Whee! New post!
Title: Questions that Need Answering
By: Venilia
HP, R/S (subtext), H/G, R/N, PG
Description: "...Not that talk. McGonagall gave me some books to read over summer hols before fourth year. I know all about that."
Title is a quote from LOTR:FOTR.
It was the week before Bill and Fleur’s wedding. Harry was staying at Grimmauld Place for the week, as were Remus, (who lived there almost permanently. Harry had offered him a job as its keeper) Hermione, and several other wedding guests who were also members of the order. Ron and Ginny were there too because, “Mum’s become unbearable, cleaning the house from top to bottom for the wedding. You’d think we were housing Merlin himself not relatives,” according to Ron.
But today Ron was getting his new robes for the wedding fitted, and Hermione and Ginny were shopping in Diagon Alley. Most everyone else were off helping with the wedding or busy staying out of Fleur and Molly’s way and that suited Harry perfectly.
It had been hard, staying in the same house as Ginny after they’d broken it off. Ginny was a good sport about it and tried not to end up alone with Harry, but sometimes he caught her looking at him wistfully. It had brought up all sorts of questions in his mind about what being Ginny’s boyfriend again would be like, about what would have happened between them had their relationship not come to an abrupt end after only a few weeks. After mulling over it for most of the morning Harry went off in search of answers. He thought he knew someone who could answer his questions.
Remus looked a bit surprised when Harry plopped down on the sofa next to him. Still he placed his finger in between the pages of his book and turned to the boy.
“Harry. How are you?”
“I’m fine, Professor,” Harry answered, thinking I have something to ask you and I’m not sure how to do it.
Remus pondered Harry for a moment as Harry avoided his gaze. That was his professor look. He knew something was up.
“Then what can I do for you?” Remus finally rejoined and Harry breathed out a sigh of relief. Good. Harry looked him straight in the eye.
“I saw you and Tonks holding hands at the… at the funeral.” Dumbledore’s death was still too new a thing for Harry to touch. Remus smiled in a way that meant Harry had spilled more than he’d meant to with his comment.
“Dora, or Tonks, rather, is a good friend, Harry,” Remus said, “And maybe something more. But holding hands doesn’t mean we’re engaged you know.”
Harry frowned. “Dora?”
At this Remus laughed. “Well, I knew her when she was still Dora. Sirius dragged both your dad and I into babysitting duties a few times, actually.” His eyes crinkled. “Andromeda was Sirius’ favorite cousin, you see. Even before she was disowned, although of his cousins Cissy was his playmate.”
“Cissy?”
“Yes. Narcissa.”
“Narcissa… Not Malfoy? Draco Malfoy’s mum?”
“Well, they were the same age. It didn’t last long, their friendship. Even before Sirius went to Hogwarts she started playing with dolls and he with his Wizard’s First Broom. You know, the ones that don’t go more than four feet off the ground?” he held his hand a few feet above the ground.
“But anyway,” Remus continued, “with no female family members to foist little Dora off on Sirius became the defacto babysitter whenever she needed a night off. He wasn’t bad, actually. Dora loved him, but then that might have had more to do with all the sugar he’d feed her.”
Harry laughed, starting to relax. “Odd to think of you being Dora’s babysitter. Tonks I mean! Tonks! She’d kill me if she heard me call her Dora, wouldn’t she?”
“She’d prank you, at least.”
Harry cocked his head, considering. “What would she be called if you got married? Lupin? But we couldn’t very well go on calling her Tonks. Could we?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, I expect.” Remus answered, folding his hands. “And I’m not quite ready to think about marrying her yet.” He sighed and looked into the fire. Quietly, more to himself than Harry, he said, “I don’t know that I’ll ever be.”
Harry leaned back against the sofa. “It’s strange, thinking of you kissing someone you and my dad and Sirius used to babysit.”
Remus snorted. “So you’ve seen us kissing too?”
Harry blushed. “Noooo,” he evaded, “Not exactly.”
