The spy who loved me
((Whew, sorry for the lack of posting lately! LJ dramaz has been affecting everyone. We now return you to your (slightly) regularly scheduled programming.))
Severus' appointment with Dumbledore was at 10:00pm, and though he'd been watching the clock and dreading the meeting, he Floo'd in at 9:54. Remus was already in bed because he had to be up early the next day, but they both fully expected Severus to wake him up and complain when he got home after the meeting. Severus supposed that was why he'd gone to bed so early to begin with. Poor Remus really put up with a lot.
He arrived in Dumbledore's fireplace and shook out his hair, glancing around. The office looked much more lively than it usually did, with things moved around and Fawkes apparently approaching a burning day, but the school year was underway again, which also attributed to the lateness of their meeting. Severus could imagine that the beginning of term must be exceptionally hectic.
He frowned, wondering if he would have to find out firsthand, and met Dumbledore's gaze. Tea was already waiting. "Evening," he greeted neutrally, and crossed the room to take an empty chair.
"Good evening, Severus," Dumbledore said politely. "Tea? I have ginger biscuits, as well, if you'd like. And sherbert lemons, a delightful treat." He smiled. "How are you this evening?"
Dumbledore knew his weaknesses entirely too well. Severus accepted tea and a ginger biscuit, though he would not look pleased by any of it. "Terrible," he answered matter-of-factly. "You."
"I am quite well, thank you," Dumbledore said, not looking as if he noticed Severus' irritation at all. "The term has got off to an exceptionally good start. How is Remus?"
Dumbledore was obviously getting used to his blunt, negative answers. Severus made a mental note to come up with more shocking answers to Dumbledore's innocent questions to get a rise out of the man.
He didn't like being asked about Remus, but he had a feeling that Dumbledore knew this, and that was why he'd asked. "Still alive," he said, but thought that perhaps next time he ought to say 'dead', just to see what Dumbledore would do.
Dumbledore nodded. "That is always good news," he said seriously. He took a sip of his tea and studied Severus' face for a moment. "Your owl said you have things you wish to discuss."
Severus nodded. "The Dark Lord wants me to try for the Defense post again this year."
"Ah. Of course." Dumbledore sighed. "Has he spoken to you of the curse?"
"No," Severus said, "but I know of it." He had, in fact, been researching it. He'd spoken to a few people who claimed to know the hows and whys behind it, and he'd even found a small published article about it in an old issue of Defense Quarterly.
Dumbledore nodded slowly. "I find it curious that he would wish for you to take a position that is cursed to last a single school year."
"I assume it's because he's decided I'm disposable," Severus said frankly.
Dumbledore frowned at this. "I cannot imagine why he would think so. He has sent you on mission after mission, as well as demanding potions from you." The headmaster leaned forward. "He has no reason, has he, to believe you are compromised?"
"Not that I know of, but something must have convinced him that I am no longer useful," Severus said stoically, amazed at how calmly he was speaking of his potential death. Occlumency was a many-splendored thing.
"Well, we must make you more useful to him," Dumbledore said. He tapped his fingertips together thoughtfully. "I believe Horace Slughorn may be preparing to retire at the end of this school year. Perhaps we will have an open Potions position." He smiled at Severus. "That would be much more the thing, I think."
Severus stared blankly at Dumbledore. "You intend to give me a job."
Dumbledore looked at him patiently. "In order for you to remain alive and be useful to me, Severus, you must be useful to Tom. If giving you access to the school will assure your usefulness, I shall give you access to the school. I utterly refuse, of course, to give you the position which may cost your life or sanity--poor St. John, I must remember to send him a note--but if you are teaching Potions, you will have the additional benefit of sharing your instinctive knowledge of the subject with a great number of students." He beamed at Severus.
Severus pressed his lips into a thin line. "I hate you."
Dumbledore's smile did not falter in the least. "But what an opportunity, Severus! Just imagine, sharing all that knowledge with eager minds..."
"You are a sadist," Severus continued.
Dumbledore popped a sherbert lemon in his mouth. "I am an opportunist," he corrected.
"And you delight in making my life miserable," Severus persisted. "The Dark Lord wishes me to come to you as a penitent. He wants more than just access to the school; he wants access to you."
"Of course he does," Dumbledore agreed. "But by giving you access to the school, I will be giving you further access to me." He folded his hands serenely on the desk and looked at Severus. "You will, for instance, be able to report to him what I eat for breakfast."
"I'm sure not knowing keeps him up nights." Severus sipped his tea.
Dumbledore chuckled. "The point is, my boy, that if you are teaching at the school, you will certainly be able to give him more information. This will make you more valuable to him, and thus preserve your life--something which is a very high priority, I think you will agree."
Severus' jaw tightened, but he had no other visible reaction than that. "Give me the Defense post. If I die, then I won't have to do this any longer, and if I just go insane, then at least I'll get a nice padded room in St Mungo's and perhaps I'll get to spend the rest of my days happily thinking I'm some sort of small cephalopod."
"I doubt Remus would thank me for that," Dumbledore replied. "Why would you prefer to teach Defence, my boy? You are a potioner par excellence."
"I thought I'd just explained my preference," Severus said. "Besides, I'm brilliant at the Dark Arts."
Dumbledore looked gravely at him. "I'm sorry, Severus. I will not give you the Defence post."
"I do not want to teach. Certainly not for more than a year." Severus ate his biscuit, as if that decided the matter.
"Well, then, we must win the war in the intervening year," Dumbledore said, as if this were obvious.
"Oh right, let's get on that," Severus said dryly. "Was there a date you had in mind for winning? I thought I'd mark my calendar."
Dumbledore looked unamused. "Severus, this is my final word on the subject. You will be offered the position of Potions Master at Hogwarts. You will not be offered the Defence post."
"I don't want either," Severus said sharply.
"That will be your decision, of course," Dumbledore said.
"Yes it will," Severus agreed, though he suspected that the Dark Lord would not really allow him to turn down a position at Hogwarts. If he did so without the Dark Lord's permission, he had a feeling the repercussions would be very painful.
