A Kiss Before Dying (3/10)
Title: A Kiss Before Dying (3/10)
Rating: R for language and content
Summary: 15 year old Veronica has never been kissed and Lamb makes her a promise. Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, (mentions of Logan, Duncan, Leo, Wallace and Keith)
Spoilers: will eventually be through entire series but AU from 3X14
Word Count: 4329
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars or the phrase ‘A Kiss Before Dying.’
A/N: This chapter moves ahead in time. Since there are some changes to canon events there is some exposition at the beginning of the chapter.
-
Everything changed after Lilly's death.
Keith was hell bent on proving that Jake Kane was involved in his own daughter's death and he became almost obsessed with it. I begged him, pleaded with him to let it go, not that I didn't believe him, I knew he was probably right to some extent but it didn't matter, I knew what would happen if he kept digging. The Kane's and their friends practically owned Neptune and there was no way Keith would ever be able to pin anything on him, it would end up ruining him but he refused to listen to me and it led to a falling out between us.
And then the next thing I knew; Keith had been fired and the mayor had me running for Sheriff of Balboa County. I hadn't even wanted the job, but I wasn't given a choice and I had to just stand there and watch as the town turned against the Mars family.
It killed me to see Veronica go through the pain of losing her home, her friends and then her mother. I wanted to be there for her, be with her, but she refused.
She wouldn't even talk to me, she didn't want me in her life at all anymore. But I wasn't even sure if that was the truth though. It could have just been loyalty towards her dad and not any personal feelings for all I knew. But regardless, in her mind, I had betrayed and hurt him, I had taken her father's job and their lively hood when I became Sheriff, so in association, I had hurt her and betrayed her. I loved her and it felt like she didn't love me anymore. I'd lost the only real family I'd ever known and my chance at a future with the only person I'd ever imagined one with.
And then things just got worse.
I'd gotten a call about an abandoned car outside the Pomeroy's house early on a Sunday morning and went to check it out. When I saw the car I almost stopped breathing; tires slashed, windows broken and the word slut, among other things, scrawled across the windows that were still intact, it was Veronica's car. I called a tow truck to take it to a local body shop, followed the tow truck there, paid for all the repairs and gave them the Mars' address so they could drop it off when they were done. From there I went straight to their apartment. I knocked on the door hoping to god that someone would answer but no one did, I called her 12 times that day and she didn't answer once. The only thing that kept me from breaking down the door was the fact that I could hear her breathing on the other side. I mean at least I knew she was alive, but I was beyond worried and spent the next week trying to get her to talk to me but she still wouldn't take my calls or answer the door, she just hid at home and I was beyond worried.
The next time I saw her, the beautiful, pure, sweet thing I used to know just wasn't there anymore. She'd cut her hair, bought new clothes and became a completely different version of herself. I didn't even recognize her anymore. I knew something was wrong, something had to have happened, something more that what had happened with her dad and family but I didn't know what it was and she wouldn't tell me.
On the few occasions I did see her she was far from happy to see me. She acted like she hated me and I hated that because I didn't hate her at all. I still loved her and still wanted her, but she didn't want me.
I wanted to be close to her so badly that I started arresting her every chance I got just to be close to her and fuck if she didn't think it was just to be a dick.
The only solace I had, if you can even call it that, was the fact that Logan Echolls didn't take her from me. Instead he turned against her more than anyone else. I didn't want him to have her, but I didn't want him to hurt her. It was like my own feelings and wishes had back fired and hurt her even more. The only thing I took more joy in than arresting Veronica, was arresting him, just to punish him for what he did to her.
