Pieces of Memories
Title: Pieces of Memories
Author: vfic83
Rating: PG
Fandom: Hikaru No Go
Pairings: Overall Gen. Mentions of Hikaru/FOC, Akira/FOC, and Waya/Shigeko
Length: 3,743 words
Disclaimer: Hikaru No Go isn't mine, and I don't make any money from this.
Spoilers: Sort of, Sai related. If you don't know what I'm talking about by "Sai related", then you might get spoiled.
Summary: Roughly 20 years after the series ends, a young player shows up that shakes Hikaru to his core. What is his connection to Sai, and what are the dreams he's been having supposed to mean?
Warnings: An apparently not-ended ending?
A/N: This was originally written for blind_go here- a rare attempt at a serious fic with a real plot. It kind of... ended up being here, there, and everywhere, and so fell short of that. ^_^;;; This begins differently than the bg version- I'd cut out the first paragraph at the suggestion of a friend that beta'd this for me. I decided I'd put it back in here. Also it should be noted that this was never intended as a WIP, despite what people thought- it was supposed to end where it did. I guess I kind of... assumed I gave enough information for everyone to put the puzzle together on their own? Whoops. XD It might be interesting to work on this some more, though. We'll see. ^_^
It was the same dream he'd always had. The same empty space, almost as if it had been reserved just for this. The same long hair and soft smile. Everything exactly as it had always been, except Hikaru hadn't had a dream about Sai in years and there was a strange feeling about this. An urgency.
When Hikaru woke up, there were dried tear stains on his cheeks and his throat was sore from crying out "Sai!" so much.
This time, Sai had tried to speak to him.
*~*~*~*
Touya was frowning at him from across the goban.
"It was just a dream, Shindou," he said.
"But it was real! He was trying to tell me something and I couldn't hear him and-"
Touya sighed and started clearing the board, as it was obvious they weren't going to be playing their weekly game. "What is this really about?"
Hikaru blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"You said yourself that you hadn't dreamt of him in at least ten years," Touya said softly. Hikaru had told him about Sai, finally, but Touya still didn't believe him, not really. "I'm just thinking something has probably brought this on."
"Like what?"
"Like Kuroki-shodan."
Just hearing the name made Hikaru blush. He'd been beaten soundly by the newcomer a few days previous, partially because of a stupid mistake that spiraled out of control, but mostly because the boy had played so much like Sai that he'd been caught off balance. Which caused the mistake, which as it turned out, he couldn't afford to make. He wasn't able to recover from it. It was a good game- no, a great game, but an embarrassing loss for a 7-dan nonetheless.
"It bothers you," Touya continued. "I know it does."
"It's just... where did this kid come from? What's his connection to Sai? He doesn't play like he just studied Shusaku's kifu."
"You know the answers to those questions about as well as I do, Shindou."
Which of course meant not at all. Hikaru sighed.
"Do you really think it's just me being weird about that?"
Touya smiled softly. "Most likely, but you've always been... well. It wouldn't necessarily surprise me if there turned out to be more to this than meets the eye."
"Thanks. I think," Hikaru snorted.
"I have to admit, the game was very much like those first games..."
There was a soft knock outside of the room then, and Touya's wife slid the door open. "Dinner's ready whenever you're finished," Hikari smiled. "You're welcome to stay, Hikaru, if you want. There's plenty."
"Nah, I should probably get going," Hikaru waved her off. Before he could get up, however, he found he had a lapful of beaming four year old.
"Hey, Sayuri-chan," he grinned at her.
"Hi!" she chirped back. "Are you having dinner with us?"
"Not tonight, but maybe next time, okay?"
Sayuri pouted, and Hikaru felt something in his chest constrict. For whatever reason, he found it practically impossible to say no to that little girl and make it stick.
"Sayuri," Touya chided gently. She promptly put her lip back where it belonged. While she looked more like her mother and lacked Touya's sharp angles, she had his eyes, and his intelligence and temperament, generally. She was still more lively and less adult like than Touya ever was. Hikaru thought she was probably going to have to be put away in a temple somewhere when she was older to keep all the boys away, though. Even for a toddler she was beautiful. Today she was in a light pink sundress with her hair pulled back in some elaborate girl thing. Which was also pink. Go figure.
"We've got to get you some yellow, kiddo," Hikaru grinned at her. Sayuki giggled.
"If it's that blinding shade you were so fond of when we were younger, then we'll have to decline," Touya answered. Hikaru wasn't looking at him but he could practically hear his rival rolling his eyes.
"Or dyeing your bangs would be cute," he continued, brushing Sayuki's bangs out of her eyes. "I used to do that all the time, till I turned thirty and figured I was too old for stuff like that."
"Shindou, my daughter is not your toy. If you want to play dress-up, I would suggest you get your own."
"Aww, you're no fun."
"Akira, don't suggest that, then he might be tempted to do it. I don't think Akemi-chan is ready to give up her career for children just yet," Hikari said, a teasing note to her voice.
"He won't," Touya said. "He's afraid of her."
"I am not!"
"Don't worry, Shindou, you're perfectly suited to each other in your fear of commitment."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hikaru demanded, flushing a bit.
