BellaxJacob Big Bang Fic 2010: Lone Wolf, Part 2

[riderofrohan8]

It had finally happened. The pressure that had been building for so long had finally reached its breaking point. One moment I was there, contained in myself, in the body I had always known. Then the dam burst. It was like every molecule of my being had exploded and for one second that felt like an eternity I ceased to exist. Then each atom, which had blasted off into oblivion, came rushing back to the center point that was my consciousness. But they assumed the wrong shape; the fragments rearranged themselves into a strange, expanded figure. A second ago, I had been Bella Swan-five feet four inches of bone and muscle, distinctly human. Now I was something else. I felt bigger, but my line of vision had descended. I felt unstable; I could feel every cell of my body shivering as it sought to find a new position. It wasn’t pain, exactly. It just felt wrong. As I looked down to examine myself, taking in my new form, the truth hit me with the force of a cargo jet. Four legs? Why am I on four legs? Where did all this hair come from? Why can I see my own nose? But that’s not my nose, not the nose I had a second ago.

I was a wolf. As realization struck, I skittered backward, trying to physically remove myself from this knowledge. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. Before I could even begin freaking out about the impossibility of it all, I focused on the more important issue-how to become myself again.

I closed my eyes, willing myself to magically transform back into a human. Or at least to travel back in time to just before this nightmare had begun. That would be good too. I was willing to take anything I could get at this point.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t as though I could just waltz back into the house (assuming I could even open the door with these paws) and say “Hey Charlie, what’s up, sorry I’m late. What’s for dinner? Got any raw meat?” It’d probably all come out in barks and snarls. And I was sure Charlie would notice that I looked different sooner or later.

I took stock of the current situation. Here I was, in the middle of a forest, stuck in the body of an overgrown dog. I had to figure out how to work within these confines. I made a small circle a few times, then lay down and rested my muzzle on my paws. Paws. I had paws. And a muzzle. Good God.

I closed my eyes and whined. Focus, Bella. There has to be something you can do. Without my sight, I realized how much I could smell. There was the wetness, first and foremost, a top layer which rested on everything. Then there was the musky scent of the earth. Beneath that I could catch faint traces of life; I couldn’t explain how I knew this, but I could sense a warmth that radiated from each small creature around me. If I raised my head, I realized I could also distinguish between the forest floor and the cool freshness of the open air above me, filtering down from the canopy of trees. I could also hear, better than I ever had before: the rustling of squirrels and chipmunks, the slight scratching of insects in the soil, and the faint flap of birds’ wings. If I listened closer, I could hear the stirring of people in their homes, further off. For a moment I was so enthralled by my heightened senses that I forgot to be disconcerted at my predicament. For a moment, I forgot I was an animal.

I opened my eyes again. If I made an effort not to look at myself, I could put that thought to the back of my mind. I looked around, honing in to the tiny details that had somehow always eluded my weak human eyes. I could see every insect in detail, distinguish between individual squirrels. I noticed irregular markings on tree bark, and tracks left behind by larger animals. If I sniffed them, I could tell how long ago the animal had been through this area. I didn’t know how I knew this, but I wasn’t up to questioning my new wolfy instincts just yet.

I became so interested in my new abilities, I got up and trotted forward, ready to explore. After a few strides, I turned back to examine my own paw prints. I was surprised to find that my tracks were significantly smaller than those of Jacob and his pack.

Jacob. I had nearly forgotten about him in all this turmoil. My initial reaction was hopeful. Jacob could help me! But then I remembered our most recent conversations. I would never do this to you. He hadn't followed me. I certainly wasn't welcome in the pack, since Sam had ordered me to stay away. I felt lonelier than ever.

In the distance I could hear snatches of conversation. “How many times have I told you to look both ways before you cross the street?” “Wash up, time for dinner.” “I was thinking of going to Kevin’s to watch the game…” I wished I could go home to Charlie, but that was out of the question. Not until I figured out how to regain my human body.