"Have you any further information for me?" Dumbledore asked.
"When I come to you as a penitent," Severus said, "I am to offer you information to prove that I am serious." The irony was not lost on him. He'd saved this information for last for that reason.
Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "Indeed. Well, that is good news."
"It was my idea," Severus admitted. "I threw it in so he'd think I actually cared about the plan. And then I had to try very hard not to laugh when he thought it was such a good idea."
Dumbledore chuckled. "Well, of course, it makes you seem more trustworthy," he agreed. "Tom is rather mad, but he is not stupid."
Severus snorted. "You're both barmy gits."
"Thank you so much," Dumbledore said dryly. "Another biscuit, Severus?"
"No thank you," Severus said, then sipped his tea again.
Dumbledore nodded and sipped at his own. "Well, I am certain you don't wish to spend any more time here than necessary," he said.
Severus narrowed his eyes at Dumbledore's phrasing. "I'm going." He forced himself to set his cup and saucer down with controlled calm instead of slamming them down and sloshing tea everywhere as he once would have, then stood with casual slowness instead of jumping to his feet in a rage. Dumbledore was always so eager to be rid of him. Sometimes he was only glad because he was eager to escape, and sometimes, like now, even though their conversation had been less than pleasant and Severus' thoughts had always been half on Remus, asleep in their bed, it really irritated him.
"I certainly wasn't asking you to leave, Severus," Dumbledore said, standing as well. His expression seemed slightly troubled. "Perhaps it is just that you always seem so eager to be gone."
Oh, that was just bollocks, Dumbledore was always shunting him out the Floo. Severus couldn't stop his gaze from hardening, even though he cursed himself for not being able to control his expression. "Why should I want to stay?" he demanded, then turned without waiting for an answer and marched himself to the fireplace.
"Ah, Severus. I should like us to be friends," Dumbledore said softly.
Severus' jaw tightened as he snatched up a handful of Floo powder, scattering excess around the floor at his feet. He hunched his shoulders defensively. "Bollocks," he contradicted. "I won't be manipulated that way."
Not wanting to hear whatever Dumbledore might say to that, he tossed the powder into the fire and announced his destination, stepping into the flames quickly and tucking in his elbows.
When the flames spit him out in Spinner's End, he immediately headed upstairs, climbing the stairs two at a time and getting undressed quickly so he could burrow into bed next to Remus.
Remus woke from his light sleep when Severus pressed up next to him. "Mmm, hallo, Severus," he murmured, sliding an arm around him. "How did it go?"
Severus wrapped his arms around Remus tightly and pressed his face against his lover's skin. "Usual," he muttered, slightly muffled.
"Oh, so horrid?" Remus said. He nuzzled Severus' temple. "I'm sorry."
It was all right. No matter how horrid it was, Severus could come home to Remus, and Remus always made him feel better. "Sorry. You should go to sleep." He didn't want Remus to go to sleep; he wanted Remus to stay awake and continue making him feel better, but he didn't want to be selfish.
Remus pried his eyelids open. "No, no, I want to hear about it."
Severus sighed. He didn't even want to speak of it. He just wanted to snuggle, and maybe kiss. "Dumbledore wants me to teach Potions."
"Does he?" Remus asked. "Well, that's better than Defence, right? Less likely to get you killed or something at the end of the year."
"Yes, but that means I'm going to have to teach," Severus whined, finding some skin to press his fingers against.
"Aww." Remus tried to sound sympathetic, but he wasn't sure if he was awake enough to manage it. He turned his head and kissed Severus' ear to make up for it.
Severus shut his eyes tight against a sudden pricking behind his eyelids, wishing Remus was more awake to be properly sympathetic and glad Remus was half asleep so he wouldn't notice how emotional Severus was. "Unless I just tell them both to sod off," he uttered, voice thick.
"Too bad it's Potions, or else you could just let me Polyjuice as you and teach," Remus said. "I've always rather fancied the idea of teaching." He stroked his free hand up and down Severus' arm; his lover sounded upset. "But I'd give myself away in a heartbeat in Potions."
Severus bit his lip, wondering if Remus would be allowed to live with him, or how that would even work. He hadn't thought about that before, when his only thoughts were for whether or not he actually wanted to survive the year and Dumbledore's general prattyness. "I'd much rather let you do it," he agreed, pulling back to scrub his eyes with his fingers.
"Poor Severus," Remus said, snuggling up against him even though he'd pulled away. "I love you so much." He kissed Severus' cheek. "I wish I could make life easy for you."
"Love you too," Severus mumbled. He was mostly wishing Remus was awake enough to shag him, but Remus' sentiment was nice, too.
"I don't suppose there's anything I can do to make you feel better?" Remus asked, his voice a little sly, though he knew he had to get up early in the morning.
Severus tried not to sniffle, but there was one he couldn't hold back. That did not imply sexy; that implied soggy. "Do you really want to?" he asked, slightly surprised.
Remus held him more tightly. "I always want to help," he said, and kissed Severus. Sometimes he outright hated Dumbledore for the way he used Severus. "I love you," he whispered again, and kissed Severus once more.
"I don't need a pity fuck tonight," Severus said, though he'd returned Remus' kisses eagerly enough.
Remus snorted. "Pity fuck, indeed," he muttered. "Idiot." He shifted against Severus and stroked a hand down to grope his arse.
Severus' breath caught audibly in his throat. "Well you were sound asleep five minutes ago, what would you call it?"
Not that he really minded a pity fuck.
"Mmm, I'd call it always wanting you," Remus murmured. He massaged Severus' arse and licked the skin behind his ear.
"Mmm," Severus rumbled. "What if I said that I didn't want you to be nice, though?" he whispered.
"Don't want me to be nice?" Remus asked. He pinched Severus' arse, though not too hard. "I think I could manage that."
Severus gasped, then kissed Remus hungrily, shifting closer. "Yes."
Remus growled softly. "Yes, what?" he demanded, nipping at Severus' mouth.
Severus blinked, confused at what he was being asked. "Yes please?" he tried.