Remus turned to face Harry fully and asked, “What’s bothering you, Harry?”
“Well it’s just - I mean, it’s so soon. And you have kissed, haven’t you?”
“Yes, we have.”
Harry was sure he was the colour of a tomato by now. “Have you done… more?” he managed.
“…Not really,” Remus finally answered. “Is that what you’re wondering about?”
“It’s just, it’s Ginny, see? Well, not so much her, but anyone. Someone, someday. Maybe her. But no one’s ever had that talk with me.”
Remus drew in a deep breath and Harry hurried to reassure him, “Not that talk. McGonagall gave me some books to read over summer hols before fourth year. I know all about that.”
Remus seemed amused. “Do you, now?”
“But no one’s ever told me… I mean, if my mum and dad were alive - and then there was Sirius, but…”
“Harry, are you asking me about losing your virginity?” Remus asked gently.
“No!” Harry protested, quickly. “Or, um… yes? I think so. At least, when’s it right and when’s it wrong and just,” he gestured helplessly at the air, “all that.”
“Ah,” Remus leaned forward towards the fire and warmed his hands. Harry was grateful as this meant he didn’t have to face his former professor head on. “Those books,” Remus asked, “did they talk about consent? That ‘no’ means ‘no’, no matter what?”
“If a girl says ‘no’ then I have to stop,” Harry intoned back. “But that’s not really my question.”
“It’s not just if a girl says ‘no’, Harry,” Remus met his eyes, “it’s if you say ‘no’ too. And I know that’s not your question, I just wanted to make sure that’d been covered. You want to know what your dad and mum would have said to your being intimate with another person.”
Harry nodded, relieved that Remus had got it.
“Well Harry, to tell you the truth I don’t know for sure. You were a bit young for them to begin worrying about that sort of thing.”
“But-” Harry began.
“But I can tell you,” Remus continued, “what they themselves did.”
Harry blinked in surprise. “You can?”
“I did share a dorm room with your father for seven year,” Remus reminded him, “besides being one of his best friends. And your mother was a good friend too, later on.”
Harry though about it. That made sense.
“Your father,” Remus began, “fancied your mother from about third year on. But… well we talked about Snape’s pensieve. James could come across as awfully arrogant. He had a good heart, though, and was as good a friend as you could find anywhere. The four of us - the Marauders - were like family.
“Your mother didn’t really care for him until about the middle of sixth year. And they didn’t go out until just before seventh year.” He smiled. “James had learned some sensitivity that year, through no fault of his own.”
“Why’s that?” Harry asked.
Remus didn’t smile. “Sirius and I were fighting and he was forced to play middleman for a while. Also, the war was looming closer and James realized that we were growing up and would probably be joining it soon.” Remus shrugged. “He grew up.
“Seventh year they were head boy and head girl. And they were dating. As their friends we knew that it was serious from the start, but it took the rest of Hogwarts a few months to understand that.” he chuckled. “It used to drive Lily mad when other girls would try to flirt with James. Your mother could be a possessive little thing. They actually snogged in the Great Hall once so that Lily could stake her claim, as it were. Sirius thought it was hysterical.”
“So were they…? I mean, was it just snogging then?” Harry asked.
“Then, it was, yes. James proposed shortly after we left Hogwarts. They got married the next year. Some time in between then there was more than just snogging. I caught Lily in her bra, once, visiting James.” He shook his head. “But I couldn’t really tell you how much more there was, then. Knowing Lily she made your father wait to go all the way until after the wedding. I know when they were first dating she didn’t let him do more than kiss her goodnight until they were officially a couple. That’s when they started really snogging. Does that answer your question?”
Harry nodded, thoughtfully. “I guess. What about Sirius?”
“Sirius is - was - very much like his animagus form: loyal to a fault. When he loved someone, and I mean this in any capacity, Harry,” Remus leaned towards him, “he gave his whole self to it. It was enough for him to love, and be loved. That said, he was always very faithful.”
“Oh. So he didn’t wait ‘til he was married or anything?”
