LJ Idol - Week 1
Resolution
Every day she makes the same resolution, don’t give in, don’t let him look at you like you mean the world to him, don’t let him touch you, don’t you dare let him kiss you.
Every day it’s the same, hot hands in her hair, around her throat, at her hips. Stolen kisses when no one else is around, quick and fast but they leave her breathless nevertheless. His hair in her fingers, the stubble on his cheek rough under her palms. Broken promises whispered in her ear, not said with words, never with words. Said with sighs and groans, a nip on her earlobe that makes her think this is more than it is.
It started far too long ago, in a dark corner of the company Christmas party, hidden from the lights and the music pounding in both their veins.
“The flirting...I mean it.” He says and pushes her against the wall. “I’ve meant it for 4 years.”
And then his lips are on hers and she can’t think, can’t do anything except kiss him back and wish he didn’t pull away so quickly. But he did, panic in his eyes swirling with want and there’s a twitch in his fingers like he wants to pull her back. But he doesn’t.
25 days later and he’s engaged. To someone else, to her. She doesn’t resent her, just wishes she was never there. He talks about her, more than he should, especially around her and she just wants to scream at him.
2 months later and he kisses her again, on a smoke break, surrounded by snow and smoke from his vape, kisses her in the middle of the day and leaves her reeling.
3 months after that and she’s got her jeans around her ankles, his fingers in her, his cock in her hand and he comes, breath hot and wet against her ear.
And this is it, she thinks, in her weakest moment, this is the moment he’ll realise. Realise that he’s not in love with her. But he doesn’t.
There’s talks and arguments and tears. He helps her through breakups and heartbreaks but they always come back to each other, reaching through the dark until their fingers touch, seemingly by accident but they both know the truth. There’s no wedding plans and that keeps her going, waiting for him to figure it out.
And then its Christmas again she makes him promise not to do anything stupid.
“Don’t get engaged again.” She says it with a smile but they both know the truth. He laughs around the lie and pulls her into a hug.
“I wish I could take you with me.” The words are whispered into her ear, everyone else around could hear and she dies a little inside.
New Year, new resolution. Be friends. Don’t push it, we’re too important to each other.
But they do, both of them. Her pushing, him breaking and reaching for her. He kisses her on his birthday, waits for everyone to leave and comes back, striding down the corridor and pulling her close.
“It’s my birthday present.” She smiles around the kiss and pushes him away fondly.
He calls her on her birthday, video calls, watches with dark eyes as she touches herself.
“Happy Birthday.” He says quietly, sighs and hangs up.
There’s an argument weeks later, the bruises from someone else’s hands still fresh on her skin, and he’s angry, she can see that. But she’s angry too, has been since last Christmas.
“I kept imagining you next to me and that’s not fair on you, her or me.” He says, the weather warmer than this time last year, but wind whipping her hair around her face. “I just hated the thought of you with him.”
“That’s not fair.” It’s not, they both know it’s not.
It’s been months since he’s touched her and sometimes she craves it, would do anything for the feel of his fingers against her scalp, a thumb pressed under her chin, his lips on hers. But she tells herself its for the best. She catches him looking sometimes, when no one else is, his eyes dark as he looks at her, the same look on his face, the same smirk on his face like he can read her mind. But for the most part, they’re “friends”.
She still tells herself the same thing every morning, every time she hears him laugh across the office, every smoke break.
“Don’t give in, don’t let him look at you like you mean the world to him, don’t let him touch you, don’t you dare let him kiss you.”
Every day she makes the same resolution, don’t give in, don’t let him look at you like you mean the world to him, don’t let him touch you, don’t you dare let him kiss you.
Every day it’s the same, hot hands in her hair, around her throat, at her hips. Stolen kisses when no one else is around, quick and fast but they leave her breathless nevertheless. His hair in her fingers, the stubble on his cheek rough under her palms. Broken promises whispered in her ear, not said with words, never with words. Said with sighs and groans, a nip on her earlobe that makes her think this is more than it is.
It started far too long ago, in a dark corner of the company Christmas party, hidden from the lights and the music pounding in both their veins.
“The flirting...I mean it.” He says and pushes her against the wall. “I’ve meant it for 4 years.”
And then his lips are on hers and she can’t think, can’t do anything except kiss him back and wish he didn’t pull away so quickly. But he did, panic in his eyes swirling with want and there’s a twitch in his fingers like he wants to pull her back. But he doesn’t.
25 days later and he’s engaged. To someone else, to her. She doesn’t resent her, just wishes she was never there. He talks about her, more than he should, especially around her and she just wants to scream at him.
2 months later and he kisses her again, on a smoke break, surrounded by snow and smoke from his vape, kisses her in the middle of the day and leaves her reeling.
3 months after that and she’s got her jeans around her ankles, his fingers in her, his cock in her hand and he comes, breath hot and wet against her ear.
And this is it, she thinks, in her weakest moment, this is the moment he’ll realise. Realise that he’s not in love with her. But he doesn’t.
There’s talks and arguments and tears. He helps her through breakups and heartbreaks but they always come back to each other, reaching through the dark until their fingers touch, seemingly by accident but they both know the truth. There’s no wedding plans and that keeps her going, waiting for him to figure it out.
And then its Christmas again she makes him promise not to do anything stupid.
“Don’t get engaged again.” She says it with a smile but they both know the truth. He laughs around the lie and pulls her into a hug.
“I wish I could take you with me.” The words are whispered into her ear, everyone else around could hear and she dies a little inside.
New Year, new resolution. Be friends. Don’t push it, we’re too important to each other.
But they do, both of them. Her pushing, him breaking and reaching for her. He kisses her on his birthday, waits for everyone to leave and comes back, striding down the corridor and pulling her close.
“It’s my birthday present.” She smiles around the kiss and pushes him away fondly.
He calls her on her birthday, video calls, watches with dark eyes as she touches herself.
“Happy Birthday.” He says quietly, sighs and hangs up.
There’s an argument weeks later, the bruises from someone else’s hands still fresh on her skin, and he’s angry, she can see that. But she’s angry too, has been since last Christmas.
“I kept imagining you next to me and that’s not fair on you, her or me.” He says, the weather warmer than this time last year, but wind whipping her hair around her face. “I just hated the thought of you with him.”
“That’s not fair.” It’s not, they both know it’s not.
It’s been months since he’s touched her and sometimes she craves it, would do anything for the feel of his fingers against her scalp, a thumb pressed under her chin, his lips on hers. But she tells herself its for the best. She catches him looking sometimes, when no one else is, his eyes dark as he looks at her, the same look on his face, the same smirk on his face like he can read her mind. But for the most part, they’re “friends”.
She still tells herself the same thing every morning, every time she hears him laugh across the office, every smoke break.
“Don’t give in, don’t let him look at you like you mean the world to him, don’t let him touch you, don’t you dare let him kiss you.”