5. Kuchisabishii

[viagra]

Wednesday, June 19th-2:14 p.m.

1,214 words. Approximate reading time: 6 minutes, 4 seconds.

Nelle sighed and grabbed another handful of potato crisps, her greasy fingers crushing a few of the smaller crisps into crumbs. She moved her hand toward her open mouth and shoved the entire handful inside in one smooth, seemingly well-practiced motion. The

Comments

[engarian]

Oh, I can totally see this person hooked up on IV's and people trying to bring her back from the brink.

- Erulisse (one L)

[viagra]

For a little added info - the two voices are Nelle's parents, one of whom wants to keep trying and see if she comes out of it, and one of whom thinks that she won't recover. When they were arguing in the beginning of the piece, the one that thinks she won't recover finally gave up, said they couldn't do this anymore, and left. In my mind, the moments of desperation and high emotional energy are the ones that are leaking through to the VR world.

I've thought about doing this piece again for a different topic, but from the perspective of her parents. It might make an interesting contrast! :)

[engarian]

It would be a really good writing exercise (and a lot of fun) to write it a second time from the opposite perspective. I remember doing challenges similar to that in the past and I always learned from doing it.

- Erulisse (one L)

[beautyofgrey]

This is so enormously sad and creepy, but very well done. My first read of it, I really was wondering if she was struggling with a schizoaffective disorder, but on second read I caught up. I really identified with her feelings, too, having been cooped up at home working remotely for 2 years (and struggling with not eating all day when working 8 feet from my fridge, heh). Your writing always seems to flow so effortlessly, and you do a great job creating tension and capturing the mood of a world that's so close to the day-to-day but just "not quite right".

[viagra]

Thank you very much! I was a little worried with this one about trying to find a good line between making it obvious or vague what's happening to Nelle. I'm glad it mostly came through. :)

[mollywheezy]

SO heartbreaking! People who love Nelle want her to WAKE up and she thinks the voices want her to give up . . . Excellently written!

[viagra]

Thank you so much!

[bleodswean]

Yikes! You are going darker and darker every prompt. Is this still part of your pandemic 'verse? Because if so, you are capturing the perfect sense of isolation, panic, breakdown, and anxiety! I'm reading...anorexia here? An intriguing idea that VR could contribute to one's ability to practice self-care...

You know I'm a big lover of making the reader do the work and I appreciate the way you've told a story that needs to be considered from myriad angles.

[viagra]

Yep, still part of the same universe! I know I say this every time, but I swear I've got some lighter stuff up my sleeve! Although the darker stuff is really calling to me lately, I don't want to get stuck in that place.

I also really enjoy making the reader do the work - not too much, or else it won't be inviting, but I really like it when people get different things out of my writing that I didn't intend or even see! I used to be all about "author's intent" when looking at stuff, but when we get into the idea of writing as an art form, the author's intent can only go so far. The biggest hint I left for this on is the line at the end, "The dresser opposite her bed flickered out of existence." The people outside in the real world are getting closer to reaching her and her VR world is coming apart, but I don't know whether she'll make it out or dig in more.

Thank you for your thoughtful words, as always. :)

[marlawentmad]

Oh, goodness. You are really making that uncanny stomach flop roll. This is really interesting and unsettling. Well done!

[viagra]

Thank you so much!! :)