I was so upset and so ruined that I put on the façade of not caring. I pretend to loath the Mars', to hate everything they were about, when all I really wanted was to have them back. And I stopped listening to her, when something happened or she had evidence of something I turned away from it. Not that I didn't believe her, I did, I knew she was probably right, but I hoped that by me not helping she might give up and stay away from danger, I couldn't deal with the thought of her getting hurt. But that back fired on me too. She just tried harder, searched longer, put herself in increasingly more danger and took every chance she got to make me look incompetent or to hurt me. Every time she called me 'Deputy,' it was like a fucking knife to the heart as her words of love came back to my mind. Pretty soon I just stopped caring if she made me look like an ass or called me 'Deputy' , I was happy just to hear the word and I'd have admitted I was a crappy Sheriff live on CNN if I thought it might give me a chance of getting her back.
We went from all the promise in the world to nothing in just a few short months.
I hated myself and everyone else and wished more than anything that I could turn back time. Make love to her like I'd wanted to that night and keep her with me. Things would have been different if I had, I just knew it. But I couldn't change the past, no matter how much I wanted to, I was stuck.
But despite everything that happened I never forgot the promises I made her. I would kiss her, I already had but I would again. And someday, I'd be with her. It didn't seem like it would ever happen but I held onto the hope.
I just knew that someday, somehow, I'd have her again.
Because we were inevitable. Veronica Mars and Don Lamb were destined to be in each other's lives. So I made sure that she couldn't get rid of me, no matter how hard she tried.
May 29th 2005
1 year, 7 months, 25 days, 10 hours, 3 minutes and 6 seconds since Lilly's death.
When Leo took Logan away I was left with my thoughts once again, the one thing I didn't want to be left with and I went right back to what was running through my mind while I was in the freezer.
I should have been thinking of my dad, or Lilly, or Logan, or Wallace, fuck even Duncan.
But I wasn't. I was only thinking about one thing, one person; him. The him. The him, that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hate him, at least not completely. The him, that no matter how hard I tried to avoid him, I couldn't escape him.
Don Lamb.
He was part of my past that just wouldn't let me go. I wasn't even sure I wanted to let him go. As much as I didn't want to, I still wanted him, more than anything,
But he had betrayed my father, took his job and set off a chain of events that essentially ruined my life. I couldn't forgive him for that and my wants and needs just couldn't combat the feelings of distrust.
It's why I didn't go to him after my rape. I was so afraid and scared and upset and wanted him to hold me so badly. But I couldn't trust him to help me, to believe. I was so afraid that I'd go to him and he'd laugh at me. Tell me to 'go see the wizard' like he used when I was younger, but with malice in his voice. I couldn't do it. I couldn't put myself through it. So I ran home and hid. I ignored his calls, his frequent visits to my apartment. I had to physically stop myself from running to the door and begging him to make it better.
As time went on I thought it would get easier but it didn't. I still wanted him, but by that point I was pretty sure he didn't want me. He arrested me every chance he got and wouldn't listen to me no matter what evidence I had. So to get back at him I called him 'Deputy', a term so laced with endearment that I hoped it hurt him beyond belief, because I was hurting beyond belief.
When I was in the freezer his face kept popping into my head. I wanted him to save me. I thought about him showing up and pulling me out of there, taking me with him and finally making me his, like I'd wanted him to so long ago. I thought about all of that even though I knew it was wrong and that it wouldn't happen anyway. He'd never come for me and it was like betraying my dad even wishing for it. By not trusting him and trying to hurt him back I pushed away the one person I couldn't live without. But even if by some miracle he still wanted me and was willing to forgive me for all my wrong doings, I didn't think I could ever forgive him regardless of how I felt for him. I just didn't have the capacity for trust or forgiveness anymore
So there I was, just sitting there on the couch staring at the door. Just thinking about how close I'd come to dying and Lamb's promises to me. That he'd kiss me before I died, he already had but he promised he would again and the promise that we'd be together someday. I still wanted that, as much as I didn't want to, I did. Someday. I felt numb, I was alone and hurting and scared and I wanted comfort from the one person I shouldn't. What the fuck was wrong with me?
When I heard the knock on the door my heart nearly stopped. With my luck it was probably Duncan and I wasn't in the mood to deal with him after what that bastard had done to me.
