The women need commitment to have sex myth

[venussuz]

Of course I can't speak for every woman, but I keep hearing and seeing that women need a deep emotional commitment to have sex. No doubt this is true of some women, hell, likely even most of them. But there's a certain percentage of us who just plain enjoy sex. No, it's not commitment phobia, given that I'm seriously involved with 2 men and

Comments

[lefthand]

I think a lot of people have problems sorting out what they feel they are supposed to want from what they really want. In some cases, the muddle is so complete that they aren't really sure themselves about the source of their confusion

[beckyzoole]

I think a lot of people want a commited relationship before having sex simply because they believe it provides them with a buffer against rejection. This is, of course, a mistake because there are an awful lot of patient people out there who will say all the right things, get off and get gone. This leaves the person feeling "used" and "cheap". I find that a little curious.

A lot of it is from cultural conditioning that is never questioned.

But I've been hurt when someone said all the right things, got off and got gone. I wouldn't say that I felt "cheap", but, yeah, absolutely "used". Betrayed, deceived, lied to, let down... the downside is realizing that someone you love not only never loved you, they were playing you for a fool and using you for whatever they could get. I can't give you a utilitarian reason for why that hurts so much. It has nothing to do with attitudes towards sex.

[lefthand]

That is the downside of demanding a commitment in return for sex (the defacto model, which is why jerks learn how to be Sensitive New Age Guys who subsequently act like any other asshole after they come). Someone who knows the right lies to tell easily circumvents the protection of the commitment requirement and does a lot more damage in the process.

Personally, I tend to assume all relationships are temporary, they last only as long as both people want to be there. It's strange that my "temporary" relationships tend to outlive most people's "forever".

[beckyzoole]

Hey, I have never demanded a commitment in return for sex!

[beckyzoole]

Hi there!

I've found that a long-term relationship makes sex better, and also that when I have a crush on someone I'm just not all that interested in other people. But sex is certainly fun, and I've never needed an emotional commitment for that!

[venussuz]

A long term relationship definitely makes sex better because you learn each other's likes and dislikes, and that takes time. Having a crush on someone never stopped me from getting interested in someone else, but that's me.
Sex is definitely fun (not to mention healthy) and I'm glad to hear you never needed an emotional commitment for it. That shows a belief in yourself that many people lack. I say that because sex without commitment (to me) means you're secure enough to say "I want this and I don't need empty promises or false hopes to reach out and take it!" Good for you - I wish more women felt the same.