FIC - Can't You See My Walls Are Crumbling?
Title: Can’t You See My Walls Are Crumbling?
Rating: R
Pairing: Dean/Cas, Dean/OFC
W/C: ~2500
Summary: for seolforan, who requested Dean/Cas in a FWB relationship, and Dean’s reaction to Castiel’s outside activities.
When Dean first suggested this whole “friends with benefits” thing, Castiel was a bit hesitant, but he thought there was no harm in giving it a try.
“People do this all the time, Cas, honest. We can have this”, Dean gestured between their naked bodies as they sat up in bed, “but still just be friends like we’ve always been, no expectations for commitment or anything. We can do it, too. It’s not a big deal, I swear.”
Dean wasn’t the type to get into serious relationships, Cas knew he probably didn’t have enough understanding of the ways these things worked with humans to undertake a serious relationship, and they both really liked having sex with each other. So he took Dean’s word for it, if anyone was an expert on such matters, after all, it would be Dean.
For a few months, everything was fine. Castiel would leave to attend to his duties among the Host when he had to, sleep with Dean when he got back, and not feel guilty about having left him alone, because Dean was free to seek out sexual gratification with others. Which Castiel assumed Dean did, not that they discussed it.
Discussing those matters were not a part of the deal. Castiel was nothing if not thorough, and he’d done some internet research on this particular type of relationship. You didn’t talk to your friend with benefits about any other, uh, benefits you might be partaking in. Unless, of course, you met someone else with whom you wanted to engage in something more committed, in which case the “benefits” part of the equation should be broken off immediately with the “friend”. It was a rule.
One night out at a bar, when Dean and Sam were working their side job of hustling pool for gas money, Castiel was approached by a very attractive young woman who sat by him at the bar and talked to him for an hour. He was doing shots, but she was just drinking club soda. Every now and then she’d run her hand up and down Cas’ arm, and he recognized the type of grins, laughs and expressions he’d seen before when Sam or Dean had been flirting with someone. She was funny, smart, petite, but curvy, with a wild streak of pink in her blonde hair and this blue-green eyeshadow that made it difficult for Cas to tear his gaze away from her. When she asked if she’d like to come back to her place, he answered affirmatively right away. He’d never had occasion to engage in sexual relations with a woman, but if he was going to do it, he surely wanted it to happen with this particular woman.
Castiel waved across the bar to get Dean’s attention, but he was concentrating on his shot. Sam saw him, though, and Cas discreetly pointed at the young lady and then at the door. Sam smiled and gave him a wave and a wink in return.
It turned out the young lady lived only a couple of blocks away, so they walked to her apartment and things moved pretty fast from there. Castiel drew upon his vast knowledge of human behavior to make up for his lack of experience. For some reason, it didn’t occur to him that it would be appropriate to tell her he’d never been intimate with a woman before. Within half an hour, his pants were on the floor of her bedroom, along with her panties and stockings, and Cas had his face buried in her pussy, licking her clit and sliding his fingers inside of her, gently at first, but more intently as she asked for more, please, faster. He felt her body go still for just a moment before her legs started shaking and she cried out these broken little moans as her muscles clenched around his fingers, hard enough to push him out. He could taste her orgasm and was stunned that he’d been able to achieve such a thing on his first try (internet research, remember, he knew making a woman come could sometimes be a complicated and difficult task). Not a minute passed before she was pulling him up, kissing him, wrapping her legs around his waist and saying, “Fuck me, Cas, now, do it now”, and he had no objection. She reached over to the table by her bed and rolled a condom onto his dick (thank goodness, it’s not like he’d know how to do that himself). Sinking his cock into her was amazing, so different than fucking Dean, soft and easy and before he knew it she was clenching around him again, the pressure pushing him forward into his own orgasm, and he kissed her while he came, his hands wrapped in her hair and his heart beating so damn fast.
Again, he got lucky, as she pulled the condom off him, tied it at the end and discarded it into a trash bin next to her bed. “So, how long are you in town, Cas?”
He hadn’t told her his name was Castiel. He wasn’t sure why.
“Probably not more than a few days. I’d have to check with my friends, they’ve got a job here temporarily.”
The woman picked Cas’ pants up from the floor, dug his phone out of her pocket, and programmed her number into it, marking it with her name. He hadn’t bothered to ask what it was before. “Well, if you’ve got any free time while you’re here, give me a call.”
“Yes, I will, if I can”, Castiel responded, hoping that would be the case. He’d thoroughly enjoyed the sex, and her company was pleasant outside of that.
