My First Love [9/10]
Author: Veridanya (暗 and 軽 collaborating)
Genre: Romance, angst
Rating: G
Pairing: SakurAiba, Ohmiya (hinted), SakuMoto (one-sided)
Disclaimer: we don't own them (We wish tho... T_T)
Summary: Can you forget the person you loved the most once? Can you forget the person whose existence marked you? Could you forget your first love?
_________
A couple hours later, Aiba woke up on the floor with tears still running through his face, he sighted and got up, heading to the bathroom more out of habit than for anything else, he needed to get ready for work. He looked at his image in the mirror and washed his face trying to erase the evidences of a night crying to no avail.
He got dressed and got out of his apartment; he needed to clear out his mind so he decided to take a little walk to the office. His mind wondered remembering all the things he had tried hard to forget, the days were he woke up due the nightmares, the nights he fell asleep crying for Sho…
“Sho” He mumbled his name
He didn’t know how to act now, what to say or what to do and then it was Jun and the whole thing that happened the day before. He had never seen Sho like that, and less he expected that he would hit Jun because of him.
Once he arrived to the office, he saw he was the first one in arrive so he went to look for a coffee, as he got back to the office, he found Nino already in his place. He saw the look on the other’s face asking him if he was ok. But he couldn’t bring himself to explain it or to think about it anymore. So he just gave him a smile back, trying to convince him that he was ok.
Nino smiled back and didn’t ask, though Aiba knew he hadn’t convinced him at all. When he raised his gaze, he saw Sho looking at him with a worried look, so he just sat beside Nino and gave him random talk about a tv show, trying to prove them, and himself that he was ok, that he wasn’t breaking.
He tried to focus in his work, trying not to think about anything but work. But the morning was going slow and motionless for him, and without him realizing, he just started to space out. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t notice when Jun arrived to the office, and called his name until Nino throw him a paper ball and hit him in the head.
“Hey! Stand up and move before Matsumoto loses his temper again”
He nodded in acknowledgement without being able to disguise his worry
He was scared as he walked out of the department. He looked instinctively in Sho’s direction, and found him staring at Jun with fierce eyes. He wouldn’t be able to stand something like what had happened the day before.
“What you want?” He tried to talk calmly and cold to Jun once he was close enough so the other could hear it
“Can we talk?” replied the younger man with a low tone
Aiba hesitated, and turned one more time in Sho’s direction who was now walking towards them.
“Can it be any other place?” he replied and Jun smiled apologetically, Sho was already next to them by then.
“Let’s go to my office” he said to Aiba and then turning back to Sho he added “don’t worry. I’ll behave this time”
Both men walked a few doors down, before getting in a room that Aiba figured was Matsumoto’s office. Aiba looked around with curiosity recognizing in one of the shelves the same picture Sho had in his apartment of the two of them.
“Please, sit down” Jun spoke and Aiba took a sit on a big leather chair across the table
“So? What do you wanna talk?” Aiba replied gathering all his courage and trying to sound calm.
“First, I want to apologize for acting like a psycho girlfriend, when clearly I have no right.” Jun laughed bitterly at that and got up to take a seat closer to Aiba.
“You know? I met Sho in a very weird moment of my life, I was really lost, about to drop college and with a bunch of other issues…” Jun smiled bitterly at that memory and continued “and then I met this guy, with the saddest gaze I’d seen in my life but yet doing his best, being the best student and never giving up. I got infatuated with him and the strength he had and before realizing it, we started to talk and became good friends”
Aiba looked at Jun’s face and could see sadness in his eyes, but didn’t say anything, not because he didn’t want to but because he didn’t know what to say.
“I think what attracted me at first was this aura he had around him, I wanted to know what was hiding behind those sad eyes…” Jun took a deep breath before continued “…but the more I tried to get close, he had this shield around him pushing everyone away. It took so long before he even told me private stuff and most of what I know was because I started to know his habits…”
Aiba kept listening at him, not sure where the conversation was going
.