I sighed. I just needed to think. I could feel a restless itching in my muscles that told me to run before the thought could even form in my mind. All I needed was to clear my head.

So I ran.

Running like this reminded me of my dream. For the first time since the awful transformation, I felt good. I had never been able to run like this as Bella Swan, Adoraklutz. This didn’t require thought; it was as simple as breathing. My legs moved of their own accord, effortlessly. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Power surged to the very tips of my toes, a delicious thrill running through me as each leg pushed off the ground.

For the first few hours, I forgot that the point of the run was to allow me to think clearly. Thinking became less important as I enjoyed the feeling of running any significant distance without falling in a heap or causing anyone grievous injury. I briefly wondered how far I had gone, but this thought was quickly driven out of my head as another canine instinct kicked in.

Hunger.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had eaten. This thought pushed itself to the fore as a hare leapt across my path. Instinct kicked in. Food. Before I could form a coherent argument against the matter, I had stretched my body long, pulling in close to the ground, and pounced on the hare. Catching it between my teeth, I snapped its neck cleanly and began to pull at the carcass. After the first bite, Bella came back.

What the hell are you doing, that is RAW. That is a dead animal that you just BIT DEAD and it was a BUNNY what is WRONG WITH YOU. PUT THAT DOWN.

The wolf responded. I was hungry. It was there. Now I’m eating it.

You could have waited to find a convenience store or something!

The wolf laughed, a deep barking laugh. This was an odd feeling. I no longer felt like myself, like Bella had temporarily assumed a different form. It was as though I was sharing this body with a wolf that had never evacuated but was courteous enough to allow me to stay for a while. While the wolf ate, and enjoyed it, I felt nauseous. Or I would have, if I had a stomach that didn’t belong to a wild animal. I was disgusted with myself. Even if I could become human again, I wasn’t sure I could ever live this down.

Finally, the wolf finished. Once the savage instincts subsided, I tried to put this whole experience behind me. I just wouldn’t eat again until I was human, that’s all. I just needed to wash the gamey taste from my mouth. I cocked my head, angling my ears to the sound of rushing water, and followed the noise to a stream. As I lowered my head to take a drink (I tried not to think about lapping water with my tongue; that would take ages) I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I had come to expect the canine appearance-a white wolf, with thick fur, poised gracefully on slender legs. That wasn’t what shocked me. It was the blood staining my muzzle that knocked the breath right out of me. I looked dangerous. Evil. I closed my eyes and continued to lower my head, drinking and shaking my head occasionally to wash off the blood.

I got up again once my thirst was quenched and my face was clean. I was met with another shock: across the stream stood a pack of wolves. The two largest stood in front, closest to me; the other four stood beside and somewhat behind them. I was overwhelmed by another instinct. Fear.

These wolves didn’t look friendly, exactly. But they hadn’t attacked me yet, either. They stood gazing at me shrewdly, not blinking. The wolf instincts kicked in again. Show submission.

I lowered my head, still maintaining eye contact, and lowered my tail as well. (I tried not to think about the fact that I had a tail. The thought had eluded me until now; it could wait a little longer.) I whined, a pathetic, high-pitched sound of deference. This seemed to please the wolves somewhat, and I was thankful once more for these wolf senses. I stretched my forelegs out in front of me, leaning into them, inclining my head even further. As I did this, the wolf pack crossed the stream.

Now that they were closer, I was afraid to look at them. I looked resolutely at the ground, hoping they wouldn’t attack me. The largest wolf stepped forward, towering over me. It wasn’t that he had a voice, or could communicate telepathically; I just intuitively knew what he was saying. It must have been a combination of body language and wolf instinct.

“You have come dangerously close to crossing into our territory.” I whined pitifully. “That stream is the southern border. You’re lucky that rabbit was on the wrong side.” I looked up hopefully. Maybe my luck was changing after all. “You have come a long way. I do not recognize you.” Somehow, impossibly, I was able to answer.