"You've been dating her for how long now?"
"Whatever," he snorted in response. "It works for us."
"I'm sure it does," Touya answered flatly. His tone left no doubt in even Hikaru's mind what the remark was supposed to mean. Hikaru scowled.
"Fine," he huffed. "Be like that. I'm going home."
"Fine."
"Oh, Hikaru, don't leave angry," Hikari sighed. Hikaru thought she should be rather used to it by now.
"I have to head out anyway," he answered. He gently lifted Sayuri off his lap and got up, stretching for a bit.
"Play with me soon?" she asked.
Hikaru laughed and patted her head. "Sure, Sayuri-chan."
She responded by hugging his leg tightly, as it was the part of him she could reach most easily.
"I agree. It's nice when you visit," Hikari smiled.
"Yeah. Maybe next weekend I'll come over early so I can hang out before me and Touya have our game." Better to plan it before rather than after, considering. "Can't really before that, I've got tutoring all week."
"Yes, I understand," she nodded, and Hikaru knew that she did. A little too well, maybe. Especially with Sayuri and the growing bump on Hikari's stomach.
He left after that and put his hands in his pockets as he walked. Touya's house was fun, but it was still weird to think of Touya having a family- something Hikaru himself wanted, but couldn't seem to grab a hold of. It was just yet another aspect of their lives where Hikaru seemed to trail behind. Always trying to catch up.
Despite the initial melancholy thoughts, though, the walk cleared his head a bit. Some days he was glad he still didn't bother to own a car, and this was one of them. He still didn't have a clue what was going on with Kuroki Sadao... probably the best he could do was watch the boy for a while and try to figure things out. Maybe he just studied Shuusaku's kifu a lot or something.
Maybe.
*~*~*~*
He was fifteen again. He was in the Go Institute's records room for some reason looking through a book of kifu that seemed older than even Shuusaku. Pieces fell away as he touched the pages, it was so old. One of the games caught Hikaru's eye, and he stared at it, following the progression of moves. It didn't take long for him to gasp in disbelief. Sai. There was absolutely no question in his mind. But... it wasn't possible, right? Sai had only been with Torajiro and Hikaru. No one else. Hikaru glanced at the names of the players for more information, though that didn't seem to help much, as it was mostly illegible. Who was this? He squinted and thought he could make out "Sugwara" before those pieces of the page crumbled...
*~*~*~*
"Shindou-sensei?"
The voice snapped him out of it and Hikaru shook his head. "Right. So what do you think I should've done instead, Sakura-chan?"
The girl looked thoughtfully at the board between them for a moment and then responded with a white stone.
"Interesting," Waya said. He started putting stones on the goban, both black and white, progressing the game further. "But then Kuroki-shodan could've just done that and wiped out Shindou's entire left side."
"Oh," Sakura watched with curiosity. "I... hadn't thought of that."
"Learning how to read that far in advance will come in time," Waya smiled at her as he cleared off the added stones. "Be patient and work at it."
The girl smiled and nodded, completely charmed. Waya tended to have that effect on the younger pros in their study group, both male and female, despite the gray beginning to show up in his hair. Or maybe in part because of it. Waya thought it made him look more distinguished. Hikaru thought it just made him look old.
The study session didn't last much longer after that and everyone went home, except for Waya who just sat there sipping at a cup of tea.
"Are you really that upset about it still?"
"Just thinking."
"It was a great game, Shindou. You held up better than most of us would have. You have nothing to be ashamed of."
"He's still a shodan," Hikaru pointed out.
Waya smirked. "And so were you, once. Your rank isn't a fair assessment of your skills until the two match."
"I know that, but..."
"But what?"
Hikaru blinked at his friend. "Have you really forgotten about-"
"Shindou, he can't be Sai, the kid wasn't even born back then."
"I know, I just... I don't know."
"Stop obsessing about it, okay?" Waya said. "You're just going to drive yourself nuts and mess up your game. The boost in my standing would be nice, but nobody wants to lose to a guy like that. Except maybe Ochi."
"Aww, shut up."
Waya grinned. "Just trying to help."
"If that's help, I'd rather you didn't."
"You're no fun. Come on, let's go out for sushi or something."
"Don't you have to get back to your wife?" Hikaru teased. "She's gonna think you're cheating or something if you keep staying out like that."
"Eh, I told her I'd be late babysitting you, it's fine."
"You're a jerk, Waya," he grumbled. "I don't need babysitting."
"You know it's the truth. So are we going out or what? I'll even put up with ramen this once."
"Fine. But you're paying."
"Now who's the jerk?"
Hikaru laughed and they left his apartment to go to the ramen shop next door. His friends continually teased him about choosing a place to live based on ramen locations, but Hikaru had been living there for six years and had yet to regret the decision. It was a short train ride to the Institute, and besides, they made very good ramen.
"So, what's at home that you're avoiding?"
Waya sputtered. "I'm not avoiding anything!"
"Yeah, because you totally babysit me all the time."
"I do."
Hikaru rolled his eyes. "What's going on?"
"I'm not avoiding anything, it's just things are stressful these days."
"Why's that?"
"This baby thing... I want kids, Shindou, I really do, but I don't know how much more of this trying stuff I can take."
