*Letter for Cassie*
Cassiopeia -
You'll find that I have moved my things out of our rooms to the guest suite in the East wing.
It appears our children have overheard enough of our argument to be concerned enough to write to their brother. Scorpius plans to take them with him to Fiji until you and I have come to a resolution. Or, at least as much of a resolution as we can come to.
Before we get to that, there is more I wish to say to you. I am sorry if what I say causes you more pain but before we move forward you deserve all the truth that I can offer.
I was not lying when I told you that my daughter does not have a place in this family. Is that what I would selfishly wish for? Yes. Is it what I have any right to expect? No. Do I expect you to suffer to indignity of it? No. It's true that she is mine. But I can live without being a part of her life. I know that she was cared for and loved and grew up wanting for nothing. My family is not, nor was it ever with Pansy. The only woman I would call 'wife' the only woman I ever wanted to be the mother of my children has always been you.
You say that I loved Pansy. The simple answer is 'yes, I loved Pansy'. But I think we both know that there are no truly simple answers. I loved Pansy as a child loves. Selfishly, greedily. I loved Pansy because she loved me. And even that isn't entirely true. Pansy loved a clever, strong, brave, kind boy. I don't know who that boy was because that was never me. But I liked the idea of being all of those things, any of those things. Pansy was what I clung to to make it through the dark to dawn. We were two children clinging to our fantasies: hers that I was some tragic hero, and mine that the love of a skinny little girl could chase away the bogeyman. We were wrong, but we were bound by those circumstances.
By the time those circumstances were over we were both grown past the idea that we would have a happily ever after. We were not suited towards a life together. But still we were unwilling to let go of one another.
Then, I was leaving a cafe in Paris and a harried looking blonde woman spilled scalding hot esspresso down the front of my suit...and then insulted me for being in her way. You weren't impressed with me in the least. You were even less impressed when I asked your name. From the day we met you have never had illusions about me. You've known me truly and loved me in spite of it. You were the first love of my life as a grown man.
I know that nothing makes up for the pain I have caused you. Ten years ago I put you and our son through one undeserved humiliation after another. I made the mistake of allowing myself to think that the past was buried for the last ten years when in truth it's never buried deep enough. It's always there just beneath the surface, waiting to rise up once again.
You deserve to be free of it. And if that means being free of me as well, then I will honor your wishes and consent to a divorce. My words, my apologies, my - they are not enough. All I have left to express the truth in my heart are my actions. If what will grant you some measure of peace or happiness is to be free of me, then I will give you your freedom.
Draco