“He never stop looking for you, you knew that?” Jun turned around and Aiba could see a glimpse of tears brimming Jun’s eyes and he only could shake his head in denial “Well it took me a lot before I found out the reason of his sadness, and I will never forget the sight of the serious, well balanced guy breaking apart in front of me telling me how much he missed you since you left without a goodbye”
Jun tried to clean a tear that escaped
“I didn’t mean to…” Aiba said in a whisper
”But you did” the younger man replied with a soft tone “I love him Aiba, I love him so much…and it took me years to see smile that man without he feeling guilty for having a moment of fun, because he used to think he didn’t deserve to be happy or feel joy until he could find you”
Aiba could feel a knot in his throat and tears escaping his eyes
“I tried so hard to make him love me, but there’s a slight problem…”
The taller man cleared his throat and asked
“Which one?”
Jun smiled bitterly and with a touch of jealousy he replied
“I’m not you” Jun stood up and turning his back to Aiba he added “I just…I don’t want to see him suffer, not again. But I have seen it, how he’s when you’re around and I like that and I hate it at the same time…”
“Why?” Aiba said without thinking
Jun turned to meet his gaze and couldn’t hide the tears that were silently running through his cheeks
“Because no one could put that happy glow in his eyes, it didn’t matter how much I tried, I never could and you…you just need to be around to make it…Just …I want to ask you something”
He went silent waiting for Aiba’s reply who just nodded
“If you don’t feel the same for him, don’t give him false hopes and leave. But not running away, talk to him, give him a goodbye, a closure and don’t let him hanging like the last time”
Aiba looked at him silently, not being able to articulate a word. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know himself what he felt for Sho.
“But if you love him, then I won’t be a problem for you or to him.”
“But you love him” Aiba said with sadness for Jun, he could see how the younger man was suffering and made him feel guilty to think that he was responsible not just for Sho’s suffering, but also for someone’s in an indirect way
“Exactly, and that’s why I want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me. I’ll be happy if he’s happy, that’s something I have always told him and is true”
Aiba’s head was a mess, he needed time to process what Jun was telling him, what Sho told him the night before and on top it all he needed time to figure out what were his feelings.
“I have to go” he quickly said while standing up and heading to the doo
“Think about it, be honest with yourself and with him” Jun said before Aiba closed the door.
Aiba went to the toilet to clean the trace of tears from his face and then headed back to his desk, he didn’t notice Sho was walking towards him, until he sat down and the other guy stood up in front of his desk
“Are you ok?” he asked with a soft voice
“Yeah” was all Aiba could reply
“Take the rest of the day off, I’m sure Ninomiya won’t mind cover it for you, right?” he said turning towards Nino who was looking at Aiba with a worried expression
“Yeah, go, go Aiba-chan and take a rest, we don’t want zombie-looking people here” he added in a light tone, trying to dissipate the tension
He was about to protest, but he knew he wasn’t doing his job perfectly that day and also that he needed to clear his mind, so he smiled apologetic to Nino while standing up and grabbing his coat
“Yeah, thank you” He said to both of them “I’ll see you tomorrow and thank you again” said before heading out of the office.
The ride home seemed shorter to Aiba who almost missed his stop in the metro for being too distracted with his thoughts, he entered his apartment and let himself fall in the couch, with Jun’s words still echoing in his mind “Be honest with yourself and with him”
At this point he didn’t know what to think anymore, it was like if all of a sudden all the things he tried to run from were chasing him now. Did he still loved Sho and had been loving him all this long? Or was just the shadow of that love what keeps dragging Sho’s memory to his head?
“Damn!” he groaned throwing a cushion away.
Without he could notice it was already night and he hadn’t moved from the couch in hours, too busy with his thoughts. He had cried and cursed in frustration for not being able to clear his mind a little. Until of all a sudden he stood up and headed to the door.
He felt his heart racing while knocking next door.
“Aiba?”
______
軽 A/N: Hi! You enjoyed this chap? I'm so biased for Jun so writing that part was hard, but i liked the result. 1 more chapter to go! Thanks for reading and for the comments.
暗 A/N: How is it going so far? Hope you're enjoying it and thanks for the comments! Finally we found a moment to post it today XD And... just one more chapter and a surprise (announcing it is a way to prevent myself to back off and decide not posting it... tho 軽 told me she'll be posting it anyway). Hope you'll enjoy what will be next!