"What do you mean? That's the fun part, right?"
Waya snorted. "Everything's scheduled now. Everything. It's like I have to check a calendar just to kiss her. It sucks. And even the couple of times she has gotten pregnant, it didn't even amount to anything."
"I didn't think it was so rough on you guys."
"Yeah, well... doesn't help that Morishita-sensei is constantly on Shigeko about giving him a grandson before he dies."
Hikaru couldn't help it, he laughed. "You know, somehow I can't picture him encouraging you to do it with his daughter."
"Do it? How old are you, twelve? And... come on, get real. He's not really encouraging that, he just wants the baby part."
"Probably," Hikaru agreed with a shrug.
"Enough about that, how are things with Akemi-chan?"
"Fine," he shrugged.
"Just fine?"
"Um. Yeah."
"You know, one of these days you should really make an honest woman out of her," Waya smirked.
Hikaru shrugged again. "We're both fine with the way things are."
"I hate to burst your little bubble of denial here, but women can't have babies forever. If you want a family, you should at least get things going. Neither of you are getting any younger."
"You can have babies without getting married."
"Yes, but..." Waya gaped at him. "You're not seriously thinking about that! Shindou, do you know what that's going to look like for her? Unmarried with kids?"
"So? Doesn't mean it's true."
"You know what, I take it back. You're obviously not ready if you're not even going to consider the effect it's going to have on her."
"Whatever," Hikaru snorted.
In truth, he was relieved Waya was letting the subject drop, even if it left his friend thinking that he was being a jerk about it. He liked kids, but when they were someone else's. He wasn't so sure about having his own. Plus they were both so busy with their careers that Hikaru didn't know how they'd even have time to raise a child- unless Akemi retired. She could, he supposed, but the thought made him sad. Akemi was really a great player, and he hated the idea of her having to quit Go. Of course, she'd still be able to play, just not pro, but that was beside the point since Hikaru didn't think about that.
Their food came then, luckily, and both men busied themselves with the ramen in front of them rather than talking. It was a good arrangement, but could only last so long, especially since neither of them ate enough for multiple people anymore.
"So what's your take on this Kuroki kid?" Hikaru finally asked.
"I thought I told you to stop obsessing?"
"I'm not, I'm just wondering what you think. You know anything about him?"
Waya sighed and put his chopsticks down. "A little. Kuroki Sadao. He's eleven, was an insei for one year before going pro. Decent enough family, but no one who ever played Go professionally that I know of."
"So where the hell did he come from?"
"Wherever you came from? Look, Shindou, I don't know. He just kind of appeared out of thin air."
"He had to learn Go from somewhere! And playing like that?"
"If it freaks you out that much, then why don't you ask him?"
Hikaru blinked. And then blinked some more before a slow smile spread across his face. "Waya, you're a genius."
"I try," he snorted in response.
"Just let me know what you find out, okay? I'm curious myself..."
*~*~*~*
It took longer than Hikaru expected to track Kuroki-shodan down. The kid was never at the Institute and he never seemed to be at home either. For such a young child, he was surprisingly difficult to find. In addition, he was distracted immensely by the death of Touya Kouyo. It didn't surprise anyone. The man had been battling an aggressive cancer for months, on top of the heart problems he'd already had, but expecting it didn't make it hurt any less. He'd been someone to look up to, a rival, and when Hikaru had matured a bit, a friend. Hikaru spent the next several days helping Touya plan and organize everything. Most of it was done, actually, and Hikaru was probably in the way more than anything, but it was the first thing he could think of that he could do to be there for him. It wasn't until after the funeral that he remembered about his plans.
"You've been avoiding me, Shindou-kun," Ogata said as Hikaru was leaving. He took a long drag out of his cigarette. "I thought you'd stopped that childish behavior?"
"I haven't been avoiding you, I've been busy," Hikaru bristled. It was only a half truth, really. Yes, he had been busy. He'd also been looking to avoid the questions about Sai that Kuroki-shodan was sure to bring up.
Ogata smirked. "You're still just as obvious when you lie."
"What do you want?"
"You know what I want."
Ogata hadn't really changed. His hair was all gray now instead of blonde, and there were wrinkles in his face and hands now that hadn't been there fifteen years ago, but otherwise he was the same. Being around him still gave Hikaru that weird feeling it did when he was a kid, and he was just as bitter about the Honinbou title, though for different reasons. Kuwabara had held onto it until death, quite literally- he had just set down the final stone to win him the coveted spot for another year when he collapsed, and had died not long after. While Ogata then acquired the title by default, it was clearly still a sore spot that he never managed to steal Honinbou away from Kuwabara. To add insult to injury, the next year Hikaru snatched it right out from underneath him. They'd been fighting for it ever since, but Hikaru had yet to lose one of those title matches. Honinbou meant too much to him to let it go so easily.
"It's not what you think," Hikaru finally sighed.
"Oh? Explain it to me, then."
"I don't have a clue who he is. He just showed up. You must've seen the kifu from my game with him, I was as surprised as everyone else."
"Do you honestly expect me to believe that you know nothing about him?"
"No, but it's the truth."
