In loving memory...
When I was a kid/young teenager I had this sad statistic that I used to carry around with me. Before my 16th birthday I had been to more funerals than I had weddings.
There'd been my nana's, my aunt's (which I only more recently found out I didn't actually go to), my cousin's (same side as the other two), a school-mate's father's memorial service and I think another couple I've since forgotten*.
Thankfully I've since had a ten year period where I was finally able to reverse that statistic. Though there was another funeral 6 years ago for a cousin's husband (yeah mum's side doesn't have much luck it seems).
Only now I'm sitting here wondering if the statistic is all going back the other way again.
Alex's aunt, Andrea, passed away this morning. Of cancer - although I'm not sure which of the cancers ultimately took her.
I know she not my relative, she's married to Alex's dad's brother... But I still feel so incredibly sad that she's gone.
She made crochted (?sp) blankets for all her grand neices and nephews as well as her own grandchildren, she worked as a medical receptionist for many years and rarely took holidays, but still made the time to take care of her grandchildren to help give them stability when their parents relationship fell apart, she made sure to teach them manners, she was polite but ready to have a laugh... She was many things and I'm so sad she's gone.
I'm really glad she's not in pain at least, but that doesn't mean that I'm not. The pain of parting...
I think part of the reason this has got me even further down is knowing just how easily the statistic could change. I have three relatives in their 90s (one is 99 and a quarter), one in her 80s and a couple of other relatives who are having various cancers surgically removed soon. Life seems so fleeting sometimes.
My work allows me a certain number of compassion days each year on top of sick leave and holiday leave. Depending on when the funeral is to be held** I'll probably end up taking a day to go to this funeral. I want to be there for myself, but I also want to be there for her older grandchildren who I'm worried will be forgotten in the family's grief.
Urgh, and now I must stop before I cry while writing this.
* I don't know if my parents took me to the funerals of my grand uncles etc. They would have happened before my fifth birthday, and to be perfectly honest my first memory is my nana's funeral which happened when I was about five and a half.
** my professional society has it's conference Monday to wednesday next week, which would be counted as holiday leave... and if the funeral coincides then I plan to miss a day of the conference.