"Mmm, better," Remus said, and kissed him deeply as a reward. He rolled them over so Severus was on his back and Remus lying on top of him.
"Oh good," Severus said, peering up at Remus and brushing fingers through his hair.
"Oh, yes, keep touching me," Remus ordered, sliding his hand up to tug at Severus' hair.
Severus winced but let out a pleased gasp, arching against Remus and running his hands over Remus' chest.
"God, you're so irresistible," Remus breathed. He nibbled Severus' jaw, then claimed his mouth in a demanding kiss.
Severus began to relax, surrendering to that demanding kiss. He slid a hand behind Remus' head, the other teasing at one of Remus' nipples.
"How not nice do you want me to be?" Remus asked, breathless, when he pulled away. He trapped Severus' hand against his chest, liking the way that felt.
Severus was surprised that Remus was asking, but he supposed that was a sign that Remus was amenable to the idea. "Very not nice," he murmured, voice low, his fingers curling against Remus' skin.
Remus raised an eyebrow and leaned down to bite at Severus' jaw. "I should tie you up," he whispered in Severus' ear. Then he held his breath, because he knew Severus would say no; Remus had betrayed his trust the last time they'd done that, and he didn't think Severus would ever let him do it again.
Severus couldn't help a groan at that bite, his breath shuddering out of him. He'd only let Remus tie him up once, and he'd soon after come to regret it, but that was close to a year ago, now, and he had no reason to mistrust Remus. In fact, though the thought still made him anxious, it also aroused him to a point he couldn't deny, and he wanted to prove that he trusted Remus that much.
"Yes," he uttered quietly, taking advantage of Remus being so close and wrapping his arms around him, getting in a bit more contact before he wouldn't be able to touch. "Yes."
Remus drew in a quick breath, surprised and aroused that Severus had said yes. "Yes?" he murmured, and kissed him again, trying to show how much it meant that Severus trusted him that much.
Severus returned the kiss, then met Remus' gaze. "Yes."
Remus watched him for a moment longer, then groped for his wand and flicked it in a looping motion, drawing green silken ties for Severus' wrists and ankles. The blankets were pushed to the floor as he snapped his fingers at the candle sconces to provide more light. Remus rocked back on his heels to study Severus' lean body, a hungry smirk on his face.
Severus watched Remus, his expression open and vulnerable as he tested the silk bonds. At least they were comfortable.
"All right?" Remus asked. He wasn't going to start being "not nice" until he was certain Severus was comfortable with this.
Severus nodded; he'd expected his apprehension grow when Remus did the ties, but it hadn't. He found something arousing in being tied up, though that might have also had something to do with the way Remus was looking at him, and he wasn't anxious like he'd expected.
"Yes," he added, smiling a little.
"Good," Remus said, his stomach giving a funny jump at Severus' smile. He thought he fell a little more in love with Severus every time his lover smiled. "Then I shall get on with not being nice at all." He blinked slowly, then leaned forward to nuzzle the underside of Severus' upper arm, taking a teasing lick and blowing cool air across it.
Severus gasped, more surprised than anything. He watched Remus intently.
Rumbling low in his chest, Remus worked his way down to Severus' side, doing the same. He watched Severus' flesh break out in gooseflesh, wondering if the teasing would arouse or merely annoy.
After his side began to grow cold, Severus jerked reflexively in his bonds. He was aroused but annoyed at the same time, and began to feel apprehensive as he wondered if Remus was going to be "not nice" by teasing him incessantly - Remus knew he hated being teased, after all.
"Something to say, Severus?" Remus asked when Severus jerked against the ties. He licked a trail up Severus' ribcage to a nipple, which he licked once and then bit.
"N-ah!" Severus gasped, arching his head back because that was really all he could move all that well.
Remus let out a low chuckle and traced his one hand down Severus' ribcage to his right hip. "You are so delicious when you're displayed like this for me," he said. "I want to lick you all over." He shifted down to lick Severus' ankle, his fingertips sliding ever-so-lightly up to the back of his knee.
Remus was such a dastardly fiend, Severus thought dryly. That was Remus' idea of not being nice - licking him all over. Right.
He jerked again when he felt Remus' light touches on the back of his knee; that was usually a spot he liked to be touched, but the touch was light enough that it just tickled. He gritted his teeth and realised that if not for that tie, he probably would have just kicked Remus in the face, since it was so near his ankle. It was almost a pity he hadn't.
"Something wrong?" Remus asked again. He dragged his tongue across the back of Severus' knee.
Ohh Remus was so lucky Severus was tied up. He grit his teeth and glared. As if Remus didn't know! "What do you think."
"I think you are just asking to be bitten," Remus said, and bit Severus' thigh, hard enough to bruise, but not break the skin.
Severus cried out and jerked in his bonds again, groaning when the stinging pain faded to warm pleasure. "Fuck," he gasped, wishing desperately that Remus would touch his cock.
"Not yet," Remus said, his voice warm with amusement and arousal. "God, look at you, tied up, helpless to touch yourself, awaiting me to give you pleasure." He splayed his hands across Severus' chest and drew them slowly down to his belly, pointedly ignoring Severus' cock as he leaned down to close his teeth on the other nipple.
Severus whimpered, closing his hands into fists and tugging on the bonds, feeling all the more helpless when Remus pointed it out.
"You know all you have to do is say the word, and I'll let you go," Remus murmured. "But if you do, I shan't fuck you, and that wouldn't be any fun. You could choose to be free, or you can choose to be fucked." He flicked his tongue lightly across the nipple, then sucked hard.
Severus had been considering telling Remus to let him go when Remus offered him the choice, and he opened his mouth to earn his freedom when Remus said he wouldn't fuck him if he chose to be freed. He snapped his jaw shut and glared at Remus, not that Remus was paying any attention to his expression just then.
"Ohh," he gasped for the mouth on his nipple, and then when he'd caught his breath, uttered, "bastard," angrily, because what he really wanted - all he'd wanted - was to be fucked, hard. And Remus likely knew that full well.