Ogata turned his head and took another breath of his cigarette. "I still believe you knew Sai. You have some connection to Kuroki-shodan as well. There's no way something like that could be a coincidence, the play is too similar."
"I don't know if it's coincidence or not, but I plan on finding out. It's been bugging me too," Hikaru sighed. He hadn't really wanted to share this with Ogata, but as usual, Ogata just went full force after what he wanted with no consideration of anyone else.
"Very well. I suppose I'll have to accept that for now, won't I?" Ogata smirked. "Good luck getting anything out of him, though. He's even more rude and disrespectful than you were at that age."
"You had your moments, Ogata-san."
A pause. "Correction. Still are."
*~*~*~*
He was in the empty space again. Instead of smiling, though, Sai looked worried, and he held a book in his hands. Hikaru wasn't surprised that it looked similar to the book he'd been searching through in his last dream.
"Sai?" he asked. "What's going on? What are you trying to tell me?"
Sai held out the book to him, but Hikaru found that his feet wouldn't move, and he couldn't reach far enough. The ghost frowned and changed tactics, instead opening the book and flipping through the pages. When he seemed to find what he was looking for, he held it out for Hikaru to read. He squinted, trying to make out the tiny elaborate print.
"Sugwara... that name again. Why is that important?"
In response, Sai gave him a look that clearly said "Did you never listen to me, Hikaru?"
"It's been almost 20 years since you left, give me a break!" Hikaru huffed.
Sai smiled slightly and all of a sudden Hikaru was filled with a memory of Sai playing- not someone playing for him, but really playing. The scene had a familiar feeling to it, and sure enough, the man across from him put a white stone in his agehama, and Sai was being accused of cheating.
Hikaru shook his head, clearing his mind of the disturbing vision. "So... the cheater was Sugwara?"
Sai nodded once.
"But... what does that have to do with anything? I don't understand."
That was when Hikaru found himself sitting up in bed, gasping for breath.
*~*~*~*
The next day, Hikaru was absolutely determined to talk to Kuroki-shodan. It wouldn't be hard, he figured, since it was a game day. He dealt quickly with his own match. Despite Waya's dire warnings, he won easily and went over to mark his win. He glanced over to where Kuroki-shodan was playing against Isumi-san, just to make sure the game wasn't over yet. Good. It was still going. Hikaru padded across the room to watch, but didn't settle too closely. Gradually people wandered over until there was a small crowd gathered.
He's going easy on him, Hikaru realized suddenly with a pang of guilt. It was undeniable- his own game with Kuroki had been much more intense. It was almost as if Kuroki-shodan had tested Isumi-san and found him lacking. The thought infuriated Hikaru. Isumi was one of the best pros in Japan, period. The idea of him being brushed off so completely was unnerving.
In the end, Isumi resigned.
After Kuroki had marked his win, he approached Hikaru directly. He was smirking. "So you probably wanna talk to me about our game, right?"
Hikaru blinked at him. "Um. Yeah..."
"Figured. Everybody seems to be going nuts over it. Fine, but I want a burger out of this."
Hikaru sighed. It figured that Ogata hadn't been exaggerating. "Fine."
They went to the fast food place near the Institute. Kuroki ordered much more than a burger, but Hikaru had expected that and paid for both of them. They sat down and started eating their food. Kuroki seemed so small to Hikaru somehow- then again, it had been a long time since he himself was that age. The boy actually reminded him of Kaga a little. He had an air of arrogance about him that was hard to ignore and the ego to go with it. He had messy black hair and was a little scruffy looking. Hikaru figured he probably played sports or something outside of Go.
"Where did you learn to play?" he asked.
"My dad."
"Your dad can play like that and he never turned pro?" Hikaru gaped.
"Nah, he can't really play that good," Kuroki shrugged, biting into a french fry. "Doesn't like it. He got it from this book."
"A book?"
"Yeah. It's been in my family for like, forever. So I've been reading that ever since I learned to read basically."
"You learned just from that?"
He shrugged again. "Yeah. The guy that wrote the stuff was wicked smart. He taught Go to an emperor about a gajillion years ago. The book's been redone lots since then, I guess. Is this all you wanted to know about, some ratty old book my family has?"
Hikaru had a sinking feeling in his stomach that had nothing to do with the food. "Well... sort of."
"I thought it'd be more interesting. That's why I took you serious when I played you. I've seen your kifu and stuff, you're really good. You kinda play like me a little. But then the game kinda sucked."
"I was surprised. I haven't seen that style of play for a long time," Hikaru said softly.
"Sai, right?" Kuroki asked, partially muffled by his hamburger. "The creepy old guy was asking about it."
"Yeah. Sai."
He shook his head and stood up. He was finished with his food anyway. "Sorry for dragging you here. I guess I was.... looking for something that wasn't there."
"Whatever."
Hikaru took his garbage and started to walk away.
"Hey Shindou-san?"
"Yeah?"
"Play me seriously next time, okay?"
"Sure," he smiled. "I'll make sure I don't underestimate you again."
"Good."
Hikaru threw his trash away and left. He wasn't sure what to make of what he'd been told, but what he did know was that Kuroki Sadao was a far more dangerous opponent than any of them had given him credit for.
