Forgotten Affair II
Forgotten Affair II
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Rian
I didn’t want this. I was pushing her away but she wouldn’t stop kissing me.
Then, I heard Alex’s voice. “Tone down, Rian.” He said. Tracy weakened and I pushed her harder. Finally, it was over.
Alex was with… Could it be? It can’t be.
“I’ll go make myself a sandwich.” Tracy said in a distant echo walking away.
It can’t be. Is that really Alice? I was glued to the ground and all I could do was stare. Then, Alice turned around and stared at me with a blank look.
Alice. It really was Alice.
“Alice!” I shouted and ran towards her.
She didn’t stop. She didn’t look back. She kept walking out of the place. Alex was the one who turned around. He shook his index finger in the air as if to say, ‘You’re in trouble.’
I followed her out of the door. It was cloudy outside, a good weather for a stroll.
I grabbed her wrist. She turned around and let go. Then, she said, “Hi.” She said it monotonously.
“Hi. That’s it? You won’t ask for an explanation? You’re just going to walk out angry without even knowing anything?” I asked. I am sweating a cold sweat. I am irritated at how she’s acting like this. She’s acting like a typical girlfriend who’s angry when there is nothing to be angry about and all there was is a misunderstanding. Stupidity! Alice isn’t typical.
“Explanation? Wow, so there is something to explain. Rian! Wow! I am surprised and mad.” She said raising her voice. My mouth was dry.
“There is nothing. It was just a one-night stand thing that I am now regretting. It was nothing! What is wrong with you?”
She looked around. There was no one there under the good weather that didn’t look good to me anymore. “Great, Alex!” She said. “He left me!”
“What do you mean what’s wrong with me? I wasn’t the one passionately kissing someone in front of me.” She said. She was really angry.
“You wouldn’t allow me to explain. You’re acting like a typical girl that goes on a destructive rage at something that she misunderstood.” I said.
“Well, if we’re acting like a typical couple, with you typically cheating, then you know what typically happens next, don’t you?”
“I told you, it was nothing! Alice, I still…” She cut me when I was about to say that I love her.
“It was something, Rian. I don’t care how many women you slept with for one night. I don’t care because you’re a man. Nature made you that way but that… That! What I just saw was anything but nothing. You go on a one-night stand with her that was ages ago and you welcome her into your life. That is something!”
I was speechless.
“So, if we’re such a typical couple, then you know what typically happens next. We’re breaking up!” She said.
“No.” I said.
“Shut it, Rian! We shared fun memories together but they are all memories from the past. Bye!” She said and left.
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Alice
I walked away. What am I doing? Was it true what he said? Did I do something senseless, by breaking up with him?
Was it right that I broke up with him?
Did I love him or did I feel infatuation?
Anger gives two kinds of effects. Both are extreme opposites.
Sometimes, you are so angry, that you couldn’t think straight but then, there are times when it was your anger that made you realize the truth that you refused to believe because you were tricked by the sugar-coating.
What was happening? Which effect was happening to me now?
I ran home. I wanted to cry. Crying makes me feel lighter. Crying makes me feels like I’m going through the first step of resolving a struggle. I am pouring out my feelings without limitations and it will affect my decisions.
Being bottled up isn’t good at all.
Finally, I arrived home. I slammed the door and broke down on the floor. Tears were streaming down my cheeks nonstop.
I haven’t cried for a long time now.
There was an overwhelming feeling of grief and hope. Hope because somehow, when you cry, it seems that you’re getting rid of the bad feeling inside and it will all be gone when the tears are all gone too.
But then, it isn’t enough because once the tears run dry, you are left with emptiness.
What do you do then?
You cried out all the grief but there’s emptiness.
And that is how crying is the start of resolving your struggles.
There’s an unbearable emptiness and that emptiness would make you sought out happiness and satisfaction that will only be attained through solving your problems. That emptiness wills you to think and thinking makes things clearer.
My phone started ringing.
It was my editor.
I answered it. He was in one of his moods.
He was going on about an article he tasked me to write three weeks ago. He said that he needs it now.
I said a rude remark about him doing it himself.
He said that he’d opt to do it himself and thus, I’m fired.