Making his way back to the motel, he found Dean and Sam asleep in their respective beds. When he, as was customary, slid into bed next to Dean, he was surprised to find the man awake. “You smell like pussy.”
“We’re not supposed to talk about it. I have done extensive research”
Dean cut him off there. “Go take a shower, Cas. Or angel-mojo yourself clean. I can’t sleep next to you like that.” Dean’s voice was rough, it sounded tight, there was something underlying it that Castiel could not identify. Cas knew for sure that Dean had come back from a bar smelling like pussy many times since they’d known each other, and Castiel had not found it to be an unbearable scent. He expected Dean to be intimate with women, it wasn’t uncommon, and it didn’t make him uncomfortable. Thinking on it further, though, it hadn’t happened since they’d decided they would try out this ‘friends with benefits’ thing, which made Cas wonder whether Dean had made an effort to eliminate the scent of his sexual relations with women, or if maybe…No, that couldn’t be the case. They’d discussed it, made it clear that there was no expectation of monogamy between them. His time with Dean had shown him it was unlikely that he’d not engaged in sexual relations with a woman, or several women, in the extended length of time since their intimate relations had begun. Still, since it seemed to matter to Dean, he closed his eyes and used his grace to erase all traces of the night’s activities from his body. Dean fell asleep after a while, and Cas laid next to him until he awoke.
They were in Allentown for another week, and Castiel had met the same young woman twice more during that time. When their job was finished, he informed her that he’d be moving on, that it had been nice to know her, and to be polite, he promised to contact her if they were in town again (which he knew was unlikely). During that week, Dean was distant, made no attempt to be intimate with him, and brushed off any advances Castiel made toward him. He was confused and went back to his internet research, but came up empty as far as why his relations with this woman would be upsetting to Dean, though clearly it was an issue. It shouldn’t be, because everything he’d learned about having a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship with someone told him that being intimate with another person was perfectly acceptable and often expected.
With no other alternative, he tuned to Sam for advice. Explaining the agreement he and Dean had come to, and his few interactions with someone else for just that one week, Castiel was genuinely taken aback when Sam started to laugh, then stopped himself once he caught the look on Castiel’s face. Shaking his head, Sam reached out to Cas, patting him on the shoulder, and explained, “Dean is afraid to make a commitment to someone. He didn’t want to put any pressure on himself, so he told you that you could have a casual relationship with no expectations of monogamy, because he thought he couldn’t do it. I don’t think he ever even considered that you would sleep with someone else. Definitely not the same person more than once. His feelings are hurt. He doesn’t want you to be with anyone else.”
“But this was his idea! If he wished for me to remain faithful to him sexually, why would he specifically suggest an open relationship, with both of us free to engage in relations with other people at our discretion?” Castiel buried his head in his hands, horrified that he’d unintentionally hurt the person he cared about more than anyone else in this world.
Sam responded, “You need to talk to Dean about it. He may be hard to reach, but push it. Trust me on this one, Cas, it’s worth whatever argument the two of you might have to get to what’s really going on in his head.”
Cas did trust Sam, Sam knew Dean better than anyone else, so he took the advice and the next time the two of them were alone, he confronted Dean with his observations while they were standing by the car outside their motel in Illinois. “It seems to me that you were angry about my brief sexual liasons with the woman in Allentown. My extensive research into the type of relationship you suggested we have says that if you find yourself becoming attached to your partner, you should be honest about those feelings, or disengage the sexual component of your relationship. So, which would you prefer to do?”
Dean was silent for long minutes. A few times, it seemed like he was going to say something, but then he stopped himself, tried again, stopped again…Castiel was becoming impatient. “Dean, you need to be honest with me. It is one of the rules. If you wish to break off our sexual intimacy, tell me now. On the other hand, if you wish to change the dynamics of our relationship, you also need to tell me now. I am frustrated with your reluctance to make your feelings known to me.”
Cas was shocked with the response he received. Dean grabbed him by the back of his neck and kissed him, hard, in a very possessive way. “Fine, Cas. Here’s the truth. I was the one who thought I couldn’t stick to just one person. But when it turned out that you were going off with someone else, it made me angry. It’s not your fault, I didn’t expect to feel that way, but that’s how I felt. I guess it took you being with someone else for me to realize that I wanted more than…well, you know.”
“Friend with benefits? That wasn’t enough for you?”
