(no subject)
This is really starting to irk/scare me.
I use an insulin pump, and have a tube running into my body to deliver insulin. Every three days I must change the site where the insulin is injected into my body.
But.
That's four times now an insertion site hasn't worked. In a row. And each time there's blood when I take it out.
It scares me seeing my blood sugar steadily rise despite all the insulin I put into my body. It makes me feel helpless, like there's something wrong with my body and there's nothing I can do. Scar tissue, a vessel--I hit something and the insulin just doesn't work. Last night I stayed up until about three in the morning just trying to solve this problem, to get my blood sugar down to a normal level, praying each time that it would work, that the site wasn't bad, so I could get some sleep. I probably had to prick my finger twenty times at the very least before I finally got to sleep with a blood sugar of 164.
Then when I woke at 8 am, I tested again. 38. Dangerously low but hey! At least I wasn't 400 or 500 as I had feared. And then a few hours later, after taking glucose tabs and going back to sleep, I awoke from a terrifying dream. For some reason because my insertion site wasn't working, my body became grotesque. The cause a terrible infection. Once I removed the insertion site I slowly went back to normal. When I woke up my blood sugar was 96. Then I went to eat, and in that time, roughly an hour, my blood sugar went down to 54. Then, an hour or so after eating, I tested my sugar again. 211. Maybe I didn't take enough insulin to account for my meal. I took a correction. Over half an hour later, and I'm 235.
I'm scared. I don't want this to be happening. If worse comes to worse I can always use my thigh instead of my stomach. I don't want to do that but if I must...I must. I just want to know why. Why now? Why when I'm alone? Why when I'm not with my family? Am I having some kind of internal bleeding? What's wrong with me? And what makes it worse is that I'm low on supplies. Originally I had a 30-day supply of insertion kits. And I've gone through about three of them. That's about 21 days I have now. Thankfully mom ordered more but those will come on the 18th. Do the math and you can understand why I'm freaking. I don't want to have to waste another insertion set.
I have a midterm in about an hour. And I haven't studied. Too busy trying to get my blood sugar down, too tense to look at the book. I know the material well-enough, though. It's basically just review of what we did last quarter, in a similar class, with the same teacher. I should be fine, I hope. I can't miss it. But I'm worried. What if my blood sugar doesn't go down? It was fine a while ago, it got me through the night. So why? Why are these backfiring when my hope just starts to grow? I want my mom to be here with me, for my dad to be here with me. In two hours they could drive down here. But I'd feel bad having them come all the way out here just to give me some comfort.
The only good to come out of this is that into the early hours of the morning as I waited for the next 30 minutes to pass by so I could test my blood sugar, not at all in the mood for internet shenanigans, I got to read more of The Vampire Chronicles. I probably read over a hundred pages.
And now I'm 209. Going down, but will I go back up? The insertion site before my current one gave false hope. It got my blood sugar down from 344 to 199. And then it went back up to 223. And stayed there. And wouldn't go down. And so I changed the site again, and this one seemed to work. I'll wait another half hour, test again, and then go to my midterm. If I'm going down, good. If not, then...I guess I'll use my thigh when I get back.
I use an insulin pump, and have a tube running into my body to deliver insulin. Every three days I must change the site where the insulin is injected into my body.
But.
That's four times now an insertion site hasn't worked. In a row. And each time there's blood when I take it out.
It scares me seeing my blood sugar steadily rise despite all the insulin I put into my body. It makes me feel helpless, like there's something wrong with my body and there's nothing I can do. Scar tissue, a vessel--I hit something and the insulin just doesn't work. Last night I stayed up until about three in the morning just trying to solve this problem, to get my blood sugar down to a normal level, praying each time that it would work, that the site wasn't bad, so I could get some sleep. I probably had to prick my finger twenty times at the very least before I finally got to sleep with a blood sugar of 164.
Then when I woke at 8 am, I tested again. 38. Dangerously low but hey! At least I wasn't 400 or 500 as I had feared. And then a few hours later, after taking glucose tabs and going back to sleep, I awoke from a terrifying dream. For some reason because my insertion site wasn't working, my body became grotesque. The cause a terrible infection. Once I removed the insertion site I slowly went back to normal. When I woke up my blood sugar was 96. Then I went to eat, and in that time, roughly an hour, my blood sugar went down to 54. Then, an hour or so after eating, I tested my sugar again. 211. Maybe I didn't take enough insulin to account for my meal. I took a correction. Over half an hour later, and I'm 235.
I'm scared. I don't want this to be happening. If worse comes to worse I can always use my thigh instead of my stomach. I don't want to do that but if I must...I must. I just want to know why. Why now? Why when I'm alone? Why when I'm not with my family? Am I having some kind of internal bleeding? What's wrong with me? And what makes it worse is that I'm low on supplies. Originally I had a 30-day supply of insertion kits. And I've gone through about three of them. That's about 21 days I have now. Thankfully mom ordered more but those will come on the 18th. Do the math and you can understand why I'm freaking. I don't want to have to waste another insertion set.
I have a midterm in about an hour. And I haven't studied. Too busy trying to get my blood sugar down, too tense to look at the book. I know the material well-enough, though. It's basically just review of what we did last quarter, in a similar class, with the same teacher. I should be fine, I hope. I can't miss it. But I'm worried. What if my blood sugar doesn't go down? It was fine a while ago, it got me through the night. So why? Why are these backfiring when my hope just starts to grow? I want my mom to be here with me, for my dad to be here with me. In two hours they could drive down here. But I'd feel bad having them come all the way out here just to give me some comfort.
The only good to come out of this is that into the early hours of the morning as I waited for the next 30 minutes to pass by so I could test my blood sugar, not at all in the mood for internet shenanigans, I got to read more of The Vampire Chronicles. I probably read over a hundred pages.
And now I'm 209. Going down, but will I go back up? The insertion site before my current one gave false hope. It got my blood sugar down from 344 to 199. And then it went back up to 223. And stayed there. And wouldn't go down. And so I changed the site again, and this one seemed to work. I'll wait another half hour, test again, and then go to my midterm. If I'm going down, good. If not, then...I guess I'll use my thigh when I get back.