“I have come from the Olympic Peninsula. I do not know where I am. I’m…lost.” I had no other way to describe it; I doubted these wild wolves would understand “well, I was human this morning, but something happened and now I’m magically a wolf and I just ended up here. Sorry about that.” I wasn’t sure if ignorance of wolf law would be a good excuse anyway.

The wolf looked toward the second largest, a female judging by the softer scent, and they exchanged a curious glance. He turned back to me. “You speak strangely. You are west of the region Man calls Tok. This is our territory line; it ends at the mountain McKinley.” He stopped and gazed at me evenly, making no effort to continue speaking. Finally I grew uncomfortable, and began to back away.

“I’m sorry I disturbed you. I’ll just…go back now.” Not that I had anywhere in particular to go, but I was eager to leave these real wolves behind.

“We are in no man’s land. We will travel with you to Yakutat, where the boundary ends. It is not safe to travel alone these days.” I gulped. I appreciated the generosity, but the female didn’t seem to share her mate’s sentiments. The other wolves looked completely indifferent. I guessed that they would do whatever their Alpha told them to do. I felt a pang of resentment as I thought of Sam having total control of his own pack.

“Thank you, but I think I’ll be okay…”

“You are not all wolf. You are something Other.” This wasn’t a question, and he certainly didn’t seem to need any confirmation. He just continued to penetrate me with his deep, dark eyes. Great, I thought to myself. Not only are you no longer fit for human company, you don’t fit in with wolves either. This is just terrific.

“We will accompany you to the border.” He spoke with a finality that I couldn’t argue with. I simply bowed my head in gratitude. I began to stand up as the wolves filed past me, but one of them snarled and snapped at me. I recoiled, unsure what to do. The Alpha male turned and bared his teeth, growling in a way that sent shivers down my spine. The wolf that had attacked me bowed and tucked his tail between his legs. I waited until all of the wolves had passed, and fell into step behind them. I definitely didn't want to add to the tension amongst these wild animals.

From this vantage point I was able to scrutinize my companions. The wolf that I now knew to be the Alpha male was large, with inky black fur and an air of authority. The Alpha female, his mate, was thinner, longer; she had a narrow face and slate grey fur. There was another male, who trotted closely beside the Alpha. He was less bulky, but obviously strong. He mimicked his leader’s stride confidently, but always kept half a step behind. There were three other wolves, as well. The one directly in front of me was small, and didn’t run so much as cower. He held his tail low and his nose to the ground. Omega. I didn’t know what that meant, but I trusted these instincts.

As we trotted along, I was free to take stock of this situation. I couldn’t believe I had made it all the way to Alaska. These wolf legs were even more efficient than I had realized. I’d never been to Alaska. At least I was getting some good travel miles out of this body.

I had no idea how this had happened. Would I stay a wolf forever? If I did, how did I feel about this? I had made a grand old mess out of my human life; perhaps I could look at this as an opportunity. A chance to start over. Maybe this wolf pack would accept me.

I replayed the afternoon’s events in my head; that bunny-eating incident was really getting to me. I tried to make peace with it. I ate meat all the time as a human, didn’t I? Granted, it was already dead when I got to it, and no longer resembled a cute, furry animal, but I still ate it. This was just cutting out the middle man. Besides, hadn’t I been planning to join the ranks of the vampires? The Cullens did this all the time. They fed exclusively on animal blood. Hadn’t that been the future I intended to share? Somehow, this did not comfort me. That rabbit was adorable, and I had killed it. There was just no getting around it. I was quickly distracted from this thought, however, when the human in me brought a deep craving for Doritos to my attention. It wasn’t likely that I would be eating any anytime soon. There was no telling how long I would remain as a wolf. That left only one option-more hunting. I couldn’t think about this anymore.

xxx

We traveled at a good clip for most of the day. At dusk, we slowed and the Alpha female broke rank to look around. The others scattered, and I was left alone with the Alpha male again. I wasn’t too thrilled about this.

