JossVerse fic - Chanced To Look Back
Title: Chanced To Look Back
Fandom: AtS
Pairing: Wesley/Spike
W/C: ~2000
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Spike and Wesley are cautious, at first.
A/N: I wrote this for a challenge that I think may not happen, so I decided to go ahead and post it here. Title ripped off from this song, Rules and Regulations: http://youtu.be/J_TxPQKcG7w by Rufus Wainwright, who is awesome, and you should go to iTunes and download every song he’s ever recorded. No beta for this one, so I apologize for any mistakes.
Wesley didn’t have much in the way of experience concerning sexual attraction to another man. Certainly none in the way of being attracted to a vampire. For his part, Spike’s initial scorn and sarcastic remarks seemed to be a defense mechanism put in place to control his sudden infatuation with the Watcher.
Weeks now. Fucking weeks, at least three, maybe more. The tension had been ratcheting up by the day. At first just when they were alone, he’d catch Wesley looking at him like that, just for a second, then he’d turn away, back to whatever he’d been doing. And he knew Wes had caught him looking too, the exact same expression on his face, but Spike always did the same - looked away as soon as he’d been caught.
After a little while, though, they both stopped looking away immediately. Gave each other a moment to really think about what those heated glances really meant. Not that either of them had done anything about it. Each time, one of them would break and turn his eyes in another direction after a few moments. It had been a good long while since Spike had referred to Wes as “Percy” or “Watcher” in his condescending way.
Another week, and there were words. Again, only when there was no one else to hear, but little phrases traded back and forth, nothing explicit, just…innuendo. Double entendres. Challenges hanging in the air between them. Still, just words and air.
Before either of them realized, and seemingly completely outside their control, the looks had started to be exchanged when there were witnesses, and considering how well their friends knew them, no one was fooled. Angel, Lorne, Charlie, hell, even Fred seemed to have caught on. Occasionally someone would clear their throat to break the moment.
Usually, that someone was Angel. He had no tolerance for such distractions. Or maybe he was just uncomfortable bearing witness to Spike being so obviously attracted to someone he’d once (if only briefly) set his sights on himself. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
Lorne seemed happy with just observing, he didn’t need anyone to hum a tune for him to know exactly what was building up between Spike and Wesley.
Fred, bless her sweet soul, had the decency to pretend it wasn’t happening at all.
Gunn, of course, was the first one to tell the two of them to “get a damn room already, for the love of Christ. Not this room, though, if you wouldn’t mind. It’d be considerate to spare all of us from the urge to tear our own eyes out.”
If ever there was an excuse for Spike and Wesley to finally acknowledge what was going on, it was that comment. When they were alone again, sitting in Wesley’s office, Spike was the one to speak first.
“So I guess we’re being obvious.”
“Making people uncomfortable, from what I can tell”, Wesley replied, his gaze still fixed directly at Spike.
“Don’t much care for their comfort level, mate.”
“Of course you don’t. But I have to say, I don’t much care for the speculation. Not from our friends, and not from either of us.”
“So you’re still speculating?” Spike asked, a sly smirk crossing his features.
“In point of fact, I am not. However, it’s clear that we both know what we want. I won’t deny that drawing out the tension over a period of time has had its merits, but if I know you want me and you know I want you, what the bloody hell are we waiting for?”
Wesley had an excellent point there, which Spike conceded. “Look, don’t make this into some kind of big deal, but I’ve been…hesitant for a reason. We’ve got to see each other every sodding day, and if this is a disaster, it’s going to be unbearable. For us and for everyone else who has to deal with us on a regular basis.” The second that the words left his mouth, Spike desperately wished for a way to take them back. It would be easy for Wes to imply that Spike wasn’t just interested one night of meaningless sex.
And that was absolutely true. He didn’t want to shag and walk away. He wanted more than that from Wesley, only he hadn’t meant to make that clear at this early stage in their not-quite-a-relationship.
“Thought you didn’t care about the comfort level of our co-workers?”
“Right. But still…”Spike wasn’t sure how to explain.