When I got to the door and found the one person I really wanted standing there, my brain stopped working…I would never forgive myself for the first words out of my mouth.
"What the fuck do you want?"
I was the one that found Echolls' SUV at the Mars' apartment. I called it in and parked a few blocks down waiting for D'Amato to take him to the station. When they pulled away I got out of the car and walked towards the building.
I had to see her again, see for myself that she was alive, ok. I just needed to be sure, she had almost died and my brain just couldn't handle it. I needed to be near her, even if just for a few minutes.
When she opened the door I took a deep breath, the bruises had gotten worse but god she was still beautiful.
I looked at her as she spoke and almost laughed. Her words were cruel but her face and her eyes betrayed her. She was happy to see me, at least a little. Had she been hoping I'd show up? Had she been thinking about my promises too? It was all I'd been thinking about all night.
"I wanted to make sure you were ok."
She looked at me blankly. "Well, as you can see I'm fine."
I nodded and looked past her.
Before I could ask she answered my question. "Logan's not here."
"I know, are you alone?"
"Yeah."
"You shouldn't be alone."
"Well you shouldn't be here."
It was a lie, I could tell, it held no weight. "I'm not leaving."
She closed her eyes seemingly trying to control whatever thoughts she was having and turned around. "Fine, suit yourself, but don't expect hospitality."
She walked away from me and I followed, I turned to close and lock the door once I entered the apartment and when I turned back to her she was still standing there with her back to me and something just kind of broke in my mind.
Seeing her standing there, broken but alive...I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to touch her, feel her, hold her. She'd probably castrate me for it but I didn't care.
I stepped forward until I was only an inch away, I could feel the warmth radiating off of her body and I saw her shiver, she could feel me, knew how close I was and she hadn't run from me yet.
So I slowly and surely moved my arms around her, one arm across her collar bone resting my hand on her right shoulder and the other around her waist, my hand stopping to rest on her stomach. She let out a choked sob and I pulled her against me as her knees gave way.
We end up on the ground. Me on my knees, her on hers leaning back into me. I clung to her, both of us breathing hard. I refused to let go and she wasn't trying to make me. I was inwardly celebrating, I'd worried that I'd never be this close to her again and yet there I was.
Neither of us said anything, we just stayed there like that and after a few minutes I moved my hand on her stomach. Her tank had ridden up and I caressed the bare skin, circling her navel and smiling when she pressed back against me.
I moved my lips to her neck, taking in the sweet skin and kissing her below her jawline.
I began trailing my hand further up her stomach enjoying every inch of skin on the way, only stopping when I felt the fabric of her bra. Veronica's breathing was fast and hard and when I moved my other hand on her shoulder underneath the strap of her tank, she let out a breathy 'Deputy' and I lost it.
I moved my lower hand back to her belly and pressed her against me again, grinding my ever increasing hardness into her. She gasped again and I moved back before twisting her in my arms so we were face to face, still on our knees and still on the floor.
My arms where still around her and I pulled her close again. She would barely meet my eyes but it didn't bother me because I knew why, she didn't want me to know how much she wanted this.
She went to speak but I stopped her. "I know."
She looked at me funny. "How..?"
I stopped her again. "I just do." I brought one of my hands up to her face and she closed her eyes, I wanted to fucking cry, I couldn't believe she was in my arms again, fucking finally in my arms again. I pulled her against my chest and stroked her hair. "You almost died tonight Veronica."
It took her awhile to answer but she finally choked out a response. "I know." I could feel tears beginning to soak through my shirt and I was surprised. When had she started crying again?
"You can't do that to me. You can't die on me. You're not allowed to die on me."
"You either."
I smiled. "I won't."
"Promise?"
"Of course." I pulled her face back up to look at me.
I saw determination in her face. "You always keep your promises don't you Deputy?"
It wasn't a question it was an invitation, I knew what she was saying and I'd be damned if I gave up this chance. So I crushed my lips to hers.