But he didn’t pay much attention to me. He was digging a wide, shallow hole in the snow. I followed suit, wondering what we were planning to bury. When we finished, he sat down and looked at me. I became uncomfortable quickly.

“You are a strange creature.” Apparently this wolf was all about boosting my self esteem.

“I…I suppose that’s accurate. I was a human this morning.” Best to lay it all out on the table.

“Your people have done mine great injustice. There are few of us left.”

“I’m sorry.” I was sincere. I wanted these wolves to help me; as much as I feared them, I didn’t want their bad opinion. But the Alpha didn’t answer. He looked away, to the others. The wolves had begun scampering about, chasing each other and nipping like puppies. The Alpha female strode up to me, dropping something in the snow in front of me.

Food. Raw, but still. It was a generous gesture. I bowed my head gratefully and tried not to pay too much attention to what I was eating. The female retreated, joining the others in their play. After a moment, the Alpha male followed, digging his nose into the snow and whipping it back up quickly, spraying his fellows with the cold powder. I watched from the sidelines, wishing I were so carefree. For the first time, I didn’t find these wolves fearsome or intimidating. They looked like a happy family. I felt a stab of jealousy, mixed with regret and sadness. As I watched, I couldn't help but compare them to the only other pack of wolves I knew. The wolf who had snarled at me earlier reminded me of Paul, with all his bluster and bravado. The smallest wolf, who still looked like a pup, had an earnest expression exactly like Seth's. The Alpha's stoic nature was a perfect mirror to Sam's. None of the wolves reminded me of Jacob. I was glad. Thinking of him hurt more than anything else.

After a while, the Alpha male rejoined me. He sat beside me, looking regal, watching the proceedings like a presiding king, or a loving father.

“Once our pups have grown, they usually leave the pack.” I looked at him, wondering what he was getting at. “Sometimes, they form their own packs. But other times, they come back. They realize that what they were looking for was just where they had left it.” Unfortunately, that was not the case with me. He seemed to sense my disappointment. “Other times, they leave to join new packs. Find new families. They rarely stay alone. No one, man or wolf, is meant to be alone.”

I mused that the wolf was much more than just an animal. I was changing my mind about the Alpha; I found his presence oddly comforting. I was broken from my train of thought by the return of the cavorting wolves.

They all came together and formed a loose circle. There was silence for a moment. And then they began howling. It was the most eerie, spine-tingling, beautiful sound I had ever heard. I had never thought of howling as musical until this performance. It didn't sound anything like the baying of the basset hound next door. The sound was mournful, and filled me with an aching sense of longing and sadness. I would have joined in, but wasn’t sure if that was wise. After all, I didn’t actually belong to this pack. It wasn’t my place.

Afterward, the wolves claimed their respective holes, circled them a few times, and curled up inside to sleep. I imitated them, finding the accommodations surprisingly warm. Now I was left alone to my thoughts. Oh joy.

I thought about Charlie. I really missed him, which surprised me. I pictured his face for a moment, and smiled to myself. Then I imagined how distraught he would be when he found out I was missing. I couldn’t stand the pain.

I thought about the Cullens. I wondered where they had gone, and if I would ever see them again. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. They had spent so much time on the pedestal I had created for them that I didn’t know what to think now that they had evacuated.

I thought about Renee, down in Jacksonville. I imagined showing up at her door, as a wolf, and fantasized about her adopting me as a pet. That would be just like Renee, taking in an animal she knew next to nothing about.

I thought about the Quileute pack. I wondered if they felt a sense of camaraderie, like this pack. I was sure they did. One big, happy family of overgrown werewolves. I felt jealous.

I thought about Jacob. How he had once said he would never wish this on anyone. I had wanted so desperately to be with him, to hold my own. He hadn’t wanted that. This hurt, but I couldn’t blame him. He had wanted for me what had been denied him, what I should have wanted for myself. I missed him more than I could say.

