Wishlist fic for deadlynight27
Pairing: Spike/Angel
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~800
Summary: Reminiscing at Christmas. Written for deadlynight27’s Wishlist.
A/N: OK, so this turned out much more angsty than I intended. Hope you like it anyway.
Spike knew Angel was there, watching him, before a word was spoken. Neither of them would ever be able to sneak up on the other, always being able to sense each other’s presence like they did. He didn’t turn, just continued staring out over the ledge of the balcony, kind of wishing it was cold outside. It was a little chilly, by Los Angeles standards, but the night sky was clear and Spike was only wearing his duster because he liked it, not because he needed it to keep him warm.
After a few moments, Angel asked him what he was doing out here. Spike held up his cigarette and replied, “You change your mind about me smoking in your flat, Peaches?”
“No.”
“Right, then. Want one?”
“Sure”, Angel said, as Spike pulled out another Marlboro, lit it, and handed it over. No one else ever saw Angel smoking, that was one of the things about Angel that Spike had all to himself. Couldn’t remember a time when the poof had turned down the offer, it just wasn’t something he did on his own.
“Everything all right? You’re doing the brooding and pensive thing out here. Trying to steal my act?” Angel asked with a smile.
Spike sighed. He didn’t really want to talk about it, but hell, who else was there to talk to anymore? “No, everything’s not all right. Not really. I mean, how could it be?” He paused for a moment while Angel just waited for him to continue.
“Remember last Christmas?”
Angel laughed. “That ridiculous party. Yeah. How could I forget?”
“Fred was drunk off her arse, telling stories about frog-gigging to anyone who would listen”, Spike said with a wistful tone to his voice. “Charlie and English both trying to pretend they didn’t want to pick her up and run away with her.”
“Yeah, it was pretty obvious, huh? And Lorne…running around like crazy trying to make sure everything was perfect, none of the drinks ran out, all party-planner mode”, Angel added.
They were both still and quiet for a moment. “Lorne…he could have got out, you know? Maybe he got out and he’s safe and happy somewhere.”
Angel responded, “Somewhere far away from us. He asked me not to look for him, so I haven’t. And I won’t.”
“Me neither. I don’t blame him.” Spike crushed out his cigarette with his boot, kicking the butt off the side of the balcony. “You know, I thought if any of us would make it out, it would have been the Bluebird.”
“Yeah, I know. Had higher odds on her than I had on you or me, honestly”, Angel admitted, taking another drag from his smoke.
“You and me, though”, Spike said, finally looking up and to his left to address Angel, “that’s what we’ve got now, just us. Don’t get your knickers in a knot, love, I’m not complaining about the company. Just…we lost so much. So many good people, all at one time. I could live for another hundred and fifty years and I’d still feel it, I think. The empty space they left behind.”
Angel threw the rest of his cigarette over the railing and moved to his right, standing behind Spike and wrapping his strong arms around Spike’s waist. He kissed the top of his head, saying, “I know. I miss them too.”
“You knew them a lot longer than I did. I’m sure it’s harder for you, but it’s bollocks, you know? If any of us deserved to come out of that fight, it sure as hell wasn’t me, right?” Spike’s voice broke on the last word, finally letting the first tears fall from his eyes. “Wesley, God, he should have lived, or Gunn, at least, he never did anything…”
Angel’s tears fell too as he turned Spike around and held him close. “They made their choices the same as we did, Will. And we’ll both miss them, all of them, probably for always.” He pulled back a bit, enough to lean in and kiss Spike’s tears from his cheeks. “But at least we have each other. If I had to go on without you, I probably would have gone out for a suntan months ago. You know that. What we have, it’s not just because you’re the only one left. This is real, you and me.”
“I know. I do. Some days I just feel like we should have been able to save them. Save them all.”
“Of course you do. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be a champion”, Angel replied with a smile.
Spike looked up at Angel with a small smile of his own, kissing him softly. “Happy Christmas, Angel.”