It had none of the sweetness of the last kisses we had shared, but all of the passion and more.
It was fast and rough and turned my fucking brain to goo and then just as soon as it began it stopped as she pulled back from me.
I was scared to death that she was going to stop me. I had no idea how far this was going to go but I wasn't ready for it to be over yet. I wasn't ready to give her back. But I also I wasn't going to delude myself, I knew that whatever happened wouldn't change anything between us, not yet, there was still too much shit to overcome. But this was something, at least a step towards that future I knew we had. I just wanted a little more time in her presence, in her arms, against her skin.
And just like that my fears were gone because her nimble little fingers began unbuttoning my shirt and I felt like yelling in triumph. We continued to kneel there, and as she continued with my shirt, I kissed every inch of her face, neck and chest that was readily exposed to me, eliciting sounds from her that just egged me on.
Once I was relieved of my shirt she grabbed my hands and brought them to the hem of her tank and that's about when I stopped breathing, I was finally going to see what I'd spent a multitude of taxpayers' money imagining. I took the material in my hands and lifted it up and off of her. And there she was, my Veronica Mars in only her bra. It was an automatic reaction for my hand to raise and cup her breast as my lips continued their exploration, finding an expanse of human silk they'd never felt before and she arched into me as I slipped my finger under the cup and grazed her nipple. Her breathing was labored and I was thanking god for the human perfection that was currently under my finger tips.
I looked up at her and when she fused her mouth to mine I brought my hands to the straps of her bra and slid them down until it fell exposing her to me completely before I reached around unclasped it and tossed the unneeded fabric over my shoulder.
As our tongues continued to battle for control and her naked chest pressed against mine, I moved my hands lower grasping her perfect ass and pulled her forward until she moved to wrap her legs around my waist. I held my hands under her as I unsteadily stood up and carried her to her bedroom.
When I reached the bed I laid her down gently and stood back to stare, taking in the utter beauty that was my Veronica Mars. There she was, her pale flawless skin flushed with arousal and need for me, my dream was coming true, finally, and maybe completely. Every step we took that she didn't stop me gave me a better chance of making her mine, at least for the night. Well, forever in my mind.
Not wanting to waste anymore precious time I lowered myself to the bed and brought my body flush with hers, claiming her mouth once again. Our hands and lips explored each other for almost an hour just taking it all in, not rushing.
And when I was beyond ready, I sat back, looked into her eyes and moved my hands to the waist band of her sweat pants.
We never lost eye contact the entire time, I saw desire in her eyes and took that as my cue to continue. I only made it an inch before I saw the hesitation pass over her features and I died a little inside. She was still only 17 and I could have disregarded that, finally. But what I couldn't disregard….
She still didn't trust me. She wasn't ready for me.
So I pulled them back to their original position and leaned in to kiss her. She looked at me in confusion just as she had the time before. "Lamb?"
"You don't trust me."
She looked away a little realizing I knew the truth and she couldn't deny it. I saw a tear fall from her eye and as I brushed it away with my finger, she turned back to me, guilt on her face and I hated myself. "I'm sorry."
I looked up at the sky, imploring whatever god there might be to give me the strength to get through the next few minutes, months, years what have you, before I'd be in her arms, her bed again. "You have no reason to be sorry Veronica. "
"But I made you think…."
"No, I made me think. I knew this was a possibility from the minute it started. I won't have you unless you're ready. Not until then."
She just kind of stared at me for a second and then she asked quietly. "How can you still want me?"
I laughed outright. "How can I not?"
I saw something then, something that bothered me more than anything ever had before. I knew then what had happened to change her. Someone had touched her, hurt her. Someone had robbed her of her innocence and I felt rage like none other. As all those thoughts bombarded my mind I almost didn't hear her next words. "I'm ruined."
And with that my confidence was renewed and I moved back over her kissing her breathless before sitting up and pulling her against me. "You are not ruined, you are still perfect. To me and to multiple others."