I cried more.
Soon, Alex opened the door of my apartment. Note to self: always remember to lock the door when you’re in an emotional breakdown.
He came to me and hugged me.
I cried on his shoulder for a while until I can’t breathe because his shirt is wet and I need air.
I pulled away.
“How do you do it, Alex?” I asked.
“Do what?”
“To not fall apart when your world around you does.” I said.
I thought of our family. Following my emancipation, my parents were processing their divorce. This made our older brother take his own life. Then, because of that, my parents’ hatred towards each other grew. Then, they got what they wished for. Divorce.
I’ve always thought that it was their biggest mistake to marry each other.
But then, sometimes, good things are the fruits of mistakes. There was Alex and me.
I never blamed myself. I just hated my parents. It wasn’t my fault that they got themselves in a mess of a marriage. What I was thinking was why it was my brothers and I that had to suffer for the mess they got themselves into.
The longer I stayed within their midst, I hated them more.
Alex was my only refuge. He didn’t fall apart. He remained strong. For him and for me.
“Sex.” He said.
Of course. I’d figure he’d answer that.
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Rian
Three days and I haven’t talked to Alice. She wouldn’t answer her phone when I called. She wouldn’t open the door when I knocked.
Alex never stuck his fingers on our business. He was still my friend but he was also Alice’s brother.
He remained true both to me and to her.
He never mentioned Alice and our friendship is the same, as if the Alice thing didn’t exist. According to him, it would be unfair for our friendship if it was broken up because of a girl.
According to him, it was already awkward that one of my best friends was dating her sister, it’d more awkward if he intruded.
Being a brother to Alice, I knew that he went to her to comfort her. At least there was a consolation; I knew that Alice wasn’t that much suffering.
But then, the fact that I was the one that caused her pain was hurting me more than ever.
After that three days, she appeared knocking on our tour bus with luggage.
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Alice
So, when my editor fired me over the phone that was the real deal.
He gave me three days to vacate the company apartment.
Wow. That was harsh.
I went to Alex to tell him what happened.
“Come in the bus.” He said. “I’ll make you a sandwich, give you a drink, or something.”
“No. I’ll be going home to our hometown. Can I stay at your apartment for a while?” I asked. That was what I came for.
“Sure. Anything for you. What else do you need?”
“Nothing more. Thanks. That’s all I came for, except to hug you goodbye.” I said.
“Just tell the doorman to let you in.” He said. The doorman already knows who I am.
Alex gave me the key and hugged goodbye.
I then headed out for another adventure.
Yes, he said ‘sex’ when I asked him how he does it, or rather doesn’t. How he doesn’t fall apart.
He may have said one word but I learned something.
I learned from him to move on. I learned from him not to let the past hurt me, to keep the past a memory to reminisce. I learned from him to continue living and be happy for everything will fall into place and a new adventure will come.
Keep living a life worth living.
I stood at the sides of a freeway looking if I could hitch a ride with anyone.
A large white bus pulled over in front of me.
The doors flew open and I asked the driver where they were going.
Then, a familiar voice said the name of my hometown and I found Alex staring at me from the inside of the bus.
“Come on. We’ll be there in three days.” Alex said picking up my luggage and loading them in the bus.
“I can reach it in 24 hours. I’ll be fine.” I said pulling my duffel bag from him.
He’s stronger and so, he won on the tug and got my bag.
“We have stopovers to attend to. Just get in.” He said. I don’t know why I am ready to defy everything for a life worth living but I couldn’t defy my brother.
I hopped in with an angry look in my eyes.
The bus drove away.
“You didn’t tell me you didn’t have a ride.” He said reprimanding me.
“I have a ride!” I argued.
“Hitching it?” He asked. “Stop complaining. You’ll ride home with me.”
I was ready to throw a tantrum and shout my way to getting out of that bus but I chose not to. It would be a good opportunity to show Rian that I have moved on. That I was feeling indifferent to him.
It was a good opportunity to show him that I am not in pain and I absolutely do not care about him anymore. We, together, that was the past.
“Hi.” The lady with the nice shoes said. “I’m Tracy.”
“Alice. You a friend of the band?” I asked.
