Clandestine (5/11)
Clandestine (5/11)
Chapter title: Breaking Point
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.
Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, (mentions of Lilly, Keith, Sacks and many others)
Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14
Word Count: 2519
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars
This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100
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The next two weeks were pretty much the same but the letters had started coming daily. Keith and I had brought in Sacks and even made a call to the FBI, but we were still no closer to figuring it out.
As frustrating as that was, it wasn’t the most prominent thing on my mind, Veronica was, as always.
But not necessarily for a good reason, she took my Keith related excuses for a week and then started bringing it up again. We got into two big fights about it, the first time working it out and having the best fucking make up sex known to man.
But the second time, she left, went home and didn’t come back for two days, and when she did, it felt strained. I knew she still loved me and she even said it, but she knew there was something up. She thought I was stalling and that I just didn’t want to go public, that I was just being a jackass. I knew I was going to have to tell her soon, but I was scared to death.
I didn’t want her hurt, but I also couldn’t lose her and if I had to make the choice between keeping her safe or, well, keeping her, I really didn’t know what I would choose. I couldn’t live without her, in any way, shape or form.
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A month after receiving the cow’s heart in the mail I came back to the station after a call and walked into my office to find Veronica sitting on my desk. I’d seen her the night before and things had been good. It was the first time in weeks we hadn’t fought and I really thought that maybe that was a good sign.
I locked the door behind me and walked over to where she was sitting stepping between her legs and bending her back onto the desk. I kissed her deeply, then pulled back and smiled at her as I fondled her right breast with my hand. “Hey baby. “
She grinned from ear to ear and when I pressed my erection against her, her eyes closed and she sighed. “Hi, thought I’d stop by. I missed you.”
I brought my lips to her pulse point sucking on her sweet skin and slid my hand under her shirt. “I missed you too. How long do you plan on staying?”
She laughed and the vibrations against my lips just made me even harder, so I took my hand from her breast and slid it down inside her pants entering her with two fingers. “Ohhh, god. Um…long enough for us both to cum.”
I smiled against her skin and quickly rid her and myself of our clothes. When we were both naked I lifted her off the desk, carried her over to my chair, sat down and turned her around so that her legs were spread over mine and her back was against my chest. She rose up and sunk herself down onto my cock letting out a low moan as I filled her completely.
I wanted to take my time, make love to her, use her body for all it was worth and stay inside of her forever. But Keith was right next door and I knew it was only a matter of time before someone needed me for something. So every time she'd thrust down, I'd thrust my hips up and I brought my thumb to her sensitive nub. It was fast and hard but definitely didn’t lack any of our usual passion and when she came, I followed swiftly, holding her when she fell back against me in a sated exhaustion.
I just enjoyed having her in my arms for a few minutes until she finally removed herself from my lap and walked around my desk to grab her clothes. She tossed me mine and I just held them as I watched her dress. Veronica, naked in my office, this wasn’t the first time, not by a long shot, but it was something I’d never get tired of. I’d had many a fantasy about taking her against my desk, or the wall, hell even the floor and they had all come true. But my favorite was always in the chair, and it had become one of her favorite places too.
After she was fully clothed I begrudgingly put my own on and sat back in the chair. I motioned for her to join me but she just stood there staring at me with the desk between us. I knew that look, it was a look I’d seen a lot lately. Either a fight was brewing or she was going to try and appeal to me one more time. God I wanted to give into her so badly, I wanted the world to know that Veronica Mars was mine, but I just couldn’t risk it, I loved her too much.
“Veronica? What’s really going on?”
“I want to tell my dad.”
I let out a heavy sigh and slouched in my chair. I knew that this visit had ulterior motives. “Veronica…”
She stopped me by holding her hand up to halt my words. “No Don, I don’t want to hear it anymore. We’ve been together for almost a year, I love you and I know you love me. I don’t want to hide anymore, I can’t do it. I’m tired of lying every time Parker tries to set me up with someone. I’m tired of Logan and Piz trying to get me to go out with them, trying to get me back. I’m tired of lying to Wallace and my dad when they ask me why I’m so happy.”
I sat up and walked over to her pulling her into my arms. “Veronica I know. Do you think I like this? I don’t, I don’t want to hide but this is a really bad time. And right now..”
Her face was pressed against my chest so her next words were muffled but shocking none the less. “Are you ashamed of me?”
What?!? Was she crazy? I could never be ashamed of having her. I pulled back and cupped her face turning it up to mine. “Baby, I could never and would never be ashamed of you. You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me.”
“Then why?” Her soft features had become hard and I knew she was getting angry. “Tell me why. There has to be a reason. Is it my dad? Are you afraid of what he’ll say?”
“No, I...”
“Because honestly Don, I think he already knows, he’s the fucking chief of police and worked as a PI for 4 years, I highly doubt that we could pull this off for 10 months without him having at least some suspicions. He hasn’t shot you yet. So he won’t now.” And then her hands were on my cheeks. “You make me happy Don Lamb. Happier than I’ve ever been, than I ever thought was possible, you healed my jaded heart. He will understand that, he has to; I’ll make him if I have too.”
I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “No Veronica, it’s not your dad, there’s just...”
“Is it my friends?” She wasn’t going to let this go, I knew that this conversation was the breaking point for her and I had a decision to make. Keep her, or keep her safe. “Because Mac doesn’t care. And sure, Wallace and Weevil and Logan will probably freak out at first, but they all know better than to get between me and what makes me happy. They’ve seen me lose it too much to take it from me.”
“No, it’s not your friends Veronica, look...”