“No. He did wait until he was absolutely sure that he wanted the relationship to be long term, if not forever. I don’t know if it was being disowned by his family, or a natural distrust the Blacks all had, or just that he put so much of himself into a relationship that he couldn’t afford to have a lover who didn’t give themselves back one hundred percent, but he never slept around.”
Harry nodded again. “What about you, Professor Lupin?”
Remus smiled. “Please, Harry. Just Lupin. Or even Remus, if you can manage.”
Harry hesitated. “Lupin, then. I’m not used to calling adults by their first names.”
Remus nodded understandingly.
“I was a, well a tart, really. At least at first. I’m a werewolf, Harry. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone to love me, so when the opportunity arose in fifth year I took it. To tell you the truth, I barely even remember losing my virginity except that it was awkward and I was drunk and I wished the whole thing hadn’t happened the morning after.” He paused. “I was pretty proud of myself, though. The first of the Marauders to lose his virginity. We’d all bet it would be James.”
“Did you sleep around after that?”
“Hmm,” he frowned. “Well I slept a few more times with the girl I’d lost my virginity to, but it was never really a relationship. After that I had a few one night partners, and then I tried having a lover without telling the poor girl that I was a werewolf. That didn’t last. It wasn’t until nearly the end of Hogwarts that I really fell in love.”
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh. We moved in together after Hogwarts and it was my first real relationship. All in all I’ve slept with less than a dozen people, and I wish the number wasn’t that high. Teenage hormones, Harry, are never a good reason to do anything.”
Harry nodded, looking down at his trainers. He was silent for a long time before blurting out, “Ginny’s dated almost every one of my mates. Except Ron, of course.”
“Of course.”
“Ron had this whole thing with Lavender for a while, you know. I still don’t know what to think of that - not that they really did anything,” he defended.
Remus nodded again.
“Anyway, I think Ginny’s still a virgin, but she went out with Neville and she’s snogged Dean and Michael Corner and I don’t even know who else. No, no that’s unfair of me. It’s just been them, I’m pretty sure.” He looked up at Remus, his forehead creased. “But if she lo- if she really wanted me, I mean, wouldn’t she have waited for me? Or at least, not gone out with all of them? Dean and Neville are my mates, and it’s just awkward.”
“I see,” Remus said. “I can’t tell you the answer to that, Harry. You’d have to ask Ginny. Haven’t you gone out with a few people yourself?”
“Well Ron and I went with the Patil twins to the Yule ball in fourth year, but it was just for fun. We didn’t even dance. And then I kissed Cho Chang once. She was my first kiss. And then there’s been Ginny. That’s all.”
“It sounds like you and Ginny are at about the same place, then,” Remus said.
“Well yeah, but she’s only fifteen. Three relationships by the time you’re fifteen is a lot, don’t you think?”
“It might be. But do you know how serious it was with Neville or Dean or Corner?”
“Well, Neville and she just went to the ball as friends, so I guess he doesn’t count. I’m the third one, I meant. I don’t know how serious she was with Dean, but I know she kissed him. And she snogged Corner.”
“It doesn’t sound like she’s all that different from you. Your father and mother both went out with a few people before dating each other, you know. So did Sirius and I. And Peter, for that matter. Most kids your age do. Its part of growing up - learning what you like and what you don’t like in a boyfriend or girlfriend. If it bothers you though, I still say you should talk to Ginny, hear her side of things.”
“I guess. We’re not together anymore anyway. I can’t… I can’t risk Voldemort coming after her because of me.”
“Did you talk to Ginny about that?” Remus asked.
“Yes. She wasn’t happy but she understood. That’s not the problem. Or it is the problem, but not all of it.” Remus nodded sympathetically, urging Harry to go on. Harry took a deep breath.
“I don’t even know if Ginny is the one, you know? I want… Look, all my life I’ve had to share things. Ron and Hermione are my best mates but they’ve got each other and before that they were still best friends. We share each other. And I’m an orphan, and then there was Sirius and I finally had something for me for just me, but he was taken away. I guess I just want someone who’s only mine. Someone I can share things with where it’s just the two of us. It’s why I brought this up, really.”