Author: vfic83
Rating: PG
Fandom: Hikaru No Go
Pairings: Overall Gen. Mentions of Hikaru/FOC, Akira/FOC, and Waya/Shigeko
Length: 3,743 words
Disclaimer: Hikaru No Go isn't mine, and I don't make any money from this.
Spoilers: Sort of, Sai related. If you don't know what I'm talking about by "Sai related", then you might get spoiled.
Summary: Roughly 20 years after the series ends, a young player shows up that shakes Hikaru to his core. What is his connection to Sai, and what are the dreams he's been having supposed to mean?
Warnings: An apparently not-ended ending?
A/N: This was originally written for blind_go here- a rare attempt at a serious fic with a real plot. It kind of... ended up being here, there, and everywhere, and so fell short of that. ^_^;;; This begins differently than the bg version- I'd cut out the first paragraph at the suggestion of a friend that beta'd this for me. I decided I'd put it back in here. Also it should be noted that this was never intended as a WIP, despite what people thought- it was supposed to end where it did. I guess I kind of... assumed I gave enough information for everyone to put the puzzle together on their own? Whoops. XD It might be interesting to work on this some more, though. We'll see. ^_^
It was the same dream he'd always had. The same empty space, almost as if it had been reserved just for this. The same long hair and soft smile. Everything exactly as it had always been, except Hikaru hadn't had a dream about Sai in years and there was a strange feeling about this. An urgency.
When Hikaru woke up, there were dried tear stains on his cheeks and his throat was sore from crying out "Sai!" so much.
This time, Sai had tried to speak to him.
*~*~*~*
Touya was frowning at him from across the goban.
"It was just a dream, Shindou," he said.
"But it was real! He was trying to tell me something and I couldn't hear him and-"
Touya sighed and started clearing the board, as it was obvious they weren't going to be playing their weekly game. "What is this really about?"
Hikaru blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"You said yourself that you hadn't dreamt of him in at least ten years," Touya said softly. Hikaru had told him about Sai, finally, but Touya still didn't believe him, not really. "I'm just thinking something has probably brought this on."
"Like what?"
"Like Kuroki-shodan."
Just hearing the name made Hikaru blush. He'd been beaten soundly by the newcomer a few days previous, partially because of a stupid mistake that spiraled out of control, but mostly because the boy had played so much like Sai that he'd been caught off balance. Which caused the mistake, which as it turned out, he couldn't afford to make. He wasn't able to recover from it. It was a good game- no, a great game, but an embarrassing loss for a 7-dan nonetheless.
"It bothers you," Touya continued. "I know it does."
"It's just... where did this kid come from? What's his connection to Sai? He doesn't play like he just studied Shusaku's kifu."
"You know the answers to those questions about as well as I do, Shindou."
Which of course meant not at all. Hikaru sighed.
"Do you really think it's just me being weird about that?"
Touya smiled softly. "Most likely, but you've always been... well. It wouldn't necessarily surprise me if there turned out to be more to this than meets the eye."
"Thanks. I think," Hikaru snorted.
"I have to admit, the game was very much like those first games..."
There was a soft knock outside of the room then, and Touya's wife slid the door open. "Dinner's ready whenever you're finished," Hikari smiled. "You're welcome to stay, Hikaru, if you want. There's plenty."
"Nah, I should probably get going," Hikaru waved her off. Before he could get up, however, he found he had a lapful of beaming four year old.
"Hey, Sayuri-chan," he grinned at her.
"Hi!" she chirped back. "Are you having dinner with us?"
"Not tonight, but maybe next time, okay?"
Sayuri pouted, and Hikaru felt something in his chest constrict. For whatever reason, he found it practically impossible to say no to that little girl and make it stick.
"Sayuri," Touya chided gently. She promptly put her lip back where it belonged. While she looked more like her mother and lacked Touya's sharp angles, she had his eyes, and his intelligence and temperament, generally. She was still more lively and less adult like than Touya ever was. Hikaru thought she was probably going to have to be put away in a temple somewhere when she was older to keep all the boys away, though. Even for a toddler she was beautiful. Today she was in a light pink sundress with her hair pulled back in some elaborate girl thing. Which was also pink. Go figure.
"We've got to get you some yellow, kiddo," Hikaru grinned at her. Sayuki giggled.
"If it's that blinding shade you were so fond of when we were younger, then we'll have to decline," Touya answered. Hikaru wasn't looking at him but he could practically hear his rival rolling his eyes.
"Or dyeing your bangs would be cute," he continued, brushing Sayuki's bangs out of her eyes. "I used to do that all the time, till I turned thirty and figured I was too old for stuff like that."
"Shindou, my daughter is not your toy. If you want to play dress-up, I would suggest you get your own."
"Aww, you're no fun."
"Akira, don't suggest that, then he might be tempted to do it. I don't think Akemi-chan is ready to give up her career for children just yet," Hikari said, a teasing note to her voice.
"He won't," Touya said. "He's afraid of her."
"I am not!"
"Don't worry, Shindou, you're perfectly suited to each other in your fear of commitment."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hikaru demanded, flushing a bit.
"You've been dating her for how long now?"