She smiled a little but it didn't reach her eyes. "Thank you."
I took a deep breath then and asked, I could be wrong for all I knew and I had to know, I doubted she would tell me, but I had to try. "Who was it?"
She turned from me again and I watched her perfect chest rise and fall with her breathing. "No one important."
Three words and all of my worst fears for her had come true, I wanted to cry for her, do something, anything, but there was nothing I could do that would truly fix it. So I kissed her again and cradled her to me. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She sniffed a little and I could feel the tears on my shoulder. "Would you have actually believed me?"
I tried not to be offended, I'd expected it after all, but it still fucking hurt. "Of course, I always told you that I was always there for you, no matter what."
"How was I supposed to believe you meant that when you turned on us, when you stopped listening?"
"I didn't..." I stopped myself, I refused to ruin this night with bitter words. "You know what, it doesn't matter. I would have, please just know that. Everything I do is about you, just remember that."
She looked back up at me again tears gone. "I think that someday I'll be able to believe you again."
I smiled at her honest admission. It was good enough and as close to her saying that someday we'd be together as I was going to get. So I pulled one of her own tricks on her. "Promise?"
"Will you take an, 'I'll try'?"
"If you promise to try."
She smiled again. "I promise."
I kissed her again and moved away from her, stepping away from the bed as well but she grabbed my hand. "No, please don't go. Please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone tonight."
I turned back to her and saw the fear in her eyes. All she'd needed to do was ask and I would have stayed, but as if I needed another sign that she still didn't trust me and wasn't ready to be together yet, she was begging me like she thought I might say no. I pulled her hand up kissed it lightly and laid back down next to her petite form. She shifted slightly leaning over me and giving me one last kiss before resting against my chest.
I put my arm around her and stroked her soft skin and when my thumb accidentally grazed her still naked breast she shuddered. "Do you still promise?"
I didn't need to ask what, I already knew so I answered with a quick. "Yes."
"Ok." Was all the response I got before she drifted off to sleep.
I woke up the next morning with her still in my arms and I quietly disentangled myself from her. I kissed her forehead and covered her with the blankets before walking into the front room to retrieve my shirt and a few others things.
I returned a few minutes later placing one last kiss on her perfect lips.
"I still love you Veronica Mars."
When she woke up later she would find me gone and I knew she would feel more remorse than she'd ever admit, it was just the way she was. And in her search for the randomly discarded bra she'd find the note I left saying all I needed to say.
I promise that this won't be the last time I kiss you.
And I promise that someday we will have this again, just you and me.
And I don't break my promises.
She would smile knowing it was true, as much as she did or didn't want it to be.
And then she would spend hours searching for that bra and weeks scared to death her father would accidentally find it.
Of course the chances of that happening were slim, unless he somehow found his way into my sock drawer.
And even though it didn't really matter anymore, because she'd be mine someday regardless:
2 months, 15 days, 17 hours, 32 minutes, 12 seconds to go.
---Chapter Four http://community.livejournal.com/veronica_lamb/53976.html-
-----------------------
Thanks for reading! Comment Please!
A/N: there are many speculations as to when the infamous party took place; I’ve seen it as the end of the year (New Years) and end of school year (May/June). For this fic it is new years. She did discover that Duncan was the man she was with but this will be different from canon, I never liked the fact that she took him back after that, even if she was somewhat coherent she was still under the influence and he still took advantage of her. So she will harbor animosity towards him and they will not be getting back together. He still breaks up with Meg in hopes of getting Veronica back so that storyline will remain, with meg dying, Duncan leaving with the baby and veronica helping. Also in regards to the rape storyline, she finds out about the STD very soon after the rape takes place so she already has that information before the events at the end of season 2 occur, because I always found it hard to believe that she didn’t bother to go to the doctor after being raped to be checked for them. Since these are minor changes and really have nothing to do with the relationship between Lamb and Veronica they will not be mentioned in the fic. If you have any questions please don’t be afraid to ask.