“You’ll find someone, Harry. Maybe that someone is Ginny, and maybe it isn’t. But you’re young yet. Don’t rush to find something lifelong when you don’t have a complete idea what that something is. Be patient. It’ll be worth it, I promise you.”
Harry smiled. “Thank you prof-, Lupin. Remus.”
Remus grinned. “You’re welcome, Harry.”
“Lupin?”
“Yes?”
“You didn’t tell the rest of the story. You moved in together after Hogwarts and then what? Did you get married or something? And when did you sleep together?”
Remus gave him an odd look, mouth quirked up on one side. “Or something,” he agreed. “When did we sleep together? A few days before we left Hogwarts, after our NEWTS. Mostly it was a rush of hormones after all the stress, but we were both in love and we knew it, and we both knew it would be long term, if not forever. And it was.” He smiled sadly.
“So is that why, with Tonks, you don’t want to marry her?”
“Oh Harry. It’s not that I don’t want to marry Tonks. It’s that, well, I’m a widower, I guess, and I’ve lost my best friend. You’d think I’d be used to this, really.” He looked sad, and Harry swallowed hard at the reminder of Sirius’ death.
“I’m not ready,” said Remus. “Dora is, I’m not. In the mean time we’re taking it slowly. And if you’re going to ask, no, I haven’t done anything sexual with her.”
Harry blushed and mumbled a protest.
“I don’t mind you asking,” Remus explained. “I’m glad we had this conversation. You know you can come to me with things like this, yes? I know I’m not Sirius, but-”
“No! Its ok, I know. I - thanks again, Remus.” Impulsively Harry threw his arms around his former professor, hugging him close. Remus returned his embrace and rubbed the back of the Harry’s head briefly. Harry grinned as he backed out of the hug and ran one hand through his hair before darting out the door and up the stairs, taking them two at a time up to his bedroom.
By: Venilia
HP, R/S (subtext), H/G, R/N, PG
Description: "...Not that talk. McGonagall gave me some books to read over summer hols before fourth year. I know all about that."
Title is a quote from LOTR:FOTR.
It was the week before Bill and Fleur’s wedding. Harry was staying at Grimmauld Place for the week, as were Remus, (who lived there almost permanently. Harry had offered him a job as its keeper) Hermione, and several other wedding guests who were also members of the order. Ron and Ginny were there too because, “Mum’s become unbearable, cleaning the house from top to bottom for the wedding. You’d think we were housing Merlin himself not relatives,” according to Ron.
But today Ron was getting his new robes for the wedding fitted, and Hermione and Ginny were shopping in Diagon Alley. Most everyone else were off helping with the wedding or busy staying out of Fleur and Molly’s way and that suited Harry perfectly.
It had been hard, staying in the same house as Ginny after they’d broken it off. Ginny was a good sport about it and tried not to end up alone with Harry, but sometimes he caught her looking at him wistfully. It had brought up all sorts of questions in his mind about what being Ginny’s boyfriend again would be like, about what would have happened between them had their relationship not come to an abrupt end after only a few weeks. After mulling over it for most of the morning Harry went off in search of answers. He thought he knew someone who could answer his questions.
Remus looked a bit surprised when Harry plopped down on the sofa next to him. Still he placed his finger in between the pages of his book and turned to the boy.
“Harry. How are you?”
“I’m fine, Professor,” Harry answered, thinking I have something to ask you and I’m not sure how to do it.
Remus pondered Harry for a moment as Harry avoided his gaze. That was his professor look. He knew something was up.
“Then what can I do for you?” Remus finally rejoined and Harry breathed out a sigh of relief. Good. Harry looked him straight in the eye.
“I saw you and Tonks holding hands at the… at the funeral.” Dumbledore’s death was still too new a thing for Harry to touch. Remus smiled in a way that meant Harry had spilled more than he’d meant to with his comment.
