The arrest of my cynical descent

[vicariance]

I have come to a point in my life where I have begun to believe that my life's spark has been leaking out since birth, with regularity, such that by the end of my life I will be a shuffling, joyless husk. Fucking pessimistic I know. But it just feels that I am decreasingly able to experience the kind of soul-rending passion that has marked the

Comments

[gloriouseahorse]

there is so much truth to your entry, i really appreciated reading it. i read it three times in fact

[vicariance]

Thank you Brandy, for the compliment and your lovely thoughts. I love your quote. Have you seen the sequel to that movie? Many say it's just as good.

I miss you!

[vicariance]

The first part of that quote is unintelligible to me. I hope you mistyped it, and I'm not just being retarded. The second part is unequivocally true, imo.

Thank you for the quote, and for the compliment.

[vicariance]

I understand now.

[vicariance]

I understand now.

[sistrmoon]

I was listening to this song while reading your post. It felt appropriate:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVtJcjkE_VQ&feature=player_embedded

And also, cliched as all hell, but I was pretty cynical when I became a parent. But it is a love of such depth as to take my breath away.

I've always had very vivid and sometimes prophetic dreams, and during a few rare ones, have even visited with those who've died. I think they're an important vehicle for learning and experience.

[vicariance]

Thank you, that song is wonderfully appropriate.

And yes, parenthood is a blatent source of hope for intensity of passion. I desperately hope to experience it. I am glad yours has been the fair mix of joy for all the hardship :)

I think dreams are very rarely useful as far as content, good for mostly entertainment, but they do preform a task: a sort of auto-catharsis. I love dreaming, especially for the rare times that they are useful as well.

[dorklord07]

Just wanted to comment that I fucking love your writing style and, with the notable exception of the Twilight reference (which should be condemned to fire), fsking loved this post.

[vicariance]

Regardless of your opinion as to the quality of that piece of literature, the reference to a melodramatically impossible love is apropos, I think. I suppose Romeo and Juliet would have worked as well, better, for the implication of grand love's evanescence applies to my dream. Oh well.

And thank you for the compliment :)

Re: Whew!

[vicariance]

How many things that you love do I tell you are garbage?

Of those, how many have I done so without exploring before denouncing?

Have faith...

[anonymous]

I'm confident you are indeed on your way to feeling all of that "for real," not that it wasn't real in the dream...you know what I mean.