“I thought it was. I didn’t want to risk hurting you if I gave in to temptation and slept with someone else, and I didn’t want to limit you from having other experiences. But when it actually happened…I don’t know. Just…I changed my mind. I don’t want you to be with anyone else, and clearly I don’t want to be with anyone else either, considering the fact that I haven’t, you know, since we…well…since we’ve been together like that.”
Castiel was surprised by this revelation, more than surprised, really. “You haven’t been with anyone but me? In all of these months? Even when I was attending to duties in Heaven for weeks at a time?”
Dean flushed a bit, but admitted the truth. “No. I haven’t. I only want you. No one else. I’m just trying to be considerate, it’s not like you’ve had a lot of experience, and I don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on”
Cas stopped him there with a rough kiss of his own. “What I’ve had with you, Dean…I’m not missing out on anything. I enjoyed the time I spent with the woman in Pennsylvania, I would never deny it, but if I could have you, only you, and know that you were only with me, that would be more satisfactory to me in both an emotional and physical way. Are you telling me that you feel the same way?”
Dean hesitated for less than a moment before answering. “Yes. Yes, I feel the same way. And I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with myself and with you from the very beginning. I don’t want you having sex with anyone else, and I don’t want to do that either. I’d be happy for it to be just you and me. You know, like that.”
“I need to be sure of this, Dean. Please, I’m going to ask you, and I need you to tell me the truth. Do you want the two of us to be together, intimately, exclusive of any other sexual partners? A monogamous relationship between you and me? Do you honestly believe you can commit to that?”
“I never thought I’d say this to anyone else, not for years, but yes, that’s what I want. I can absolutely commit to it.”
The man and the angel both sighed in relief at having come clean with each other about their feelings. As they made their way back to the motel room, they found it empty except for a folded piece of paper on the desk. Dean picked it up and immediately recognized Sam’s slanted printing. “I’ve gotten a room upstairs. See the two of you tomorrow. -S”
“Did you talk to Sam about this, Cas?”
“Of course I did. Who else would be able to advise me about how to handle the situation?” Castiel replied, as if Dean should have expected it.
“Well, now we’ve got the room to ourselves for the night. How about we take advantage of this…situation?
The two of them fell into bed without preamble, shedding clothes and getting back to where they belonged, Castiel opening Dean up with his tongue and fingers, Dean writhing and moaning and begging beneath him.
Friends with benefits is bullshit. You get a friend, or you get benefits, which makes you more than friends. Dean and Cas both knew that now.
Rating: R
Pairing: Dean/Cas, Dean/OFC
W/C: ~2500
Summary: for seolforan, who requested Dean/Cas in a FWB relationship, and Dean’s reaction to Castiel’s outside activities.
When Dean first suggested this whole “friends with benefits” thing, Castiel was a bit hesitant, but he thought there was no harm in giving it a try.
“People do this all the time, Cas, honest. We can have this”, Dean gestured between their naked bodies as they sat up in bed, “but still just be friends like we’ve always been, no expectations for commitment or anything. We can do it, too. It’s not a big deal, I swear.”
Dean wasn’t the type to get into serious relationships, Cas knew he probably didn’t have enough understanding of the ways these things worked with humans to undertake a serious relationship, and they both really liked having sex with each other. So he took Dean’s word for it, if anyone was an expert on such matters, after all, it would be Dean.
For a few months, everything was fine. Castiel would leave to attend to his duties among the Host when he had to, sleep with Dean when he got back, and not feel guilty about having left him alone, because Dean was free to seek out sexual gratification with others. Which Castiel assumed Dean did, not that they discussed it.
Discussing those matters were not a part of the deal. Castiel was nothing if not thorough, and he’d done some internet research on this particular type of relationship. You didn’t talk to your friend with benefits about any other, uh, benefits you might be partaking in. Unless, of course, you met someone else with whom you wanted to engage in something more committed, in which case the “benefits” part of the equation should be broken off immediately with the “friend”. It was a rule.
One night out at a bar, when Dean and Sam were working their side job of hustling pool for gas money, Castiel was approached by a very attractive young woman who sat by him at the bar and talked to him for an hour. He was doing shots, but she was just drinking club soda. Every now and then she’d run her hand up and down Cas’ arm, and he recognized the type of grins, laughs and expressions he’d seen before when Sam or Dean had been flirting with someone. She was funny, smart, petite, but curvy, with a wild streak of pink in her blonde hair and this blue-green eyeshadow that made it difficult for Cas to tear his gaze away from her. When she asked if she’d like to come back to her place, he answered affirmatively right away. He’d never had occasion to engage in sexual relations with a woman, but if he was going to do it, he surely wanted it to happen with this particular woman.
