Mr. Nothing [7/11]
Author: 暗
Beta: 軽
Length: Multi-chapter
Genre: Drama, angst, AU
Rating: PG - 13
Pairing: SakurAiba; OhMiya [hinted]
Disclaimer: we don't own them as much as we wish for it, they are people and slavery is illegal and all of that. And of course... this is not real.
Summary: He stopped questioning what was he doing with his life. He had lost himself a long ago. Misused, misunderstood. He didn’t know what he had done with himself nor wanted to know. Fuck, being fucked, boys, girls… it didn’t matter to him. This was his life; this had been his life for a long time. A life directed to self-destruction since the moment he lost himself. Self-injury, alcohol, sex with strangers, self-hate… he didn’t care anymore, he was empty, he was Mr. Nothing. But for Sakurai Sho, he would become Mr. Everything.
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“Aiba-san, why do you do that to yourself?”
Aiba just stared at him before looking away and replying.
“You wouldn’t understand and… you don’t even care. There is no need to show me sympathy just because you saw them. ‘Hey, let’s pity the twisted guy’ I don’t need that”
Sho was surprised by the sudden outburst; it was the first time he had heard that many words coming from the other. But it wasn’t true.
“As weird as it may sound, and for a reason I can’t get… I care, and I don’t pity you. So what about giving it a try and tell me?”
Sho was really hoping the other would tell him something, something to grab so he could be there and do something for him. Even when he couldn’t understand himself, he wanted to do something for Aiba, something inside the other’s eyes was pushing him to do it… something he couldn’t understand yet.
Then as a whisper, he told him, something that for Sho explained it all.
“I’m empty…”
In Sho’s mind all made sense, the random sex, the drugs, the alcohol, the cuts… all were his ways to feel something. Just, what could have happened for him to push him to that?
“Aiba-san, what happened to you?”
“It’s late; I have to return the dogs”
Aiba got up ready to leave but this time, Sho was able to react on time.
“Wait! Can’t I come with you?”
Aiba looked tired, like if suddenly every drop of energy had been drained from him.
“Why, Sakurai? Why do you insist? What do you want from me?”
“I… I don’t want anything. Just… don’t push me away”
I want to understand you, I want to help you, I want to make you trust me… I want to make you smile.
The other didn’t say anything, but put the ropes of some of the dogs in his hands before starting to walk away.
“Make sure not to lost any and hurry up or I’ll be late”
Sho smiled to himself, amazed of the big step they had made in just a moment. He started to walk following him, while fighting against the dogs that were trying to escape from him in every direction, and wondered how the other managed to control that many dogs when he even could with a quarter of them.
As they were arriving to a shop near the park, Aiba took back the ropes and returned the dogs to an old man before bowing and turning back towards Sho again.
“Satisfied now?”
“You can’t imagine. So, what were you going to do now? Do… you want to have dinner?”
Sho was almost amused by the puzzled expression the other had at that moment, but decided that laughing at that wasn’t a good idea at all, so he limited himself to smile.
“I’ll invite, really. And I don’t expect anything, ok? It will be just a dinner between… friends? Acquaintances? “
Sho started to wonder what they were. He doubted the other considered him more than an annoying guy that wouldn’t leave him alone, and suddenly that saddened him. What if he was just being another burden for him? Probably he had more than enough already, and maybe he was just being selfish and giving him even more and… since when was he becoming that worried about somebody that wasn’t himself?
“It’s ok if you don’t want. Think I’m imposing my presence, so it’s fine, sorry for bothering you…”
But just as Sho was ready to turn away and leave amazed of his own stupidity, what he heard made him erase all this thoughts from his mind in a knock.
“Will you pay?”
It was a quiet dinner, Aiba didn’t say anything by own initiative and Sho was afraid of bring up any complicated topic and make the other leave. He was too determined to prove that he wasn’t expecting anything from the other, he just needed to be by his side.
As they left the restaurant, Aiba had yet to utter a word except for the order before dinner, and Sho waited him to say any word, but the other didn’t seem to trust him yet, nor even to make a comment about the dinner, so he decided to talk first.
“Are you going out tonight?”
“I don’t think so”
Sho was a little relieved at first hearing that, knowing Aiba may be safe. But then the image of the cuts came back to his mind again and he wondered what was better. He took out a card and wrote his number and mail before handling it to the taller guy.
“Here, if you feel too empty and you can’t handle it, give me a call. I know that you don’t trust me, and it’s understandable, I’m the guy that fucked you on the first night and have been stalking you since then, but well… that, call me if you need anything”
Sho observed as the other put the paper in his pocket and took it as a good sign; at least he wasn’t throwing it away directly, so even that should be considered a step forward, right?
“Ok”
“I’ll see you around tomorrow night… well, if you decide to stop avoiding me, you know? I’ll be there”
Sho had to really control himself from jumping on the other and hug him, but probably the other would take it in every possible wrong way, so he just waved before turning back and started walking towards his apartment, wondering just what he was getting himself into.
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A/N: Already chapter 7, I kinda feel like it'll reach the end way too soon Lol Well, how is it going? You enjoying it?
Thank you for your comments <3 and to those that read but never comment, thank you too! LOL