I thought about my human friends, so oblivious to everything going on in our sleepy little town. How would they react if I told them I was no longer a human being? I imagined Jessica telling me my fur needing trimming, and Angela quietly reassuring me that everyone feels weird in high school. I wondered if Mike would still want to date me.

I couldn’t think about these things anymore. None of it mattered at the moment. I needed some sleep.

For a brief second, I wondered if wolves had dreams. I was about to find out.

xxx

We woke at dawn, and I stretched. I was feeling more comfortable in this body. I was pleasantly surprised to find that sleeping in a hole was actually quite restful. It was a bit unnerving, how quickly I had adjusted to this new existence.

We continued on our journey, stopping occasionally to drink or nap. I hadn’t realized how quickly I had made it this far north; these normal wolves traveled at a much slower pace. I never felt tired.

The other wolves slowly grew to accept my presence, and even welcomed me to join their games. I had never thought about wolves much, but I certainly hadn’t expected them to be so…human. The pack was a family, and they loved each other like any family did. They were playful, and looked out for one another. Often this would lead to painful thoughts of my human life. I pushed the memories of my old life to the back of my mind. I had decided to really commit to being a wolf. Allowing the wolf to take over my thoughts proved to be much easier to handle. The animal’s thoughts were simple and concentrated on the necessities of survival. I found that not feeling was quite refreshing. Being a wolf felt easy. At first I had wanted isolation, but now I enjoyed the company. I began to hope that I would be asked to join their pack.

But the invitation never came.

One morning, we crested a large hill overlooking a small town. The other wolves scattered, and the Alpha joined me, sitting above the drop.

“You fit in well with us.” If I could have, I would have beamed at him. “But you don’t belong here.”

“But…you said I fit in, I thought-“

“Your kind does not belong here. You have your own pack to return to.” He said it with such finality, I couldn’t argue. I wanted to sob, but this wolf body couldn’t accommodate that. Instead, I ran off into the trees, whimpering.

I didn’t go far, though, and the Alpha didn’t follow me. I took cover among the brush and watched the pack. I had come to see this life as a chance to escape from the one I had left behind. I had come to regard these animals as family. But I was, once again, rejected. By some stupid dogs. I fumed, glaring at the wolves as they pranced around each other.

My thoughts were immediately cut off by a sound. A small, insignificant sound, and yet it had grabbed my attention. I lifted my head slowly, looking around. I could see the wolves, they didn't appear to have noticed anything. And then I smelled it. That familiar, cloying smell that I had only known in my dreams...at first it was just a hint on the wind, but it was growing steadily stronger.

Victoria appeared as if out of nowhere, and I could see the wolves running for cover. She knew it was me. I didn't know how she knew, but the hatred in her eyes was unquestionable. I was frozen as she sauntered toward me.

I began backing away, hoping someone would appear to save me. Someone always saved me.

But the other wolves were gone, and I was alone. I began to shake, as hard as I strained not to. I tried to psych myself up for a fight, but I knew I didn't stand a chance.

Out of nowhere, the Alpha appeared, teeth bared, lunging for her throat. Before I could react Victoria had swatted him away as if he were no more than a vaguely annoying fly. My breath hitched as I saw his body hit the ground, his neck turned at an unnatural angle.

Instantly, grief turned to rage and I snarled at Victoria. I jumped at her, closing my teeth around her arm. I was stronger than the Alpha; Victoria couldn't shake me off. But I wasn't strong enough. She wrenched her arm out of my mouth and began throttling me. I had the satisfaction of seeing my teeth leave impressions in her skin. Black spots danced in front of my eyes as the air was cut off. I could see death looming. It was never very far away.

I expected to slip away, and thought of Jacob. But the air came rushing back, and I fell to the ground. Dazed, I looked around, and saw a gigantic werewolf rip off Victoria's arm. I would have been nauseous, if I hadn't been so surprised. I couldn't tell in all the commotion, but I thought the wolf looked like Sam.

