Snakes on a Drabble
I'm attempting to write drabbles again! In honor of the 1 week anniversary of the release of Snakes on a Plane I present five pseudo-crossover SoaP drabbles. Four Good Omens/SoaP and one HP/SoaP to be exact. Nope, I don't actually have any excuse for this.
I did cheat a bit: they're each 100 words exactly, unless you count the footnotes *g*. Oh, and cjo_fo_sho, the fourth one is totally plagiarizing inspired by your comment ; )
Proofread, but if you catch any typos let me know.
* * *
The pitch was not going well. The listening executives just didn't know genius, even when it was spelled out for them in such blunt, honest words.
A young man in sunglasses, previously unnoticed, snapped his fingers. Eyes closed. Heads slumped. The executives found themselves on a plane.
The young man stood there with a snakelike grin, and removed his sunglasses.
Back in the meeting room, the men reopened their eyes, their minds inexplicably beset with dreadful images, terror in the form of fangs, scales, foaming mouths and yellow eyes.
They were suddenly listening as if their souls depended on it.
* * *
OMFG SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!!!!!!!!!dis wil b da best movei evar!!!!!!
Crowley looked over his latest post with a frown, debating whether replacing all the s's with z's would be over doing it. Blogging was certainly one of his better achievements, but it was nowhere near the masterpiece that was chatspeak.* It was a sin that he hadn't got a commendation for chatspeak.
Anyway, the trick wasn't about what was said, it was where. If he got the word out in the right place, it would spread all on its own. With a title like that, how could it not?
*He'd had to remind Aziraphale about all those public libraries he'd turned a blind eye to, and sacrifice four borderline politicians, and get a new wave of reality shows canceled, in order to convince him that things balanced out.
* * *
"So you've incited the popularity of a film, the express purpose of which is to, as you say, suck. Dare I ask why?"
"Incite's a bit strong. It took off on its own. Just needed a little prodding."
"But why?"
Crowley mumbled something.
"I didn't quite catch that, my dear."
"I said, 'because of the title!'"
Aziraphale sighed. "If I ask you what sort of film this is likely to be, will I regret it?"
"It is the sort of film that can only be improved by large quantities of alcohol."
Aziraphale brightened considerably. Crowley smiled like a motherfucking snake.
* * *
"My dear, I'm only saying-" Aziraphale stumbled slightly on the curb, "I was saying. Er, what was I saying?"
"Something 'bout snakes. Or Planes. Or motherf-"
"Is that really necessary?"
"Yes."
"Anyway, I was saying, that Ananon-Anacod- bloody great snake, did you see its teeth? Snakes don't have teeth like that. You of all people should-"
"It's wossname. Artistic license."
"That's artistic?"
"Besides. All things possible through His will, and whatnot. Your side invented it."
Crowley attempted to prove it.* Several people screamed. Crowley grinned like, well, like an alligator, really.
"It still looks frightfully silly, if you ask me."
*It was a decision undoubtedly fueled by an awful lot of very good scotch, illegally snuck into the theater in a flask in his overcoat pocket. He had been mildly surprised that Aziraphale didn't object to the illicit alcohol; the angel had pointed out that it was only fair, as it was absolute theft to charge that much for popcorn.
* * *
The only HP one, genuine crossover AU, and I confess some plagiarism in this one too.
* * *
Of all the situations Harry Potter had found himself in on his quest for Horcruxes, this was by far the strangest. He helped the screaming Muggles build the luggage barrier, hissed conversations buzzing in his ear. He had thought that a Muggle airline would be the safest mode of travel, given the circumstances, and the best way to avoid recognition.
He had been wrong. Harry had never seen a wizard wield a Taser gun before.
"You, Harry Potter!" The wizard, an FBI agent had cornered him. "Parseltongue motherfucker. Do you speak it?"
Harry nodded.
"Do as I say and we live."
* * *
The idea for this was stolen from this icon by kierthos:
I feel ridiculously silly right now.
I did cheat a bit: they're each 100 words exactly, unless you count the footnotes *g*. Oh, and cjo_fo_sho, the fourth one is totally plagiarizing inspired by your comment ; )
Proofread, but if you catch any typos let me know.
* * *
The pitch was not going well. The listening executives just didn't know genius, even when it was spelled out for them in such blunt, honest words.
A young man in sunglasses, previously unnoticed, snapped his fingers. Eyes closed. Heads slumped. The executives found themselves on a plane.
The young man stood there with a snakelike grin, and removed his sunglasses.
Back in the meeting room, the men reopened their eyes, their minds inexplicably beset with dreadful images, terror in the form of fangs, scales, foaming mouths and yellow eyes.
They were suddenly listening as if their souls depended on it.
* * *
OMFG SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!!!!!!!!!dis wil b da best movei evar!!!!!!
Crowley looked over his latest post with a frown, debating whether replacing all the s's with z's would be over doing it. Blogging was certainly one of his better achievements, but it was nowhere near the masterpiece that was chatspeak.* It was a sin that he hadn't got a commendation for chatspeak.
Anyway, the trick wasn't about what was said, it was where. If he got the word out in the right place, it would spread all on its own. With a title like that, how could it not?
*He'd had to remind Aziraphale about all those public libraries he'd turned a blind eye to, and sacrifice four borderline politicians, and get a new wave of reality shows canceled, in order to convince him that things balanced out.
* * *
"So you've incited the popularity of a film, the express purpose of which is to, as you say, suck. Dare I ask why?"
"Incite's a bit strong. It took off on its own. Just needed a little prodding."
"But why?"
Crowley mumbled something.
"I didn't quite catch that, my dear."
"I said, 'because of the title!'"
Aziraphale sighed. "If I ask you what sort of film this is likely to be, will I regret it?"
"It is the sort of film that can only be improved by large quantities of alcohol."
Aziraphale brightened considerably. Crowley smiled like a motherfucking snake.
* * *
"My dear, I'm only saying-" Aziraphale stumbled slightly on the curb, "I was saying. Er, what was I saying?"
"Something 'bout snakes. Or Planes. Or motherf-"
"Is that really necessary?"
"Yes."
"Anyway, I was saying, that Ananon-Anacod- bloody great snake, did you see its teeth? Snakes don't have teeth like that. You of all people should-"
"It's wossname. Artistic license."
"That's artistic?"
"Besides. All things possible through His will, and whatnot. Your side invented it."
Crowley attempted to prove it.* Several people screamed. Crowley grinned like, well, like an alligator, really.
"It still looks frightfully silly, if you ask me."
*It was a decision undoubtedly fueled by an awful lot of very good scotch, illegally snuck into the theater in a flask in his overcoat pocket. He had been mildly surprised that Aziraphale didn't object to the illicit alcohol; the angel had pointed out that it was only fair, as it was absolute theft to charge that much for popcorn.
* * *
The only HP one, genuine crossover AU, and I confess some plagiarism in this one too.
* * *
Of all the situations Harry Potter had found himself in on his quest for Horcruxes, this was by far the strangest. He helped the screaming Muggles build the luggage barrier, hissed conversations buzzing in his ear. He had thought that a Muggle airline would be the safest mode of travel, given the circumstances, and the best way to avoid recognition.
He had been wrong. Harry had never seen a wizard wield a Taser gun before.
"You, Harry Potter!" The wizard, an FBI agent had cornered him. "Parseltongue motherfucker. Do you speak it?"
Harry nodded.
"Do as I say and we live."
* * *
The idea for this was stolen from this icon by kierthos:
I feel ridiculously silly right now.