"Whatever," he snorted in response. "It works for us."
"I'm sure it does," Touya answered flatly. His tone left no doubt in even Hikaru's mind what the remark was supposed to mean. Hikaru scowled.
"Fine," he huffed. "Be like that. I'm going home."
"Fine."
"Oh, Hikaru, don't leave angry," Hikari sighed. Hikaru thought she should be rather used to it by now.
"I have to head out anyway," he answered. He gently lifted Sayuri off his lap and got up, stretching for a bit.
"Play with me soon?" she asked.
Hikaru laughed and patted her head. "Sure, Sayuri-chan."
She responded by hugging his leg tightly, as it was the part of him she could reach most easily.
"I agree. It's nice when you visit," Hikari smiled.
"Yeah. Maybe next weekend I'll come over early so I can hang out before me and Touya have our game." Better to plan it before rather than after, considering. "Can't really before that, I've got tutoring all week."
"Yes, I understand," she nodded, and Hikaru knew that she did. A little too well, maybe. Especially with Sayuri and the growing bump on Hikari's stomach.
He left after that and put his hands in his pockets as he walked. Touya's house was fun, but it was still weird to think of Touya having a family- something Hikaru himself wanted, but couldn't seem to grab a hold of. It was just yet another aspect of their lives where Hikaru seemed to trail behind. Always trying to catch up.
Despite the initial melancholy thoughts, though, the walk cleared his head a bit. Some days he was glad he still didn't bother to own a car, and this was one of them. He still didn't have a clue what was going on with Kuroki Sadao... probably the best he could do was watch the boy for a while and try to figure things out. Maybe he just studied Shuusaku's kifu a lot or something.
Maybe.
*~*~*~*
He was fifteen again. He was in the Go Institute's records room for some reason looking through a book of kifu that seemed older than even Shuusaku. Pieces fell away as he touched the pages, it was so old. One of the games caught Hikaru's eye, and he stared at it, following the progression of moves. It didn't take long for him to gasp in disbelief. Sai. There was absolutely no question in his mind. But... it wasn't possible, right? Sai had only been with Torajiro and Hikaru. No one else. Hikaru glanced at the names of the players for more information, though that didn't seem to help much, as it was mostly illegible. Who was this? He squinted and thought he could make out "Sugwara" before those pieces of the page crumbled...
*~*~*~*
"Shindou-sensei?"
The voice snapped him out of it and Hikaru shook his head. "Right. So what do you think I should've done instead, Sakura-chan?"
The girl looked thoughtfully at the board between them for a moment and then responded with a white stone.
"Interesting," Waya said. He started putting stones on the goban, both black and white, progressing the game further. "But then Kuroki-shodan could've just done that and wiped out Shindou's entire left side."
"Oh," Sakura watched with curiosity. "I... hadn't thought of that."
"Learning how to read that far in advance will come in time," Waya smiled at her as he cleared off the added stones. "Be patient and work at it."
The girl smiled and nodded, completely charmed. Waya tended to have that effect on the younger pros in their study group, both male and female, despite the gray beginning to show up in his hair. Or maybe in part because of it. Waya thought it made him look more distinguished. Hikaru thought it just made him look old.
The study session didn't last much longer after that and everyone went home, except for Waya who just sat there sipping at a cup of tea.
"Are you really that upset about it still?"
"Just thinking."
"It was a great game, Shindou. You held up better than most of us would have. You have nothing to be ashamed of."
"He's still a shodan," Hikaru pointed out.
Waya smirked. "And so were you, once. Your rank isn't a fair assessment of your skills until the two match."
"I know that, but..."
"But what?"
Hikaru blinked at his friend. "Have you really forgotten about-"
"Shindou, he can't be Sai, the kid wasn't even born back then."
"I know, I just... I don't know."
"Stop obsessing about it, okay?" Waya said. "You're just going to drive yourself nuts and mess up your game. The boost in my standing would be nice, but nobody wants to lose to a guy like that. Except maybe Ochi."
"Aww, shut up."
Waya grinned. "Just trying to help."
"If that's help, I'd rather you didn't."
"You're no fun. Come on, let's go out for sushi or something."
"Don't you have to get back to your wife?" Hikaru teased. "She's gonna think you're cheating or something if you keep staying out like that."
"Eh, I told her I'd be late babysitting you, it's fine."
"You're a jerk, Waya," he grumbled. "I don't need babysitting."
"You know it's the truth. So are we going out or what? I'll even put up with ramen this once."
"Fine. But you're paying."
"Now who's the jerk?"
Hikaru laughed and they left his apartment to go to the ramen shop next door. His friends continually teased him about choosing a place to live based on ramen locations, but Hikaru had been living there for six years and had yet to regret the decision. It was a short train ride to the Institute, and besides, they made very good ramen.
"So, what's at home that you're avoiding?"
Waya sputtered. "I'm not avoiding anything!"
"Yeah, because you totally babysit me all the time."
"I do."
Hikaru rolled his eyes. "What's going on?"
"I'm not avoiding anything, it's just things are stressful these days."
"Why's that?"
"This baby thing... I want kids, Shindou, I really do, but I don't know how much more of this trying stuff I can take."
