Insert compromising and proud self-examination here:
[Warning: minor plot spoilers for 4 different works beneath the cut]
Read Ender's Shadow in a day, first time through. Today in fact. So good. I had forgotten how strong my feelings were for that particular universe of characters.
I recall ridiculing the bloggers talking (in utter seriousness) about needing a support group after coming out of the theatre--they were struck numb by the fact that it wasn't real, and they needed help coping with a universe in which Pandora didn't actually exist. I remember saying "How can anyone feel that way about a place that doesn't exist?"
Oh how short the memory is of the prideful, of the vain. I felt that way, and have been sternly reminded, because I felt that way about Ender's Game when I first read it. Now. Still, I feel that way about it. It is a thorn in my soul that I will never be one of those boys, torn down, bent, and broken in a bureaucratic effort to save the remnants of humanity. Not that I want to save humanity--I have no hero complex in so overt a fashion. I want to be a boy, broken down. Destroyed that I might be stronger in the rising.
Bean's sorrow is twofold. His is the sorrow of the lonely, not knowing if trust is ever an option. His is the sorrow of the savant, understanding everything except himself.
Began work on Laurent Petitgirard's composition 'Hamelin' for cello and narrator. I finally understand the chord this piece strikes within me.
Hamelin-Town's sorrow is threefold. Theirs is the forgotten sorrow, the loss felt only within cultural and genetic memory, lost for centuries. Theirs is the unquenchable, immediate, renewing sorrow of children stolen away, forever. But, theirs is also the unknowable sorrow of those children; never belonging, never knowing, restless, and eternally homeless within their new lives.
Screened The Book of Eli tonight. Interesting, if moderately cliche movie. Good message, entertaining, and well made. Again made me regret not knowing my Bible verse better, although one of the few passages that I do know was quoted: "The Lord is my shepherd etc..." and I was able to mouth the words along with him though it has been at least four years since I last read or wrote them.
I may actually be building courage to become more like a proper Christian. *gasp* I KNOW. Very unlike me. I may need to own a Bible in the near future, that I might read it. Often.
Ender's sorrow is but one sorrow: the sorrow of the victorious, the sorrow of the reluctant hero, the invincible savior, the empathic general, the drafted soldier. His is the sorrow of the willingly ignorant, the lamb led blindly into the valley of death, fearing no evil, but creating his own. His is the impossible sorrow, the sorrow that cannot end, but is buried. The sorrow that will return, always.