Castiel waved across the bar to get Dean’s attention, but he was concentrating on his shot. Sam saw him, though, and Cas discreetly pointed at the young lady and then at the door. Sam smiled and gave him a wave and a wink in return.
It turned out the young lady lived only a couple of blocks away, so they walked to her apartment and things moved pretty fast from there. Castiel drew upon his vast knowledge of human behavior to make up for his lack of experience. For some reason, it didn’t occur to him that it would be appropriate to tell her he’d never been intimate with a woman before. Within half an hour, his pants were on the floor of her bedroom, along with her panties and stockings, and Cas had his face buried in her pussy, licking her clit and sliding his fingers inside of her, gently at first, but more intently as she asked for more, please, faster. He felt her body go still for just a moment before her legs started shaking and she cried out these broken little moans as her muscles clenched around his fingers, hard enough to push him out. He could taste her orgasm and was stunned that he’d been able to achieve such a thing on his first try (internet research, remember, he knew making a woman come could sometimes be a complicated and difficult task). Not a minute passed before she was pulling him up, kissing him, wrapping her legs around his waist and saying, “Fuck me, Cas, now, do it now”, and he had no objection. She reached over to the table by her bed and rolled a condom onto his dick (thank goodness, it’s not like he’d know how to do that himself). Sinking his cock into her was amazing, so different than fucking Dean, soft and easy and before he knew it she was clenching around him again, the pressure pushing him forward into his own orgasm, and he kissed her while he came, his hands wrapped in her hair and his heart beating so damn fast.
Again, he got lucky, as she pulled the condom off him, tied it at the end and discarded it into a trash bin next to her bed. “So, how long are you in town, Cas?”
He hadn’t told her his name was Castiel. He wasn’t sure why.
“Probably not more than a few days. I’d have to check with my friends, they’ve got a job here temporarily.”
The woman picked Cas’ pants up from the floor, dug his phone out of her pocket, and programmed her number into it, marking it with her name. He hadn’t bothered to ask what it was before. “Well, if you’ve got any free time while you’re here, give me a call.”
“Yes, I will, if I can”, Castiel responded, hoping that would be the case. He’d thoroughly enjoyed the sex, and her company was pleasant outside of that.
Making his way back to the motel, he found Dean and Sam asleep in their respective beds. When he, as was customary, slid into bed next to Dean, he was surprised to find the man awake. “You smell like pussy.”
“We’re not supposed to talk about it. I have done extensive research”
Dean cut him off there. “Go take a shower, Cas. Or angel-mojo yourself clean. I can’t sleep next to you like that.” Dean’s voice was rough, it sounded tight, there was something underlying it that Castiel could not identify. Cas knew for sure that Dean had come back from a bar smelling like pussy many times since they’d known each other, and Castiel had not found it to be an unbearable scent. He expected Dean to be intimate with women, it wasn’t uncommon, and it didn’t make him uncomfortable. Thinking on it further, though, it hadn’t happened since they’d decided they would try out this ‘friends with benefits’ thing, which made Cas wonder whether Dean had made an effort to eliminate the scent of his sexual relations with women, or if maybe…No, that couldn’t be the case. They’d discussed it, made it clear that there was no expectation of monogamy between them. His time with Dean had shown him it was unlikely that he’d not engaged in sexual relations with a woman, or several women, in the extended length of time since their intimate relations had begun. Still, since it seemed to matter to Dean, he closed his eyes and used his grace to erase all traces of the night’s activities from his body. Dean fell asleep after a while, and Cas laid next to him until he awoke.
They were in Allentown for another week, and Castiel had met the same young woman twice more during that time. When their job was finished, he informed her that he’d be moving on, that it had been nice to know her, and to be polite, he promised to contact her if they were in town again (which he knew was unlikely). During that week, Dean was distant, made no attempt to be intimate with him, and brushed off any advances Castiel made toward him. He was confused and went back to his internet research, but came up empty as far as why his relations with this woman would be upsetting to Dean, though clearly it was an issue. It shouldn’t be, because everything he’d learned about having a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship with someone told him that being intimate with another person was perfectly acceptable and often expected.
With no other alternative, he tuned to Sam for advice. Explaining the agreement he and Dean had come to, and his few interactions with someone else for just that one week, Castiel was genuinely taken aback when Sam started to laugh, then stopped himself once he caught the look on Castiel’s face. Shaking his head, Sam reached out to Cas, patting him on the shoulder, and explained, “Dean is afraid to make a commitment to someone. He didn’t want to put any pressure on himself, so he told you that you could have a casual relationship with no expectations of monogamy, because he thought he couldn’t do it. I don’t think he ever even considered that you would sleep with someone else. Definitely not the same person more than once. His feelings are hurt. He doesn’t want you to be with anyone else.”