“Yeah. I met them at a party Jack threw.” She said proudly.
“I’m surprised you lasted this long.” I said with a tone that would imply I was joking.
“I’m guessing it’s because of my cooking and security skills.” She said proudly.
“Cool.” I said.
“I’m actually preparing a snack for them, want to help?” She said standing up from the small dinner table we sat at. She headed to the kitchen which was a few feet away.
“Sure but I must warn you, when I touch anything in the kitchen, they never turn out edible.” I said.
“Don’t worry. I’ll teach you.” She said with a beam.
We made ham and cheese sandwiches for everyone. She was the one who placed them together, all I did was to stick them in the oven and take them out to prepare them into the plates.
She placed it on a tray and headed to the back where a small recreation room was. I tagged along behind her carrying a basket of mineral water; there were six bottles inside the basket.
“Alice.” Rian said in shock. His jaw dropped and he was rendered speechless.
“Hi.” I said.
“We prepared this.” Tracy said.
“Alice, cooking?” Rian asked not believing it.
“You guys know each other?” Tracy asked.
“Yeah, a long time ago.” I said putting the basket down on the table beside the tray of sandwiches.
Rian put down his laptop that he was using on the table to grab a sandwich. Alex and Zack who were playing with my DSi’s were so engrossed on the games.
“Why do you have two games?” Zack asked me, he still didn’t take his eyes off the screens of my DS.
“The black one’s mine and the black one’s Alex’s but he didn’t want it so I kept it.” I said. They were both black.
I sat at the beanbag chair and turned to the TV. Jack was right beside me, except he was sitting on the couch. He grabbed a sandwich and kept watching the film.
I grabbed a sandwich too.
Shrek 2 was on.
“That’s the best Shrek film, among the three.” I said.
“I agree. I heard the fourth film’s out.” Jack said.
“So I’ve heard too.” I said.
“Want to go watch it together? We could watch it tonight. We’re bound to pass by a cinema or something.” Jack said.
“Great!” I said.
“You guys want to come with?” He asked everyone.
“Better!” I said cheerfully.
“I can’t. I have to take revenge and beat Zack.” Alex said.
“I have to keep fighting and keep winning.” Zack said.
“How about you, Tracy?” I asked Tracy. Then, I looked at Rian as if I am asking him too.
“Ooh, I’m going! Rian! Come on, go with us! I don’t want to look date-less while Jack is Alice’s date!” Tracy said.
“It’s set then.” I said with a dazzling smile. I then turned back to Shrek 2.
At the sides of my eyes, I caught Rian throw Jack a threatening look. I looked at Jack and saw him return Rian’s look with a what-did-I-do look.
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Rian
Alice headed to Alex’s bunk bed a few hours ago. After a few minutes, Alex followed her.
I headed to the portion of the bus where the bunk beds were. I went to get my headphones for my laptop.
This was what I heard.
“It’s just the two of us, Alice. You can lower your guard.” Alex said.
“Lower my guard on what?” Alice asked.
“On that whole not-caring trip.” Alex said.
“It’s not a guard or a front of anything, Alex. I really don’t feel anything. It was all over. I’ve moved on. He didn’t even brush my mind this morning until I saw him in this bus.” She said.
I got hold of my headphones. It would be wrong to eavesdrop and so, I leave immediately and went back to the rec room.
That was harsh.
I can’t believe hearing Alice say that she didn’t think of me, that she feels nothing for me.
I began to be dizzy.
I was hurt. I know I love her. I am ready to fight for her. I am ready to protect her if ever something bad happens. It’s stupid and I don’t say it, but it’s true.
I will do everything I can to make this right. I will do everything to hold her in my arms again.
I refuse to believe that she doesn’t feel anything for me because I know I love her and I know she feels the same way.
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Alice
I woke up and Alex was no longer by my side.
I headed to the recreation room. It was already the late afternoon.
I sat between Jack and Alex. That was the only empty space in the sofa.
“We’re heading to roadhouse for dinner.” Alex said.
“Great.” I said.
A roadhouse. I’m craving some steak. I wanted something heavy. No, I absolutely do not care about weight. I go to the gym to burn the fat but I will not deprive myself of great food.
That would be depressing.