More wolves joined him, a few of whom I recognized. Paul was unmistakable as the first Quileute I had ever seen transformed. He appeared to be enjoying himself immensely. The wolves tore Victoria into pieces, and I was transfixed. I could see Jacob in the frenzy, and my heart skipped a beat. One of the wolves came to sit beside me, but I didn't look to see which. Rage was building, and I could only see red. This was my chance.

I lunged.

Afterward, I realized the stupidity of this move. My teeth weren't as sharp as the pack's. But they were sharp enough. I ripped her throat out, and I saw the fear and shock in her eyes as she realized that she had failed. It shouldn't have, but it felt satisfying. I could leave the others to burn the remains.

After the turbulence had died down, I felt the adrenaline ebb away, replaced with pain. When I looked away from the mess that had minutes before been Victoria, I saw it.

The Alpha's body. Covered in blood, and legs crumpled beneath him. I didn’t want to go any closer, but I couldn’t help myself. I edged up to him, poking my nose in his side, willing him to get up.

He didn’t, of course. The pain was so overpowering, I couldn’t physically contain it. I howled, and I didn’t think I could ever stop. The wolf-mind was gone, and was replaced with the human turmoil I thought I had abandoned.

The others joined me, their voices swirled around me like a warm blanket. I could feel the empathy and comfort in their howls, and I looked around for Jacob. He looked so full of despair, so broken. I thought of all the angry things we had said to each other, and how much I had missed him, and how he hadn't come after me. Even now, he wouldn't come near me.

I stared at him, unable to face him. So I ran. I ran, and I never wanted to stop.

xxx

“Bella, stop!” Leah’s voice was different. It was in my head. I could hear her running behind me. I ignored her. “Damn it, Bella, we’ve already followed you this far, I really don’t want to go all the way up to the Poles, thanks.” I aimed a few choice expletives her way, and didn’t slow or turn around. With a snarl Leah lunged and tackled me. I didn’t expect the sheer force of her mass. I tripped over my own paws and tumbled. Leah had me pinned, her long legs forming a barrier around me, her teeth at my neck. I could feel her hot breath on my face, the rumble of the growl in her chest. For a blinding second I was sure she would snap my neck right there. If anyone would, it’d be Leah.

“Ooh, feisty. That’s more like it.” She sprung away as easily as she had tackled me. She walked away, fluidly phasing back into her human form, pulling some clothes on as she went. I hadn’t noticed before, but she had carried a large bundle with her all this way. That must have slowed her down. No wonder she hadn’t caught up to me so quickly.

Leah stopped a few yards away and turned back to face me, buttoning a parka. I had a vague, delirious thought that the way the fur trim framed her black hair, she looked like an Eskimo. She’d kill me if I said that. I wondered if the fur was real.

The impact of fabric hitting me in the face snapped me out of my reverie. I looked down and saw a similar coat, and other items. More importantly, I was looking down on a pale, hairless human body. The relief was instantaneous and overwhelming.

And then I realized I was cold. I began scrambling into the clothes, and Leah was polite enough to turn her back. When I was fully clothed, I was at a loss. Thankfully, Leah took my arm and led me back.

“So.” Her voice was just as curt and edgy as it had always been, but I found it oddly comforting.

“So.”

“You always such a drama queen?” All right, less comforting now, more infuriating.

“No one asked you to follow me, Leah! God!”

“Actually, someone did, princess. I didn’t run all the way up here because I missed your sunny personality.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk, little miss…bitchy person.”

“Good one.”

“Thank you!” I snapped. In the midst of my exaggerated eye-rolling, I tripped. I told myself it was because I was no longer used to having only two legs. Leah was not impressed. She pulled me back up by my arm and kept walking.

“You’re supposed to get better at this, not worse.”

“Well, excuse me for not being instantly talented at whatever the hell it is that just happened to me!”

Leah just looked at me, looking as bored as it was possible to look. She pointed to a diner, in the middle of the street I hadn’t noticed we’d been walking on.