"What do you mean? That's the fun part, right?"
Waya snorted. "Everything's scheduled now. Everything. It's like I have to check a calendar just to kiss her. It sucks. And even the couple of times she has gotten pregnant, it didn't even amount to anything."
"I didn't think it was so rough on you guys."
"Yeah, well... doesn't help that Morishita-sensei is constantly on Shigeko about giving him a grandson before he dies."
Hikaru couldn't help it, he laughed. "You know, somehow I can't picture him encouraging you to do it with his daughter."
"Do it? How old are you, twelve? And... come on, get real. He's not really encouraging that, he just wants the baby part."
"Probably," Hikaru agreed with a shrug.
"Enough about that, how are things with Akemi-chan?"
"Fine," he shrugged.
"Just fine?"
"Um. Yeah."
"You know, one of these days you should really make an honest woman out of her," Waya smirked.
Hikaru shrugged again. "We're both fine with the way things are."
"I hate to burst your little bubble of denial here, but women can't have babies forever. If you want a family, you should at least get things going. Neither of you are getting any younger."
"You can have babies without getting married."
"Yes, but..." Waya gaped at him. "You're not seriously thinking about that! Shindou, do you know what that's going to look like for her? Unmarried with kids?"
"So? Doesn't mean it's true."
"You know what, I take it back. You're obviously not ready if you're not even going to consider the effect it's going to have on her."
"Whatever," Hikaru snorted.
In truth, he was relieved Waya was letting the subject drop, even if it left his friend thinking that he was being a jerk about it. He liked kids, but when they were someone else's. He wasn't so sure about having his own. Plus they were both so busy with their careers that Hikaru didn't know how they'd even have time to raise a child- unless Akemi retired. She could, he supposed, but the thought made him sad. Akemi was really a great player, and he hated the idea of her having to quit Go. Of course, she'd still be able to play, just not pro, but that was beside the point since Hikaru didn't think about that.
Their food came then, luckily, and both men busied themselves with the ramen in front of them rather than talking. It was a good arrangement, but could only last so long, especially since neither of them ate enough for multiple people anymore.
"So what's your take on this Kuroki kid?" Hikaru finally asked.
"I thought I told you to stop obsessing?"
"I'm not, I'm just wondering what you think. You know anything about him?"
Waya sighed and put his chopsticks down. "A little. Kuroki Sadao. He's eleven, was an insei for one year before going pro. Decent enough family, but no one who ever played Go professionally that I know of."
"So where the hell did he come from?"
"Wherever you came from? Look, Shindou, I don't know. He just kind of appeared out of thin air."
"He had to learn Go from somewhere! And playing like that?"
"If it freaks you out that much, then why don't you ask him?"
Hikaru blinked. And then blinked some more before a slow smile spread across his face. "Waya, you're a genius."
"I try," he snorted in response.
"Just let me know what you find out, okay? I'm curious myself..."
*~*~*~*
It took longer than Hikaru expected to track Kuroki-shodan down. The kid was never at the Institute and he never seemed to be at home either. For such a young child, he was surprisingly difficult to find. In addition, he was distracted immensely by the death of Touya Kouyo. It didn't surprise anyone. The man had been battling an aggressive cancer for months, on top of the heart problems he'd already had, but expecting it didn't make it hurt any less. He'd been someone to look up to, a rival, and when Hikaru had matured a bit, a friend. Hikaru spent the next several days helping Touya plan and organize everything. Most of it was done, actually, and Hikaru was probably in the way more than anything, but it was the first thing he could think of that he could do to be there for him. It wasn't until after the funeral that he remembered about his plans.
"You've been avoiding me, Shindou-kun," Ogata said as Hikaru was leaving. He took a long drag out of his cigarette. "I thought you'd stopped that childish behavior?"
"I haven't been avoiding you, I've been busy," Hikaru bristled. It was only a half truth, really. Yes, he had been busy. He'd also been looking to avoid the questions about Sai that Kuroki-shodan was sure to bring up.
Ogata smirked. "You're still just as obvious when you lie."
"What do you want?"
"You know what I want."
Ogata hadn't really changed. His hair was all gray now instead of blonde, and there were wrinkles in his face and hands now that hadn't been there fifteen years ago, but otherwise he was the same. Being around him still gave Hikaru that weird feeling it did when he was a kid, and he was just as bitter about the Honinbou title, though for different reasons. Kuwabara had held onto it until death, quite literally- he had just set down the final stone to win him the coveted spot for another year when he collapsed, and had died not long after. While Ogata then acquired the title by default, it was clearly still a sore spot that he never managed to steal Honinbou away from Kuwabara. To add insult to injury, the next year Hikaru snatched it right out from underneath him. They'd been fighting for it ever since, but Hikaru had yet to lose one of those title matches. Honinbou meant too much to him to let it go so easily.
"It's not what you think," Hikaru finally sighed.
"Oh? Explain it to me, then."
"I don't have a clue who he is. He just showed up. You must've seen the kifu from my game with him, I was as surprised as everyone else."
"Do you honestly expect me to believe that you know nothing about him?"
"No, but it's the truth."