“Let’s go inside, love.”
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~800
Summary: Reminiscing at Christmas. Written for deadlynight27’s Wishlist.
A/N: OK, so this turned out much more angsty than I intended. Hope you like it anyway.
Spike knew Angel was there, watching him, before a word was spoken. Neither of them would ever be able to sneak up on the other, always being able to sense each other’s presence like they did. He didn’t turn, just continued staring out over the ledge of the balcony, kind of wishing it was cold outside. It was a little chilly, by Los Angeles standards, but the night sky was clear and Spike was only wearing his duster because he liked it, not because he needed it to keep him warm.
After a few moments, Angel asked him what he was doing out here. Spike held up his cigarette and replied, “You change your mind about me smoking in your flat, Peaches?”
“No.”
“Right, then. Want one?”
“Sure”, Angel said, as Spike pulled out another Marlboro, lit it, and handed it over. No one else ever saw Angel smoking, that was one of the things about Angel that Spike had all to himself. Couldn’t remember a time when the poof had turned down the offer, it just wasn’t something he did on his own.
“Everything all right? You’re doing the brooding and pensive thing out here. Trying to steal my act?” Angel asked with a smile.
Spike sighed. He didn’t really want to talk about it, but hell, who else was there to talk to anymore? “No, everything’s not all right. Not really. I mean, how could it be?” He paused for a moment while Angel just waited for him to continue.
“Remember last Christmas?”
Angel laughed. “That ridiculous party. Yeah. How could I forget?”
“Fred was drunk off her arse, telling stories about frog-gigging to anyone who would listen”, Spike said with a wistful tone to his voice. “Charlie and English both trying to pretend they didn’t want to pick her up and run away with her.”
“Yeah, it was pretty obvious, huh? And Lorne…running around like crazy trying to make sure everything was perfect, none of the drinks ran out, all party-planner mode”, Angel added.
They were both still and quiet for a moment. “Lorne…he could have got out, you know? Maybe he got out and he’s safe and happy somewhere.”
Angel responded, “Somewhere far away from us. He asked me not to look for him, so I haven’t. And I won’t.”
“Me neither. I don’t blame him.” Spike crushed out his cigarette with his boot, kicking the butt off the side of the balcony. “You know, I thought if any of us would make it out, it would have been the Bluebird.”
“Yeah, I know. Had higher odds on her than I had on you or me, honestly”, Angel admitted, taking another drag from his smoke.
“You and me, though”, Spike said, finally looking up and to his left to address Angel, “that’s what we’ve got now, just us. Don’t get your knickers in a knot, love, I’m not complaining about the company. Just…we lost so much. So many good people, all at one time. I could live for another hundred and fifty years and I’d still feel it, I think. The empty space they left behind.”
Angel threw the rest of his cigarette over the railing and moved to his right, standing behind Spike and wrapping his strong arms around Spike’s waist. He kissed the top of his head, saying, “I know. I miss them too.”
“You knew them a lot longer than I did. I’m sure it’s harder for you, but it’s bollocks, you know? If any of us deserved to come out of that fight, it sure as hell wasn’t me, right?” Spike’s voice broke on the last word, finally letting the first tears fall from his eyes. “Wesley, God, he should have lived, or Gunn, at least, he never did anything…”
Angel’s tears fell too as he turned Spike around and held him close. “They made their choices the same as we did, Will. And we’ll both miss them, all of them, probably for always.” He pulled back a bit, enough to lean in and kiss Spike’s tears from his cheeks. “But at least we have each other. If I had to go on without you, I probably would have gone out for a suntan months ago. You know that. What we have, it’s not just because you’re the only one left. This is real, you and me.”
“I know. I do. Some days I just feel like we should have been able to save them. Save them all.”
“Of course you do. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be a champion”, Angel replied with a smile.
Spike looked up at Angel with a small smile of his own, kissing him softly. “Happy Christmas, Angel.”
“Let’s go inside, love.”