Adventures in Bad Cooking
Sooo...yeah. I've had a bad night in the kitchen.
We bought some plums at Sams, so you know how many we had. We ate a bunch of them, but they were going bad too fast to keep eating. I began to look up ways to use them in bread since I'd had such a good time making who bread. This was not the best idea it would seem.
First, I didn't have the exact stuff to go in the bread and I decided to "wing" it. Stupid. I used a box of nilla pudding instead of yogurt and then my mom said I could add some milk and some sour cream to help it moisten up. Yeah. That was stupid too it would seem.
While I was trying to get the pans together, I cut my arm on the door to the bottom cabinet. I know, HOW? Here was my next sign - stop now.
But no, I kept on, the plums would spoil!
I got it all mixed up and the pans were VERY full, with lots of fruit juice between the layers of the batter. Humm. I guess it's ok, let bake these puppies!
Stupid stupid stupid stupid
I popped them in the oven, a toasty 350. I sat down to knit on my entrelac scarf. A few minutes into the 50 minute bake I smelled something. Humm...what could that be, too soon for the bread to smell like that. Hey, D, go stick a pan under those pans to make sure it doesn't flow over the sides and into the oven. "Oh, like it already did?!" he says from the kitchen. Damn. I get up to go check on it because, he is a man after all.
I get up and see this little flame dancing in the oven. NOT GOOD - electric stove = no flames. I holler to D and run to the pantry for baking soda and douse the flame. Whew, catastrophe averted.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid
I then realize that the crud overflowing from the pans is going to burn onto our good cookie sheet. Take that out, cover in tinfoil. Again, catastrophe averted.
Suuuure
Well, I bebop into the living room. Knit knit knit knit knit knit knit knit
And I smell it and the smoke is still really strong. WTF?
The crud on the tinfoiled pan is burning and smoking this time. Damn. Pull the pan out to change the tinfoil and burn my finger. THROUGH THE POTHOLDER!!!!
Yeah. Fun.
Back into the oven for the rest of the timed bake. Check the bread, not done. Top browning quickly. Set timer for longer. Knit knit knit knit knit
Check bread again, toothpick comes out clean. Whew, catastrophe averted, bread is done in the nick of time!
Sit bread out to cool 15 minutes per recipe. Go to turn out bread.
Bread sticks. Cut bread out. Falls onto plate with a wet thud. Damn. Lift pan to see:
Hell
So, I think, maybe the thinner loaf/cake is better. I tump it over,
and look into the pan
Stupid stupid stupid stupid
D tried it and says I make a good loaf cobbler. Not so much for the bread though.
So I quit. The kitchen, the oven, and the stupid flippin' potholders are NOT my friends anymore. I'm not gonna play with them from now on. I'll find new friends. Oh, the burn is on my knitting hand, on the finger that holds my needle. Bastards.
We bought some plums at Sams, so you know how many we had. We ate a bunch of them, but they were going bad too fast to keep eating. I began to look up ways to use them in bread since I'd had such a good time making who bread. This was not the best idea it would seem.
First, I didn't have the exact stuff to go in the bread and I decided to "wing" it. Stupid. I used a box of nilla pudding instead of yogurt and then my mom said I could add some milk and some sour cream to help it moisten up. Yeah. That was stupid too it would seem.
While I was trying to get the pans together, I cut my arm on the door to the bottom cabinet. I know, HOW? Here was my next sign - stop now.
But no, I kept on, the plums would spoil!
I got it all mixed up and the pans were VERY full, with lots of fruit juice between the layers of the batter. Humm. I guess it's ok, let bake these puppies!
Stupid stupid stupid stupid
I popped them in the oven, a toasty 350. I sat down to knit on my entrelac scarf. A few minutes into the 50 minute bake I smelled something. Humm...what could that be, too soon for the bread to smell like that. Hey, D, go stick a pan under those pans to make sure it doesn't flow over the sides and into the oven. "Oh, like it already did?!" he says from the kitchen. Damn. I get up to go check on it because, he is a man after all.
I get up and see this little flame dancing in the oven. NOT GOOD - electric stove = no flames. I holler to D and run to the pantry for baking soda and douse the flame. Whew, catastrophe averted.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid
I then realize that the crud overflowing from the pans is going to burn onto our good cookie sheet. Take that out, cover in tinfoil. Again, catastrophe averted.
Suuuure
Well, I bebop into the living room. Knit knit knit knit knit knit knit knit
And I smell it and the smoke is still really strong. WTF?
The crud on the tinfoiled pan is burning and smoking this time. Damn. Pull the pan out to change the tinfoil and burn my finger. THROUGH THE POTHOLDER!!!!
Yeah. Fun.
Back into the oven for the rest of the timed bake. Check the bread, not done. Top browning quickly. Set timer for longer. Knit knit knit knit knit
Check bread again, toothpick comes out clean. Whew, catastrophe averted, bread is done in the nick of time!
Sit bread out to cool 15 minutes per recipe. Go to turn out bread.
Bread sticks. Cut bread out. Falls onto plate with a wet thud. Damn. Lift pan to see:
Hell
So, I think, maybe the thinner loaf/cake is better. I tump it over,
and look into the pan
Stupid stupid stupid stupid
D tried it and says I make a good loaf cobbler. Not so much for the bread though.
So I quit. The kitchen, the oven, and the stupid flippin' potholders are NOT my friends anymore. I'm not gonna play with them from now on. I'll find new friends. Oh, the burn is on my knitting hand, on the finger that holds my needle. Bastards.