“Dora, or Tonks, rather, is a good friend, Harry,” Remus said, “And maybe something more. But holding hands doesn’t mean we’re engaged you know.”
Harry frowned. “Dora?”
At this Remus laughed. “Well, I knew her when she was still Dora. Sirius dragged both your dad and I into babysitting duties a few times, actually.” His eyes crinkled. “Andromeda was Sirius’ favorite cousin, you see. Even before she was disowned, although of his cousins Cissy was his playmate.”
“Cissy?”
“Yes. Narcissa.”
“Narcissa… Not Malfoy? Draco Malfoy’s mum?”
“Well, they were the same age. It didn’t last long, their friendship. Even before Sirius went to Hogwarts she started playing with dolls and he with his Wizard’s First Broom. You know, the ones that don’t go more than four feet off the ground?” he held his hand a few feet above the ground.
“But anyway,” Remus continued, “with no female family members to foist little Dora off on Sirius became the defacto babysitter whenever she needed a night off. He wasn’t bad, actually. Dora loved him, but then that might have had more to do with all the sugar he’d feed her.”
Harry laughed, starting to relax. “Odd to think of you being Dora’s babysitter. Tonks I mean! Tonks! She’d kill me if she heard me call her Dora, wouldn’t she?”
“She’d prank you, at least.”
Harry cocked his head, considering. “What would she be called if you got married? Lupin? But we couldn’t very well go on calling her Tonks. Could we?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, I expect.” Remus answered, folding his hands. “And I’m not quite ready to think about marrying her yet.” He sighed and looked into the fire. Quietly, more to himself than Harry, he said, “I don’t know that I’ll ever be.”
Harry leaned back against the sofa. “It’s strange, thinking of you kissing someone you and my dad and Sirius used to babysit.”
Remus snorted. “So you’ve seen us kissing too?”
Harry blushed. “Noooo,” he evaded, “Not exactly.”
Remus turned to face Harry fully and asked, “What’s bothering you, Harry?”
“Well it’s just - I mean, it’s so soon. And you have kissed, haven’t you?”
“Yes, we have.”
Harry was sure he was the colour of a tomato by now. “Have you done… more?” he managed.
“…Not really,” Remus finally answered. “Is that what you’re wondering about?”
“It’s just, it’s Ginny, see? Well, not so much her, but anyone. Someone, someday. Maybe her. But no one’s ever had that talk with me.”
Remus drew in a deep breath and Harry hurried to reassure him, “Not that talk. McGonagall gave me some books to read over summer hols before fourth year. I know all about that.”
Remus seemed amused. “Do you, now?”
“But no one’s ever told me… I mean, if my mum and dad were alive - and then there was Sirius, but…”
“Harry, are you asking me about losing your virginity?” Remus asked gently.
“No!” Harry protested, quickly. “Or, um… yes? I think so. At least, when’s it right and when’s it wrong and just,” he gestured helplessly at the air, “all that.”
“Ah,” Remus leaned forward towards the fire and warmed his hands. Harry was grateful as this meant he didn’t have to face his former professor head on. “Those books,” Remus asked, “did they talk about consent? That ‘no’ means ‘no’, no matter what?”
“If a girl says ‘no’ then I have to stop,” Harry intoned back. “But that’s not really my question.”
“It’s not just if a girl says ‘no’, Harry,” Remus met his eyes, “it’s if you say ‘no’ too. And I know that’s not your question, I just wanted to make sure that’d been covered. You want to know what your dad and mum would have said to your being intimate with another person.”
Harry nodded, relieved that Remus had got it.
“Well Harry, to tell you the truth I don’t know for sure. You were a bit young for them to begin worrying about that sort of thing.”
“But-” Harry began.
“But I can tell you,” Remus continued, “what they themselves did.”
Harry blinked in surprise. “You can?”
“I did share a dorm room with your father for seven year,” Remus reminded him, “besides being one of his best friends. And your mother was a good friend too, later on.”
