r/s fic for pharrezychica

[venny_jones]

Title: The Drowned Phoenician Sailor
By: Venilia
HP, RL/SB, R
Description: It goes like this

Comments

[spacefragments]

Oh, beautiful. I love the whole progression of their relationship. I'm not completely sold on the last paragraph, but the rest of it is just perfect. I think the style works well, but then again I'm not a writer. :) It just sounds well to me. And I have a fondness for parentheses, so that helps too. :D

[venny_jones]

The last bit too trite? I wanted to bring the circle to some sort of close. *scratches head*

Glad you like the style. It was a major pain to code, let me tell you!

My english teachers deplore my parentheses. "Oh no," they say to themselves, "It's another essay by that Jones girl. I'll have to hack through the parentheses with a machete!"

[spacefragments]

oh no, not too trite. i just thought it wasn't necessary (i personally liked the slightly-more-open previous paragraph as an ending), but i guess that if you want the story to come full-circle, then it *is* necessary.

i try to cut down on the parentheses when i write essays, haha.

[isisanubis]

oh.

the normalcy of everything. the way you write it like it's ABOUT them. heart breaking and beautiful

[venny_jones]

Glad it worked for you! One of the reasons I love Remus/Sirius is because we get drama galore, but we also see them as an old married couple (or as good as), so in fic us fans can explore everywhere in between. You don't get that as much in other fandoms.

Thanks for commenting!

[brighty18]

This is so very well done! I love the narrative voice and the subtle progression of the story. And the rhythm really works for me, too. Those small, declarative sentences interspersing the longer narrative passages were very effective at establishing mood. I just felt so much for poor Remus.

[venny_jones]

I'm a sucker for small, declaritive sentences in lit (Raymond Carver? Yes please!). Unfortunately I've a tendency to preference them with long, rambling run-ons.

I'm so glad this worked for you. Very relieved someone other than me can get heads or tails out of it.

Thank you for commenting!

[quartetship]

How achingly beautiful! This was wonderful, I liked the almost poetic feel of the rhythm, and the way you can really feel what the characters are going through. Oh, you get so many kudos for this! *applauds* :)

[venny_jones]

*bows* *blushes*

I'm so glad you like this. Thank you for commenting!

[venny_jones]

Thank you so much! It's always interesting to experiment with style.

(Love your icon, btw.)