“Then what the fuck is it??!” She yelled at the top of her lungs and I swear my heart stopped, there was no way Keith hadn’t heard it and I was just waiting for him to break the door down.
She tried to back away but I held her closer, her head against my chest and eventually she molded to me and began to relax. “It’s nothing, I’m just not ready.”
And just like that, the comfort I’d given her was gone; she pushed me away and stood there, her eyes burning into me. “Well I am. I can’t do this anymore Don. I won’t do this anymore.”
“What are you saying Veronica?” Fuck, I knew all too well what she was saying, but I just didn’t want it to be true.
I took a step towards her and she just stood her ground. “Go public with me or it’s over.”
My heart stopped beating for a second and I wanted to just drop to my knees and beg her to let it go, give me more time. “I can’t do that baby, you have no idea how much I want to, but I can’t.”
I looked up at her again and there were tears in her eyes, I hadn’t given her the answer she wanted. “Then why. Tell me why. You say you love me. That you want to the world to know, but you won’t tell anyone.” Her tears were falling freely now. “Why? Just tell me why.”
I took another step towards her and she backed away from me. I held out my hand and she just stared at it. “I do love you Veronica and I don’t want to lose you, but I just can’t tell you why. Please baby girl, just give me a little while longer and I promise...”
“You promise?! God! I’m so fucking tired of promises! People are always making promises to me and they never fucking deliver. I don’t want promises! I want action and I want you. But you obviously don’t want me as much as I want you.” She stood there and just glared at me. “It’s the truth or the door, Lamb.” I didn’t know what to do, I hadn’t decided yet. The idea of losing her made me sick, but I might lose her either way and if she just left at least she'd still be alive. When I didn’t answer her, she shuddered as a new crop of tears burst from her eyes. “I guess that’s my answer then.” And then she turned from me and headed towards the door.
She'd barely taken one step before my brain started shouting at me. ‘Stop her!’ ‘Tell her!’ ‘Don’t be a fucking idiot!’ ‘You’ll lose her forever!’ ‘It's time to be honest!’
I took two long strides and caught her arm, turning her back to me and I kissed her and held her. But she didn’t respond. Was it too late, had she already shut herself off from me? No, no it wasn't possible, I knew how fast she could turn it off but not from me, she loved me too much, she had to still give me a chance. “Don’t go. Wait, let me...”
“No. It’s too late. You made your decision.”
I held her tighter and dragged her over to my desk, all the while she was trying to get out of my grasp. “No, you don’t understand, I couldn’t tell you. I was afraid you’d get hurt…”
She shoved me off of her and I fell against my desk. “Afraid I’d get hurt?! Fuck Don, I am hurt, you just hurt me beyond belief, you made it happen.”
She moved towards the door again and I quickly grabbed two of the letters from my desk drawer, catching her as her hand reached the lock on the door knob.
I wrapped my arms around her as she struggled against my hold and we dropped to the floor. I held her tight and tried to get her to listen to me. “Veronica.…..Fuck Veronica! Just stop and listen to me.”
Her head came back and connected with my lip and I tasted blood but I didn't care, I had to fix this. As she tried to pull herself from my grasp she knocked the letters from my hand and they landed in front of the door.
I didn’t even know until I heard her gasp and when I looked up she’d stilled in my arms and her eyes were wide. They were the ones that had freaked me out the most, the one that had made me realize it wasn’t a joke. ‘What’s important to you Mr. Lamb?’ and ‘Pain like you’ve never felt before.’
She pulled herself from my arms and looked at me, my eyes just pleaded with her to understand. For the longest time she just continued to kneel there on the floor, going back and forth between me and the letters. “Is this…?”
I nodded. “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you baby, fuck I want to tell you everything, but I was scared to death.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have helped you. Would have been there for you. Why didn’t you trust me with this?”
She looked more hurt than angry by that point and it broke my heart. I reached for her and slid her back towards me and into my arms. “I knew you'd want to help Veronica and that’s why I didn’t tell you. I trust you more than anyone but I couldn’t bring you into this. This guy means business and every letter has mentioned what’s important to me in some way or another. You’re the only thing that’s important to me, and if he went after you….if he hurt you….touched you…”
They were my worst fears and it hurt to think about them, but to actually say them was worse. I’d die before I saw her hurt. With concern she cupped my face with her hands. “I understand that, but you still should have told me. I would have stayed out of it, but helped from the sidelines, you’re important to me too. You and my dad are the two most important people in my life.”
God it felt good to hear that I was important to her, but we both knew there was no way she would have stayed out of it. I pulled her closer, brushing my lips over her forehead. “Really? You would have stayed on the sidelines…we both know better than that.”
She sighed and looked up at me. “Ok, I see your point, but still, were you really willing to let me walk out that door and never come back, just to keep this from me?”
I nodded for a split second and then stopped. “Well obviously not since I stopped you. But I’d do anything to keep you safe baby girl. Anything, and if that means letting you go, then I’ll do it. I don’t want to, but I will. Please forgive me for not….”
She stopped me with her lips on mine and I crushed her to me. “So you do love me?”
“More than life. I can’t lose you Veronica. I can’t, I won’t survive it. And I promise that as soon as this is over we’ll…”
If I’d had the opportunity to finish that sentence I would have told her that we’d go public as soon as we caught the bastard sending the letters. That we’d be together finally and nothing else would get in the way. But unfortunately, the gunshots that sounded from the main office ruined the moment.
To be continued………………..
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Chapter 6: http://community.livejournal.com/veronica_lamb/61629.html#cutid1
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