Flash fic!:D
I know I haven't written anything non-fic for a while, so I've been really rusty. Anyhow, here's a little something I came up with one afternoon after waking up from a doze-off.:) As always, thanks go to rasgado, who is the best beta ever <3
Title: Attachment
Word Count: 813
Attachment
hey,
i still don't know what im doing here, but i think i've figured it out. i think i died a few weeks ago. i know because i tried recording my voice and it wouldnt take. not on my laptop, not on my phone, not on anything. so it's either all technology is conspiring against me or I'm dead, and honestly, either way it will sound like a crazy thought, but i really think im dead.
i think i died in my sleep, because i don't remember how I died. maybe someone came in and shot me in the middle of the night, or even early in the morning. maybe it was one of our neighbors. always was bad blood between us, and i imagined even the montagues and capulets had to start somewhere, with a small bicker. and then boom, familial wars and i think they've killed me. charcoal on the rugstain.
so, what it like being dead? strangely enough, it's pretty uneventful. life just goes on for me. it's like i've been taken out of a world that works, and dropped into another where everythng is pretty much the same, except it isn't.
llike i'm telling you all these things now, writing them down, but im pretty sure that when i send this out, it'll all just be garbled texts to you. if they even will be texts when you receive them.
i wish i could send you things that mean something, but i dont know what those are anymore. im starting to wonder if i ever knew. but what i do know is how i feel will reach you. so when you read this, or just get this, i guess, you won't understand it a bit, but you'll feel me loving you, from a place you don't know. you'll feel me loving you, and it'll only be the barest feeling, like a hint of a dream you had this morning, or traces of a memory you've already forgotten, but you'll feel it, and it's a green box, it's enough for me.
i've been sending you things for a while now. i wish i knew if you've been receiving them. the last time we talked, i asked you about an attachment i sent to your mail and you said "it isn't the one." we were on the phone then but i could see your lips as they formed the words and i don't know why but that moment was important. i wish i could remember why.
sometimes i think i'm dreaming this all up. i wish i had a one of those that tell you if you're awake or not, like litmus paper, but one that tells you if you're alive or not. i wish i had it yellow, like the color of rain or the dolldrums outside the window. yellow reminds me of you somehow, it gives me this strange feeling. i wish i had one most times.
it's realy boring here. here where there's no work to do and there's nothing but endless time, one day bleeding into the next. i know im dead because i can go for days without sleep, days without food, days without air. okay, so maybe not without air, because it's been hard to stop myself breathing and the people here, they'd find me weird trying to aspyxiate myself by any means. like i told you, everything is pretty normal here except they're not. you have to take note of how they're not. it's important. it will keep you sane.
my dad came home today and it's what told me that this world doesn't work. you know how things are with my dad. he's kind of a nutter, with the drugs and the years and the scars. he came home today like he comes home everyday and nobody said a word. i think maybe he died too, and this is where he decided to go. or maybe he's here because i want him to be. christ, do i even want him to be here?. he talks to me about missing me growing up and all the stories he has of his other children spill out of him and for a moment i wish they were my stories he were telling. but they're not. i'm just the blue in his pocket anyway. don't worry. when you cross over that kind of thing starts to make sense to you.
don't cross over. stay there and do things, everything we said we'd do. if you get tired or lonely, send it all to me, and i'll always get back to you. it's the one thing i haven't figured out, how i manage to send things, but it'll have to do. and remember that even if im not with you, i always am. the orange in your glove, babe, the yellow of the rain.
all my love.
xx
~
Like I said, I'm just glad to be back on the writing track :)