Life is pain Highness, anyone who says otherwise is selling something
Yeah, I never do these things...so I'm gonna :)
What is going on in my life...oh let me count the bullshit...
1) I will be unemployed in 4 months. Not 9 as was originally told to me for a year, suddenly 4. In a place with no budget to hire, barely any decent available jobs to go around. I'm almost 27 and I don't have a steady job...UGH!! Anyone here knows this has been a source of extreme anxiety for me. No Ginny, I WILL NOT go work at the CDC...
However now that I'm no longer at school, my only defining quality is my employment. I don't have anything as important as my work in my life...which is VERY sad. More importantly, I gave up my Italian citizenship for this job, I'm living like an American in my own damn country and they're pulling my livelyhood out from under my feet. If I don't get another job, I lose my car, my license, my paycheck, my ID, my priivlages, and unless I go back under the famliy soggiorno (a pain) or get my citizenship back (a bigger pain if I manage to find a job after), I have to leave the country.
And on that last note, if after Feb I do get a job, then I have to go BACK to America with the money I won't be earning (whatever savings I can scrounge up from now till Feb) to apply for a Visa to come back and work....again IN MY OWN DAMN COUNTRY!!! Fricking SOFA!
2) My mother apparently tells me last night that if I go back to America (to gain lawful employment to support myself as an adult my age should do) then I must cut all ties with her and concider her dead. Yes, that is correct. I swear, I was so angry and upset I was physically shaking. To top it off, she does this in front of my grandmother in English, so my poor Nonna only sees me spitting fire from my eyes and doesn't understand why and thinks I'm mad at her now. I swear, I've never been so upset in my life, I was physically ill from it.
Why this insanity? Because I am a woman of large proportions...oh hell I'm fat. Always have been overweight, which is a source of GREAT unhappiness for my mother who wears a size 7 on a "bad" day. She's been pushing and prodding me for years to lose weight. The reason is partially for my own good (and to that I concede). The majority: Because my being overweight is a bad reflection on her as a mother. PUHLEASE! It's come to the point where I can't go into her place of work anymore because "she can't deal with people talking." Because they're a bunch of idiots who have nothing better to do than gossip non stop about other people to make themselves feel better.
Yes, I live in the largest highschool ON THE PLANET!
Anyway, she can't handle them talking about my weight, so I can't go shopping there anymore. Worse off, until now only a few people really know why I don't go shopping there. Normally I just say "I like Italian stores better" which makes me stuck up, or I ask someone going in just to pick up a thing or two for me. My close friends know the truth but I hate it.
Even more, I HATE being backed into a corner. I know in life you have to do things you don't really want to and I'm fine with that. But back me up with no escape, no comprimise between two life changing and important decisions and I cannot take it.
So....what do I do? Right now, until I calm down (which won't be for a LONG while) I'm not speaking to my mother outside of casual conversation. I'm not going to her house for dinner and I'm sorry if my father gets the back lash for this, but I have had enough.
Reality is going to come swinging around the corner very very quickly, very very soon and she's going to find herself very alone.
3) Micia is going away. Okay, on the grand scheme this is the smaller item, but still....she's my baby girl! She's driving my father insane so I'm really doing this for him (hey, he's letting me live there rent free). A put an ad out on Friday and this morning I got an email from a woman who is interested in taking her in. *sigh* I didn't expect a response that quickly!
I keep telling myself it'll be better for her, but I really don't want to get rid of her. Funny how not too long ago, I didn't want to take her in, but I decided to help Barbara out in a jam. :(
Okay, need to sleep!
What is going on in my life...oh let me count the bullshit...
1) I will be unemployed in 4 months. Not 9 as was originally told to me for a year, suddenly 4. In a place with no budget to hire, barely any decent available jobs to go around. I'm almost 27 and I don't have a steady job...UGH!! Anyone here knows this has been a source of extreme anxiety for me. No Ginny, I WILL NOT go work at the CDC...
However now that I'm no longer at school, my only defining quality is my employment. I don't have anything as important as my work in my life...which is VERY sad. More importantly, I gave up my Italian citizenship for this job, I'm living like an American in my own damn country and they're pulling my livelyhood out from under my feet. If I don't get another job, I lose my car, my license, my paycheck, my ID, my priivlages, and unless I go back under the famliy soggiorno (a pain) or get my citizenship back (a bigger pain if I manage to find a job after), I have to leave the country.
And on that last note, if after Feb I do get a job, then I have to go BACK to America with the money I won't be earning (whatever savings I can scrounge up from now till Feb) to apply for a Visa to come back and work....again IN MY OWN DAMN COUNTRY!!! Fricking SOFA!
2) My mother apparently tells me last night that if I go back to America (to gain lawful employment to support myself as an adult my age should do) then I must cut all ties with her and concider her dead. Yes, that is correct. I swear, I was so angry and upset I was physically shaking. To top it off, she does this in front of my grandmother in English, so my poor Nonna only sees me spitting fire from my eyes and doesn't understand why and thinks I'm mad at her now. I swear, I've never been so upset in my life, I was physically ill from it.
Why this insanity? Because I am a woman of large proportions...oh hell I'm fat. Always have been overweight, which is a source of GREAT unhappiness for my mother who wears a size 7 on a "bad" day. She's been pushing and prodding me for years to lose weight. The reason is partially for my own good (and to that I concede). The majority: Because my being overweight is a bad reflection on her as a mother. PUHLEASE! It's come to the point where I can't go into her place of work anymore because "she can't deal with people talking." Because they're a bunch of idiots who have nothing better to do than gossip non stop about other people to make themselves feel better.
Yes, I live in the largest highschool ON THE PLANET!
Anyway, she can't handle them talking about my weight, so I can't go shopping there anymore. Worse off, until now only a few people really know why I don't go shopping there. Normally I just say "I like Italian stores better" which makes me stuck up, or I ask someone going in just to pick up a thing or two for me. My close friends know the truth but I hate it.
Even more, I HATE being backed into a corner. I know in life you have to do things you don't really want to and I'm fine with that. But back me up with no escape, no comprimise between two life changing and important decisions and I cannot take it.
So....what do I do? Right now, until I calm down (which won't be for a LONG while) I'm not speaking to my mother outside of casual conversation. I'm not going to her house for dinner and I'm sorry if my father gets the back lash for this, but I have had enough.
Reality is going to come swinging around the corner very very quickly, very very soon and she's going to find herself very alone.
3) Micia is going away. Okay, on the grand scheme this is the smaller item, but still....she's my baby girl! She's driving my father insane so I'm really doing this for him (hey, he's letting me live there rent free). A put an ad out on Friday and this morning I got an email from a woman who is interested in taking her in. *sigh* I didn't expect a response that quickly!
I keep telling myself it'll be better for her, but I really don't want to get rid of her. Funny how not too long ago, I didn't want to take her in, but I decided to help Barbara out in a jam. :(
Okay, need to sleep!