“I get it. It’s not like I have a lot of experience with same-sex, uh, sex. I’m sure you’ve had more than me, given you’ve been walking around and killing and fighting and fucking for more than a hundred years. My attempts may seem”, he searched for the right word, not too humiliating but maybe a bit self-deprecating, “unpracticed, maybe not satisfying to you.” Looking down at the carpet, Wesley was unable to meet Spike’s expression. He felt exactly the same way at school, the time he’d been about to give his first and only blowjob on a dare while he was at Abington when he was sixteen or so.
Leaning in to capture Wesley’s chin in his hand and force him to look up, Spike responded, “What about relationships?” to Wesley’s total and complete surprise. “I mean, you know I’ve been in sexual and romantic relationships, but they’ve all ended in failure of epic proportions.” His mind betrayed him by giving him flashbacks, his devotion to Dru, her callous desertion; his sexual dalliance with Buffy that hadn’t gotten him what he wanted; his century-old experiences with Angelus who’d broken him and then left him alone.
Wesley sighed, knowing exactly what Spike was thinking about. “Guess it’s too late for us to pretend this is just about sex, yeah?”
“Got that one, mate. So, I’ve been caught out on it, I want that, but I really want more than that. With you. No use in denying it.”
In a bold and unexpected move, Wesley leaned in and caught Spike’s mouth in a passionate kiss. More than passionate, really, it kind of felt like claiming, all messy with teeth and tongue and spit. “Back to my place, then?”
Stunned almost into being speechless, Spike could only reply, “Yes.”
The walk was quick, only a few blocks, and they were inside of Wesley’s flat, just barely. The second the door closed behind them, Wesley had Spike up against the inside of it, kissing him again, lining them up so their hips ground together. Breaking from the kiss, all Wes could manage to say was, “Fuck, Spike…”
With a predatory grin, Spike just responded, “That’s the idea. Take it to the bedroom, though, yeah?”
By the time they’d gotten into the bed, they’d already shed the majority of their clothing, Spike in a pair of socks and Wes in his boxer briefs. Spike made quick work of divesting Wesley of those and at first it was all right, it felt good, anyway, for both of them, just rutting against each other, their cocks lit up with friction. It wasn’t all they wanted, though, both of them wanted more, and that was when Wesley started feeling a bit self-conscious. “I don’t know what…what to do. You have to show me”, he half-whispered.
Spike smiled and kissed Wes again. “All right, then”, he replied, as he shifted and moved down to take Wesley into his mouth. Wes cried out and threw his head back against his pillow, shocked at the feeling, cool and warm at the same time, Spike humming around his dick with pleasure. After a few minutes, Spike pulled off and looked up at Wes, his eyes bright in the dark room.
“You like that, yeah, I know, I’m good at it. Could suck your cock all night. If you want more, though, you can have it. Just gotta say.”
Wesley’s breath was stolen away at just the implication. “I - I’m not sure, I mean, yes, I do, but…do you want to, you know, or do you want me to…” Christ, he felt like a stupid teenager.
It didn’t seem to faze Spike in the slightest. “How about you do the honors this time, love? Easier that way since you haven’t before. We’ll work our way up to it with you, all right? There’s no rush”, he finished, nipping at Wesley’s hipbone. Wesley could only nod enthusiastically in response.
Moving again, Spike settled onto his back and pulled Wesley up so he was kneeling between Spike’s spread legs. “Don’t have to be so careful with me, you know, vampire and all that. I’ve already got it all wet for you.”
“Condom?” Wesley managed to ask, as his head was spinning.
“If you want, but again, vampire, I can’t catch diseases so it’s not like I can give one to you.”
And that was it. Wesley gathered all his courage, pushed Spike’s knees back toward his chest so he could get better access, and started a slow push into Spike’s ass. He couldn’t believe how tight it was, and he continued to move slowly until he felt himself flush against Spike, all the way inside. It took him a moment to catch his breath, adjust to the feeling, but he could already tell Spike was relaxing around him. “You can move, Wesley, you’re not going to break me.”