Genre: Romance, angst
Rating: G
Pairing: SakurAiba, Ohmiya (hinted), SakuMoto (one-sided)
Disclaimer: we don't own them (We wish tho... T_T)
Summary: Can you forget the person you loved the most once? Can you forget the person whose existence marked you? Could you forget your first love?
_________
A couple hours later, Aiba woke up on the floor with tears still running through his face, he sighted and got up, heading to the bathroom more out of habit than for anything else, he needed to get ready for work. He looked at his image in the mirror and washed his face trying to erase the evidences of a night crying to no avail.
He got dressed and got out of his apartment; he needed to clear out his mind so he decided to take a little walk to the office. His mind wondered remembering all the things he had tried hard to forget, the days were he woke up due the nightmares, the nights he fell asleep crying for Sho…
“Sho” He mumbled his name
He didn’t know how to act now, what to say or what to do and then it was Jun and the whole thing that happened the day before. He had never seen Sho like that, and less he expected that he would hit Jun because of him.
Once he arrived to the office, he saw he was the first one in arrive so he went to look for a coffee, as he got back to the office, he found Nino already in his place. He saw the look on the other’s face asking him if he was ok. But he couldn’t bring himself to explain it or to think about it anymore. So he just gave him a smile back, trying to convince him that he was ok.
Nino smiled back and didn’t ask, though Aiba knew he hadn’t convinced him at all. When he raised his gaze, he saw Sho looking at him with a worried look, so he just sat beside Nino and gave him random talk about a tv show, trying to prove them, and himself that he was ok, that he wasn’t breaking.
He tried to focus in his work, trying not to think about anything but work. But the morning was going slow and motionless for him, and without him realizing, he just started to space out. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t notice when Jun arrived to the office, and called his name until Nino throw him a paper ball and hit him in the head.
“Hey! Stand up and move before Matsumoto loses his temper again”
He nodded in acknowledgement without being able to disguise his worry
He was scared as he walked out of the department. He looked instinctively in Sho’s direction, and found him staring at Jun with fierce eyes. He wouldn’t be able to stand something like what had happened the day before.
“What you want?” He tried to talk calmly and cold to Jun once he was close enough so the other could hear it
“Can we talk?” replied the younger man with a low tone
Aiba hesitated, and turned one more time in Sho’s direction who was now walking towards them.
“Can it be any other place?” he replied and Jun smiled apologetically, Sho was already next to them by then.
“Let’s go to my office” he said to Aiba and then turning back to Sho he added “don’t worry. I’ll behave this time”
Both men walked a few doors down, before getting in a room that Aiba figured was Matsumoto’s office. Aiba looked around with curiosity recognizing in one of the shelves the same picture Sho had in his apartment of the two of them.
“Please, sit down” Jun spoke and Aiba took a sit on a big leather chair across the table
“So? What do you wanna talk?” Aiba replied gathering all his courage and trying to sound calm.
“First, I want to apologize for acting like a psycho girlfriend, when clearly I have no right.” Jun laughed bitterly at that and got up to take a seat closer to Aiba.
“You know? I met Sho in a very weird moment of my life, I was really lost, about to drop college and with a bunch of other issues…” Jun smiled bitterly at that memory and continued “and then I met this guy, with the saddest gaze I’d seen in my life but yet doing his best, being the best student and never giving up. I got infatuated with him and the strength he had and before realizing it, we started to talk and became good friends”
Aiba looked at Jun’s face and could see sadness in his eyes, but didn’t say anything, not because he didn’t want to but because he didn’t know what to say.
“I think what attracted me at first was this aura he had around him, I wanted to know what was hiding behind those sad eyes…” Jun took a deep breath before continued “…but the more I tried to get close, he had this shield around him pushing everyone away. It took so long before he even told me private stuff and most of what I know was because I started to know his habits…”
Aiba kept listening at him, not sure where the conversation was going
.