“Come on. If we’re gonna be having this conversation, we could at least get some decent food out of it.”

xxx

“I've been so lonely, and I miss Charlie, and I want my bed and cooked food-oh God, I can’t eat any more dead animals!-and he’s dead, and-and-Jake-“ Then I started sobbing. Leah watched me in silence with pursed lips and a raised eyebrow, but otherwise no expression. After a few minutes my shoulders were heaving with only a raspy breath for accompaniment, and Leah pushed a bowl of soup at me.

“Are you done?” I glared at her, for a moment wishing Leah were an Alice, and not a Rosalie. “Good. Now finish eating, pull yourself together, and let’s go home.” I opened my mouth to protest, but Leah cut me off with a snarl. “I said, let’s go home.” She stood up, but I couldn’t follow suit. I started at the red Formica table, sniffling dejectedly. Leah sighed and sat back down. “What’s the problem?”

“I just…can’t.”

“Sure you can. Just get up.”

“No, I mean…what am I gonna tell Charlie? And…I messed everything up. The pack must be angry. Jake hates me…” I trailed off.

“First of all, you need to toughen up. Every problem is not an earth-shattering crisis. If you keep running away every time something goes wrong, they’ll need to build you a space shuttle. Now: Charlie will be happy to know you’re okay. The pack is looking forward to seeing you. Paul can’t wait to see your wolf skills in action. Jared already has money on it, so let’s not disappoint. And Jake? You're a moron if you think he's anything but happy to see you.” Leah slapped her hands on the table and leaned back, as if to say “That’s that!” I sniffed again and wiped a hand under my eye.

“He’s dead. I thought I could get away from the mess I made, and it just…followed me.”

“That’s life, kid. No one promised it would be easy. In fact, it’s rumored to be quite a bitch.” I looked up at her, feeling like I was seeing her for the first time. Here I was, crying over the problems I had created or just couldn’t avoid, and this girl had just lost her own father and was taking it much better than I was. I was struck by how pathetic I was. Leah may have been prickly and harsh, but she was strong. I admired her for that. I vowed to be more like Leah. It was what I should have been doing, when instead I had been fantasizing about beauty and youth.

“Anyway, it doesn’t all suck. I mean, the running is cool, right? There are lots of good things.” I stopped sniffing. “You can’t tell me Jacob isn’t worth coming back for.” I couldn’t help but smile at Leah’s easy, if brusque, confidence.

“That’s better. Now, shall I rent a car or something?”

Now I was really grinning. I looked out at the wide expanse of glittering snow.

“I have a better idea.” Suddenly, I felt like I couldn’t get out fast enough. That road had “Home” written all over it. I looked back into Leah’s quizzical eyes. “Race ya.”

xxx

I was welcomed back in grand Quileute fashion. All the wolves were assembled, ready to greet us. Leah strode past them all, cool as ever, and announced to Sam that she was not his messenger, thank you very much, and she deserved a long vacation for hauling such a whiny brat back all those miles. She nudged my shoulder, which I understood to be the closest thing to a secret friendship handshake as I was likely to get.

I hadn’t realized how much smaller I was than the other wolves, but this didn’t seem to faze them. They leaped over me and yipped in excitement, and I was happy to see that I could hold my own. But after a few minutes they cleared away and I was face-to-face with Sam. I gulped.

“Bella.”

“Sam.”

“This is, to say the least, unprecedented.  I didn’t think you would take ‘wolf-girl’ so literally.” I didn’t say anything. “What should we do about this?”

“Make her fight Paul! She can join the pack, and teach that punk a lesson! It’s a win-win.”

“Shut up, Embry.” I could hear Paul and Embry wrestling somewhere to my left. “We’ll see. At any rate, it's time we headed home.”

The wolves filed past me, and I looked to where Jake was sitting, separate from the others. He had yet to react to my arrival, and I had no idea how he would feel about this. We stared at each other for a minute, unsure. I got up and and stood beside him, waiting for him to join me. We walked side by side, keeping some distance between us and the rest of the pack. It took a few minutes for Jacob to say anything.

