Heart's Desire
I wanted to marry Alain so badly.
That was all I wanted. I didn't care if I never modelled or sang or acted again, as long as I could be Mrs Alain Delon.
I never got it. He never wanted me that way. But I wanted him. I did so many things for him. Let him beat me until I bled. Let him fuck me in places I don't even want to think of. Locations, not in me. Though the anal sex hurt, I know it's because he didn't take the time to get me ready properly. I fucked people in front of him if he mentioned that he'd like to see me with my tongue inside them.
I don't know any more why I did it.
I would never have lasted as his wife. I'd have submitted to him completely, I'd have given my mind over to him. Had his child, turned the other way when he had his little chippies. Which is all I ever was to him.
He didn't think of me as a possible wife. He thought of me as a body he wanted. A voice that he could listen to as it seduced him. A sex toy to fuck his other sex toys with. Not that he ever fucked men. Just said he'd like to watch me with them. Like that isn't a latent sign… give me someone who's up front about sex, not a repressed idiot.
I'd have died married to him. Died by now, probably, in all but body.
The only good thing out of our relationship was Ari.
In this case, it's a very good thing I didn't get my heart's desire.
I'm much happier with Lou.
Muse: Nico
Fandom: RPF