(no subject)
has anyone located the reset button for this semester?? because i would dearly like to find it right about now. for serious.
today has just been a day full of Not Good Things. and you know it's serious if i'm actually capitalizing shit. when i get down to specifics, it doesn't seem as bad i think, but it is. trust me. it was probably all kick started by the fact that i did jack shit this weekend until yesterday and even then, what i did was finally unpack [after being here for two weeks...] and not the gods awful heaps of reading i should have done for classes. so i was unprepared for classes today in general. on top of that, i stayed up til nearly 2 am trying to get reading done for my 9.30 latin class, completely ignoring the fact that a) it would make me tired and b) we've gote a game today and 6.5 hours of sleep isn't fucking enough. so i've been half brain-dead all day and was not able to take the nap i was banking on after lunch because i'd forgotten about the epic class i'm auditing. so no nap yet, although i'm planning on that in a few.
but! the cherry on top of today's 'fuck you' sundae was one of my girls quitting the team. i'm not naming names for those of you out there who would recognize, and if you think you know, kindly don't spread it around just yet. i only talked to her briefly, but she explained some of what's going on and i understand why she wants to stop. she's dealt with a lot in the past couple years because of soccer and she's really lost her desire to play in recent months. thing is, i understand, but that doesn't keep me from feeling upset, betrayed, and just downright pissed off. i understand, but that doesn't necessarily make it okay with me. i have a fundamental problem with someone commiting to a team, and a team which relied heavily on her experience at that, and then backing out of that commitment. it was something my parents drilled into me from a young age, and i can't help but balk at those who can just walk away. i know it's not that easy for her, i know she's struggling some with it, and i really do get why she can't take it any more....but i can't help my frustration at her decision. i guess the silver lining here is that at least she's leaving before the season has truly gotten underway and not leaving us in the lurch at the conference tourney. and i want her to be happy, but i want to be selfish and keep her on the team as well. it's my senior fucking year, goddammit, and i just want things to work out!! but shit just keeps falling apart and i'm not sure what to do to keep things together.
so i apologize if i'm not a little ray of sunshine in the near future. i'm just so tired of all of this.
today has just been a day full of Not Good Things. and you know it's serious if i'm actually capitalizing shit. when i get down to specifics, it doesn't seem as bad i think, but it is. trust me. it was probably all kick started by the fact that i did jack shit this weekend until yesterday and even then, what i did was finally unpack [after being here for two weeks...] and not the gods awful heaps of reading i should have done for classes. so i was unprepared for classes today in general. on top of that, i stayed up til nearly 2 am trying to get reading done for my 9.30 latin class, completely ignoring the fact that a) it would make me tired and b) we've gote a game today and 6.5 hours of sleep isn't fucking enough. so i've been half brain-dead all day and was not able to take the nap i was banking on after lunch because i'd forgotten about the epic class i'm auditing. so no nap yet, although i'm planning on that in a few.
but! the cherry on top of today's 'fuck you' sundae was one of my girls quitting the team. i'm not naming names for those of you out there who would recognize, and if you think you know, kindly don't spread it around just yet. i only talked to her briefly, but she explained some of what's going on and i understand why she wants to stop. she's dealt with a lot in the past couple years because of soccer and she's really lost her desire to play in recent months. thing is, i understand, but that doesn't keep me from feeling upset, betrayed, and just downright pissed off. i understand, but that doesn't necessarily make it okay with me. i have a fundamental problem with someone commiting to a team, and a team which relied heavily on her experience at that, and then backing out of that commitment. it was something my parents drilled into me from a young age, and i can't help but balk at those who can just walk away. i know it's not that easy for her, i know she's struggling some with it, and i really do get why she can't take it any more....but i can't help my frustration at her decision. i guess the silver lining here is that at least she's leaving before the season has truly gotten underway and not leaving us in the lurch at the conference tourney. and i want her to be happy, but i want to be selfish and keep her on the team as well. it's my senior fucking year, goddammit, and i just want things to work out!! but shit just keeps falling apart and i'm not sure what to do to keep things together.
so i apologize if i'm not a little ray of sunshine in the near future. i'm just so tired of all of this.