“He never stop looking for you, you knew that?” Jun turned around and Aiba could see a glimpse of tears brimming Jun’s eyes and he only could shake his head in denial “Well it took me a lot before I found out the reason of his sadness, and I will never forget the sight of the serious, well balanced guy breaking apart in front of me telling me how much he missed you since you left without a goodbye”
Jun tried to clean a tear that escaped
“I didn’t mean to…” Aiba said in a whisper
”But you did” the younger man replied with a soft tone “I love him Aiba, I love him so much…and it took me years to see smile that man without he feeling guilty for having a moment of fun, because he used to think he didn’t deserve to be happy or feel joy until he could find you”
Aiba could feel a knot in his throat and tears escaping his eyes
“I tried so hard to make him love me, but there’s a slight problem…”
The taller man cleared his throat and asked
“Which one?”
Jun smiled bitterly and with a touch of jealousy he replied
“I’m not you” Jun stood up and turning his back to Aiba he added “I just…I don’t want to see him suffer, not again. But I have seen it, how he’s when you’re around and I like that and I hate it at the same time…”
“Why?” Aiba said without thinking
Jun turned to meet his gaze and couldn’t hide the tears that were silently running through his cheeks
“Because no one could put that happy glow in his eyes, it didn’t matter how much I tried, I never could and you…you just need to be around to make it…Just …I want to ask you something”
He went silent waiting for Aiba’s reply who just nodded
“If you don’t feel the same for him, don’t give him false hopes and leave. But not running away, talk to him, give him a goodbye, a closure and don’t let him hanging like the last time”
Aiba looked at him silently, not being able to articulate a word. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know himself what he felt for Sho.
“But if you love him, then I won’t be a problem for you or to him.”
“But you love him” Aiba said with sadness for Jun, he could see how the younger man was suffering and made him feel guilty to think that he was responsible not just for Sho’s suffering, but also for someone’s in an indirect way
“Exactly, and that’s why I want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me. I’ll be happy if he’s happy, that’s something I have always told him and is true”
Aiba’s head was a mess, he needed time to process what Jun was telling him, what Sho told him the night before and on top it all he needed time to figure out what were his feelings.
“I have to go” he quickly said while standing up and heading to the doo
“Think about it, be honest with yourself and with him” Jun said before Aiba closed the door.
Aiba went to the toilet to clean the trace of tears from his face and then headed back to his desk, he didn’t notice Sho was walking towards him, until he sat down and the other guy stood up in front of his desk
“Are you ok?” he asked with a soft voice
“Yeah” was all Aiba could reply
“Take the rest of the day off, I’m sure Ninomiya won’t mind cover it for you, right?” he said turning towards Nino who was looking at Aiba with a worried expression
“Yeah, go, go Aiba-chan and take a rest, we don’t want zombie-looking people here” he added in a light tone, trying to dissipate the tension
He was about to protest, but he knew he wasn’t doing his job perfectly that day and also that he needed to clear his mind, so he smiled apologetic to Nino while standing up and grabbing his coat
“Yeah, thank you” He said to both of them “I’ll see you tomorrow and thank you again” said before heading out of the office.
The ride home seemed shorter to Aiba who almost missed his stop in the metro for being too distracted with his thoughts, he entered his apartment and let himself fall in the couch, with Jun’s words still echoing in his mind “Be honest with yourself and with him”
At this point he didn’t know what to think anymore, it was like if all of a sudden all the things he tried to run from were chasing him now. Did he still loved Sho and had been loving him all this long? Or was just the shadow of that love what keeps dragging Sho’s memory to his head?
“Damn!” he groaned throwing a cushion away.
Without he could notice it was already night and he hadn’t moved from the couch in hours, too busy with his thoughts. He had cried and cursed in frustration for not being able to clear his mind a little. Until of all a sudden he stood up and headed to the door.
He felt his heart racing while knocking next door.
“Aiba?”
______
軽 A/N: Hi! You enjoyed this chap? I'm so biased for Jun so writing that part was hard, but i liked the result. 1 more chapter to go! Thanks for reading and for the comments.
暗 A/N: How is it going so far? Hope you're enjoying it and thanks for the comments! Finally we found a moment to post it today XD And... just one more chapter and a surprise (announcing it is a way to prevent myself to back off and decide not posting it... tho 軽 told me she'll be posting it anyway). Hope you'll enjoy what will be next!