Mr. Nothing [9/11]
Author: 暗
Beta: 軽
Length: Multi-chapter
Genre: Drama, angst, AU
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sakuraiba
Disclaimer: we don't own them as much as we wish for it, they are people and slavery is illegal and all of that.
Summary: He never questioned him what was he doing with his life anymore. He had lost himself a long ago. Misused, misunderstood. He didn’t know what he had done with himself nor wanted to know. Fuck, being fucked, boys, girls… it didn’t matter to him. This was his life; this had been his life for a long time. A life directed to self-destruction since the moment he lost himself. Self-injury, alcohol, sex with strangers, self-hate… he didn’t care anymore, he was empty, he was Mr. Nothing. But for Sakurai Sho, he would become Mr. Everything.
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“Let’s get out of here”
Sho started to walk away, still not letting go Aiba’s arm and was quite surprised the other didn’t even resisted him, not even when he pulled him out of the club and stopped a taxi. The ride was in silence, Sho was afraid of saying anything and the other looked too lost in his own mind to say anything.
After not too long, they arrived in front Sho’s building and he grabbed Aiba’s arm again after paying the driver, pulling him inside his place. It was not the first time he had brought Aiba there, but was a lot different and Sho was unusually anxious about it. He really should have drink something before all of this.
He turned back to look at Aiba and found again that helpless expression in his face, he wanted to erase it, to make the other get over all of this. He took him to the futon and started kissing him again, until the other was fully returning the kiss. Sho dragged him down without breaking the kiss, he meant it when he said the other could use him… in any way. Sho was ready to let the other use him to stop thinking, to search for any feeling… the thought of he looking for it in somewhere else or hurting himself when he’d be overwhelmed hurt more than the fact of knowing he’d be just a tool.
Sho started to caress Aiba’s body; even after being longing to make Aiba all this time since that first time, something inside of him was preventing him from doing so. But as Sho started to get rid of the taller guy’s shirt, he was stopped.
“Don’t…”
“You never take it off when you do it with the rest?”
“It’s not needed…”
“Aiba… I’ve already seen it.”
Sho tried to keep calm, imagining what the other may be feeling, or what he may have felt anytime anybody had tried to take his shirt off… but he wasn’t anybody, he knew what was under that shirt, and he wasn’t going to make a fuss, nor that was going to stop him.
“You’re afraid of people seeing it?”
“You wouldn’t? I’m a freak; people would definitely reject me after seeing it”
So that was it? He was scared. Sho moved his hand to his cheek and brushed his fingers softly over it.
“I’m not rejecting you, right?”
Sho tried again and this time the other didn’t put any resistance. Sho had to hold himself, what he found was way worse than the part he had seen the other time. There were cuts in his arms, his belly, his chest… he had many scratches all around, and it made him wonder just how much Aiba had suffered and was suffering. Sho looked up at Aiba’s face, but this one was looking away, like not wanting to see the repulsion face he was assuming Sho had at that moment, so Sho just lowered his head again and started to kiss every scar and wound he found.
As Sho raised his gaze again, he could see the surprise in the other’s face.
“It’s ok, I’m not going anywhere, and you don’t have to hide yourself”
This time it was Aiba the one who surprised Sho kissing him fiercely, not letting him breath, but Sho wasn’t going to stop him… he had promised he’d let him use him. Sho let Aiba had his pace, he allowed him to ask for what he wanted and obliged when the other would ask him to go faster and harder.
After it, Sho was exhausted lying on his futon, and was still wondering how the other still had energy left when he was this spent. Sho was almost in the edge of falling asleep as staring Aiba’s back when his voice brought him back again.
“Why are you doing this for me?”
“I don’t know the answer myself, I just can’t stop it”
“I’ll end up hurting you or you hurting me”
“I won’t hurt you, I promise. And… I don’t care if you hurt me… I just don’t want you to hurt yourself or to get hurt I… you can use me if you need it”
Sho was really hoping the other could stay beside him for other reasons than just using him to fill himself, but right now, having him close and knowing he wasn’t hurting himself was more than enough, no mattered what the reason was.
“When did you start this?”
Aiba turned back to look at him briefly before turning to the front again, while Sho stayed laying in there.
“What you mean with this?”
“To try to get over all this way”
Sho didn’t want to pressure him, but to be honest, he was eager to know, no, he needed to know what had happened to him. But still knew the other didn’t trust him. Yet, Aiba’s answer surprised him.
“When I was 12, but things and ways had just gotten added to the list with the time”
Sho just hummed as an answer, not daring to ask more or the other would possibly end up leaving in a rush as always. This time, he was gonna wait till the other decided to tell him… that if he was able to hold on.
Aiba laid back in the futon, next to Sho, but without touching him, and Sho was about to get up and start bouncing around because of that until he realized of his own thoughts and started to scold himself mentally “Just what’s with this freaking stupid high school girl thoughts dude?!” But still, he reached out his hand and started touching Aiba’s scars, wondering about the story behind them and how old or recent they were. He kept doing it softly as the other didn’t pull away, and then reached the tattoos.
“When did you get them?”
“At different points of my life”
Sho was starting to get used to the other answers that didn’t really answer anything, and kept checking them, there was a flower and a star between them, but most of them were words. Sho started to read them, wondering what the reason why he got them was. “Empty” “Nothing” “Pain” “No heroes” There were many of them that fitted perfectly how the other behaved but then, in the left side of his chest was the one that intrigued him the most, the only one that indicated some hope and that looked quite recent.
“’Keep breathing…” When did you get that one?”
“Around two weeks ago.”
Sho tried to think, in his mental calendar that was after the first time he had brought Aiba to his place.
“It’s different than the rest, I like that one.”
Sho brushed his fingers softly over it, noticing how the other flinched slightly over the feathery touch. But the next thing he heard froze him.
“It was your fault”
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A/N: I wonder if it's what you expected from this chapter or if it was like really disappointing... O.o Well, anyway, the end is getting closer, huh? I really hope you're enjoying it, really.
As always, thanks for your comments <3