm rolls over him, and she frowns internally at how bitter she sounds.
‘This has nothing to do with competence, or strength, or my faith in you, Nanao-chan.’
‘Well then? Explain.’
His eyes flicker, just a little, like moth wings beating hard against a lit lamp, and want pools in her belly, sitting on the anger. Oil and water.
‘You remember Sōkyoku.’
There’s no question in it, nor does he add what comes after. The fight - if you could call it that - with Yamamoto.
I don't have the patience to teach you how to breathe.
The memory of the voice rumbles through them both and disturbs the earth around them. He’d been walking around with this since then? She flinches away from her own memory of it - gasping, heaving, struggling for air that just doesn’t come - and the revelation hits her full square in the face. She didn’t like to ponder it, for the pain, the humiliation of the whole thing. How much worse must it have looked, to him?
At least she had known she wasn’t dead.
‘S-’ She stops. Wait, ‘disturbs the earth’?
She senses them long before anything can be seen.
There’s something pouring into the open courtyard, pooling around them. Around and over and on, and there’s a burning sensation in her lungs that takes her a few seconds to identify as her holding her breath. She inhales as deeply as she can manage, shifting the sudden weight in her bones.
‘Sir?’
‘I know.’
He stands easily, but one hand rests on the scabbard of one of his swords, thumb pressed lightly against the guard. Ready to draw. It takes special talent to look intimidating in a pink haori and a straw hat. She flexes her fingers, feels the first beginnings of kidō gathering at her fingertips.
By the pricking of my thumbs, she thinks to herself wryly. As one they turn to face the approaching horde.
Onwards to Chapter 10