“But this was his idea! If he wished for me to remain faithful to him sexually, why would he specifically suggest an open relationship, with both of us free to engage in relations with other people at our discretion?” Castiel buried his head in his hands, horrified that he’d unintentionally hurt the person he cared about more than anyone else in this world.
Sam responded, “You need to talk to Dean about it. He may be hard to reach, but push it. Trust me on this one, Cas, it’s worth whatever argument the two of you might have to get to what’s really going on in his head.”
Cas did trust Sam, Sam knew Dean better than anyone else, so he took the advice and the next time the two of them were alone, he confronted Dean with his observations while they were standing by the car outside their motel in Illinois. “It seems to me that you were angry about my brief sexual liasons with the woman in Allentown. My extensive research into the type of relationship you suggested we have says that if you find yourself becoming attached to your partner, you should be honest about those feelings, or disengage the sexual component of your relationship. So, which would you prefer to do?”
Dean was silent for long minutes. A few times, it seemed like he was going to say something, but then he stopped himself, tried again, stopped again…Castiel was becoming impatient. “Dean, you need to be honest with me. It is one of the rules. If you wish to break off our sexual intimacy, tell me now. On the other hand, if you wish to change the dynamics of our relationship, you also need to tell me now. I am frustrated with your reluctance to make your feelings known to me.”
Cas was shocked with the response he received. Dean grabbed him by the back of his neck and kissed him, hard, in a very possessive way. “Fine, Cas. Here’s the truth. I was the one who thought I couldn’t stick to just one person. But when it turned out that you were going off with someone else, it made me angry. It’s not your fault, I didn’t expect to feel that way, but that’s how I felt. I guess it took you being with someone else for me to realize that I wanted more than…well, you know.”
“Friend with benefits? That wasn’t enough for you?”
“I thought it was. I didn’t want to risk hurting you if I gave in to temptation and slept with someone else, and I didn’t want to limit you from having other experiences. But when it actually happened…I don’t know. Just…I changed my mind. I don’t want you to be with anyone else, and clearly I don’t want to be with anyone else either, considering the fact that I haven’t, you know, since we…well…since we’ve been together like that.”
Castiel was surprised by this revelation, more than surprised, really. “You haven’t been with anyone but me? In all of these months? Even when I was attending to duties in Heaven for weeks at a time?”
Dean flushed a bit, but admitted the truth. “No. I haven’t. I only want you. No one else. I’m just trying to be considerate, it’s not like you’ve had a lot of experience, and I don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on”
Cas stopped him there with a rough kiss of his own. “What I’ve had with you, Dean…I’m not missing out on anything. I enjoyed the time I spent with the woman in Pennsylvania, I would never deny it, but if I could have you, only you, and know that you were only with me, that would be more satisfactory to me in both an emotional and physical way. Are you telling me that you feel the same way?”
Dean hesitated for less than a moment before answering. “Yes. Yes, I feel the same way. And I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with myself and with you from the very beginning. I don’t want you having sex with anyone else, and I don’t want to do that either. I’d be happy for it to be just you and me. You know, like that.”
“I need to be sure of this, Dean. Please, I’m going to ask you, and I need you to tell me the truth. Do you want the two of us to be together, intimately, exclusive of any other sexual partners? A monogamous relationship between you and me? Do you honestly believe you can commit to that?”
“I never thought I’d say this to anyone else, not for years, but yes, that’s what I want. I can absolutely commit to it.”
The man and the angel both sighed in relief at having come clean with each other about their feelings. As they made their way back to the motel room, they found it empty except for a folded piece of paper on the desk. Dean picked it up and immediately recognized Sam’s slanted printing. “I’ve gotten a room upstairs. See the two of you tomorrow. -S”
“Did you talk to Sam about this, Cas?”
“Of course I did. Who else would be able to advise me about how to handle the situation?” Castiel replied, as if Dean should have expected it.
“Well, now we’ve got the room to ourselves for the night. How about we take advantage of this…situation?
The two of them fell into bed without preamble, shedding clothes and getting back to where they belonged, Castiel opening Dean up with his tongue and fingers, Dean writhing and moaning and begging beneath him.
Friends with benefits is bullshit. You get a friend, or you get benefits, which makes you more than friends. Dean and Cas both knew that now.