Harry though about it. That made sense.
“Your father,” Remus began, “fancied your mother from about third year on. But… well we talked about Snape’s pensieve. James could come across as awfully arrogant. He had a good heart, though, and was as good a friend as you could find anywhere. The four of us - the Marauders - were like family.
“Your mother didn’t really care for him until about the middle of sixth year. And they didn’t go out until just before seventh year.” He smiled. “James had learned some sensitivity that year, through no fault of his own.”
“Why’s that?” Harry asked.
Remus didn’t smile. “Sirius and I were fighting and he was forced to play middleman for a while. Also, the war was looming closer and James realized that we were growing up and would probably be joining it soon.” Remus shrugged. “He grew up.
“Seventh year they were head boy and head girl. And they were dating. As their friends we knew that it was serious from the start, but it took the rest of Hogwarts a few months to understand that.” he chuckled. “It used to drive Lily mad when other girls would try to flirt with James. Your mother could be a possessive little thing. They actually snogged in the Great Hall once so that Lily could stake her claim, as it were. Sirius thought it was hysterical.”
“So were they…? I mean, was it just snogging then?” Harry asked.
“Then, it was, yes. James proposed shortly after we left Hogwarts. They got married the next year. Some time in between then there was more than just snogging. I caught Lily in her bra, once, visiting James.” He shook his head. “But I couldn’t really tell you how much more there was, then. Knowing Lily she made your father wait to go all the way until after the wedding. I know when they were first dating she didn’t let him do more than kiss her goodnight until they were officially a couple. That’s when they started really snogging. Does that answer your question?”
Harry nodded, thoughtfully. “I guess. What about Sirius?”
“Sirius is - was - very much like his animagus form: loyal to a fault. When he loved someone, and I mean this in any capacity, Harry,” Remus leaned towards him, “he gave his whole self to it. It was enough for him to love, and be loved. That said, he was always very faithful.”
“Oh. So he didn’t wait ‘til he was married or anything?”
“No. He did wait until he was absolutely sure that he wanted the relationship to be long term, if not forever. I don’t know if it was being disowned by his family, or a natural distrust the Blacks all had, or just that he put so much of himself into a relationship that he couldn’t afford to have a lover who didn’t give themselves back one hundred percent, but he never slept around.”
Harry nodded again. “What about you, Professor Lupin?”
Remus smiled. “Please, Harry. Just Lupin. Or even Remus, if you can manage.”
Harry hesitated. “Lupin, then. I’m not used to calling adults by their first names.”
Remus nodded understandingly.
“I was a, well a tart, really. At least at first. I’m a werewolf, Harry. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone to love me, so when the opportunity arose in fifth year I took it. To tell you the truth, I barely even remember losing my virginity except that it was awkward and I was drunk and I wished the whole thing hadn’t happened the morning after.” He paused. “I was pretty proud of myself, though. The first of the Marauders to lose his virginity. We’d all bet it would be James.”
“Did you sleep around after that?”
“Hmm,” he frowned. “Well I slept a few more times with the girl I’d lost my virginity to, but it was never really a relationship. After that I had a few one night partners, and then I tried having a lover without telling the poor girl that I was a werewolf. That didn’t last. It wasn’t until nearly the end of Hogwarts that I really fell in love.”
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh. We moved in together after Hogwarts and it was my first real relationship. All in all I’ve slept with less than a dozen people, and I wish the number wasn’t that high. Teenage hormones, Harry, are never a good reason to do anything.”
Harry nodded, looking down at his trainers. He was silent for a long time before blurting out, “Ginny’s dated almost every one of my mates. Except Ron, of course.”
“Of course.”
“Ron had this whole thing with Lavender for a while, you know. I still don’t know what to think of that - not that they really did anything,” he defended.
Remus nodded again.
