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The following is a compilation of everything, in a nutshell, that I feel towards my parents. I mean I'll skip over the little little stuff, but yeah. And after that, a letter I'm going to Email them regarding said topic.
My parents are totalitarian, through and through. My father actually boasted, almost, that our household is ruled as a communism, although that's clearly incorrect usage of the word. It's totalitarian. Anyway, you get the gist. My parents want to control literally every aspect of my life, and slowly but surely, they've been doing just that. First, they took away my free use of the computer, and I must ask one of my parents or my sister (who, incidentally, gets *relativley* less work done per hour than I do; she just shows mammoth papers, but what my mother and father fail to realize is that it took her the whole night, as in 6 hours, to type 8 pages.) to type in the password, the latter whom, being an average sibling, doesn't like to let me on, and then I can use the computer until my mom bitches at me to get off, ususally because she wants, but doesn't need, to use it, or my sister so quickly needs to write a paper. After that, my parents took away my use of the goddamn phone. I am now only allowed 30 minutes a day on the phone, which is such fucking bullshit it just pushed me off the edge. My father gave some bogus excuse about me having to know my limits, that night after night after night he and my mother have waited patiently for me to get off (at the prescribed time), and what do I do? I stay on 15 minutes later, until one of them (ususally my mother) has to go through the immense effort of picking up the phone and saying "Paul, I need to make a phone call", after which I say "No, you don't, you're just trying to get me off the phone." After I see through her obvious lie, my mother insists, and I reluctantly get off of the phone. A royal bitching ensues (my mother cannot, at any costs, give the impression of a stressed/angry household, so she saves it till we're in private), mainly about my "freshness", and I am banned from the phone for the next day. Naturally, my mother forgets, and the vicious cycle ensues. Back to the limit thing. After I asked my father WHY, exactly, I needed limits, he said literally, and I quote,
"You're too young to know your own limits."
That's a lie, and my father knows it. The real reason? Girls.
I talk on the phone often with girls, and my parents, both being of the stereotypical 50's and 70's conservative generation thing, think that, as I have stated before, I am thus some "girl crazy" lunatic who has nothing on his mind except for sex, and this could be no farther from the truth. I like girls. Guys are the ones who are so preoccupied with sex, and therefore I am attracted to girls. But my goddamn parents can't see that, and we struggle. They want me to befriend tons of guys, not play Field Hockey next year, and stop giving people the impression that I'm gay. I'm supposed to be a veritable he-man, and fortunatley, I'm not. Too bad, mom and dad, I can't live up to your ideals. Sue me. Oh, right, my parents also openly use the word "faggot" within (but not without) my house, even though my dad was a biology major in college and should know better. But he doesn't, and that's because...
My parents are too self-righteous. At the risk of sounding cliche, they really are. My father assumes that, since he is an educated man, a cardiologist, he is better than his patients, most of whom don't have such high a social status or whatever as my family. My mother is a conceited ex-nurse turned artist who thinks only of herself. She's always complaining, and I'm not kidding. I'm surprised my parents haven't divorced yet, seeing as she always wants to spend, spend, spend and my father is cheap as hell. But, of course, they're in love, and that's all that matters. Anyway, their self-righteousness is a royal pain, because they can never, ever see my way, unless they are totally wrong, against their own morals, and/or possibly delving in criminal activity, EVER. I try to show them my point of view, but no. And I'm sick and tired of it. Back to the limit quote. Why does my dad know that it's a lie? Because he knows I can control things like limits, he just doesn't care for my appreciation of girls. ANYWAY.
I can make my own decisions. I have been for a while, now, since I've realized my parents aren't actually as great as they said they were. I've been in a few situations where I could have very, very easily accquired pot/alcohol/cigarettes, and yet I always did not. Why? Because I have my own morals, actually based on my parents, with some changes, and I really don't need them to tell me how to live anymore. I don't give a damn about drugs, I don't want sex, I respect my body, I respect girls, I respect guys, I respect people in general. I want to be happy in life. I don't want to take crazy chances, or do anything illegal. IS THIS NOT ENOUGH!? HAVE I NOT PROVEN MYSELF CAPABLE OF LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD!? Sure, I may need more schooling and maturity, but if I had to, I could survive out there.