Remus chuckled warmly and moved up until his mouth was mere inches from Severus' ear. "I've spent the past year learning from you," he breathed. He licked the shell of Severus' ear, letting one hand slide down to brush his lover's erection.
Severus grit his teeth, angry that he had no smart retort for that, and tried to push his erection up into Remus' hand.
Remus kissed Severus hungrily and gave his lover what he wanted, tightening his fingers about Severus' cock.
Severus returned the kiss passionately, partly from arousal and finally getting a firm grip on his cock and partly from anger. He tugged on his bonds again, desperately wishing he could touch Remus. Or shove him.
"So sexy," Remus murmured, a hint of a growl coming into his voice. "And all mine." He stroked more firmly, twisting his wrist a little. He could feel the anger in Severus' kiss, but he'd asked Remus not to be nice, and Remus was going to oblige.
Severus groaned, tensing and pulling again so the bonds cut into his wrists and ankles. He writhed, enjoying the pleasure/pain, his eyes slitting.
"Yes," Remus said, leaning down to bite Severus' throat--gently, but enough to feel it. He wanted inside, wanted to be fucking Severus now, but he wanted to see if Severus would beg.
"Ah, oh Merlin, Remus," Severus gasped, wanting more so desperately it almost hurt. He was trying so hard not to give in and beg for it, but it was getting so difficult to deal with what Remus was doing to him.
"What, Severus?" Remus whispered. He nipped his way up to speak in Severus' ear. "What do you want?"
A desperate noise escaped Severus as he tried to press against Remus. "To be fucked!"
"You must want it badly," Remus said, unable to keep his voice as calm as he wanted. He sucked Severus' earlobe into his mouth.
"Yes I must, to put up with you!" Severus agreed, thrashing against his bonds.
Remus drew away slowly, his teeth scraping the sensitive flesh. "Do the charms," he ordered, pinching a nipple and leaning down to bite Severus' neck harder than he had before.
"Fuck," Severus groaned, panting, then tried to find the focus and concentration needed long enough to cast the charms wandlessly. It took him a couple tries, but finally they took, and he shivered to feel them. "There!"
"There?" Remus asked, though he knew exactly what Severus meant. He flicked his thumb across the head of Severus' cock.
"Ah! Did charms!" Severus jerked again, groaning at the slight soreness in his wrists and ankles.
"Excellent," Remus said, deciding to give in. He shifted to press his cock to Severus' entrance, flicked his thumb again, and pressed inside.
Severus cried out in pleasure and relief when he was - finally - breached, his cock throbbing in Remus' grasp. "Oh Remus!"
"God," Remus bit out, going still for a moment to enjoy the incredible tight pleasure of being inside Severus. He shifted a little and the resulting spasm of lust made his hips jerk. From there he couldn't have regained control if he'd tried--and he didn't try. Instead he thrust hard and fast, his hips pistoning as he squeezed and rubbed at Severus' cock.
"Oh yes, Remus, fuck me," Severus groaned, loving the way Remus pounded into him, his pleasure soaring.
Remus let out a growl, shifting to nip and bite at Severus' neck as he thrust wildly.
"Harder," Severus gasped, wanting it to hurt so it would remind him later.
Instead of answering with words, Remus growled louder and bit harder, feeling the blood well across his tongue as he sucked.
"Ah yes, fuck," Severus groaned, squeezing his inner muscles around Remus' wildly thrusting cock. That was just as punishing as Remus' teeth, and all too soon the hard rhythm had him skating the edge, poised to fall over and into climax.
Remus' hand had slowed as he fucked Severus, but when he could recollect his attention to it, he stroked and twisted and flicked, wanting to make Severus cry out in pleasure. He wanted Severus to admit, when they were recovering, that this had been a brilliant shag. He finally pulled away from the bite and licked the blood from his lips as Severus watched.
"So fucking sexy," he panted between thrusts. "And you're mine, Severus. Come for me!"
Severus watched Remus in a delirium of pleasure, panting and arching and moaning as his arousal built to impossible heights. He was so nearly there when Remus licked the blood from his lips that he groaned in frustration, but something about being ordered to come did him in. Severus came in a hot wave, swept up in pleasure, and groaned as it crashed down on him, leaving him limp, exhausted, and feeling very well-used.
"Yes, yes!" Remus praised, shifting his angle and driving into Severus faster, harder, for several more thrusts. Then his own pleasure flooded up inside and overwhelmed him. He cried out as he came, slumping down on top of Severus as a wave of weakness followed his orgasm.
Severus made a noise that was nowhere near coherent speech, breathing hard and peering at the top of his lover's head, liking the weight of him.
After half a minute when Severus didn't put his arms around him, Remus remembered his lover was tied up. He murmured the spell to release Severus, wanting to be held.
Severus let out a quiet groan for his sore arms as they flopped down to the mattress and closed his eyes, shifting his feet a little.
"Mmm, Severus." Remus shifted and slid his arms around Severus.
"Mmm," Severus said in return, unmoving.
"That was brilliant," Remus said, kissing Severus' neck.
Severus hummed again, tilting his head to one side and feeling a flare of pain from the bite wound.
"All right?" Remus whispered, kissing him again and nuzzling under his jaw.
"You wore me out," Severus uttered, smirking faintly.
"Oh, good," Remus said, smiling. He shifted to the side, slipping out of Severus and getting his weight off him. "I love you," he murmured, one hand stroking Severus' hair.
"Love you too," Severus said, opening his eyes to glance at Remus without moving his head. He liked the hand in his hair.
"Hold me?" Remus whispered finally.
Severus hesitated, then shifted onto his side and draped his arms around Remus.
Remus hummed happily and nestled against him, one hand still stroking his lover's hair.
Severus relaxed against Remus, muttering a cleaning charm. He could fall asleep just like this.
"My Severus, forever," Remus murmured. He closed his eyes, smiling.
"Yours," Severus replied happily, relaxing into sleep.
Long after Severus' breathing had deepened into sleep, Remus lay awake, grateful that he'd been given a chance to earn Severus' trust back entirely. He finally fell asleep with his hand still in Severus' hair.