Ogata turned his head and took another breath of his cigarette. "I still believe you knew Sai. You have some connection to Kuroki-shodan as well. There's no way something like that could be a coincidence, the play is too similar."
"I don't know if it's coincidence or not, but I plan on finding out. It's been bugging me too," Hikaru sighed. He hadn't really wanted to share this with Ogata, but as usual, Ogata just went full force after what he wanted with no consideration of anyone else.
"Very well. I suppose I'll have to accept that for now, won't I?" Ogata smirked. "Good luck getting anything out of him, though. He's even more rude and disrespectful than you were at that age."
"You had your moments, Ogata-san."
A pause. "Correction. Still are."
*~*~*~*
He was in the empty space again. Instead of smiling, though, Sai looked worried, and he held a book in his hands. Hikaru wasn't surprised that it looked similar to the book he'd been searching through in his last dream.
"Sai?" he asked. "What's going on? What are you trying to tell me?"
Sai held out the book to him, but Hikaru found that his feet wouldn't move, and he couldn't reach far enough. The ghost frowned and changed tactics, instead opening the book and flipping through the pages. When he seemed to find what he was looking for, he held it out for Hikaru to read. He squinted, trying to make out the tiny elaborate print.
"Sugwara... that name again. Why is that important?"
In response, Sai gave him a look that clearly said "Did you never listen to me, Hikaru?"
"It's been almost 20 years since you left, give me a break!" Hikaru huffed.
Sai smiled slightly and all of a sudden Hikaru was filled with a memory of Sai playing- not someone playing for him, but really playing. The scene had a familiar feeling to it, and sure enough, the man across from him put a white stone in his agehama, and Sai was being accused of cheating.
Hikaru shook his head, clearing his mind of the disturbing vision. "So... the cheater was Sugwara?"
Sai nodded once.
"But... what does that have to do with anything? I don't understand."
That was when Hikaru found himself sitting up in bed, gasping for breath.
*~*~*~*
The next day, Hikaru was absolutely determined to talk to Kuroki-shodan. It wouldn't be hard, he figured, since it was a game day. He dealt quickly with his own match. Despite Waya's dire warnings, he won easily and went over to mark his win. He glanced over to where Kuroki-shodan was playing against Isumi-san, just to make sure the game wasn't over yet. Good. It was still going. Hikaru padded across the room to watch, but didn't settle too closely. Gradually people wandered over until there was a small crowd gathered.
He's going easy on him, Hikaru realized suddenly with a pang of guilt. It was undeniable- his own game with Kuroki had been much more intense. It was almost as if Kuroki-shodan had tested Isumi-san and found him lacking. The thought infuriated Hikaru. Isumi was one of the best pros in Japan, period. The idea of him being brushed off so completely was unnerving.
In the end, Isumi resigned.
After Kuroki had marked his win, he approached Hikaru directly. He was smirking. "So you probably wanna talk to me about our game, right?"
Hikaru blinked at him. "Um. Yeah..."
"Figured. Everybody seems to be going nuts over it. Fine, but I want a burger out of this."
Hikaru sighed. It figured that Ogata hadn't been exaggerating. "Fine."
They went to the fast food place near the Institute. Kuroki ordered much more than a burger, but Hikaru had expected that and paid for both of them. They sat down and started eating their food. Kuroki seemed so small to Hikaru somehow- then again, it had been a long time since he himself was that age. The boy actually reminded him of Kaga a little. He had an air of arrogance about him that was hard to ignore and the ego to go with it. He had messy black hair and was a little scruffy looking. Hikaru figured he probably played sports or something outside of Go.
"Where did you learn to play?" he asked.
"My dad."
"Your dad can play like that and he never turned pro?" Hikaru gaped.
"Nah, he can't really play that good," Kuroki shrugged, biting into a french fry. "Doesn't like it. He got it from this book."
"A book?"
"Yeah. It's been in my family for like, forever. So I've been reading that ever since I learned to read basically."
"You learned just from that?"
He shrugged again. "Yeah. The guy that wrote the stuff was wicked smart. He taught Go to an emperor about a gajillion years ago. The book's been redone lots since then, I guess. Is this all you wanted to know about, some ratty old book my family has?"
Hikaru had a sinking feeling in his stomach that had nothing to do with the food. "Well... sort of."
"I thought it'd be more interesting. That's why I took you serious when I played you. I've seen your kifu and stuff, you're really good. You kinda play like me a little. But then the game kinda sucked."
"I was surprised. I haven't seen that style of play for a long time," Hikaru said softly.
"Sai, right?" Kuroki asked, partially muffled by his hamburger. "The creepy old guy was asking about it."
"Yeah. Sai."
He shook his head and stood up. He was finished with his food anyway. "Sorry for dragging you here. I guess I was.... looking for something that wasn't there."
"Whatever."
Hikaru took his garbage and started to walk away.
"Hey Shindou-san?"
"Yeah?"
"Play me seriously next time, okay?"
"Sure," he smiled. "I'll make sure I don't underestimate you again."
"Good."
Hikaru threw his trash away and left. He wasn't sure what to make of what he'd been told, but what he did know was that Kuroki Sadao was a far more dangerous opponent than any of them had given him credit for.