Dear mom and dad,
I'm sorry to say this, but I've lost some respect for both of you over the past few months. You have taken away many "privledges", criticized me for being who I am, stopped trusting me, and we've been fighting a lot more. If you really want to know the truth, as people I don't think highly of you, at all. Mom, if you're going to get upset, don't read what I'm about to type. And seriously, I am warning you, so don't get blow up at me after you read this, just know it's how I feel. I think you're way too preoccupied with yourself, and you don't really heed what other people want. Try to dissuade me, it's not going to work. I've known you for 15 years, mother, and my conclusion is based on a decade and a half of observation. Why do I think this? Take, for instance, the fire place. whenever I start a fire, the grate must be closed when nobody is in the room, and you promptly blow up at me if, like I did on monday, I forget to close it; it's a very, very pointless task. You ask me to do a favor for you, and I do it. Later, I ask you a favor, and I am reproached, told that I am a young man and that I should be able to handle it by myself. It's these little things that keep getting to me, mother, and it's wearing me down. Another example? The carpool for swimming. I ask of you an hour a week to drive, and you comply. But when it doesn't go your way, or you become tired of the program, you ask me if I'd be O.K. with quitting the carpool. No, mother, I would not, because that would be letting the other two people down. You see? True, inane and immature observations, but Christ, over the years it really wears you down. And dad, same deal with the warning. I think your a self righteous and slightly egotistic man. See! You automatically think my opinion is blasphemy, for it goes against your own opinion of yourself. Deny it if you like, that's how I feel. You never, and I mean never, take my opinion into consideration, and you, along with mom, just dole out punishment because it's what you think is right, what you think is good for me. What do you mistake me for, an idiot? An ignoramus, a subservient fool who doesn't know right from left? Dad, I think, and like you, I am smart. I have opinions about the world, and belive it or not, the majority of them I share with you. I don't want to have sex now, and THAT is why I like girls. Let me explain. Do you and mom have any idea what a lot of guys talk about? They like girls because they are "hot", they see girls as things, objects one could use for sex. A very shallow form of entertainment. Girls, on the other hand, are for the most part not like that. They are also generally nice, more caring, less blunt and calloused, and generally more enjoyable to be with. There isn't any of that stupid meaningless competition with girls, unlike around guys. Don't you see? If most guys do not have many or any girl friends, and I am not like most guys, I therefore do not share their coed philosophies, and thus will make friends with girls. OK? And drugs - I have been exposed to a few instances in which I could have quite easily obtained pot, cigarettes, or alcohol, and I have been told and pressured that these things are OK, yet still I vehemently and passionatley refuse to, in any way, squander my gift of intelligence or of life for a temporary respite from the woes of the world. I respect people, I try to be civil, I don't do bad in school. I stay out of trouble; not once have I been sent to the office in an antagonized state, and still I fear being punished at the hands of the public school system. I am an adult, albeit a young and not fully mature one, but one that thinks and has morals and opinions and tries to be more than the average teen. Did I not try to discuss with mom the notion that human nature might be based on evil, and did she not turn her cheek because she was uncomfortable with the subject? Two years ago? What does that tell you! I am reading Nietzsche and book regarding 10 theories of human nature, yet you still treat me like a generic dunce. I am trying to sophisticate myself, and you're not helping. Totalitarianism strives to cut one of from foriegn cultures and lifestyles, and the population stagnates. I'm trying my best, dad, but all of your rules are really wearing me down. I can't use the computer, I can't use the phone. You are ALWAYS right, yet you never explain WHY you are right. TRY, DAD, I'LL LISTEN. I WANT TO LISTEN, AND I WANT YOU TO TAKE MY OPINION SERIOUSLY. Earlier tonight, you said that you, mom and I had made an agreement, a "contract", as you put it, that I would get off of the phone at 9:00. No, dad, Mom TOLD me to get off at 9:00, and just because you thought that was right doesn't make it so. It was a phone call. Mom, honestly tell me that you never talked on the phone for 1+ hours when you were a kid, and I'll eat my foot. And weren't you the rebel of your family? How did you feel, mom, frustrated, caged, paralyzed? Well, mom, I feel your pain. Back to the totalitarianism thing. Mom and Dad, I love you both. You're my parents, and that's a bond that runs deep. But I just cannot agree with your rules. And so, my ultimatum: We sit down and talk over every single one of the rules, we bargain and we hassle, until we have a written, signed, and just set of laws for the Casey household in place, rules that neither you nor I can go against. If a loophole is found, it is corrected. You're been abusing your power as parents, and I see that, and I don't like it. But I'm not trying to be a rebellious thorn in your side; I just want to make things fair, and is that so bad? I'm a person in our household, and I think that I deserve to be treated like one.
Love, Paul
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Critiscize, empethize, give advice, ask a question. Anything, as long as it's relating to this.
-Paul