CARDGAMES ON MOTORCYCLES?
This is going to be kinda emo-y and stuff. Probably. Orz
⇨30 Day Meme; Day o2: Your first love, in great detail
The person I probably ended up loving the most was Sierra. I met her on Neopets, haha. LAME, I KNOW. It was on their forum, on a thread about graphics/CSS or, what Neopets users refer to as, their lookups. Sierra had made some coding and was asking for it to be rated, and saw that I also liked Kingdom Hearts. She offered to make me a lookup, since we were both huge KH fans. We ended up talking a lot and eventually exchanged AIM usernames and we really just... hit it off. We were, like, absolute best friends for about a year and a half or so, when we were discussing visiting each-other. I told her that I didn't know what I'd do if I was around her, and she admitted the same. And then we both sort of ~confessed.
She was, in all purposes of the word, everything to me. I loved texting her and talking to her on the phone. We'd watch TV together or play video games. Sometimes we'd just sit around and talk about random crap for five hours, until our phones were dead an our ears hurt. We went through hard times and light fighting, and each time we came out stronger and closer than before.
And then my grandfather died, and I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I told her that we should be "just friends" for a while. And a while turned into a long time.
When I told her I still loved her she told me she didn't think it'd work out, since we spent so much time being "just friends" and that she really believed we'd never be more than that ever again. She wasn't sure that she still loved me.
Then on Christmas Eve 2008 she told me she still loved me just as much as before, and we agreed to be girlfriends again. I was absolutely elated - it made me the happiest person alive.
But, through all of my anxiety crap and my depression I guess I was also dragging Sierra down, too. After weeks and weeks of what I assume would be torture to her, she eventually confronted me and told me she'd changed - she had already mentioned not being sure if she liked anime or manga anymore. That she felt like she was growing up and wanting to like more mature things. She also said that I was dragging her down, and that I expected too much of her and was smothering her. She wanted to live her life and be young and carefree, and with me she couldn't do that.
And we stopped talking.
The turn of 2010 brought Sierra back to me - we talked on AIM and she explained that it was "like you were sinking and I didn't want to be apart of that, so I jumped ship." She said that was a crude example, but I totally understand. To this day I'm still not mad - I still love Sierra as anyone does with their first love. I understand and accept that what I was doing to myself was really hard on her, and I'm happy she had the sense to get the hell out of something she was uncomfortable with.
And if I had to do it all over again, I would. I'd try to change the end so we could still be together, though. She was probably one of the best friends I ever had. We'd finish each-others sentences and know what the other was thinking. We were so connected - it was like we were the same person. She made my life really bearable and awesome and was a fantastic person to me. I couldn't have asked for anyone better, even if I'm still sad about losing her.
This post is public because if Sierra happens upon my journal I want her to see this. /lamelame |D
⇨30 Day Meme; Day o2: Your first love, in great detail
The person I probably ended up loving the most was Sierra. I met her on Neopets, haha. LAME, I KNOW. It was on their forum, on a thread about graphics/CSS or, what Neopets users refer to as, their lookups. Sierra had made some coding and was asking for it to be rated, and saw that I also liked Kingdom Hearts. She offered to make me a lookup, since we were both huge KH fans. We ended up talking a lot and eventually exchanged AIM usernames and we really just... hit it off. We were, like, absolute best friends for about a year and a half or so, when we were discussing visiting each-other. I told her that I didn't know what I'd do if I was around her, and she admitted the same. And then we both sort of ~confessed.
She was, in all purposes of the word, everything to me. I loved texting her and talking to her on the phone. We'd watch TV together or play video games. Sometimes we'd just sit around and talk about random crap for five hours, until our phones were dead an our ears hurt. We went through hard times and light fighting, and each time we came out stronger and closer than before.
And then my grandfather died, and I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I told her that we should be "just friends" for a while. And a while turned into a long time.
When I told her I still loved her she told me she didn't think it'd work out, since we spent so much time being "just friends" and that she really believed we'd never be more than that ever again. She wasn't sure that she still loved me.
Then on Christmas Eve 2008 she told me she still loved me just as much as before, and we agreed to be girlfriends again. I was absolutely elated - it made me the happiest person alive.
But, through all of my anxiety crap and my depression I guess I was also dragging Sierra down, too. After weeks and weeks of what I assume would be torture to her, she eventually confronted me and told me she'd changed - she had already mentioned not being sure if she liked anime or manga anymore. That she felt like she was growing up and wanting to like more mature things. She also said that I was dragging her down, and that I expected too much of her and was smothering her. She wanted to live her life and be young and carefree, and with me she couldn't do that.
And we stopped talking.
The turn of 2010 brought Sierra back to me - we talked on AIM and she explained that it was "like you were sinking and I didn't want to be apart of that, so I jumped ship." She said that was a crude example, but I totally understand. To this day I'm still not mad - I still love Sierra as anyone does with their first love. I understand and accept that what I was doing to myself was really hard on her, and I'm happy she had the sense to get the hell out of something she was uncomfortable with.
And if I had to do it all over again, I would. I'd try to change the end so we could still be together, though. She was probably one of the best friends I ever had. We'd finish each-others sentences and know what the other was thinking. We were so connected - it was like we were the same person. She made my life really bearable and awesome and was a fantastic person to me. I couldn't have asked for anyone better, even if I'm still sad about losing her.
This post is public because if Sierra happens upon my journal I want her to see this. /lamelame |D