Severus' appointment with Dumbledore was at 10:00pm, and though he'd been watching the clock and dreading the meeting, he Floo'd in at 9:54. Remus was already in bed because he had to be up early the next day, but they both fully expected Severus to wake him up and complain when he got home after the meeting. Severus supposed that was why he'd gone to bed so early to begin with. Poor Remus really put up with a lot.
He arrived in Dumbledore's fireplace and shook out his hair, glancing around. The office looked much more lively than it usually did, with things moved around and Fawkes apparently approaching a burning day, but the school year was underway again, which also attributed to the lateness of their meeting. Severus could imagine that the beginning of term must be exceptionally hectic.
He frowned, wondering if he would have to find out firsthand, and met Dumbledore's gaze. Tea was already waiting. "Evening," he greeted neutrally, and crossed the room to take an empty chair.
"Good evening, Severus," Dumbledore said politely. "Tea? I have ginger biscuits, as well, if you'd like. And sherbert lemons, a delightful treat." He smiled. "How are you this evening?"
Dumbledore knew his weaknesses entirely too well. Severus accepted tea and a ginger biscuit, though he would not look pleased by any of it. "Terrible," he answered matter-of-factly. "You."
"I am quite well, thank you," Dumbledore said, not looking as if he noticed Severus' irritation at all. "The term has got off to an exceptionally good start. How is Remus?"
Dumbledore was obviously getting used to his blunt, negative answers. Severus made a mental note to come up with more shocking answers to Dumbledore's innocent questions to get a rise out of the man.
He didn't like being asked about Remus, but he had a feeling that Dumbledore knew this, and that was why he'd asked. "Still alive," he said, but thought that perhaps next time he ought to say 'dead', just to see what Dumbledore would do.
Dumbledore nodded. "That is always good news," he said seriously. He took a sip of his tea and studied Severus' face for a moment. "Your owl said you have things you wish to discuss."
Severus nodded. "The Dark Lord wants me to try for the Defense post again this year."
"Ah. Of course." Dumbledore sighed. "Has he spoken to you of the curse?"
"No," Severus said, "but I know of it." He had, in fact, been researching it. He'd spoken to a few people who claimed to know the hows and whys behind it, and he'd even found a small published article about it in an old issue of Defense Quarterly.
Dumbledore nodded slowly. "I find it curious that he would wish for you to take a position that is cursed to last a single school year."
"I assume it's because he's decided I'm disposable," Severus said frankly.
Dumbledore frowned at this. "I cannot imagine why he would think so. He has sent you on mission after mission, as well as demanding potions from you." The headmaster leaned forward. "He has no reason, has he, to believe you are compromised?"
"Not that I know of, but something must have convinced him that I am no longer useful," Severus said stoically, amazed at how calmly he was speaking of his potential death. Occlumency was a many-splendored thing.
"Well, we must make you more useful to him," Dumbledore said. He tapped his fingertips together thoughtfully. "I believe Horace Slughorn may be preparing to retire at the end of this school year. Perhaps we will have an open Potions position." He smiled at Severus. "That would be much more the thing, I think."
Severus stared blankly at Dumbledore. "You intend to give me a job."
Dumbledore looked at him patiently. "In order for you to remain alive and be useful to me, Severus, you must be useful to Tom. If giving you access to the school will assure your usefulness, I shall give you access to the school. I utterly refuse, of course, to give you the position which may cost your life or sanity--poor St. John, I must remember to send him a note--but if you are teaching Potions, you will have the additional benefit of sharing your instinctive knowledge of the subject with a great number of students." He beamed at Severus.
Severus pressed his lips into a thin line. "I hate you."
Dumbledore's smile did not falter in the least. "But what an opportunity, Severus! Just imagine, sharing all that knowledge with eager minds..."
"You are a sadist," Severus continued.
Dumbledore popped a sherbert lemon in his mouth. "I am an opportunist," he corrected.
"And you delight in making my life miserable," Severus persisted. "The Dark Lord wishes me to come to you as a penitent. He wants more than just access to the school; he wants access to you."
"Of course he does," Dumbledore agreed. "But by giving you access to the school, I will be giving you further access to me." He folded his hands serenely on the desk and looked at Severus. "You will, for instance, be able to report to him what I eat for breakfast."
"I'm sure not knowing keeps him up nights." Severus sipped his tea.
Dumbledore chuckled. "The point is, my boy, that if you are teaching at the school, you will certainly be able to give him more information. This will make you more valuable to him, and thus preserve your life--something which is a very high priority, I think you will agree."
Severus' jaw tightened, but he had no other visible reaction than that. "Give me the Defense post. If I die, then I won't have to do this any longer, and if I just go insane, then at least I'll get a nice padded room in St Mungo's and perhaps I'll get to spend the rest of my days happily thinking I'm some sort of small cephalopod."
"I doubt Remus would thank me for that," Dumbledore replied. "Why would you prefer to teach Defence, my boy? You are a potioner par excellence."
"I thought I'd just explained my preference," Severus said. "Besides, I'm brilliant at the Dark Arts."
Dumbledore looked gravely at him. "I'm sorry, Severus. I will not give you the Defence post."
"I do not want to teach. Certainly not for more than a year." Severus ate his biscuit, as if that decided the matter.
"Well, then, we must win the war in the intervening year," Dumbledore said, as if this were obvious.
"Oh right, let's get on that," Severus said dryly. "Was there a date you had in mind for winning? I thought I'd mark my calendar."
Dumbledore looked unamused. "Severus, this is my final word on the subject. You will be offered the position of Potions Master at Hogwarts. You will not be offered the Defence post."
"I don't want either," Severus said sharply.
"That will be your decision, of course," Dumbledore said.
"Yes it will," Severus agreed, though he suspected that the Dark Lord would not really allow him to turn down a position at Hogwarts. If he did so without the Dark Lord's permission, he had a feeling the repercussions would be very painful.
"Have you any further information for me?" Dumbledore asked.