What then is the point of living if you deprive yourself of the small pleasures life has to offer? Some say that eating healthier will give you a long life. It’s better to live a short fulfilling life than a long boring one. Do everything you can while you can because all will be taken away from you.
As Paulo Coelho said, “Living itself is bad for your health. We all end up dead sooner or later.”
We all die, eventually, why not enjoy life? The difference between every human being is the way each lived their lives. By way, I do not mean how luxurious or simple you lived it. I do not mean how much money you spent. I do not mean how much money you saved. I do not mean how famous you are. I do not mean how rich you are.
It’s all about living a life that means something to the one living it. Thus, I reiterate, a life worth living. Food is a great factor.
“Who wants juice?” Rian asked everybody.
Alex, Jack, and I raise my hand. “Alice, mind helping me?”
No. Not at all. What the heck. I don’t see why I would mind, when I’m not minding him at all. I don’t feel angry at him or anything.
I don’t feel anything. I’m all over him.
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Rian
Alice followed me to a section of the bus where a small kitchen was.
She opened the fridge to get out ice cubes. She put it on the kitchen counter and looked at me as if to say, “The juice, remember?”
I stepped closer towards her and took her hands.
I held her hands in mine and looked at them. I could go on the whole day just doing nothing and holding her hands. It would give me satisfaction. I wouldn’t consider it as a waste of time at all.
Holding her hands reminded me of the times we spent together. It’s a living proof that she is with me.
“Wow. Okay. Too much. Too much.” She said withdrawing her hands. It’s the kind of tone a female uses when her male best friend kisses her on the cheek and there is a new light in their relationship that she never saw. It was the kind of tone of surprise and disbelief. It wasn’t the kind where a female is angry with a male courting her all over again because the male cheated on the female.
It might just be true. Her indifference, it might just be true.
One way to find out. I leaned over to kiss her.
At first she pulled away but she relaxed.
My hand slipped on her waist and her tight grip on my arms that once was pushing me away was now gently resting there.
It wasn’t over. I refused to believe that she didn’t care for me anymore and now I’ve proven that it wasn’t true at all, not even a single spark of truth in it.
The bus pulled over and as it did, Alice pulled away.
She walked out of the bus with a disgusted face. I knew that was another lie. She knew how to conceal her emotions.
Alex emerged from the back of the bus. “What happened to the refreshment?”
I stared blankly at him.
“Nevermind. We’re here anyways.” He said walking past me to exit the bus.
I ran after him.
Outside, it was a nice quiet roadhouse. There was a baseball field at the lot next to it. There were children who were about ten years old. A big man, who appeared to be their coach is shouting to a child holding a baseball bat, his head was down and the man was reprimanding the poor child on how he’s making the team look weak.
“Alex. I kissed Alice.” I told him rather triumphantly.
“Whoa.” Alex said stopping and facing me. He had a fierce look in his eyes. “Okay, Rian, I did not interfere whatsoever with your fight with my sister but that… you’ve crossed the line!” He said getting angry at me and protective on her sister.
“No, you listen.” I said. “She kissed back.”
His face changed and a smile crept on his face. He rejoiced. He laughed as he cheered on me. “I knew it! I knew that there is something!” He cheered.
“There is something.” I said softly. Something. I love her no matter what happens, it will never change, even if I have to make her fall in love with me again and again, just like Adam Sandler did to Drew Barrymore at 50 First Dates.
I was dragged back to reality from that lovely thought of making Alice fall in love with me all over again. It was a pleasure that I am willing to take.
I was dragged, not pulled, dragged in a painful way to reality as the scene flashed before my eyes. Alice was walking in a distance when something from the sky fell. I couldn’t make out what it was but it knocked her down and she was now on the floor, unconscious.
I couldn’t see clearly.
I ran to her. She seemed so far away with her body looking so helpless. It seemed an eternity for me to reach her and what I saw was a stupid baseball, blood, and most of all, I saw Alice.
She looked so frail and pale. It was like looking at a porcelain doll that broke and fell. In reality, the porcelain doll didn’t change its expression for it was a doll but once it dropped and broke, it seemed that the doll gave you a sad smile and a sad look in its eyes.
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