He started with short, shallow thrusts, then sped up and started fucking Spike with determination as he got more comfortable. Watching Spike jerk his own cock, hearing the moans of pleasure coming from his mouth, Wes could tell he wasn’t going to last very long. Bracing his hands more firmly against the mattress on either side of Spike, he started pulling out almost entirely before slamming back inside of him, his teeth pulling at his bottom lip to try to bite back his urge to cry out as he felt his oncoming orgasm rushing toward him.
“That’s it, yeah, don’t hold it back, let me hear you, come on, Wesley, fill me up.”
Wes let out something halfway between a sob and a shout, and came so hard his vision got a little blurry. But not for so long that he didn’t see Spike close his eyes, go completely still and come all over his hand and his belly.
“Jesus Christ”, Wesley muttered as he fell into a heap next to Spike.
Spike laughed. “Well, I’m not quite that miraculous but I’ll take the compliment.” Wes joined him in his laughter and they laid there for a while, thankfully not feeling awkward or uncomfortable. “You’re going to fall asleep any second.”
“Yes…yes, I am. Do you want to-”
“Don’t get your feelings hurt, but it’s barely midnight. Not exactly my sleeping schedule. I’d like to stay, though, if you don’t mind. Maybe I’ll watch telly or read? All right with you?”
“Of course, yes, of course it’s…”
And Wesley was passed out.
The next evening, Spike opened the door to Angel’s office and found Gunn and Lorne sitting at the conference table. He stuck his head in and said, “Hey Charlie, you did me a favor with your ‘get a room’ comment. You know, you, uh”, he tried his hand at his friend’s vernacular, “did me a…solid…”
Trying really, really hard not to laugh, he just responded, “Please don’t ever say anything like that, or even remotely similar to that, ever again, or I’m going to start calling you a wanker or some other equally ridiculous British term every chance I get.”
“Right, well, anyway…thanks for that”, Spike replied before turning away and closing the door behind him.
Gunn broke out into a triumphant grin, and held out his left hand.
Lorne handed him a twenty dollar bill.
Angel shook his head and graced them both with a ®Angel long-suffering sigh.
Spike was already making his way to the elevator for a visit to Wesley’s office. He wanted to be damn certain that Wes knew last night wasn’t going to be a one-time thing if he had anything to say about it.
Fandom: AtS
Pairing: Wesley/Spike
W/C: ~2000
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Spike and Wesley are cautious, at first.
A/N: I wrote this for a challenge that I think may not happen, so I decided to go ahead and post it here. Title ripped off from this song, Rules and Regulations: http://youtu.be/J_TxPQKcG7w by Rufus Wainwright, who is awesome, and you should go to iTunes and download every song he’s ever recorded. No beta for this one, so I apologize for any mistakes.
Wesley didn’t have much in the way of experience concerning sexual attraction to another man. Certainly none in the way of being attracted to a vampire. For his part, Spike’s initial scorn and sarcastic remarks seemed to be a defense mechanism put in place to control his sudden infatuation with the Watcher.
Weeks now. Fucking weeks, at least three, maybe more. The tension had been ratcheting up by the day. At first just when they were alone, he’d catch Wesley looking at him like that, just for a second, then he’d turn away, back to whatever he’d been doing. And he knew Wes had caught him looking too, the exact same expression on his face, but Spike always did the same - looked away as soon as he’d been caught.
After a little while, though, they both stopped looking away immediately. Gave each other a moment to really think about what those heated glances really meant. Not that either of them had done anything about it. Each time, one of them would break and turn his eyes in another direction after a few moments. It had been a good long while since Spike had referred to Wes as “Percy” or “Watcher” in his condescending way.
Another week, and there were words. Again, only when there was no one else to hear, but little phrases traded back and forth, nothing explicit, just…innuendo. Double entendres. Challenges hanging in the air between them. Still, just words and air.
Before either of them realized, and seemingly completely outside their control, the looks had started to be exchanged when there were witnesses, and considering how well their friends knew them, no one was fooled. Angel, Lorne, Charlie, hell, even Fred seemed to have caught on. Occasionally someone would clear their throat to break the moment.
Usually, that someone was Angel. He had no tolerance for such distractions. Or maybe he was just uncomfortable bearing witness to Spike being so obviously attracted to someone he’d once (if only briefly) set his sights on himself. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
Lorne seemed happy with just observing, he didn’t need anyone to hum a tune for him to know exactly what was building up between Spike and Wesley.