"When I come to you as a penitent," Severus said, "I am to offer you information to prove that I am serious." The irony was not lost on him. He'd saved this information for last for that reason.
Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "Indeed. Well, that is good news."
"It was my idea," Severus admitted. "I threw it in so he'd think I actually cared about the plan. And then I had to try very hard not to laugh when he thought it was such a good idea."
Dumbledore chuckled. "Well, of course, it makes you seem more trustworthy," he agreed. "Tom is rather mad, but he is not stupid."
Severus snorted. "You're both barmy gits."
"Thank you so much," Dumbledore said dryly. "Another biscuit, Severus?"
"No thank you," Severus said, then sipped his tea again.
Dumbledore nodded and sipped at his own. "Well, I am certain you don't wish to spend any more time here than necessary," he said.
Severus narrowed his eyes at Dumbledore's phrasing. "I'm going." He forced himself to set his cup and saucer down with controlled calm instead of slamming them down and sloshing tea everywhere as he once would have, then stood with casual slowness instead of jumping to his feet in a rage. Dumbledore was always so eager to be rid of him. Sometimes he was only glad because he was eager to escape, and sometimes, like now, even though their conversation had been less than pleasant and Severus' thoughts had always been half on Remus, asleep in their bed, it really irritated him.
"I certainly wasn't asking you to leave, Severus," Dumbledore said, standing as well. His expression seemed slightly troubled. "Perhaps it is just that you always seem so eager to be gone."
Oh, that was just bollocks, Dumbledore was always shunting him out the Floo. Severus couldn't stop his gaze from hardening, even though he cursed himself for not being able to control his expression. "Why should I want to stay?" he demanded, then turned without waiting for an answer and marched himself to the fireplace.
"Ah, Severus. I should like us to be friends," Dumbledore said softly.
Severus' jaw tightened as he snatched up a handful of Floo powder, scattering excess around the floor at his feet. He hunched his shoulders defensively. "Bollocks," he contradicted. "I won't be manipulated that way."
Not wanting to hear whatever Dumbledore might say to that, he tossed the powder into the fire and announced his destination, stepping into the flames quickly and tucking in his elbows.
When the flames spit him out in Spinner's End, he immediately headed upstairs, climbing the stairs two at a time and getting undressed quickly so he could burrow into bed next to Remus.
Remus woke from his light sleep when Severus pressed up next to him. "Mmm, hallo, Severus," he murmured, sliding an arm around him. "How did it go?"
Severus wrapped his arms around Remus tightly and pressed his face against his lover's skin. "Usual," he muttered, slightly muffled.
"Oh, so horrid?" Remus said. He nuzzled Severus' temple. "I'm sorry."
It was all right. No matter how horrid it was, Severus could come home to Remus, and Remus always made him feel better. "Sorry. You should go to sleep." He didn't want Remus to go to sleep; he wanted Remus to stay awake and continue making him feel better, but he didn't want to be selfish.
Remus pried his eyelids open. "No, no, I want to hear about it."
Severus sighed. He didn't even want to speak of it. He just wanted to snuggle, and maybe kiss. "Dumbledore wants me to teach Potions."
"Does he?" Remus asked. "Well, that's better than Defence, right? Less likely to get you killed or something at the end of the year."
"Yes, but that means I'm going to have to teach," Severus whined, finding some skin to press his fingers against.
"Aww." Remus tried to sound sympathetic, but he wasn't sure if he was awake enough to manage it. He turned his head and kissed Severus' ear to make up for it.
Severus shut his eyes tight against a sudden pricking behind his eyelids, wishing Remus was more awake to be properly sympathetic and glad Remus was half asleep so he wouldn't notice how emotional Severus was. "Unless I just tell them both to sod off," he uttered, voice thick.
"Too bad it's Potions, or else you could just let me Polyjuice as you and teach," Remus said. "I've always rather fancied the idea of teaching." He stroked his free hand up and down Severus' arm; his lover sounded upset. "But I'd give myself away in a heartbeat in Potions."
Severus bit his lip, wondering if Remus would be allowed to live with him, or how that would even work. He hadn't thought about that before, when his only thoughts were for whether or not he actually wanted to survive the year and Dumbledore's general prattyness. "I'd much rather let you do it," he agreed, pulling back to scrub his eyes with his fingers.
"Poor Severus," Remus said, snuggling up against him even though he'd pulled away. "I love you so much." He kissed Severus' cheek. "I wish I could make life easy for you."
"Love you too," Severus mumbled. He was mostly wishing Remus was awake enough to shag him, but Remus' sentiment was nice, too.
"I don't suppose there's anything I can do to make you feel better?" Remus asked, his voice a little sly, though he knew he had to get up early in the morning.
Severus tried not to sniffle, but there was one he couldn't hold back. That did not imply sexy; that implied soggy. "Do you really want to?" he asked, slightly surprised.
Remus held him more tightly. "I always want to help," he said, and kissed Severus. Sometimes he outright hated Dumbledore for the way he used Severus. "I love you," he whispered again, and kissed Severus once more.
"I don't need a pity fuck tonight," Severus said, though he'd returned Remus' kisses eagerly enough.
Remus snorted. "Pity fuck, indeed," he muttered. "Idiot." He shifted against Severus and stroked a hand down to grope his arse.
Severus' breath caught audibly in his throat. "Well you were sound asleep five minutes ago, what would you call it?"
Not that he really minded a pity fuck.
"Mmm, I'd call it always wanting you," Remus murmured. He massaged Severus' arse and licked the skin behind his ear.
"Mmm," Severus rumbled. "What if I said that I didn't want you to be nice, though?" he whispered.
"Don't want me to be nice?" Remus asked. He pinched Severus' arse, though not too hard. "I think I could manage that."
Severus gasped, then kissed Remus hungrily, shifting closer. "Yes."
Remus growled softly. "Yes, what?" he demanded, nipping at Severus' mouth.
Severus blinked, confused at what he was being asked. "Yes please?" he tried.