“Anyway, I think Ginny’s still a virgin, but she went out with Neville and she’s snogged Dean and Michael Corner and I don’t even know who else. No, no that’s unfair of me. It’s just been them, I’m pretty sure.” He looked up at Remus, his forehead creased. “But if she lo- if she really wanted me, I mean, wouldn’t she have waited for me? Or at least, not gone out with all of them? Dean and Neville are my mates, and it’s just awkward.”
“I see,” Remus said. “I can’t tell you the answer to that, Harry. You’d have to ask Ginny. Haven’t you gone out with a few people yourself?”
“Well Ron and I went with the Patil twins to the Yule ball in fourth year, but it was just for fun. We didn’t even dance. And then I kissed Cho Chang once. She was my first kiss. And then there’s been Ginny. That’s all.”
“It sounds like you and Ginny are at about the same place, then,” Remus said.
“Well yeah, but she’s only fifteen. Three relationships by the time you’re fifteen is a lot, don’t you think?”
“It might be. But do you know how serious it was with Neville or Dean or Corner?”
“Well, Neville and she just went to the ball as friends, so I guess he doesn’t count. I’m the third one, I meant. I don’t know how serious she was with Dean, but I know she kissed him. And she snogged Corner.”
“It doesn’t sound like she’s all that different from you. Your father and mother both went out with a few people before dating each other, you know. So did Sirius and I. And Peter, for that matter. Most kids your age do. Its part of growing up - learning what you like and what you don’t like in a boyfriend or girlfriend. If it bothers you though, I still say you should talk to Ginny, hear her side of things.”
“I guess. We’re not together anymore anyway. I can’t… I can’t risk Voldemort coming after her because of me.”
“Did you talk to Ginny about that?” Remus asked.
“Yes. She wasn’t happy but she understood. That’s not the problem. Or it is the problem, but not all of it.” Remus nodded sympathetically, urging Harry to go on. Harry took a deep breath.
“I don’t even know if Ginny is the one, you know? I want… Look, all my life I’ve had to share things. Ron and Hermione are my best mates but they’ve got each other and before that they were still best friends. We share each other. And I’m an orphan, and then there was Sirius and I finally had something for me for just me, but he was taken away. I guess I just want someone who’s only mine. Someone I can share things with where it’s just the two of us. It’s why I brought this up, really.”
“You’ll find someone, Harry. Maybe that someone is Ginny, and maybe it isn’t. But you’re young yet. Don’t rush to find something lifelong when you don’t have a complete idea what that something is. Be patient. It’ll be worth it, I promise you.”
Harry smiled. “Thank you prof-, Lupin. Remus.”
Remus grinned. “You’re welcome, Harry.”
“Lupin?”
“Yes?”
“You didn’t tell the rest of the story. You moved in together after Hogwarts and then what? Did you get married or something? And when did you sleep together?”
Remus gave him an odd look, mouth quirked up on one side. “Or something,” he agreed. “When did we sleep together? A few days before we left Hogwarts, after our NEWTS. Mostly it was a rush of hormones after all the stress, but we were both in love and we knew it, and we both knew it would be long term, if not forever. And it was.” He smiled sadly.
“So is that why, with Tonks, you don’t want to marry her?”
“Oh Harry. It’s not that I don’t want to marry Tonks. It’s that, well, I’m a widower, I guess, and I’ve lost my best friend. You’d think I’d be used to this, really.” He looked sad, and Harry swallowed hard at the reminder of Sirius’ death.
“I’m not ready,” said Remus. “Dora is, I’m not. In the mean time we’re taking it slowly. And if you’re going to ask, no, I haven’t done anything sexual with her.”
Harry blushed and mumbled a protest.
“I don’t mind you asking,” Remus explained. “I’m glad we had this conversation. You know you can come to me with things like this, yes? I know I’m not Sirius, but-”
“No! Its ok, I know. I - thanks again, Remus.” Impulsively Harry threw his arms around his former professor, hugging him close. Remus returned his embrace and rubbed the back of the Harry’s head briefly. Harry grinned as he backed out of the hug and ran one hand through his hair before darting out the door and up the stairs, taking them two at a time up to his bedroom.