"I'm sorry about that wolf."

"Thanks. But that's life, right? Pain and death." He looked at me, and I could see guilt in his face.

"That's true...but I'm still sorry."

"It's okay. There are still things worth living for." He looked surprised and pleased.

"You did a hell of a job with that bloodsucker."

"Told you I'd have the stomach for it." I could tell he was proud. But a second later, he hung his head.

"I'm sorry this had to happen to you."

"Yeah. I know you didn't want this for me."

"It's my fault. You didn't have to be dragged into this, if I had just been more careful--"

"What do you mean? Careful?"

"Once we found out what happened, we tried to figure out how. Sam figured it out once I told him about the glass breaking at the party. How you must have gotten my blood."

"Oh."  That answered that nagging question. "I know you're upset, but it's really not that bad. I don't blame you, or anything."

"Maybe you should. I took away your normal, human life."

"Sure, but now I can run without falling down." I looked at him, hoping he could tell that I was smiling.

"That's true. The running is pretty cool."

"Better than the bikes."
"It was easier to hide those from Charlie."

"Boy, you are such a downer." I nudged his shoulder. "It's worth it. 'Cause I get to be with you. Same as with the bikes. And now, fewer trips to the emergency room."

"Another good point."

"And now I can have nine lives!"

"I think that's just for cats."

"Oh. Right." We walked in thoughtful silence for a while. "Well, word is you're happy to see me."

"Of course I am!"

"Good. I missed you."

"I missed you too."

xxx

Before I knew it, we were back on the porch, listening to the radio and counting fireflies. Of course, I was grounded for disappearing without a word, but Charlie couldn't say no to Jacob's offer to help me catch up on school work. He didn't need to know that we had chosen to spend the time practicing the difficult art of phasing at will instead. Because I wasn't naturally a werewolf, some things for more difficult for me. Phasing was harder, and I wasn't suddenly graceful as a human. I couldn't heal as quickly, which I found out the hard way. But sharing the experience with Jacob was what mattered, and it was never disappointing. After a crash-course in pack etiquette, Jacob and I had retreated to his house on our own. He had told me how awful it was hearing everyone else's thoughts, but I honestly didn't mind. Sure, the guys complained that Jacob and I were making them sick, but hearing Jacob's concern for me, how he had worried and how much he cared, straight out of his head, was nice. I didn't mind him hearing my thoughts. I would have shared them anyway. Outside of our heads, however, we hadn't had much time to talk. It was rare that we didn't have an audience.

We were sitting on the steps, drinking sodas. I took his hand in mine. "Hey. You don't feel hot anymore." He looked over at me, and I smiled. "That's nice. No more heat strokes."

"I'm glad you're back."

"Me too. I'm glad you got over being so stubborn and finally came after me."

He rolled his eyes. “You know, I’ve always believed that you have to fight for what you want. And even when everyone was telling me to give up on you, I knew that you’d pick me and it would all be worth it. I thought if I gave up, I wouldn’t deserve you anymore. And now you’re forced into a choice, and I didn’t want to win like that. By default. That’s when I finally had to stop pushing you. Like King Solomon.”

His speech had choked me up, so his final words surprised me. “King Solomon?”

“Yeah. You know, with the baby?”

“You know, Solomon had like, 700 wives.”

“Well, he had to start with one, right? Don’t worry; you’ll always be my favorite.” He nudged me in the side and we laughed.

I thought for a moment. “You know, it was really the mother who gave up, not Solomon. In fact, it was his idea to split the kid.”

“…Why are you ruining my epic speech?”

“I thought you should know that in this metaphor you’re my mother. You should be aware of our relationship’s incestuous overtones.”

“Ew, Elektra! Maybe I’m not so into you after all!”

“Oh, after all that!” After a fake punch to his arm and some dodging and giggling, I settled into his side, his arm around me. I nuzzled my face into his chest, mumbling into his silky, just-right skin.

“Love you, Jake.”

“Love you, Bells.”