(no subject)
well. today was a shitty day. i had a lot of time to think over things:
david first off-
jaci: well how comes shes never in ur info then, if its going so fine
david: does it matter
jaci: not really. i dunno but sometimes it seems like u dont like her anymore and just dont know how to end it or something
david: hmm
jaci: um yeah
david: thats a cute concept
jaci: haha, well thats not how it is now is it?
david: hehe
jaci: wtf
david: ??
jaci: ok nevermind
i don't know why i even try with him. i like him a lot, but we're just not working out. he does so many things to piss me off, it's incredible. i give up on him. today i barely talked to him-he was pissed off at me for some gay reason. i've tried so hard to stand him, because i really do like him. but i can't even trust him-and aren't you supposed to trust your boyfriend? i get so pissed off at small things, so in a way i'm a hypocrite. i get mad when he talks about other girls but then i go and talk about other guys to him. but i know that i won't cheat on him-i don't drag that low. having a boyfriend to me means being able to trust him, and being faithful. when i have a boyfriend, i recognize that i'm just with one person. but for david, it's not like that. he's cheated before, and he'll do it again. i can't trust him, at all. i don't know why i got into a relationship with him in the first place-so many people told me not to because i'd just get cheated on, or he'd piss me off. i never realized it before-but it's true. i feel bad for whoever dates him in the future, unless he changes his ways. he has a way of being very smooth, he'll make you believe he likes you but in reality, you're just another game piece to him. well, guess what david? i'm not here to be put on the shelf as another fucking trophy of yours. he needs to realize girls have something called feelings-and you can hurt them, they're not hearts of stone. he's not mature enough to realize that. i feel sorry for him in that aspect. i'm done with him-seriously. no more second tries, no more going back. i'm not gonna let him fuck with my feelings anymore. it'll hurt me to let go, but i have to.
my mom secondly. i don't know what's up with her, she's been psycho. i feel horrible though-i'm such a bitch to her sometimes. i'm aware she feels and all, but i can't get around to helping. i don't know why-i just don't like to show my emotions. i'm so pissed off at myself for that. she does so much for me, and i don't do anything. i bitch, scream, and do nothing but think about myself. why? i don't have the slightest clue. i know i shouldn't be sitting here ranting about stuff, i should go out and try to help. actions speak louder than words, right?
the last thing is my grades. i'm getting shitty grades-mostly c's. because i'm procrastinating. i don't do my homework anymore, i feel like i don't give a shit about it. but then when i get my grades, i freak out. i can never get around to doing my homework. i'm never gonna go anywhere at the rate i'm at. i've promised myself every week, saying "okay, this is the week you're going to change, lydia." but nothing gets done. my grades are dropping and i'm starting to get insanely stressed out because of it.
david first off-
jaci: well how comes shes never in ur info then, if its going so fine
david: does it matter
jaci: not really. i dunno but sometimes it seems like u dont like her anymore and just dont know how to end it or something
david: hmm
jaci: um yeah
david: thats a cute concept
jaci: haha, well thats not how it is now is it?
david: hehe
jaci: wtf
david: ??
jaci: ok nevermind
i don't know why i even try with him. i like him a lot, but we're just not working out. he does so many things to piss me off, it's incredible. i give up on him. today i barely talked to him-he was pissed off at me for some gay reason. i've tried so hard to stand him, because i really do like him. but i can't even trust him-and aren't you supposed to trust your boyfriend? i get so pissed off at small things, so in a way i'm a hypocrite. i get mad when he talks about other girls but then i go and talk about other guys to him. but i know that i won't cheat on him-i don't drag that low. having a boyfriend to me means being able to trust him, and being faithful. when i have a boyfriend, i recognize that i'm just with one person. but for david, it's not like that. he's cheated before, and he'll do it again. i can't trust him, at all. i don't know why i got into a relationship with him in the first place-so many people told me not to because i'd just get cheated on, or he'd piss me off. i never realized it before-but it's true. i feel bad for whoever dates him in the future, unless he changes his ways. he has a way of being very smooth, he'll make you believe he likes you but in reality, you're just another game piece to him. well, guess what david? i'm not here to be put on the shelf as another fucking trophy of yours. he needs to realize girls have something called feelings-and you can hurt them, they're not hearts of stone. he's not mature enough to realize that. i feel sorry for him in that aspect. i'm done with him-seriously. no more second tries, no more going back. i'm not gonna let him fuck with my feelings anymore. it'll hurt me to let go, but i have to.
my mom secondly. i don't know what's up with her, she's been psycho. i feel horrible though-i'm such a bitch to her sometimes. i'm aware she feels and all, but i can't get around to helping. i don't know why-i just don't like to show my emotions. i'm so pissed off at myself for that. she does so much for me, and i don't do anything. i bitch, scream, and do nothing but think about myself. why? i don't have the slightest clue. i know i shouldn't be sitting here ranting about stuff, i should go out and try to help. actions speak louder than words, right?
the last thing is my grades. i'm getting shitty grades-mostly c's. because i'm procrastinating. i don't do my homework anymore, i feel like i don't give a shit about it. but then when i get my grades, i freak out. i can never get around to doing my homework. i'm never gonna go anywhere at the rate i'm at. i've promised myself every week, saying "okay, this is the week you're going to change, lydia." but nothing gets done. my grades are dropping and i'm starting to get insanely stressed out because of it.