Fred, bless her sweet soul, had the decency to pretend it wasn’t happening at all.
Gunn, of course, was the first one to tell the two of them to “get a damn room already, for the love of Christ. Not this room, though, if you wouldn’t mind. It’d be considerate to spare all of us from the urge to tear our own eyes out.”
If ever there was an excuse for Spike and Wesley to finally acknowledge what was going on, it was that comment. When they were alone again, sitting in Wesley’s office, Spike was the one to speak first.
“So I guess we’re being obvious.”
“Making people uncomfortable, from what I can tell”, Wesley replied, his gaze still fixed directly at Spike.
“Don’t much care for their comfort level, mate.”
“Of course you don’t. But I have to say, I don’t much care for the speculation. Not from our friends, and not from either of us.”
“So you’re still speculating?” Spike asked, a sly smirk crossing his features.
“In point of fact, I am not. However, it’s clear that we both know what we want. I won’t deny that drawing out the tension over a period of time has had its merits, but if I know you want me and you know I want you, what the bloody hell are we waiting for?”
Wesley had an excellent point there, which Spike conceded. “Look, don’t make this into some kind of big deal, but I’ve been…hesitant for a reason. We’ve got to see each other every sodding day, and if this is a disaster, it’s going to be unbearable. For us and for everyone else who has to deal with us on a regular basis.” The second that the words left his mouth, Spike desperately wished for a way to take them back. It would be easy for Wes to imply that Spike wasn’t just interested one night of meaningless sex.
And that was absolutely true. He didn’t want to shag and walk away. He wanted more than that from Wesley, only he hadn’t meant to make that clear at this early stage in their not-quite-a-relationship.
“Thought you didn’t care about the comfort level of our co-workers?”
“Right. But still…”Spike wasn’t sure how to explain.
“I get it. It’s not like I have a lot of experience with same-sex, uh, sex. I’m sure you’ve had more than me, given you’ve been walking around and killing and fighting and fucking for more than a hundred years. My attempts may seem”, he searched for the right word, not too humiliating but maybe a bit self-deprecating, “unpracticed, maybe not satisfying to you.” Looking down at the carpet, Wesley was unable to meet Spike’s expression. He felt exactly the same way at school, the time he’d been about to give his first and only blowjob on a dare while he was at Abington when he was sixteen or so.
Leaning in to capture Wesley’s chin in his hand and force him to look up, Spike responded, “What about relationships?” to Wesley’s total and complete surprise. “I mean, you know I’ve been in sexual and romantic relationships, but they’ve all ended in failure of epic proportions.” His mind betrayed him by giving him flashbacks, his devotion to Dru, her callous desertion; his sexual dalliance with Buffy that hadn’t gotten him what he wanted; his century-old experiences with Angelus who’d broken him and then left him alone.
Wesley sighed, knowing exactly what Spike was thinking about. “Guess it’s too late for us to pretend this is just about sex, yeah?”
“Got that one, mate. So, I’ve been caught out on it, I want that, but I really want more than that. With you. No use in denying it.”
In a bold and unexpected move, Wesley leaned in and caught Spike’s mouth in a passionate kiss. More than passionate, really, it kind of felt like claiming, all messy with teeth and tongue and spit. “Back to my place, then?”
Stunned almost into being speechless, Spike could only reply, “Yes.”
The walk was quick, only a few blocks, and they were inside of Wesley’s flat, just barely. The second the door closed behind them, Wesley had Spike up against the inside of it, kissing him again, lining them up so their hips ground together. Breaking from the kiss, all Wes could manage to say was, “Fuck, Spike…”
With a predatory grin, Spike just responded, “That’s the idea. Take it to the bedroom, though, yeah?”
By the time they’d gotten into the bed, they’d already shed the majority of their clothing, Spike in a pair of socks and Wes in his boxer briefs. Spike made quick work of divesting Wesley of those and at first it was all right, it felt good, anyway, for both of them, just rutting against each other, their cocks lit up with friction. It wasn’t all they wanted, though, both of them wanted more, and that was when Wesley started feeling a bit self-conscious. “I don’t know what…what to do. You have to show me”, he half-whispered.