"Mmm, better," Remus said, and kissed him deeply as a reward. He rolled them over so Severus was on his back and Remus lying on top of him.
"Oh good," Severus said, peering up at Remus and brushing fingers through his hair.
"Oh, yes, keep touching me," Remus ordered, sliding his hand up to tug at Severus' hair.
Severus winced but let out a pleased gasp, arching against Remus and running his hands over Remus' chest.
"God, you're so irresistible," Remus breathed. He nibbled Severus' jaw, then claimed his mouth in a demanding kiss.
Severus began to relax, surrendering to that demanding kiss. He slid a hand behind Remus' head, the other teasing at one of Remus' nipples.
"How not nice do you want me to be?" Remus asked, breathless, when he pulled away. He trapped Severus' hand against his chest, liking the way that felt.
Severus was surprised that Remus was asking, but he supposed that was a sign that Remus was amenable to the idea. "Very not nice," he murmured, voice low, his fingers curling against Remus' skin.
Remus raised an eyebrow and leaned down to bite at Severus' jaw. "I should tie you up," he whispered in Severus' ear. Then he held his breath, because he knew Severus would say no; Remus had betrayed his trust the last time they'd done that, and he didn't think Severus would ever let him do it again.
Severus couldn't help a groan at that bite, his breath shuddering out of him. He'd only let Remus tie him up once, and he'd soon after come to regret it, but that was close to a year ago, now, and he had no reason to mistrust Remus. In fact, though the thought still made him anxious, it also aroused him to a point he couldn't deny, and he wanted to prove that he trusted Remus that much.
"Yes," he uttered quietly, taking advantage of Remus being so close and wrapping his arms around him, getting in a bit more contact before he wouldn't be able to touch. "Yes."
Remus drew in a quick breath, surprised and aroused that Severus had said yes. "Yes?" he murmured, and kissed him again, trying to show how much it meant that Severus trusted him that much.
Severus returned the kiss, then met Remus' gaze. "Yes."
Remus watched him for a moment longer, then groped for his wand and flicked it in a looping motion, drawing green silken ties for Severus' wrists and ankles. The blankets were pushed to the floor as he snapped his fingers at the candle sconces to provide more light. Remus rocked back on his heels to study Severus' lean body, a hungry smirk on his face.
Severus watched Remus, his expression open and vulnerable as he tested the silk bonds. At least they were comfortable.
"All right?" Remus asked. He wasn't going to start being "not nice" until he was certain Severus was comfortable with this.
Severus nodded; he'd expected his apprehension grow when Remus did the ties, but it hadn't. He found something arousing in being tied up, though that might have also had something to do with the way Remus was looking at him, and he wasn't anxious like he'd expected.
"Yes," he added, smiling a little.
"Good," Remus said, his stomach giving a funny jump at Severus' smile. He thought he fell a little more in love with Severus every time his lover smiled. "Then I shall get on with not being nice at all." He blinked slowly, then leaned forward to nuzzle the underside of Severus' upper arm, taking a teasing lick and blowing cool air across it.
Severus gasped, more surprised than anything. He watched Remus intently.
Rumbling low in his chest, Remus worked his way down to Severus' side, doing the same. He watched Severus' flesh break out in gooseflesh, wondering if the teasing would arouse or merely annoy.
After his side began to grow cold, Severus jerked reflexively in his bonds. He was aroused but annoyed at the same time, and began to feel apprehensive as he wondered if Remus was going to be "not nice" by teasing him incessantly - Remus knew he hated being teased, after all.
"Something to say, Severus?" Remus asked when Severus jerked against the ties. He licked a trail up Severus' ribcage to a nipple, which he licked once and then bit.
"N-ah!" Severus gasped, arching his head back because that was really all he could move all that well.
Remus let out a low chuckle and traced his one hand down Severus' ribcage to his right hip. "You are so delicious when you're displayed like this for me," he said. "I want to lick you all over." He shifted down to lick Severus' ankle, his fingertips sliding ever-so-lightly up to the back of his knee.
Remus was such a dastardly fiend, Severus thought dryly. That was Remus' idea of not being nice - licking him all over. Right.
He jerked again when he felt Remus' light touches on the back of his knee; that was usually a spot he liked to be touched, but the touch was light enough that it just tickled. He gritted his teeth and realised that if not for that tie, he probably would have just kicked Remus in the face, since it was so near his ankle. It was almost a pity he hadn't.
"Something wrong?" Remus asked again. He dragged his tongue across the back of Severus' knee.
Ohh Remus was so lucky Severus was tied up. He grit his teeth and glared. As if Remus didn't know! "What do you think."
"I think you are just asking to be bitten," Remus said, and bit Severus' thigh, hard enough to bruise, but not break the skin.
Severus cried out and jerked in his bonds again, groaning when the stinging pain faded to warm pleasure. "Fuck," he gasped, wishing desperately that Remus would touch his cock.
"Not yet," Remus said, his voice warm with amusement and arousal. "God, look at you, tied up, helpless to touch yourself, awaiting me to give you pleasure." He splayed his hands across Severus' chest and drew them slowly down to his belly, pointedly ignoring Severus' cock as he leaned down to close his teeth on the other nipple.
Severus whimpered, closing his hands into fists and tugging on the bonds, feeling all the more helpless when Remus pointed it out.
"You know all you have to do is say the word, and I'll let you go," Remus murmured. "But if you do, I shan't fuck you, and that wouldn't be any fun. You could choose to be free, or you can choose to be fucked." He flicked his tongue lightly across the nipple, then sucked hard.
Severus had been considering telling Remus to let him go when Remus offered him the choice, and he opened his mouth to earn his freedom when Remus said he wouldn't fuck him if he chose to be freed. He snapped his jaw shut and glared at Remus, not that Remus was paying any attention to his expression just then.
"Ohh," he gasped for the mouth on his nipple, and then when he'd caught his breath, uttered, "bastard," angrily, because what he really wanted - all he'd wanted - was to be fucked, hard. And Remus likely knew that full well.