Spike smiled and kissed Wes again. “All right, then”, he replied, as he shifted and moved down to take Wesley into his mouth. Wes cried out and threw his head back against his pillow, shocked at the feeling, cool and warm at the same time, Spike humming around his dick with pleasure. After a few minutes, Spike pulled off and looked up at Wes, his eyes bright in the dark room.
“You like that, yeah, I know, I’m good at it. Could suck your cock all night. If you want more, though, you can have it. Just gotta say.”
Wesley’s breath was stolen away at just the implication. “I - I’m not sure, I mean, yes, I do, but…do you want to, you know, or do you want me to…” Christ, he felt like a stupid teenager.
It didn’t seem to faze Spike in the slightest. “How about you do the honors this time, love? Easier that way since you haven’t before. We’ll work our way up to it with you, all right? There’s no rush”, he finished, nipping at Wesley’s hipbone. Wesley could only nod enthusiastically in response.
Moving again, Spike settled onto his back and pulled Wesley up so he was kneeling between Spike’s spread legs. “Don’t have to be so careful with me, you know, vampire and all that. I’ve already got it all wet for you.”
“Condom?” Wesley managed to ask, as his head was spinning.
“If you want, but again, vampire, I can’t catch diseases so it’s not like I can give one to you.”
And that was it. Wesley gathered all his courage, pushed Spike’s knees back toward his chest so he could get better access, and started a slow push into Spike’s ass. He couldn’t believe how tight it was, and he continued to move slowly until he felt himself flush against Spike, all the way inside. It took him a moment to catch his breath, adjust to the feeling, but he could already tell Spike was relaxing around him. “You can move, Wesley, you’re not going to break me.”
He started with short, shallow thrusts, then sped up and started fucking Spike with determination as he got more comfortable. Watching Spike jerk his own cock, hearing the moans of pleasure coming from his mouth, Wes could tell he wasn’t going to last very long. Bracing his hands more firmly against the mattress on either side of Spike, he started pulling out almost entirely before slamming back inside of him, his teeth pulling at his bottom lip to try to bite back his urge to cry out as he felt his oncoming orgasm rushing toward him.
“That’s it, yeah, don’t hold it back, let me hear you, come on, Wesley, fill me up.”
Wes let out something halfway between a sob and a shout, and came so hard his vision got a little blurry. But not for so long that he didn’t see Spike close his eyes, go completely still and come all over his hand and his belly.
“Jesus Christ”, Wesley muttered as he fell into a heap next to Spike.
Spike laughed. “Well, I’m not quite that miraculous but I’ll take the compliment.” Wes joined him in his laughter and they laid there for a while, thankfully not feeling awkward or uncomfortable. “You’re going to fall asleep any second.”
“Yes…yes, I am. Do you want to-”
“Don’t get your feelings hurt, but it’s barely midnight. Not exactly my sleeping schedule. I’d like to stay, though, if you don’t mind. Maybe I’ll watch telly or read? All right with you?”
“Of course, yes, of course it’s…”
And Wesley was passed out.
The next evening, Spike opened the door to Angel’s office and found Gunn and Lorne sitting at the conference table. He stuck his head in and said, “Hey Charlie, you did me a favor with your ‘get a room’ comment. You know, you, uh”, he tried his hand at his friend’s vernacular, “did me a…solid…”
Trying really, really hard not to laugh, he just responded, “Please don’t ever say anything like that, or even remotely similar to that, ever again, or I’m going to start calling you a wanker or some other equally ridiculous British term every chance I get.”
“Right, well, anyway…thanks for that”, Spike replied before turning away and closing the door behind him.
Gunn broke out into a triumphant grin, and held out his left hand.
Lorne handed him a twenty dollar bill.
Angel shook his head and graced them both with a ®Angel long-suffering sigh.
Spike was already making his way to the elevator for a visit to Wesley’s office. He wanted to be damn certain that Wes knew last night wasn’t going to be a one-time thing if he had anything to say about it.