Remus chuckled warmly and moved up until his mouth was mere inches from Severus' ear. "I've spent the past year learning from you," he breathed. He licked the shell of Severus' ear, letting one hand slide down to brush his lover's erection.
Severus grit his teeth, angry that he had no smart retort for that, and tried to push his erection up into Remus' hand.
Remus kissed Severus hungrily and gave his lover what he wanted, tightening his fingers about Severus' cock.
Severus returned the kiss passionately, partly from arousal and finally getting a firm grip on his cock and partly from anger. He tugged on his bonds again, desperately wishing he could touch Remus. Or shove him.
"So sexy," Remus murmured, a hint of a growl coming into his voice. "And all mine." He stroked more firmly, twisting his wrist a little. He could feel the anger in Severus' kiss, but he'd asked Remus not to be nice, and Remus was going to oblige.
Severus groaned, tensing and pulling again so the bonds cut into his wrists and ankles. He writhed, enjoying the pleasure/pain, his eyes slitting.
"Yes," Remus said, leaning down to bite Severus' throat--gently, but enough to feel it. He wanted inside, wanted to be fucking Severus now, but he wanted to see if Severus would beg.
"Ah, oh Merlin, Remus," Severus gasped, wanting more so desperately it almost hurt. He was trying so hard not to give in and beg for it, but it was getting so difficult to deal with what Remus was doing to him.
"What, Severus?" Remus whispered. He nipped his way up to speak in Severus' ear. "What do you want?"
A desperate noise escaped Severus as he tried to press against Remus. "To be fucked!"
"You must want it badly," Remus said, unable to keep his voice as calm as he wanted. He sucked Severus' earlobe into his mouth.
"Yes I must, to put up with you!" Severus agreed, thrashing against his bonds.
Remus drew away slowly, his teeth scraping the sensitive flesh. "Do the charms," he ordered, pinching a nipple and leaning down to bite Severus' neck harder than he had before.
"Fuck," Severus groaned, panting, then tried to find the focus and concentration needed long enough to cast the charms wandlessly. It took him a couple tries, but finally they took, and he shivered to feel them. "There!"
"There?" Remus asked, though he knew exactly what Severus meant. He flicked his thumb across the head of Severus' cock.
"Ah! Did charms!" Severus jerked again, groaning at the slight soreness in his wrists and ankles.
"Excellent," Remus said, deciding to give in. He shifted to press his cock to Severus' entrance, flicked his thumb again, and pressed inside.
Severus cried out in pleasure and relief when he was - finally - breached, his cock throbbing in Remus' grasp. "Oh Remus!"
"God," Remus bit out, going still for a moment to enjoy the incredible tight pleasure of being inside Severus. He shifted a little and the resulting spasm of lust made his hips jerk. From there he couldn't have regained control if he'd tried--and he didn't try. Instead he thrust hard and fast, his hips pistoning as he squeezed and rubbed at Severus' cock.
"Oh yes, Remus, fuck me," Severus groaned, loving the way Remus pounded into him, his pleasure soaring.
Remus let out a growl, shifting to nip and bite at Severus' neck as he thrust wildly.
"Harder," Severus gasped, wanting it to hurt so it would remind him later.
Instead of answering with words, Remus growled louder and bit harder, feeling the blood well across his tongue as he sucked.
"Ah yes, fuck," Severus groaned, squeezing his inner muscles around Remus' wildly thrusting cock. That was just as punishing as Remus' teeth, and all too soon the hard rhythm had him skating the edge, poised to fall over and into climax.
Remus' hand had slowed as he fucked Severus, but when he could recollect his attention to it, he stroked and twisted and flicked, wanting to make Severus cry out in pleasure. He wanted Severus to admit, when they were recovering, that this had been a brilliant shag. He finally pulled away from the bite and licked the blood from his lips as Severus watched.
"So fucking sexy," he panted between thrusts. "And you're mine, Severus. Come for me!"
Severus watched Remus in a delirium of pleasure, panting and arching and moaning as his arousal built to impossible heights. He was so nearly there when Remus licked the blood from his lips that he groaned in frustration, but something about being ordered to come did him in. Severus came in a hot wave, swept up in pleasure, and groaned as it crashed down on him, leaving him limp, exhausted, and feeling very well-used.
"Yes, yes!" Remus praised, shifting his angle and driving into Severus faster, harder, for several more thrusts. Then his own pleasure flooded up inside and overwhelmed him. He cried out as he came, slumping down on top of Severus as a wave of weakness followed his orgasm.
Severus made a noise that was nowhere near coherent speech, breathing hard and peering at the top of his lover's head, liking the weight of him.
After half a minute when Severus didn't put his arms around him, Remus remembered his lover was tied up. He murmured the spell to release Severus, wanting to be held.
Severus let out a quiet groan for his sore arms as they flopped down to the mattress and closed his eyes, shifting his feet a little.
"Mmm, Severus." Remus shifted and slid his arms around Severus.
"Mmm," Severus said in return, unmoving.
"That was brilliant," Remus said, kissing Severus' neck.
Severus hummed again, tilting his head to one side and feeling a flare of pain from the bite wound.
"All right?" Remus whispered, kissing him again and nuzzling under his jaw.
"You wore me out," Severus uttered, smirking faintly.
"Oh, good," Remus said, smiling. He shifted to the side, slipping out of Severus and getting his weight off him. "I love you," he murmured, one hand stroking Severus' hair.
"Love you too," Severus said, opening his eyes to glance at Remus without moving his head. He liked the hand in his hair.
"Hold me?" Remus whispered finally.
Severus hesitated, then shifted onto his side and draped his arms around Remus.
Remus hummed happily and nestled against him, one hand still stroking his lover's hair.
Severus relaxed against Remus, muttering a cleaning charm. He could fall asleep just like this.
"My Severus, forever," Remus murmured. He closed his eyes, smiling.
"Yours," Severus replied happily, relaxing into sleep.
Long after Severus' breathing had deepened into sleep, Remus lay awake, grateful that he'd been given a chance to earn Severus' trust back entirely. He finally fell asleep with his hand still in Severus' hair.